Monthly Archives: November 2015

Cinema Dispatch: Secret in Their Eyes

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Secret in Their Eyes and all the images you see in this review are owned by STX Entertainment

Directed by Billy Ray

Does anyone even remember that this movie was supposed to come out?  I remember seeing trailers a LONG time ago but then they just stopped and I haven’t seen one for this in probably four or five months.  Did the studio lose faith in it despite its all-star cast (Chiwetel Ejiofor, Nicole Kidman, and Julia Roberts just to name a few)?  It seems that the Studio is angling for this to be an Oscar type film along the lines of Michael Clayton or LA Confidential based on the trailers we initially got, but maybe something happened between then and now that cause the studio to lose faith in this film’s ability to reach the main stream audience.  Is this a solid thriller that will generate some positive buzz through word of mouth, or are we looking at something that the studio was desperate to bury?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows Ray (Chiwetel Ejiofor) as he tries to solve the murder of the daughter of his friend Jess (Julia Roberts).  It’s not going all that well considering he’s just getting a breakthrough after thirteen years of diligent work, but at least he has something he can bring to the district attorney Claire (Nicole Kidman).  Now this is where things start to break down so I’ll try to get this story across as best as possible.  Thirteen years ago, Ray was an FBI agent that got transferred to a Los Angeles after 9/11 with a whole bunch of other agents because everyone thought that was where the next attack would be.  One of those agents is Jess who becomes his partner and they become friends along with Bumpy Willis (Dean Norris basically reprising his role as Hank Schrader to the point that they eventually give the dude a cane) and the new Assistant District Attorney Claire.  One day, they find Jess’s daughter dead and bleached in a dumpster outside of a Mosque they’re investigating and it completely destroys Jess.  They have a suspect in some kid named Marzin (Joe Cole) that they’re DAMN sure did it but due to some extenuating circumstances, the head of the LA FBI office (Alfred Molina) doesn’t want to pursue this further.  The kid is actually an informant for the office asshole Reg Seifert (Michael Kelly who’s kind of an American Andrew Scott only less awesome) who is spilling secrets on the mosque which might be harboring a terrorist cell.  That and a general lack of hard evidence means he gets away with the murder and then just disappears soon after.

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“You guys must REALLY suck if you can’t even get ME arrested.”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 5 (The Mane Attraction)

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We’re back with another episode of My Little Pony: Chronicles of The Friendship Princess!  Actually, this one decides to pull back on Twilight and instead seems to be an Applejack centric episode with an emphasis on music because apparently three Equestria Girls movies just aren’t enough!  Will this penultimate adventure into the world of song and dance be the perfect lead up before the season finale, or will it land with a resounding thud like many episodes have this season?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Applejack whose delegating tasks to other ponies for the purposes of setting a stage for a music festival that’s happening in Ponyville.  She’s apparently good at setting up stages due to the fact that she’s organized rodeos in the past… and I guess that we’re supposed to ignore the fact that she couldn’t do this exact same thing in Made in Manehattan.  Then again, that was a solo project and maybe there’s a pony around here called Roadie Hooves who knows about setting up sound equipment (powered by magic I’m sure).  Anyway, with her help things seem to finally be coming together for… Pony-palooza.  Really? Right off the bat with the puns?

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“Our set list includes Black Saddle, Trixie’s Midnight Runners, Elvis Colt-stello, Nicki Mane-aj, Whinny Huston, Mare-talica Eric Clop-ton, Reel Big Filly, Black Eyed Pegasi, Fleetwood Big Mac, Meghan Trot-nor, Fall Out Pony, Mare-oon 5, Pinkie Floyd, Flutter Sha Na Na…”

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Cinema Dispatch: The Night Before

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The Night Before and all the images you see in this review are owned by Columbia Pictures

Directed by Jonathan Levine

Is it too late to declare a war on Christmas?  I don’t mind the holidays, but I’ve also worked in retail so I got a firsthand look at the Christmas calendar creep and how NO ONE likes to push this shit in October, let alone November.  Thankfully they ALMOST waited until December to start throwing out holiday films with last week’s Love the Coopers and now The Night Before.  Unlike that other film though, I was REALLY looking forward to seeing this because I love Seth Rogen and his particular brand of comedy.  Not everything he’s been a part of has been great (I thought The Interview was pretty underwhelming), but I always like to see what he does next which this time seems to be pretending he’s in the same age group as Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie.  Wait a minute.  HE’S THE YOUNGEST ONE OF THEM!?  Huh.  Learn something new every day.  So will this be the kind of movie to bring out the holiday cheer and break out the eggnog, or will this make everyone feel even Grinch-ier than they already are at this time of the year?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows the adventures of Ethan, Isaac, and Chris (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen, and Anthony Mackie) on their last big Christmas Eve together before ending their tradition.  You see, about fifteen years ago Ethan’s parents were killed by a drunk driver right around Christmas time and so his friends decided that they will spend the holidays with him which soon became a tradition.  What also became a tradition is that they would party their ASSES off because they were young when they started it so of course that’s what they ended up doing.  However, it’s been going on for way too long and Isaac and Chris have their own things going on while Ethan is still stuck in place, unable to get his life going.  Still, he agrees to this being the last time they make this a big party event and even has a surprise for his friends that will make this the best one of them all.  There’s a super-secret party that takes place every year (the Nutcracker Ball) that they’ve never had a chance to go to because they could never find out where it was or how to get invitations.  Through sheer luck, Ethan finds three tickets for the damn thing at his shitty job and steals them without a second thought so that he and his friends can have the greatest night of their lives!  Will this final night be all it’s cracked up to be, or are they just too damn old to keep going the way they’ve been going even for one more night?  Will they be able to salvage their friendship despite the changes in their lives that makes it harder for them to find the time?  Wait, how fucking deep is this movie about taking drugs and Christmas shenanigans!?

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WHY ARE THERE FEELS!?!?!?

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Cinema Dispatch: Love the Coopers

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Love the Coopers and all the images you see in this review are owned by CBS Films and Lionsgate

Directed by Jessie Nelson

‘Tis the season for the bold and foolhardy to try and make films that will enter into the catalog of class Christmas movies!  Probably the last one to make the leap to big leagues in regard to enduring Christmas Classics is Love Actually from 2003, but that hasn’t stopped film makers from trying to break into that market which brings us to today’s feature.  Will this movie face this challenge head on and make it through the neigh impossible glass ceiling of beloved Christmas films, or will this be yet another failed attempt to recreate that Christmas magic and will be doomed to the same fate as Four Christmases, Deck the Halls, or god forbid Christmas with the Cranks?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows the misadventures of several members of the Cooper family on Christmas Eve as everyone is trying to get ready for the family dinner that is to take place later that night.  At the head of the family is Sam and Charlotte Cooper (John Goodman and Diane Keaton) who are trying to keep it together long enough for them to have a happy holiday with the family despite the fact that they plan to get divorced soon after the season ends.  We also have Charlotte’s sister Emma (Marisa Tomei) who’s just a bitter jerk during the holidays (think Marie Schrader from Breaking Bad) and gets caught shoplifting which means she has to get out of it while being driven to the police station by a cop played by Anthony Mackie.  Charlotte and Sam’s kids  are Hank and Eleanor (Ed Helms and Olivia Wilde) who have their own problems to deal with as the former just recently got divorced and then fired from his job while the later… just doesn’t like coming home for the holidays and is procrastinating in an airport with a solider she just met (Jake Lacy).  There are other members of the family such as, Bucky Cooper (Alan Arkin) who’s hanging around the fringe of everyone’s story but also has his own thing going on with a waitress in a diner played by Amanda Seyfried, and Aunt Fishy (June Squibb) who’s basically playing a female version of Grandpa Simpson.  With all these characters dealing with their problems during the most stressful time of the year, will they somehow manage to have a happy Christmas, or will this end in total disaster?  Can this movie manage to juggle all these subplots without feeling like a poorly paced mess?  Okay, seriously.  Can’t we just watch Love Actually instead?

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“We’re gonna get through this. Just grin and bear it for a little bit longer.”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 5 (Scent of a Monster: Chanela Will Steal Your Love)

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Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Yuji Endo

We’re back with another episode of Sailor Moon Retro!  When we last left our heroes, they were in a rather uncomfortable and dated adventure regarding weight loss and self-esteem.  In hindsight, it may not have been the BEST way to tackle those subjects, but then again you can’t always go back to stuff from twenty years ago and expect it to get everything right in regards to modern sensibilities.  Besides, I’m sure that’s gonna be the ONLY time that this show will be THAT blatantly nineties, right?  It’s not like they’ll make an episodes about Furbies or something!  Oh wait, this episode is about cute artificial animals that people can’t get enough of?  Okay then.  Well to be fair, this episode predates those toys by at least six years so maybe they were simply ahead of their time when they made this!  Will this episode manage to bring the series back on track after the stumble that was the last episode, or will the show continue to feel out of place and outdated as they continue to scramble to come up with episodes to fill out the season?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Usagi having a nightmare where she’s being chased by… I don’t know, the Smoke Monster?

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“DAMN YOU JJ ABRAMS!!!”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 5 (The Hooffields and McColts)

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Welcome back to another episode of The Ponyville Hill-Ponies!  This time around we take a trip to whatever the heck is the Equestrian equivalent of the Deep South for yet another mission doled out by the all-knowing and all-seeing map of friendship!  The map, like the rest of the season, has had its ups and downs in terms of quality episodes, but it’s easily the most interesting concept they came up with this season and definitely gives the writers some creative freedom to explore the world.  Will they manage to live up to the potential that the map provides them with, or will this be another safe and predictable episode in a season that had just a bit too much of that already?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Fluttershy hosting a book club for all her animal friends where they are reading Wuthering Hooves.  Wow.  There’s uh… there’s a lot to cover already.  First of all, I’m pretty sure they’re taking MY shtick right now considering how many bad literary horse and animal puns I’ve already done in these recaps.

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“After this we’ll read Catcher in the Rhinoceros by J.D. Salamander, and then follow that up with the Mill-neigh-nium Trilogy by Stag Larsson!”

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