Month: May 2018

Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (White Collarless)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

TGTTM

Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of Tim & Eric’s Dirty Jobs as the duo tackles the mindless toil of regular employment; something Tom seems quite unfamiliar with given how rarely we see him ACTUALLY working rather than indulging The Mayor and his latest scheme!  The episode begins with good ol’ Tom Peters making his usual trip to The Mayor for a quick “how do you do”, though this time he comes baring gifts in the form of a fruit basket and his updated résumé!  He even changed the font this time around to be THAT much more professional looking… which admittedly is STILL an uphill battle when you consider he printed it out on a sky blue pieces of paper, but he’s got that go getter attitude that all the Fortune 500 companies are looking for!  However, Tom’s renewed interest in employment doesn’t seem to be driven by a desire to support his family or have something to do during the day time.  Rather, one of his step-sons has a career day coming up and he wants to have something to present to the class other than being a mooch at home and a stooge for The Mayor.  Speaking of whom, the resume (if nothing else) appears to amuse him greatly since he is completely incapable of hiding his mirth at what has been presented to him, and this turns out to be quite the boon for good ol’ Tom as he now thinks that said deadbeat would be a perfect fit for a CEO position at Jefferton’s Department of Special Projects!  What is The Department of Special Projects, you may ask?  HA HA!!  As if I need to tell YOU!  EVERYONE is talking about The Department of Special Projects and their goals to exceed market share saturation into the twenty first century!  Maybe this video presentation will jog your memory!

TGTTM17-1
Hey, at least it looks more stable than a Cryptocurrency company.

Continue reading “Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (White Collarless)” →

Super Recaps: The Twilight Zone (Dead Man’s Eyes)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

TTZ0-0

The Twilight Zone and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Warner Bros Television and based on the series created by Rod Serling

Episode directed by Jerry Levine

We’re back with another episode of The Twilight Zone from the early two-thousands; a show that was sadly too late to do a Y2K episode but at least took a few good shots at the Bush Administration in the second season, so stay tuned for that!  Before we get to THAT though, we’ve got a classic Whodunit story that has all the supernatural twist and turns you’d expect from a show that’s at least TRYING to imitate the majesty of Rod Serling’s creation!  Let’s get started!!

The episode begins with recent widow Laurel Janus (Portia de Rossi) watching as some dude named Stanley (Dion Luther) who killed her husband is being properly convicted for the crime and being sentenced to jail.  The good news is that the dude is definitely going to serve time, but the bad news (at least for Laurel) is that he won’t NECESSARILY get life and will CERTAINLY not get a needle in the arm; an unacceptable arrangement as her thirst for vengeance cannot be quenched with such a lightweight punishment!  She makes a ruckus about this, but the judge starts banging her gavel which means that no further discussion will be had and she storms out of the courtroom in a huff; clearly not finding the closure she was hoping for once the man who killed her husband was held responsible for such.  At the very least she gets the clothes her husband wore the night he died (I don’t know if the court DOES provide those, but if they did wouldn’t they provide them WAY before the trial?) and while sadly looking over her husband’s possessions, she ends up putting on his glasses when something WEIRD starts to happen!  Something that would only happen in a particular ZONE that we are all quite familiar with!  It turns out that when she puts on the glasses (and then after about ten seconds of load time), she starts to see the world through the eyes of her husband Nick (William DeVry)!  How intriguing!!

TTZ8-1
“AVENGE ME!!”     “But the guy’s already in jail!”     “oh.  Don’t forget to return my videos to Blockbuster!!”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: The Twilight Zone (Dead Man’s Eyes)” →

Cinema Dispatch: Solo: A Star Wars Story

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

SOLOCD0

Solo: A Star Wars Story and all the images you see in this review are owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Directed by Ron Howard

Well I guess we were destined to get one of these sooner than later, and all I can say is… I’m glad we at least aren’t starting with Boba Fett.  I mean it looks like we’re getting one of those no matter what, but out of all the characters to get a prequel… Han isn’t dead last?  Eh… look.  Han Solo is FINE, but what exactly do we need to know about him that isn’t made readily apparent the first time we see him Mos Eisley Cantina?  Then again, him being a smuggler almost makes him a perfect candidate for a decent action film as smugglers tend to get in more gun fights than say… a farm boy on Tatooine, but is that enough to sustain a Star Wars movie?  Probably, at least for me, but let’s find out!!

The movie begins with Han (Alden Ehrenreich), who will soon be taking the surname Solo, on the planet Corellia hustling for his meals and dodging fellow street rats to keep himself alive.  The only thing that keeps him going are his dreams of owning his own ship as well as his one true love Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke) who is similarly stuck running con games in the back alleys of this crap hole planet, but fortune soon finds its way to them as Han finds something JUST valuable enough to get them both a one way ticket off this planet and to a new life!  The good news is he manages to escape, but the bad news is that Qi’ra gets caught JUST at the last second which means that Han has to get a jump start on that whole “getting a ship and making boat loads of cash” thing so that he can come back for Qi’ra and they can live happily ever after!  Hm… but what’s the best way to GET a spaceship in an Empire controlled section of the galaxy?  Oh hey!  Aren’t they CONSTANTLY recruiting new red shirts to take bullets and fail to hit their targets!  Sounds like a good way to at least take the first step to earning a livable wage and get the training he needs to survive on his own!  From there things get complicated as Han is not what you’d call a MODEL solider, and ends up with a band of smugglers (Woody Harrelson, Thandie Newton, and Jon Favreau) as well as a new Wookie friend of his named Chewbacca (Joonas Suotama).  Funny story how they met, but I won’t spoil it here!  So now that he has a crew to run with (after deserting the Empire) and a way to FINALLY make all that sweet cash he needs, he can set his sights on going back to save Qi’ra from whatever fate has befallen her in the years that he’s been gone, right?  Well not exactly as things are ALWAYS more complicated than they seem, which includes a SUPER gangster named Dryden (Paul Bettany) who has a bone to pick with this little band of misfits, the ultimate fate of Qi’ra which is VERY different from what Han had imagined, and even a slick hot shot named Lando (Donald Glover) who’s always one step ahead and laughing about it the whole time!  Can Han survive in this world of backstabbers, sharpshooters, and expert gamblers long enough to get his own ship and start a life with the woman he loves?  Just what did the smugglers do to Dryden, and what chances do they have of ACTUALLY making it right again?  How the heck do you even play holo-chess anyway!?

SOLOCD1
THE SECRETS OF STAR WARS YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW!!

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Solo: A Star Wars Story” →

Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Jeffy the Sea Serpent)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

TGTTM

Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of Tim & Eric’s The X-Files!  While this may not be a case urgent enough for Mulder & Scully to pay a visit, Jefferton is certainly about to get a strange lesson in the world of Cryptozology and Freaky Happenstance when Tom and The Mayor get started on their latest scheme!  The episode begins with lovable Tom visiting The Mayor with yet another scheme; this time involving Jefferton’s tourism problem!  You see, Tom was watching That’s Amazing last night (the in-show TV show hosted by Bradley who is played by Bob Odenkirk) and there was a section on their involving The Loch Ness monster.  If the two of them could brainstorm a similar monster to roam the streets of Jefferton, then maybe they’ll get a piece of that sweet Cryptid money too!  Luckily for Tom, The Mayor comes up with a BRILLIANT scheme involving a man-made monster that Tom can pilot inside of the Jefferton Man Made Lake!  He calls him Jeffy!

TGTTM16-1
“To appeal to the kids, we should probably give him sunglasses and a lot of ‘tude.”     “I whole heartedly agree, Tom.  Let’s start brainstorming some ideas that’ll really show those kids how cool we are!”     “I’ll fire up excel while you get the poster board!”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Jeffy the Sea Serpent)” →

Cinema Dispatch: Trailer Talk (The Happytime Murders)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

THMTTCD0

The Happytime Murders is owned by STXfilms and all the images you see in this trailer talk are the property of their respective owners

Directed by Brian Henson

If you follow movie news rather closely (or did a google search after the trailer drop), you’d be aware that this is a project that has been in development hell for quite a few years; languishing at Lionsgate for many years before finally getting switched over to STX in 2015 which is who is finally getting this thing into theaters.  Apparently the story of a hardboiled detective who is ALSO a puppet wasn’t the easiest concept to produce even it sounds like THE GREATEST IDEA EVER, but now that this is ACTUALLY turning into a real film instead of a piece of strange Hollywood trivia, what do I think of what we’ve gotten in the first trailer?  I think it looks pretty good!  I’m a huge Melissa McCarthy fan, and while the joke is PRETTY obvious, there’s certainly potential for it to be really subversive of the cop genre and at the very least very interesting to watch.  I love the puppet designs here and in all honesty the incongruous nature of these goofy looking characters with a raunchy cop comedy isn’t nearly as enticing as seeing awesome puppets on the big screen again.  Sure, we had those two Muppet movies a few years back (this was in development well before those films by the way), but if it were up to me we’d be getting at least three puppet movies a year and in ALL sorts of genres for all sorts of audiences!  So the novelty will certainly be THERE and I’ll surely get a few chuckles out of it, but it needs to have more than just puppets acting crudely in order to be a GOOD film.  If that’s all they have up their sleeves, well Meet the Feebles, Crank Yankers, and TV Funhouse beat them to it.

THMTTCD1
“I can’t HEAR you!  Over the SOUND!  OF ME STOMPING YOUR BALLS!!”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Trailer Talk (The Happytime Murders)” →

Cinema Dispatch: Deadpool 2

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

DEADPOOL2CD0

Deadpool 2 and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Fox

Directed by David Leitch

The first Deadpool was really solid for what it was, and I know that sounds like a backhanded compliment, but it only SORT of is!  It was not so much a movie in its own right as it was a proof of concept for a character to show how something this dark, comedic, and off the wall can be done in the super hero genre.  It makes sense considering this character had pretty much been struggling to prove itself for years as a cinematically viable presence what with the awfulness that was Origins Wolverine (there was an even a stinger for him to return in later X-Men films) or even that CG rendered test footage that became the big car action scene in the real film.  I wasn’t THE MOST thrilled with the end result as a movie, but I was glad that Ryan Reynolds found a character perfectly suited for his capabilities as an actor and that a studio was finally ready to back him up on that.  Now that EVERYONE knows who Deadpool is and are ready to see him in action outside of an origin story, is there enough left to work with to make the amazing film he truly deserves, or was he just a gimmick the whole time and lightening won’t be striking twice for this one?  Let’s find out!!

After getting his revenge, resolving his character arc, and making a boat load at the box office, Deadpool AKA Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) is living his Merc with a Mouth life full of blood, snappy quips, and awesome days with his lady love Vanessa (Morena Baccarin).  Sadly the good times won’t last forever and Wade is basically left to his own devices which can only spell doom and gloom for those foolish enough to get in his way… unless of course you’re made entirely out of metal.  Oh hey!  His best buddy Colossus (Stefan Kapičić) is made of metal!  Maybe he can get Wade out of his funk and FINALLY get him to join the X-Men!  Thing is, that’s KIND of a monkey’s paw wish as he DOES indeed join the team (as a trainee) but right away screws things up when a young mutant named Russell (Julian Dennsion) gets himself into trouble and Deadpool comes to his aid in a manner that doesn’t QUITE meet the X-Men code… or the law, and winds up going to Mutant Jail which is apparently a thing.  If that wasn’t bad enough, there’s ALSO a half cyborg dude named Cable (Josh Brolin) pulling a Terminator by coming back to the past to save the future and it SEEMS to involve both Wade AND death, so Deadpool certainly has his work cut out for him in order to escape prison, keep the kid from ending up a reprobate like himself, and stopping the Future Cop from whatever the hell it is he plans on doing.  Will Wade learn how to not just be an irreverent jackass, but an irreverent jackass with a HEART?  Just how far will Cable go to complete his mission, and how much collateral damage will Wade have to suffer because of it?  He may not be the best man for the job, but is he at least the FUNNIEST one!?

DEADPOOL2CD1
“This isn’t really going as I planned.”     “Do you want to take a break?”     “No no no!  I’m good!”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Deadpool 2” →

Cinema Dispatch: Life of the Party

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

LOTPCD0

Life of the Party and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Ben Falcone

This isn’t the most object thing to say as a film critic, but there really are times where the success of a movie or the people behind it makes me hate the end product just a little bit more.  Adam Sandler’s entire career is based around this, and absolute dreck like Fist Fight and Daddy’s Home 2 are bad enough that their success only intensifies what I found lacking in them; especially with Daddy’s Home 2 which was so bad AND so successful that it pretty much poisoned the first film for me which I thought wasn’t THAT bad and somewhat enjoyable.  I bring this up because I get the feeling that many people feel that way about Melissa MicCarthy and her movies, and yet I’ve never had anything but praise for her as a performer.  Okay, I wasn’t a fan of Bridesmaids and I still haven’t seen Identity Thief or Tammy, but her track record has been pretty strong as far as I’m concerned and even her low end efforts like The Boss are still better than plenty other comedies that don’t seem to attract as much ire; not to mention the absolute shit storm that blew up over that AMAZING Ghostbusters movie!  Now she’s back to “ruin” yet another one of your treasured eighties films as this movie seems to be an update on Old School starring Rodney Dangerfield, and I hope the next film she does has her working on a golf course or traveling back in time to meet her parents in high school; just to see how far she can piss off “passionate” fanboys who can’t stand to see their original films (THAT AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE!!) being updated for a new audience!  Does this latest effort manage to do for college frat humor what the new Ghostbusters did for comedian driven adventure films, or is this a disappointingly low effort outing from one of the most talented comedians of our time?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins with Deanna Miles (Melissa McCarthy) dropping off her daughter Maddie (Molly Gordon) for her final year of college which SHOULD be a celebratory day… but it all goes to hell when her jerk of a husband Dan (Matt Walsh) informs her on the ride home that he’s divorcing her, he’s already seeing someone, and he’s gonna sell the house.  Well that stinks!  What the heck is she gonna do to support herself now that her husband is gone and she hasn’t worked in years; not to mention that she never finished college which closes her off from most job opportunities!  Wait a minute… COLLEGE!  THAT’S IT!!  She’ll enroll in the same college as her daughter to finish up that final year and get her degree in… Archeology!  Because the market is bursting at the seams for someone with THOSE qualifications I guess!  Oh, that’s not important!  The important thing is that Maddie’s mom is gonna be at the same place as her and will be SUPER embarrassing!  Well actually, Maddie’s sisters as the Sorority (Gillian Jacobs, Adria Arjona, and Jessie Ennis) take to her rather quickly and she soon becomes the talk of campus; even getting invited to parties and hooking up with sexy stud Jack (Luke Benward)!  Oh, and I guess she’s got to attend her archeology classes taught by Chris Parnell, but forget that!  It’s time to put the MOM back in MOMentous College Experiences as she teaches the youngsters about being responsible adults and they in turn teach her how to cut loose!  Will Deanna manage to pass her final classes to get that degree, or will the pitfalls of college life distract her from reaching her dreams?  Will Maddie gain a newfound respect for her mother now that they’re spending so much time together, and what will the divorce do to her relationship with her as well as her dad?  Will Melissa McCarthy retain her title as one of the most bankable stars in the country, even when she’s doing a cheap college film!?

LOTPCD1
“Take a shot every time I cross a hundred million at the box office!!”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Life of the Party” →

Cinema Dispatch: Trailer Talk (Bohemian Rhapsody)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

BRTTCD0

Bohemian Rhapsody is owned by 20th Century Fox and all the images you see in this trailer talk are the property of their respective owners

Directed by Bryan Singer and Dexter Fletcher

OH MAMA MIA!  Has the day finally come for this biopic to see the light of day!?  A Queen biopic has been floating around in Hollywood for a solid decade at the least, and I remember when they were ready to go on one starring Sacha Barron Cohen as Freddie Mercury which is certainly something I would have loved to see but sadly ended up falling through like all the other attempts.  Now that we have the very first teaser trailer for this biopic, does it assuage the anxieties of eager fans as to whether Queen can be done justice on the big screen!?  Let’s find out!!

Initial impressions are… okay I guess.  You really shouldn’t expect TOO much to come out of a teaser trailer and we’ll surely get a few more before the film’s release in November, but I think they at least set the right tone to build up some hype before they start showing the meat of what this biopic will be about.  The music playing over the whole teaser is a mashup of a bunch of queen lyrics over the beat to We Will Rock You which sounds a BIT awkward at points (ESPECIALLY with the chorus to Killer Queen), but it actually works surprisingly well when layered over Bohemian Rhapsody.  We really don’t get any details on the plot other than the making of Bohemian Rhapsody will be a major subplot and that there’ll be a crap load of concert scenes throughout.  The actors look fine I guess with Rami Malek (Mr Robot) as Front Man Freddie CLEARLY getting the spotlight.  If I were to complain about one thing though, I’d say that he doesn’t quite look right as young Freddie with long hair even though he looks absolutely spot on for Mustache Freddie.

BRTTCD1
“I can eat this microphone whole, and it’ll be the most beautiful thing you could imagine!”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Trailer Talk (Bohemian Rhapsody)” →

Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Bass Fest)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

TGTTM

Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of The Day After TOMorrow, as this is basically a Roland Emmerich film told in a mere eleven minutes.  Maybe a bit TOO short, but I’d honestly take it over his usually bloated runtimes.  The episode begins with Good Ol’ Tom Peters on a fieldtrip for his Night School course which is PRESUMABLY on Jefferton History (all thirty years of it) because their trip is to the one and only Jefferton dam (or as Tom calls it, a darn; because he’s a pedantically squeamish jackass) which was built by Papa Richardson many years ago!  Well you might be wondering if this is a science field trip where they learn how a darn works, but that would be a very silly notion as the darn they’re at is absolutely awful; essentially made out of rotten wood scraps and Elmer’s glue.  Before we can ruminate much longer on this though, Tom interrupts the FASCINATING lecturer (Sean Hayes) by getting a phone call from Joy who demands that he buy three bass guitars for their sons, something he’s more than willing to do after the field trip is over, but Joy still yells at him anyway for being a joke of a human being.  Not the most UNREASONABLE stances to take if you spent five minutes with the guy, but SERIOUSLY!?  The broke bastard doesn’t even have a job!  How the hell is he supposed to afford THREE instruments that even on the low end go for hundreds of dollars!?  Heck, I’m not even sure how he can afford these night classes!

TGTTM15-1
“Okay, here’s an idea.  What if, instead of bass guitars… we get them recorders?”     …     “No, I wouldn’t really like to know how well they’d fit up there, but you DO make an excellent point otherwise!”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Bass Fest)” →

Cinema Dispatch: Breaking In

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

BREAKINGINCD0

Breaking In and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by James McTeigue

I mean if nothing else, this can’t be a worse Mother’s Day film than Mother’s Day.  Well that’s a bit unfair as I DID like what I saw in the trailers which involved Gabriel Union kicking the crap out of a bunch of home invaders, and a basic premise like that is almost foolproof in how easy it is to at least make a COMPETENT thriller with it.  Does this latest entry in the genre prove to be a breath of fresh air and something wholly original, or is this yet another run of the mill action film that doesn’t live up to its marketing campaign?  Let’s find out!!

Shaun Russell (Gabrielle Union) is a mother of two (Seth Carr and Ajiona Alexus) whose father (Damien Leake) had recently died and she’s in charge with handling the estate.  She drives out with her kids to the dude’s summer home which is a giant fortress of a place with an extremely elaborate security system and a whole lot of bad memories if Shaun’s reactions are anything to go by.  Sadly the unpleasant memories are the least of her problems as she soon finds out that three criminals (Billy Burke, Levi Meaden, and Richard Cabal) were already there searching for the old man’s secret stash of cash.  Now that Shaun and her kids are there though, they have to readjust their plans and start taking hostages.  The good news is that they manage to get the kids.  The bad news?  Shaun slips right out of their hands and is now SUPER pissed!  Can Shaun save her family before the bad guys get desperate?  What secrets were her father hiding in the house, and are they worth killing for?  Will Shaun tap into her inner Liam Neeson and teach these bastards a lesson in who NOT to fuck with!?

BREAKINGINCD1
“If you let my children go now, that’ll be the end of it.  I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”     “Oh crap!  She saw that movie too!!”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Breaking In” →