Masters of the Universe and all the images you see in this review are owned by Amazon MGM Studios
Directed by Travis Knight
Seriously, weren’t we done with eighties nostalgia by the end of the second Obama administration? I feel like that wave crested a while ago, which is perhaps why this movie has bombed as hard as it has. Transformers, GI Joe, Thunder Cats, all this stuff may still exist in some form today, but their hay-day has long since passed with TMNT being the only one to hang onto any sort of relevance in recent years. The eighties are dead and the nineties aren’t far behind, but I suppose that alone doesn’t mean a He-Man movie can’t work. Heck, the template for this kind of retro fantasy movie is still Flash Gordon which was an adaptation of a comic from fifty years prior, so perhaps there’s still a little juice to squeeze out of this lemon. Is this the kind of retro revival that will stand the test of time, or is this just another sad attempt to get Gen-Xers to flock to the theaters and relive their childhoods? Let’s find out!!
In the magical realm of Eternia, young Prince Adam is forced to leave his homeland when it’s attacked by the nefarious Skelator (Jared Leto) and his arm of skull themed minions. Unfortunately, the escape plan was rather slap dash, and he lands in the middle of Oklahoma without a way to get back and no one to give him any guidance, so he grows up to be a buff blonde dude (Nicholas Galitzine) who works in a cubical and lives in an apartment with a roommate; one that is very tired of hearing about his fantasy home world. Of course, destiny cannot be held off forever, and he’s brought back to Eternia by his childhood friend Teela (Camila Mendes) who is one of the few remaining heroes fighting back against Skelator’s empire. With his home, his friends, and his god like powers returned to him, is Adam ready to reclaim his lost kingdom from the forces of evil? Has his time on Earth prepared him for this moment, or is he simply unprepared to do what needs to be done to stop Skelator once and for all? For real, how does a guy look like this end up in HR? I get that he’s a sensitive kid underneath all that muscle, but you’d think he’d still end up as an indie wrestler or something!
What I can say is this. No movie has deserved a participation trophy more than this one, and whether that’s supposed to be a joke or not… I haven’t decided. It’s a movie that swings for the fences as it tries to be both the catharsis of a straightforward fantasy romp in the vein of Flash Gordon, while also being witty and relevant like the Barbie movie. Such ambition would be admirable if it hadn’t tragically failed to come together as a coherent film. Just a few simple tweaks here and there and a more decisive hand behind the script would have made this an instant classic for the target audience of Gen-X parents and even the young kids who get dragged to see it, but instead we’re left with a movie at war with itself. Is it an ironic takedown of the machismo of the eighties? Is it a sincere celebration of the childish wonder with which the original series was taken in by its original fans? Is it both? Is it neither? The filmmakers never settled on an answer to any of these questions, and while there is a lot of this that works in isolated moments, putting it all together makes for a bizarre stew that might not be the worst you’ve tasted but could very well be a low key prank at your expense. The dissonance is at its most egregious when it comes to Adam and what the movie wants to say about him. I suppose you could say that the movie is talking out of both sides of its mouth, pretending to take his emotional journey seriously when it really just feels like dunking on him for being a sensitive guy, but I want to give the movie more credit than that. I think they do a great job of building up Adam as a well-rounded, if completely out of his depth, hero for a world that needs something more than just another brute with a sword, but the constant undercutting of his character makes it hard to take it seriously when the film does celebrate him for who he is. He’s the change this world needs, but ultimately can’t do more than what others have done in the past. His experiences on Earth are what make the difference in this war, but the movie doesn’t take that part of his life seriously. In most cases I think it’s a good idea to use humor to lampshade the more ridiculous aspects of beloved stories, but it hurts in this more than it helps as our cast of heroes to aid Adam in his quest are just a bunch hecklers who don’t have anything to contribute other than scorn and eye-rolls.
Thankfully the villains fare significantly better. Skeletor is what I was worried about the most given that he doesn’t have the silly voice and is played by the utterly insufferable Jared Leto, but he turns out to be one of the best things about this; mostly because he’s genuinely entertaining without feeling that he’s above the material. He cracks jokes, both witty ones and utterly terrible ones, yet also has a great deal of menace; especially to his own minions and ostensible allies who are just as easily a target of his wrath as the heroes of Eternia themselves. Where the heroes alternate between glib witticisms and living action figures; the villains feel like they’re taking part in what’s going on in the story and end up salvaging the nostalgia aspects of this as they prove to be worthy punching bags for high-fantasy action set to 80s needle drops and original compositions by Brian May. The fight scenes are where the movie feels the most confident in its execution as its high octane violence with creative camera work and hilariously drawn out beat downs, but everything else seems to struggle under the films indecisiveness. Yes, the action is good, but it doesn’t feel particularly motivated as characters seemingly stand around waiting for it to happen instead of doing anything useful, which, again, could have been a commentary on Eternia’s warrior culture being what led to its breakdown into an endless and pointless war, but it never says that with enough conviction for it to be the message of the movie. The editing feels very clunky with bad reaction shots and wonky continuity; characters will be fighting in one shot and then not fighting five seconds later. There’s also a lot of purely functional voice over lines that are there to paper over the shot-to-shot continuity, but they don’t even attempt to match with what the actors on screen are doing. It’s a shame that a movie that was this expensive ends up looking this sloppy, and while I only have the end product to speculate on the film’s production, it’s easy to throw money away if you’re unsure of where you’re trying to go.
Where Mortal Kombat II felt like something sketched out and then hacked to pieces to fit a runtime, this feels like they kept changing their mind at every turn. I can applaud it for what it tries to say about the culture that the original show came from, but I end up having to bring a lot of the conviction to those ideas that the movie seems too afraid to stand behind. It’s constant undercutting of its own good ideas feels like a foolish effort to try and please everyone, and the end result is that it’s a rather mediocre crowd pleaser. I think it’s worth watching, both on its own terms and as a fascinating example of a movie chasing its own tail to the tune of two-hundred million dollars, but it’s a frustrating sit if you go to the theaters. Wait for its inevitable Amazon Prime release where you can at least crack jokes or yell at the screen whenever it starts to stumble around, though don’t be surprised if you find yourself getting swept up in all the silliness by the end.
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