Monthly Archives: April 2017

Samurai Jack Season 5 Episode 7 Review (XCVIII)

    Where we last left our heroes, Jack was ready to stop running away from his problems and get his shit together, starting with finding his sword. With Ashi in tow, he sets out to restart his mission to save the world. But first, a journey of self-discovery and introspection. Trust me, it’s not as boring as it sounds.

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Cinema Dispatch: Unforgettable

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Unforgettable and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros

Directed by Denise Di Novi

A lot of people seem to enjoy this recent upswing in Steamy Thrillers, but while I can certainly see the appeal of them in a trashy sort of way (more so When the Bough Breaks than The Perfect Guy), they always seem to have an element in the story or a fundamental conceit that rubbed me the wrong way.  This new entry into the genre looks to have the same issues while also having the unfortunate drawback of no Morris Chestnut, but the casting is interesting to say the say least so maybe there’s something to this.  Can this rise above its trashy peers to be the ULTIMATE trash film, or is it trashy in the less fun sense of the word?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows Julia Banks (Rosario Dawson) who just moved in with her boyfriend and soon to be husband David Connover (Geoff Stults) which seems like a dream come true and is the perfect opportunity for her to put her past behind her which involves some shit headed abuser named Michael (Simon Kassianides) who is now VERY far away considering she’s now on the other side of the country.  Of course, her good luck doesn’t last for long as she’s now caught in the cross hairs of Tessa Connover (Katherine Heigl) who’s David’s ex-wife and is none too happy about it; particularly when it comes to her daughter Lilly (Isabella Rice) who now has to spend time with Daddy’s Girlfriend.  Tessa, the controlling and vindictive person that she is, makes it her mission to not only get Julia out of the picture as quickly as possible, but to do it in the most crew and vindictive ways possible and to worm her way back into David’s arms in the process.  Just how far will Tessa go in her quest for vengeance, and will Julia be able to withstand the pressure?  Will David come to Julia’s aid when the heat gets turned up, or will he buckle under the circumstantial evidence that Tessa piles up against her?  Was this some sort of long lost sequel to Fatal Attraction that was shelved twenty years ago!?  It certainly FEELS that dated!!

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“Would you fuck me?  I’d fuck me, but ONLY after a PROPER cleaning first.”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 7 (A Flurry of Emotions)

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

We’re back with another episode of Flurry Heart’s Day Out!  Oh yes, the little rascal who we’ve barely seen since her debut in season six and is cute to a weaponized degree!  Feels like a wasted opportunity if you ask me!  Well wait no longer, fans of all things cute and baby related, as the writers have heard your pleas and we now have another episode with the extremely marketable bundle of joy!  Does this episode bring the adorable goodness that we require along with an interesting story about being a good parental figure, or will Flurry Heart turn out to be just as uninteresting as poor Nicky Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Twilight in her Doom Fortress talking to one of the nurses from the Ponyville Hospital about a possible appearance by the Princess to cheer up some foals who managed to get something called The Horsey Hives.  Technically hives are a symptom rather than the root cause of an illness and often caused by allergic reactions (meaning that the entire class must not only be allergic to the same thing but must have been exposed to it at the same time), but I guess they’re MAGIC hives and can be spread any number of ways.  Twilight is easily convinced to help out by delivering food, gifts, and reading materials, which of course spells DOOM for everyone as Murphy’s Law is just as stringent a rule in this world as gravity is; meaning something is gonna come RIGHT through those front doors and screw everything up!

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“I’M THE BABY!!”     “And she’s YOU’RE problem now!!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Free Fire

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Free Fire and all the images you see in this review are owned by StudioCanal UK

Directed by Ben Wheatley

I honestly don’t get excited to see movies all that often.  For one, I’m gonna see the damn movies whether or not they’re any good, and on top of that the only movies that seem to get a big marketing push nowadays are big franchise pictures like the MCU, the DCCU, and even The Fast and the Furious.  This movie however was the exception to that rule as I caught the trailer a few times and fell in love with the concept right away.  A real time gun fight set in the seventies with Sharlto Freaking Copley in it!?  Damn!  That’s almost too good to even show up in my local theater, which… spoiler alert: it didn’t and I had to drive to the one forty minutes away.  See, while everyone was gushing over The Nice Guys last year, it just didn’t quite do it for me as much as it did for everyone else, and this seems like the kind of thing that was not only going for that kind of look and feel but was much more in my wheelhouse as far as the overall tone and the central conceit.  Needless to say that this has been a long day coming and I’m hoping for the best while bracing myself for… well not the WORST as the trailers showed way too much promise for THAT to be the case, but at the very least I hope it’s better than mediocre.  Does this manage to live up to my rarely lifted expectations, or am I doomed to be disappointed by a film that showed a whole lot of promise?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins with essentially two groups of colorful people in the gaudiest seventies fashion meeting in a warehouse to broker a gun deal.  One side is led by Chris (Cillian Murphy) and a few Irish gangsters (Michael Smiley, Sam Riley, and Enzo Cilenti) while the other side is led by Vernon (Sharlto Copley) and his associates (Babou Ceesay, Jack Reynor, and Noah Taylor).  In the middle are Justine and Ord (Brie Larson and Armie Hammer) who seem to have brokered the deal between the two sides and therefore probably have the most investment in everything going smoothly.  Of course, we wouldn’t have a movie if everything was hunky dory, and eventually bullets start flying after a few altercations and outburst from some of the less professional individuals on each side.  That’s it.  The rest of the movie is watching to see who gets killed next as they trade bullets and yell insults at each other for the next eighty minutes, and it’s pretty damn awesome!  Does anyone manage to make it out of this factory alive?  Was there a more sinister plot in play than anyone on either side realized before they started shooting at each other?  Can we please get Sharlto Copley a Marvel movie or something!?  He’s like the new Nicolas Cage and I want to see him in everything!!

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“If you see some motherfucking producer carrying a script around for another Wicker Man remake, you blow his bloody head up!”

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Samurai Jack Season 5 Episode 6 Review (XCVII)

    In previous reviews, I’ve brought up the significance of episodes of Samurai Jack that don’t feature Jack as the protagonist. This has resulted in some very unique stories, even some of the best the series has ever seen. What we have here is yet another such episode, but one that probably won’t carry as much memorability…at least the same kind.

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Jumping the Soapbox: Reservoir Dogs: Bloody Days is Not a Reservoir Dogs Game

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Reservoir Dogs: Bloody Days is owned by Big Star Games, Reservoir Dogs The Game is owned by Edios Interactive and Volatile Games, and Reservoir Dogs is owned by Lionsgate

The images you see in this editorial are the property of their respective owners

In 2005, Rockstar Games released a video game adaptation of Walter Hill’s seminal classic The Warriors to overwhelmingly positive reviews for its solid gameplay and interesting take on the characters and world of that movie.  It’s by no means perfect, but it’s probably the best thing that Rockstar released on that console (sorry, but those GTA games don’t hold up nearly as well) and is easily in the upper echelon of movie based video games.  One year later Edios Interactive tried to do something similar when they released a video game adaptation of Reservoir Dogs.  I won’t go so far as to say that the Reservoir Dogs game was inspired by the success of The Warriors (it’s pretty unlikely they would have been able to have knocked this out in less than a year), but it’s certainly in the same vein as that and at the very least I’m guessing Edios were crossing their fingers that some of the good will built up by that movie based game will help this one get some recognition.  Sadly though, the game turned out be… well pretty damn awful.  I can speak from personal experience having bought the game for like three bucks at a dying Blockbuster that the game was an uninspired and boring mess with the only notable feature being the game breaking mechanic of holding someone hostage; resulting in all other enemies dropping their guns and just letting you pass right through.

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Also, playing Paintball in the abandoned warehouse.  Okay…

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