Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 6 (Every Little Thing She Does)

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

We’re back with another episode of the Unbearable Starlight-ness of Being!  It seems like the show kind of forgot about her for a while there despite her becoming Twilight’s student seemed to be the overarching theme of the season.  It’s probably a bit too late at this point to turn that into a reality, but it is always nice seeing her do something, especially with No Second Prances being such a high point for the season.  Can they recreate that magic here, or will this latest effort prove to be a non-starter for Starlight who will be relegated to the background like so many other ponies in this show?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Twilight and Starlight in the Friendship Doom Fortress, seemingly having pulled an all-nighter considering how tired they look and getting ready to test their spell casting prowess against each other in what I can only assume is what Unicorns refer to as a horn measuring contest.  It’s not clear if Twilight is holding back, but Starlight has no problem keeping up with her moves which is unfortunate for the library once things start to escalate.

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“What the hell, Starlight!?”     “Oh I’m sorry.  Which one of us wanted to have a wizard duel in the middle of study hall?  Don’t you have a battle arena in here?”     “I’m pretty sure that’s in the basement next to the reanimation lab.”     “What was that?”     “I MEAN IT’S RIGHT NEXT TO THE BAKERY!”

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Cinema Dispatch: The Magnificent Seven

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The Magnificent Seven and all the images you see in this review are owned by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer and Columbia Pictures

Directed by Antoine Fuqua

The original Magnificent Seven is a movie that’s on my depressingly large list of movies that I really should see at some point and unfortunately I didn’t get around to it before this remake came out.  That said, the premise isn’t all that hard to grasp and it’s definitely trying to reach a new young audience if the advertisements are anything to go on.  That and the addition of Chris Pratt doesn’t hurt either as the guy couldn’t be hotter with the younger demographics after star turning roles in Guardians of the Galaxy as well as Jurassic World.  Does this reinterpretation of one of the most classic stories of all time turn out to be a modern day classic, or is it doomed to live in the shadow of its predecessor?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins with the town of Rock Ridge… I mean Rose Creek, being under siege from the EVIL rich guy Bartholomew Bogue (Peter Sarsgaard) who wants to drive everyone out of there so he can mine the shit out of the place for gold and other valuable resources.  After burning down the local church and killing a few of the locals, they realize they can’t handle this on their own and they need some help.  After all, they worked too damn hard killing off all the Native Americans to build this town on their land for some rich asshole to take it all away from them!  Emma Cullen (Haley Bennett) who is the widow of one of the dead guys goes to a nearby town with her friend Teddy (Luke Grimes) to find some tough guys to chase Bart’s friends out of town!  For their efforts, they find the bounty hunter Sam Chisolm (Denzel Washington) who then helps them gather the rest of the crew which includes the Chris Pratt archetype Josh Faraday (Chris Pratt), an old-timey sniper Goodnight Robicheux (Ethan Hawke), his best buddy with the kick ass name Billy Rocks (Byung-hun Lee), a wild mountain man Jack Horne (Vincent D’Onofrio), some random outlaw Vasquez (Manuel Garcia-Ruflo), and a Comache hunter Red Harvest (Martin Sensmeier).  Now all of them have their own reason for taking on such an impossible task (some less plausible than others as I still have no idea what Red Harvest is after), but it’s not going to be an easy fight as they’ve got an army to go up against and they have maybe a few dozen farmers to train up and give them support once the shit hits the fan.  Can this town be saved from the onslaught of Bart’s men?  Why exactly did Sam accept this job in the first place, and could he have ulterior motives?  Who thinks they’re gonna accurately predict which ones will die?  Think you can do better than me!?

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For the record, two of my guesses were right!

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Cinema Dispatch: Snowden

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Snowden and all the images you see in this review are owned by Open Road Films

Directed by Oliver Stone

So first we got the Sully movie, and now THIS!?  What’s other movies are we gonna get about things that just freaking happened?  Has someone already polished off a treatment for the Charles Ramsey story!?  Well at least as far as these recent OF THE MOMENT BIOPICS go, this one has some relevance outside of the one event it’s focused on; namely the current state of US (and global) surveillance programs.  Does this manage to be an interesting and nuanced take on how all this information came to light, or is it a thinly veiled propaganda piece that no one bothered to make into a compelling film?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows the career of Edward Snowden (Joseph-Gordon Levitt).  Some guy you MIGHT have heard about a few years ago.  Spoiler Alert!  He stole documents from the NSA and revealed to the public the existence of certain programs they were using such as PRISM and XKeyscore.  That’s towards the end of the story though.  Where we start is with him being discharged from the army (broke both his legs) and instead choosing to serve his country by applying to the CIA and doing computer stuff for them.  He barely manages to get the job and ends up soaring above his peers, going from job to job and always being at the best wherever he was (or at least that’s how the movie tells it).  Unfortunately, he finds out the US security agencies are doing a bunch of shady shit, and he’s not only having to deal with the guilt of spying on US citizens in an unconstitutional manner, he’s also having to keep this secret from his girlfriend Lindsay Mills (Shailene Woodley).  Will his sense of obligation to his fellow man be too strong for him to keep his head down!?  Well we all know the answer to that, but how’s it gonna play out when ACADEMY AWARD WINNING DIRECTOR OLIVER STONE shows it to us!?

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Chances are he’ll lose his freaking mind at some point.

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 6 (Viva Las Pegasus)

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

Well it took them long enough to jump on the Hangover craze!  Every show needs their road trip to Las Vegas (worked for Homer and Flanders), so I guess we’ll have to get the kidified version here.  Personally, I would have gone with Fear and Loathing in Las Pegasus route on this, but then again I doubt that Hasbro would go for something like that, amazing as it would be.  Can the ponies’ trip to the city of gambling and substance abuse be entertaining even with all the edges smoothed out, or will this be a painful exercise in sugarcoating something to protect the kids’ (and their overprotective parents’) delicate sensibilities?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with the Cutie Map (oh hey!  That’s still a thing!) ordering Applejack and Fluttershy to go to the infamous Las Pegasus; EXACTLY the kind of place you’d want to send the two… shall we say prudish members of the group, what with Applejack’s small town farm values and Fluttershy’s inclination towards panic attacks at the slightest provocation.  Oh, it can’t be THAT bad, right?

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“Wow!  It’s so shiny!”     “Things have certainly been looking up since they kidnapped all the homeless ponies and left them in Moo-tah.”

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Cinema Dispatch: Blair Witch

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Blair Witch and all the images you see in this review are owned by Lionsgate

Directed by Adam Wingard

Normally I don’t review movies if I haven’t seen the original, but oddly enough I DID see Blair Witch 2 on TV once, so I at least have that going for me.  Honestly though, this being a years later sequel to a movie that’s not all that complex (some people get lost in the woods and are killed by a witch or something) means that I’m probably not gonna get lost trying to decipher whatever mythology or legacy this movie is cashing in on.  So does this turn out to be a true Blair Witch movie for a new generation (whatever that would entail), or is this another pointless reboot of a series that was firmly a product of its time?  Let’s find out!!

The movie takes place almost two decades after the original where a few teenagers went missing in a nearby forest and the only thing found was fragments of video that seemed to imply something spooky must have happened.  Now that the brother of one of those teenagers is all grown up, James (James Allen McCune) along with his friends Peter and Ashley (Brandon Scott and Corbin Reid) are going into the forest to see if they can find anything and are taking along a local filmmaker Lisa (Callie Hernandez) to document the expedition.  Things get a bit off track right away though as some local Blair Witch nuts Lane and Talia (Wes Robinson and Valorie Curry) ,who ALSO discovered some of the original footage, insist on going along with them.  It doesn’t take too long for things to get spooky though, and now there’s a studio backing this, there’s a chance we might be able to see whatever it is that’s fucking with them!  Can these campers manage to survive whatever curse or magic spell or whatever the hell it is that’s trapped them in the woods?  Will James find that his sister is still alive after all these years?  Just what is the true source of all this weird stuff that’s going on!?

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It was aliens the whole time!  I freaking knew it!!

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Cinema Dispatch: Don’t Think Twice

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Don’t Think Twice and all the images you see in this review are owned by The Film Arcade

Directed by Mike Birbiglia

I always like to see comedians (especially of the Stand Up variety) take a chance behind the camera, especially considering how many really great works that transition has produced.  Bobcat Goldthwaite’s been making angry and brilliant films since the nineties with people only noticing in the past decade or so how great thy are, and Louis CK made such an impact with his television series that it’s become the template for comedian focused shows since then (*cough* Real Rob, Maron, Lopez *cough*).  Now it’s time for Mike Birbiglia to take another stab at it, and while I didn’t see his first film Sleepwalk with Me, I’ve heard very good things about it and can only hope he’s improved since.  Does this insight into the world of improv comedy turn out to be the sleeper hit of the year, or is it destined be yet another victim of the Sophomore Slump?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follow the six members of a New York City improv group known as The Commune; some of whom have been there since it began in the late nineties, others came later, and some are rather fresh to the scene.  Miles (Mike Birbiglia) is the presumptive leader of the group as he has seniority and also teaches an improv class where a lot of the members came from, including Jack and Samantha (Keegan-Michael Key and Gillian Jacobs) who seem to be the rising stars of the group.  You’ve also got the other old timer Bill (Chris Gethard), the rich girl who wants to be taken seriously Lindsay (Tami Sagher) and the one who’s TOTALLY writing a novel and will finish it eventually Allison (Kate Micucci) to round out the crew.  Everything seems to be going fine and they’ve built up their own little life around the show they do a couple of times a week at this small theater, but then life as to throw a curve ball and things change once they find out the theater is shutting down.  Not only that, Jack and Samantha managed to secure auditions for NOT SNL (Weekend Live) which puts even further strain on their friendship; especially with Miles who tried out years ago but couldn’t make the cut.  Will these comedians be able to survive the changes that are being thrust upon them?  Can Jack and Samantha make that transition to the big leagues without burning out or losing their friends in the process?  Why can’t they ALL be winners!?

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“Anyone thought of some good material today?”     “meh.”

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Cinema Dispatch: When the Bough Breaks

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When the Bough Breaks and all the images you see in this review are owned by Screen Gems

Directed by Jon Cassar

I really did not want to see this.  The trailers didn’t inspire much hope that this would be all that great and the premise sounded… unpleasant, to say the least.  Still, Morris Chestnut is a national treasure and it’s always good to see Regina Hall get some work, so maybe the people in front of and even behind the camera can make something out of this dopey premise!  We can only hope…

The movie is about John and Laura Taylor (Morris Chestnut and Regina Hall) who have been trying for oh so very long to have a child, but they’ve failed multiple times and are down to their last viable embryo.  I’m pretty sure Regina Hall hasn’t gone through menopause though, so I’m not sure WHY it’s their last egg, but maybe she had some sort of medical issue that made her infertile and I just wasn’t paying attention.  What all of this ultimately means is that they have one last shot to have a child, and so they have to pick the right surrogate to bring it to term.  In walks Anna Walsh (Jazz Sinclair) who’s just volunteered at the fertility clinic that John and Laura are working with, and immediately Laura falls in love with her.  Within days, Anna is pregnant with their child and the Taylors couldn’t be happier!  That is until Anna’s shit head boyfriend Mike (Theo Rossi) beats the hell out of her and she’s left without much options.  Hey, she’s already carrying their kid, so why not let her stay in the guest house?  Well… it turns out that Anna may not be all there mentally, and she immediately develops a crush on John which complicates matters.  Will Anna have her way with John behind Laura’s back?  Just how far from stable is Anna, and what will she be willing to do to get what she wants?  Just how the hell did THIS woman manage to bullshit her way through the fertility clinic’s psych evaluation!?

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Oh I’m sure she’s FINE!  Look how happy she is for them!!

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