My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.
Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby
We’re back with another episode of CMC: After Story! The CMC have had their Cutie Marks for some time now, but since they’re the only other group that episodes in this series can focus on (something I’d like to change at some point, but whatever), there has to be new justifications for them to go on their wacky adventures. Not really a tall order considering the Mane6 have episodes that don’t tie directly into their duties as Warriors of Friendship or whatever, but so far there hasn’t been enough episodes post crusade to get a sense of how they’ll work without that specific goal to get things started. Will this be a sign of things to come for the CMC, or are we going to get more of the same only now it’s less interesting? Let’s find out!!
The episode begins in the Ponyville Schoolhouse (it’s a good thing all the kids are the same age) where everything is… fine. The CMC aren’t blowing up the playground, Diamond Tiara isn’t spreading anti-Cutie Mark propaganda, and Pip’s reign as Student Body President hasn’t ended in catastrophic failure! Things are just… okay. Cheerilee must have realized how boring this is (either consciously or subconsciously) and has decided to have the class do the most dangerously stupid (and lawsuit inducing) thing she could imagine!
“You’ve got twenty four hours to build a fully functioning four wheel vehicle to strap yourselves into and be thrown down a cliff in. Any questions?” “Can we use power tools without adult supervision??” “I don’t see why not!”
Sonic the Hedgehog and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Archie Comics and Sega of America
So it certainly has been a while since I last touched upon the Sonic the Hedgehog comics, and I decided that, especially in these early issues, things will need to be sped up a bit; especially considering the kind of comics the early issues are. There’s no real continuity or story progression here as each issue has several self-contained episodic adventures, some of which can be only a single page, so trying to recap these issues is akin to trying to recap like two weeks’ worth of Garfield comic strips. To that end, I’ll mostly focus on the larger stories (there’s at least one per issue) and will focus on anything that either expands the mythos and lore, or just simply grabs my attention. With that, lets’ get started!!
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Issue 2 (September 1993)
The only thing of significance in this comic is the introduction of Coconuts, Scratch, and Grounder; the primary antagonists of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (as opposed to the Sat AM series). Sonic naturally kicks the crap out of all three of them (I’m assuming they’ll show up again in future issues) and then the rest of the comic is one offs with requests for reader mail at the end of each one. There’s a cute bit here with readers submitted their own origin stories for Tails and his two tails and the rest of the filler is mildly amusing, but it’s just that; filler to pad out the comic and excuses to come up with WAY too many puns.
Make it stop! IT’S TOO MUCH! I can’t take the PUNishment!!
Suicide Squad and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures
Directed by David Ayer
After Batman v Superman, I can’t imagine how everyone behind this movie wasn’t shaking in their boots now that the ENTIRE franchise is resting on their should to right the course and bring audiences back around before the Justice League and Wonder Woman movies have a chance to kick this cinematic universe into high gear. In fact, the heavily publicized reshoots of this movie were probably due almost entirely those expectations being thrust upon this after Batman v Superman fell flat on its face. Still, even when that movie was running its course, there was always the hope that this one would be the fun alternative to the somber and serious Snyder film and the marketing at least was leaning heavily on that idea to sell it to the masses. Does this succeed in distinguishing itself from the rest of the DCCU which includes a maybe a third of a good movie and a really awful one, or were DC and WB playing us all for fools by convincing us this one would be different? Let’s find out!!
The movie follows the first undertaking of The Suicide Squad which is a group of SUPER criminals that the US government plans to use in order to fight meta-human or otherwise extremely dangerous threats. The project is being pushed forward by the tough as nails Amanda Waller (Viola Davis) and is comprised of Deadshot (Will Smith) who is a perfect shot, Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) who… I guess is good with a baseball bat, El Diablo (Jay Hernandez) who’s actually doing this under duress as he’s given up his fire spewing ways, Killer Croc (Adewale Akinnouye-Agabaje) who’s… half man half crocodile I think, Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney) who is pretty good at throwing boomerangs, and of course Slipknot (Adam Beach) who doesn’t do shit. Along with the squad is Col Rick Flagg (Joel Kinnaman) who’s basically serving as their babysitter and also has the power to blow their heads off if they step out of line (NOTHING at all like Battle Royale) and Katana (Karen Fukuhara) who I think is supposed to be a good guy at least compared to the other members (as far as I can tell, she’s NOT actually in jail and volunteered for the mission) and she’s got a magic sword. Not what I’d call the best team to send out when a city gets very nearly leveled by an evil witch called The Enchantress that is inhabiting the body of Dr June Moone (Cara Delvingne) who JUST SO HAPPENS to be Flagg’s girlfriend, but at least the government won’t have to pay for their funeral expenses when they surely get obliterated by dark and unimaginable forces. Can the Suicide Squad manage to infiltrate the city that’s crawling with monsters summoned by the witch and save a highly valuable target inside? What about the Joker? Isn’t he supposed to be in this too? Does the fate of the world REALLY need to rest on the shoulders of Captain Boomerang!?
“Deadshot! Secure the perimeter! Harley! Keep an eye on the door! Boomerang!” “WHAT IS IT BOSS!? I’M READY FOR ANYTHING!!” “Go get me a coffee.”
The Twilight Zone and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Warner Bros Television and based on the series created by Rod Serling
Episode directed by Jean de Segonzac
When I decided to start recapping this series, there were a few episodes that I knew were going to be VERY interesting to talk about as the show really did go into some strange territory and had some surprisingly big stars who were very taking these roles very early in their careers. This episode right here? This might just be the crown jewel of the series, at least from the episodes I can recall. This has Katherine Heigl (yes, THAT Katherine Heigl) going back in time to kill Baby Hitler. Yeah. Can this episode manage to be even HALF as interesting as that premise promises? Let’s find out!!
The episode begins IN THE FUTURE where Special Agent Katherine Heigl is, for some reason, the ONLY person they can send back in time (something to do with genetics) and has just finished making peace with her family as we’re going by Terminator rules here which means she can only go BACK in time, but not forward… unless anyone besides me saw Terminator Genisys in which they mess with that rule, but I’m still willing to pretend that movie doesn’t exist if everyone else is.
“It’s too bad this is one way travel. Now we have to send someone ELSE to deal with Donald Trump.”
Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media
Episode directed by Harume Kosaka
We’re back with another episode of When Makoto Met Motoki! While I would definitely prefer more episodes where she’s performing Double Knee Facebreakers of baddies, the creators would rather focus on her Tragic Love StoryTM which is the case here as they move full steam ahead on her trying to hook up with Motoki. Oh well, I’m sure it’ll end up being fun considering this is still a Makoto episode (she IS the best), but are the writers up to the task considering how badly they dropped the ball on the last Ami episode? Let’s find out!!
The episode begins with Makoto having to run her ass through a thunderstorm due to the dumbass meteorologist getting the weather prediction wrong, and while planning her revenge on those at Channel Four News she runs right into someone and lands flat on her ass. Mere seconds before she pile drives the motherfucker on the concrete, she looks up and sees that it’s her one true love (or at least the replacement for her one true love) Motoki; the super hottie who works at the arcade.
“I’m so sorry! Can I help you-“ “Out of these wet clothes?” “Come again?” “If you insist!!”
Bad Moms and all the images you see in this review are owned by STX Entertainment
Directed by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore
It’s the triumphant return of Mila Kunis who… actually didn’t really go anywhere, but then Jupiter Ascending does feel like it came out a LONG time ago. Anyway, the trailers for this movie really didn’t inspire much hope as it looked like an unholy mashup between Mother’s Day and Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, but the cast is pretty strong which is both good for this movie and also depressing considering really great actresses like the aforementioned Mila Kunis as well as Katheryn Hahn, Kristen Bell, Christina Applegate, and Jada Pinkett Smith are stuck doing stuff like this which in all honestly looks pretty bad. Does this movie manage to rise above expectations and turn out to be a delightful romp, or is this another failed comedy that’s trying way too hard and completely failing at being edgy? Let’s find out!!
The movie is all about Amy (Mila Kunis) who’s a mother of two and is struggling with the worst white people problems you can imagine! Her kids need rides to their extracurricular activities, she’s not appreciated at her high paying job, and her husband is a lazy slob who masturbates a lot. Okay, the PTA is an overbearing monstrosity headed up by the EVIL Gwendolyn (Christina Applegate) and her cronies (Jada Pinkett Smith and Annie Mumolo) so that sucks, not to mention that her husband is masturbating with another woman which is REALLY fucked up when they’ve been hiding it from Amy for ten months, so she’s on the edge of nervous breakdown. What could possibly put her over the edge? THE BAKE SALE! SCREW THAT SHIT! She’s done with ALL of this and is about to do HORRIBLE things like… have her twelve year old kids make their own breakfast and not go to the insane PTA meetings. Huh. Well, she finds some compatriots in her quest to become a “Bad Mom” (quotes very intentional here) in the form of Carla (Kathryn Hahn) who really IS a bad mom and Kiki (Kristen Bell) who’s in a really unhealthy relationship and is on the verge of her own emotional collapse. So they basically transition from being overbearing mothers to ones who demand space from their familes and for them to take on more responsibilities in their own lives. Doesn’t sound like much of a problem, but this doesn’t go unnoticed by Gwendolyn who maintains her iron grip on the PTA through intimidation and fear, so this “Bad Mom” as it were is a threat to her little totalitarian state and she will put a stop to it by taking it out on Amy’s kids. Oh HELL no! Amy’s not about to take that shit lying down, so on top of spreading the gospel of “Bad Moms”, she’s also going to run for PTA president to unseat the HBIC and be the HBIC herself! Can Amy succeed in getting the other parents on her side to stop Gwendolyn’s reign of terror? What consequences will this new form of parenting have on her home life and her children? Just how “BAD” are these mom’s gonna get!?
MOTHERS!? Imbibing of SPIRITS!? HOW ABSURD! I can feel my sense of moral fortitude being shat upon as we speak!
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.
Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby
We’re FINALLY back with another episode of The Daring Doo Chronicles! After a month long hiatus that felt like it would go on forever (I should know; I have the view counts to prove it!), we’ve got more pony goodness to keep us all entertained in between Steven Universe, Adventure Time, and the recently concluded Wander Over Yonder! Does the series come back in full form; rejuvenated from the break it took, or did ALL that free time make them sloppy and dispassionate about returning to the show? Let’s find out!!
The episode begins as a dramatization of the latest Daring Doo novel, though the franchise seems to be running out of steam considering how lackluster the situation is. How is she afraid of falling off a collapsing bridge when she can FLY? Oh well. The fans will eat this latest book up just like the other hundred bajillion books in this series, and we get confirmation of that as the dramatization turns out to be Twilight reading about the latest adventure to Rainbow Dash; the latter packing up for Saddle Diego PonyCon while the former is lamenting the fact that she can’t go. Even a princess can’t get a ticket to that! Well, not really. I’m sure she’s already received an engraved invitation begging her to lend her star power to the convention, but she’s got work to do at some friendship summit in Griffonstone which, if I were to guess, is about five percent about actual friendship problems and ninety-five percent about stimulating their failing economy. The worst part though is that AK Yearling who they met in Daring Don’t and is the author of Daring Doo who’s apparently ALSO the real life Daring Doo (so which one is her real name!?) is going to be there and she never goes to conventions to Twilight’s chagrin. Basically AK Yearling is Alan Moore if the guy learned what razors are and merely let the hatred of their own work simmer inside them rather than broadcasting it to the world. Rainbow Dash does her best to try and undersell how awesome the convention is going to be, but is doing (or should I say… DARING DOOING!? Hee hee hee) a poor job of it, especially when we smash cut to her surrounded by all the nerds of Equestria and loving it!
I knew that while I was writing my review of this movie that there was no way I could fully express my utter bewilderment at what happens in the final twenty or so minutes without having a damn near incomprehensible rant right in the middle and without giving away HUGE spoilers. Well now that the review is finished and you can find out my thoughts (essentially spoiler free) there, I think now is the time to get all this built up frustration out in a constructive and hopefully coherent manner. Needless to say that this will contain ALL OF THE SPOILERS for the movie as so much of my problems with the logic of this (both from my understanding of technology and from the rules the movie sets for itself) is what is ultimately revealed by the end, so don’t read this before going to see the movie which I still recommend you do despite how much I HATED the ending. Before we begin though, there’s still one very important question to answer.
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Why Do I Care So Much!?
Honestly? I don’t really know. I mean, one of my favorite movies of the year is The Purge Election Year, and can I honestly say that THAT movie makes any more sense than this one? Probably not, but I think it ultimately comes down to what each movie is trying to accomplish. The Purge: Election Year is upfront with what it wants to be and infuses every moment of screen time with that sense of purpose. There’s no bait and switch or a drastic shifts in tone that make you questions whether or not the filmmakers want you to believe in what is going on (beyond as a scathing and blunt metaphor for the current state of US politics), so it manages to stay consistent all the way through. This movie feels disingenuous when it eventually gets around to turning Nerve from a plot device into the main dramatic thrust of the final act as it turns out to be SUPER EVIL. To be fair, it’s not like they aren’t dropping hints throughout the movie (and Nerve at no point doesn’t come off like the worst kind of hacktivist bro-centric garbage) but the movie doesn’t want us to focus on that until the end and when it does I don’t feel the movie earned the right to use this sloppy and barely defined entity in the way that it does. The Purge has a backstory and mechanics. Nerve has neither and so its constantly pulling stuff out of its ass to make it more threatening than it has any right to be in this grounded (if SLIGHTY exaggerated) world that the movie takes place in. When shit started to hit the fan, it just didn’t feel necessary to me, and they were biting off way more than they had any hopes of chewing. Well then, let’s get to it! Spoilers form here on out! Oh, and FYI, I’m not an expert (or even all that smart) in ANYTHING I’m about to discuss, so if someone out there wants to point out how stupid I am and how any of this makes sense, then go right ahead.
Nerve and all the images you see in this review are owned by Lionsgate
Directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman
Well if they were gonna make a teenaged version of a David Fincher film, The Game is probably a good place to start. You don’t want to go with Se7en or The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo right off the bat! Then again, he already made his own teen movie with The Social Network. Anyway, this new movie starring the less famous (though probably not for long) Franco brother as well as the star of Hotel for Dogs and Nancy Drew (Okay, she was also in American Horror Story and Scream Queens) seems to be trying to tell us something about social media and… I guess dumb asses on YouTube? Whatever this movie is about, it at least has an interesting (if super spoilerific) trailer, so is it possible there’s something actually here to chew on? Let’s find out!!
The movie begins with Vee (Emma Roberts) who’s on the cusp of graduating high school but isn’t sure what college she wants to go to. In fact, indecision seems to be her biggest defining feature; possibly brought on by the untimely (and unexplained) death of her brother only two years earlier. Now she’s about to leave the comfort of compulsory education while still never living that true HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCETM. Luckily for her, social media and… probably a bunch of libertarian basement dwellers, have JUST the thing for her; an online service called Nerve. Her friend Sydney (Emily Meade) turns her onto it, and it’s basically a webcam site only instead of whipping her boobs out for money, she’s given dares to complete instead. I’m pretty sure whipping her boobs out would have been at least half the dares if this was in the REAL world, but in this movie she’s basically given Jackass style stunts instead. Her “Just Friends” friend Tommy (Miles Heizer) is being a super wet blanket about all this which gives handsome as fuck Ian (Dave Franco) a chance to swoop in as another Nerve Player (you’re either a Player or a Watcher on Nerve) ready to take her on a city wide adventure with riskier and riskier dares for them to complete! Will these two make it through the night of dares with their internal organs intact? What is the true motivation of Ian who JUST SO HAPPENED to be in the same area as Vee? Just what are the evil puppet masters of Nerve planning!? Is it a pizza party!?
Star Trek Beyond and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures
Directed by Justin Lin
We’re once again invited to visit this new Star Trek universe, though it doesn’t quite have the same shine that it used to now that we saw the bafflingly mishandled Into Darkness, and even that really crappy video game that came out. Remember that? While we all may fondly remember the first reboot film in this series that kicked off this new universe, there’s no doubt that some damage has been done in the intervening years that it’s now up to this movie to start correcting. Do they manage to steer the ship back on course, or should we all start heading for the lifeboats before this whole franchise crashes and burns? Let’s find out!!
The movie follows the crew of the USS Enterprise who are in the middle of their five year mission to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and civilizations, and to boldly go where no one has gone before. Of course, for some reason there’s a Federation space station in the middle of this supposed unknown, but whatever. They need to fuel up the tank every once in a while. Anyway, during their pit stop at the space station Yorktown, Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) is getting ready to give up his command of the Enterprise… for some reason, but can’t do it just yet as a distress ship manages to make it to Yorktown with an alien who’s begging Starfleet to help them out. Kirk agrees to get everyone back on board the Enterprise (probably pissing off a lot of the crew in the process) and heads to wherever this planet is which honestly doesn’t seem to be too far but there’s a giant nebula between Yorktown and this mystery planet so maybe it’s just that no one wanted to fly straight through that. Kirk does however, but once they make it to just outside the planet’s orbit, a fleet of a bajillion tiny ships tears the enterprise to shreds and the bad guy of this movie simply known as Krall (Idris Elba) JUST SO HAPPENS to find that the Enterprise is carrying the ONE piece of a superweapon that he’s been searching for all this time that’s only on the ship due to a fluke peace mission from some point during their five year mission. Luckily Kirk manages to hide it before the ship goes down in flames, but now the crew is completely separated and needs to find a way to get back together, defeat Krall, and get the hell off this planet. Spock and Bones McCoy (Zachary Quinto) are together constantly kvetching at each other, Scotty (Simon Pegg) ends up meeting a local alien trying to get herself off the planet too named Jaylah (Sofia Boutella), Uhura and Sulu (Zoe Saldana and John Cho) are captured by the enemy along with most of the remaining crew, and Kirk and Chekov (Anton Yelchin) are left with the alien who initially sent them to this planet and are working together to find what remains of the enterprise. Can these heroes set aside their differences and work together so they can survive this mission? What is Krall planning to blow up with the super weapon once he finally gets the pieces together? Most importantly, just how grumpy can Bones get!?
“So what’s the plan again?” “You forgot already?” “Damn it Spock! I’m a doctor, not a-” “Alright fine! I’ll explain it again!” “Is he always like this?” “All the time.”
The Reviewers Unite 