Super Comics: Sonic the Hedgehog 1

STHSC1-0

Sonic the Hedgehog and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Archie Comics and Sega of America

(August 1993)

Well THIS is certainly something new!  Normally I stick to movies and TV shows, but I’ve been on a bit of a Sonic the Hedgehog kick recently and I figured there’s SOME way to share this recent interest with all of you.  I don’t have the courage to do a recap series for Sonic X (yet) so for now, we’ll take a look at the comic book series which has been running for over twenty years!  SERIOUSLY!!  This particular book (Sonic the Hedgehog) has been running since 1993!!  Well we clearly have plenty of material to work with, so we might as well just jump right in with the first issue!!

So how did they decide to begin their comic about a child friendly mascot fighting a robot master?  With our hero getting lynched of course!!

“Let’s see how fast your neck can snap!!”     “URG GURG BLERG!!!”

“Let’s see how fast your neck can snap!!”     “URG GURG BLERG!!!”

No wait, it’s just an effigy.  Thank goodness, because THAT’S so much better to put in a children’s comic.  Anyway, Dr. Ivo Robotnik (the design here is from the Sat AM show) is having his daily hissy fit about the blue hedgehog who manages to screw up his plans all the time when a poor robo-sap comes in bringing good news of their latest advancement in anti-woodland creature technology.  For his trouble, Robotnik spends two pages beating the ever loving shit out of him.  Who would work for this fucking guy!?  If he made robots smart enough to make master schemes, shouldn’t they be smart enough to overthrow this abusive asshole!?  Well the advancement in question is a mechanical plant that they can seed into The Great Forest which is where Sonic and the Freedom Fighters are located.  Speaking of which, we cut to the underground command center where Sonic and Sally (the latter being the princess of whatever kingdom this is) are discussing interior design while the head of the resistance army (Antoine D’Coolette) is getting pissed for being left out.  I wonder how long it will be before they start doing the Wussy French Man jokes.

“And then we shall have delicious cheeses while wearing berets and feeling copious amounts of Ennui!  Vive la France!”

“And then we shall have delicious cheeses while wearing berets and feeling copious amounts of Ennui!  Vive la France!”

Yeah, the poor bastard gets caught in one of these mechanical vine traps almost instantly, but Sonic and Sally are quick on the scene to drag his ass back down to their hidey-hole.  They’re able to free him from the vines that are still wrapped around him with the help of Boomer (a walrus) and everything seems to be just fine!  That is until Tails walks by, sees the discarded robo-plants and decides to water them!  TAILS!!  YOU FOOL!!  Oh wait; it’s actually their number one weakness.

I’m sorry, WHAT!?

“Why he programmed the plant to yell rude things at people, I can’t explain.”

“Why he programmed the plant to yell rude things at people, I can’t explain.”

You’re telling me that your robot scientists came up with a plan to destroy the indigenous population with camouflaged death machines, yet you didn’t bother to make them water proof!?!?  Well what the fuck did you THINK was going to happen the next time there was a rain storm!?  Hell, forget about that.  WHAT ABOUT MORNING DEW!?  It ends exactly as you’d expect.  The mechanical plants fizz out during the next storm and Dr. Robotnik, being the level headed individual he is known to be, murders one of his robots out of frustration.

“YOU WERE ALREADY GOING TO KILL ME!!  WHY DID YOU MAKE THOSE AWFUL PUNS THE LAST THING I WILL EVER HEAR!?!?”

“YOU WERE ALREADY GOING TO KILL ME!!  WHY DID YOU MAKE THOSE AWFUL PUNS THE LAST THING I WILL EVER HEAR!?!?”

Well that’s a lackluster start to the series.  Not a whole lot of meat in that story which I guess was the point considering that it’s only seven pages long.  Now I’ve gone ahead and seen how absolutely convoluted this shit can get so there’s going to be much more story to this at some point, and I’m hoping this series of short stories doesn’t last too long.  Oh well, let’s move on to the next one.

The next story is about the Freedom Fighters looking to stop a huge speech that Robotnik is about to give to his robot minions.  Presumably he programmed them to require the occasional pep talk, but the reason he would do that is completely lost on me.  Well there’s one person in particular who’s ready to take on this mission and complete it with attitude!!

Oh, and he’s perfectly willing to be a capitalist shill in the process.  Wouldn’t bother me so much if he wasn’t trying so hard to be a rebellious smart ass.

Oh, and he’s perfectly willing to be a capitalist shill in the process.  Wouldn’t bother me so much if he wasn’t trying so hard to be a rebellious smart ass.

He finds where the overlord’s speech is going to take place which is the backroom of his own casino.  Never mind the fact that he doesn’t feel the need to shut down the place for an announcement (instead deciding to have it in the same place where unfunny comedians do their Frank Sinatra impressions), why even do this in a casino at all?  Doesn’t the dude have like a doom fortress or something with a really high up balcony that he can shout things from?  Sonic, being the incorrigible scamp that he is, muscles his way into the room so he can watch the speech and gets spotted immediately by Robotnik because the noticeably off-color hedgehog didn’t feel the need to wear a disguise.  The announcement is pretty mundane, just revealing a new robot he made, but Robotnik makes the most of it by using the new automaton to knock Sonic the fuck out so that Robotnik can then shove him in a spherical plastic cage that he can play pinball with.

Come again?

IS THE BALL STAINED WITH THE BLOOD OF ITS FORMER OCCUPANT!?

IS THE BALL STAINED WITH THE BLOOD OF ITS FORMER OCCUPANT!?

Somehow the impenetrable plastic ball is easily cut with Sonic’s spines, so he’s eventually able to escape from the machine and knocks out Robotnik and his new robot.  Sonic also seems to have been carrying a bomb because the casino blows the fuck up in his wake, and he returns to the hideout a hero!  Once again, there doesn’t seem to be much here for this first comic and it frankly comes off as more of a continuation of the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog series than the Sat AM series, despite using characters and designs from there.  Haven’t we already established that that show was obnoxious and poorly thought out!?  Granted, this came out a month BEFORE the two TV series, (August of 1993) but it seems odd that they’re combining both interpretations of the character here and then separating them in the cartoon.  I also think this might be a problem for the comics later on once the games drop everything and start fresh with Adventure.  THAT’S gonna be interesting!  Anything else in this comic?  Well there are three one page mini stories after the two MAIN stories here.  Sonic wins an award, sonic answers a fan question, and then sonic gives you a basic chili recipe so that you too can die of a heart attack from too many chili-dogs!

Oh, and puns.  LOTS OF FREAKING PUNS!!!

Oh, and puns.  LOTS OF FREAKING PUNS!!!

This wasn’t great, but it’s definitely aimed at a younger audience.  I’m also going to give it some slack because it’s the first issue and that there probably wasn’t a whole lot to work with at this point.  We’re probably going to have a lot more issues like this one but hopefully it will find its voice soon enough and will pick up significantly once it starts taking more cues from the Sat AM show.

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2 thoughts on “Super Comics: Sonic the Hedgehog 1

  1. Pingback: Super Comics:Sonic the Hedgehog 2-5 | The Reviewers Unite!

  2. Pingback: Super Comics: Sonic the Hedgehog 2-5 | The Reviewers Unite!

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