Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 29 (Total Chaos: The Messy Love Rectangle)

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Harume Kosaka

We’re back with another episode of When Makoto Met Motoki!  While I would definitely prefer more episodes where she’s performing Double Knee Facebreakers of baddies, the creators would rather focus on her Tragic Love StoryTM which is the case here as they move full steam ahead on her trying to hook up with Motoki.  Oh well, I’m sure it’ll end up being fun considering this is still a Makoto episode (she IS the best), but are the writers up to the task considering how badly they dropped the ball on the last Ami episode?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Makoto having to run her ass through a thunderstorm due to the dumbass meteorologist getting the weather prediction wrong, and while planning her revenge on those at Channel Four News she runs right into someone and lands flat on her ass. Mere seconds before she pile drives the motherfucker on the concrete, she looks up and sees that it’s her one true love (or at least the replacement for her one true love) Motoki; the super hottie who works at the arcade.

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“I’m so sorry!  Can I help you-“     “Out of these wet clothes?”     “Come again?”     “If you insist!!”

Once Dreamweaver stops playing in her head, she gets up with the help of Motoki and begins to stare meaningfully into his eyes while he’s trying to just get her out of the rain.  They make small talk which eventually leads to his home life, and with very little provocation she agrees to clean his apartment and make him a meal for free in exchange for his phone number which he willingly gives (along with a list of his favorite foods).  Kind of a dick movie considering he CLEARLY has no interest in her and also has a girlfriend named Reika who we meet immediately after the rain clears up and Makoto runs for the school.  Wait, how is it she’s RIGHT THERE the moment Makoto leaves?  Was she stalking them this entire time?

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“Geez Motoki, I didn’t know you liked them THAT young.  You want me to start wearing pigtails and carrying a giant lollipop?”     “Oh ha ha.”

Reika seems to have followed him around to let him know that she’ll have to cancel on their date (I guess you had to chase someone down before cell phones) and that she’ll try to find a way to make it up to him somehow.  Oh look!  Mamoru JUST SO HAPPENED to be passing by (EVERYONE was out in the rain!), and convinces Motoki to get coffee with him instead!  Okay… well at least we get to have some guy talk to fill out the exposition for this episode.  It turns out that Reika has an opportunity to go to Africa for some research project and Motoki isn’t sure he wants her to go, especially when you think of how expensive long distance calls are.  Considering how we always have to maintain the status quo, my guess is that she’ll be gone by the end of the episode which means Motoki will be back on the open market for both Usagi and Makoto to fruitlessly pine over, though I guess we’re not supposed to know that just yet.  The conversation eventually turn in the Sailor Scouts’ direction as Motoki informs Mamoru that Makoto (lot of M names here) is going to cook for him on Sunday and asks if he wants to join them.  Mamoru, knowing that Usagi AND Makoto have their eyes set on Motoki, cautions against such a pseudo date, but it’s clear that Motoki doesn’t think about Makoto (or even Usagi) that way in the least, WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY THE CORRECT WAY TO THINK OF MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS!!

 

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“Seriously bro.  You go to jail for that shit.”     “Oh… is that a fact?”

At this point, Mamoru decides to cut his losses and let Motoki do what he’s gonna do considering how little ground he has left to stand on, and we cut to the next day (decided NOT the agreed upon Sunday) where Makoto drops in unexpectedly to get a jump start on cleaning the dude’s house; hoping that proving herself as a bad ass dirt eradicator will get him to fall madly in love with her!  Those hopes are dashed however as she notices a picture of him and Reika and comes to the conclusion that the college guy JUST MIGHT be into college girls.

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“HOW WILL YOU EXPLAIN THIS TO OUR FUTURE CHILDREN!?”     “Uh… I just hope they take it well?”

Yeah, so that didn’t end the way she was hoping.  Makoto is super bummed for the rest of the day until Usagi decides to butt her head into things at which point Makoto becomes homicide and ready to tear her beating heart of her chest and eat it in front of her before she dies.  Realizing that her life is in clear jeopardy, Usagi makes a full one-eighty from mockery to compassion in the hopes of having her life spared.  While this change in attitude may have saved her from an early grave, being the compassionate one turns out to be a real bummer when it turns out one of the guys you’ve got the hots for is also being lusted after by your best friend.  I’m assuming this is the rectangle in question, though it’s more reminiscent of a sunburst considering that it’s three people (Usagi, Makoto, and Reika) after one target rather than everyone trying to get it on with everyone else.    It doesn’t take long for these two to make a gentlewoman’s agreement to both pursue Motoki and let the chips fall where they may; a tactic about as likely to work as Luna is likely to get any control over this situation.

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“Best friends!”     “Rivals in love!”     “It will all work out!!”     “No it won’t…”     “STOP BEING A BUZZKILL LUNA!!”

So even with that whole “he’s already got a girlfriend” thing hanging over their heads, both of them bravely head for the arcade to confess their love.  After all, there’s nothing better than hitting on someone when they’re on the clock!  Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your point of view), Motoki is off for the day and the girls instead have to deal with a smug Mamoru who knows what these idiots are up to.  Oh don’t worry!  He gets his comeuppance when he lets it slip that Motoki’s girlfriend might be going to Africa which gives Makoto some hope and also causes her to cause massive harm to Mamoru in an attempt to get more details.

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“You have exactly three-FUCKING-seconds to tell me everything, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and SKULL FUCK YOU!!”     “You make a very compelling argument…”

Before we find out if Mamoru will have to eat form a straw after that, we cut to Hell Corp (Oh yeah!  There’s supposed to be a plot at some point, isn’t there?) where Suave Spice and Twink Spice are figuring out who the next Rainbow Monster will be, and it’s… wait for it… Reika!  Who could have seen THAT coming!?  Yeah, this scene is about as predictable as you can imagine (the ONE new character JUST SO HAPPENS to be a monster) but it’s all worth it to see Kunzite be a jerk and get Zoisite all jealous.  I’m pretty sure that Kunzite is just using Zoisite for his own nefarious ends, so Yaoi does seem to be the most appropriate word to describe them, but I could be wrong.  They’re just so cute together!!

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“How much do you love me?”     “Enough to give you that flower!”     “What, that’s it?”     “Well… maybe with a few more Rainbow Crystal, I could be enticed…”

Before things can get too hot and heavy with these two, we cut back to the real world where Makoto seems to be planning something rather sinister; namely to convince Reika to go study abroad so that she can have Motoki all to herself!  DAMN!!  That’s pretty messed up!  I mean, I AGREE that she should probably go to Africa rather than stay here with a guy who works at an arcade, but Makoto is going all Grima Wormtongue on her ass!  Okay, that’s a dated reference at this point and I probably should have name checked someone from Game of Thrones, but then you couldn’t pay me to watch that show past the first episode.  Kill a dog?  Then you can go fuck yourself.  What the hell was I talking about?  Oh right!  Well the plan seems to have worked as Makoto and Usagi go to Motoki’s apartment the next day to cook dinner (at least the former is while the latter is making a mess of things) when Motoki gets the “we need to talk” phone call from Reika and leaves the two of them to watch the apartment.  It does seem to be taking a while though… Maybe something is wrong?  Maybe that cat outside desperately trying to get their attention knows something?  What’s her name again?

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“BAD THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!”     “Oh you’re such a drama queen!”

Eventually Sailor Moon and Jupiter get the hint that there might be a monster nearby (Usagi’s Moon Stick has been glowing nonstop but I guess she never noticed) and so they transform ready to kick some ass because both are pretty frustrated that Motoki left them and didn’t come back.  I’m sure there’s a good reason for that though!  Perhaps he’s protecting Reika from Zoisite who has encased them in a burning ring of fire!

Wait, what?

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“Any last words before you die?”     “Love is a burning thing, and it makes a fiery ring.”     “…You know I’m going to kill you twice as hard now, right?”     “Worth it!”

HOLY CRAP!  What the hell did we miss while we were watching the dateless wonders dick around in Motoki’s apartment!?  They seriously needed to figure out a better balance between the lovelorn Scouts and the Rainbow Monster story lines because the latter feels shoehorned in and REALLY underdeveloped.  From this point, you know what to expect.  Zoisite transforms Reika (after knocking Motoki out naturally) and the Scouts come to kick their ass while Tuxedo Mask shows up to give Zoisite a hard time.  I still like the Rainbow Monster story line, but it’s starting to get repetitive and having it factor in so late in the story doesn’t help matters.  The monster this time around is Rikokeida who has interesting look, but probably the goofiest power set of any of the monsters so far, and that includes the boxing chicken man.  I guess they were trying to go for a science motif considering that Reika is a scientist, but the attacks are so goofy that it might as well be magic.  She’s got this little canisters that look like lipstick tubes, but they apparently contain GIGANTIC single cell organisms.  Okay… well they’re susceptible to lightening which means they aren’t much of a threat, but when Sailor Jupiter tries to use one of those attacks on Rikokeida directly, she pulls out a HUGE conical flask and it just sucks up the electricity.  She LITERALLY caught lightening in a bottle!

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“Look out!  She’s gonna blind us with SCIENCE!”     “…You know I’m going to kill you twice as hard now, right?”     “TOTALLY WORTH IT!”

How can the Scouts possibly beat her when she keeps using bullshit science!?  If only there were two other Scouts to help out who haven’t been in the entire episode!  Oh look!  That just happened and Sailor Mercury and Mars show up out of nowhere (I guess Luna gave them a call) and mess up her weapons so she can’t do anything else like throw a punch or something.  Instead, she just stands there as Sailor Moon EVENTUALLY (after quite a bit of coaxing) finally uses her Moon Stick to transform her back.  On the more interesting side of things, the battle between Zoisite and Tuxedo mask comes to an end as the former throws in the towel and graciously allows Tuxedo Mask to have the crystal.  PSYCH!  As Tuxedo Mask bends down to pick it up, Zoisite snatches it away and laughs at his stupid ass as he teleports back to Dark Kingdom.  WHAT!?

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“WHAT A DUMBASS!  You know what?  Here.  You can have it.  NOT!!  HA HA HA HA HA!!”

Wow.  That was brilliant.  How the hell didn’t he think of that before?  Hell, he should have gone all the way and tried to go for a nut shot while he was at it!  Oh well.  While he may have another one of the Rainbow Crystals, at least Reika is okay now and she can be with Motoki forever!  Well… not really.  She does eventually decide to go to Africa, but they both promise to be loyal to each other through this long distance relationship!  Yeah, good luck with that (and good luck with her ever showing up in the show again).  Makoto seems to be on the same page as I am and is hoping that Reika will break Motoki’s heart by hooking up with someone over there which will leave him nice and vulnerable for her VERY awkward advances, considering… well, she’s a freaking middle schooler!  And so the episode ends with somewhat tenuous promise that this pissing match between Makoto and Usagi will keep going on well into the future, or at least until Usagi figures out who Tuxedo Mask REALLY is and drops Motoki like a ton of bricks!

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This was a decent enough episode for the first half, but once the main plot involving Dark Kingdom and the Rainbow Monsters kicked it, it just went downhill from there.  Every episode so far has had the characters turn into Sailor Scout to fight some sort of bad guy (sometimes Dark Kingdom and sometimes not), but it doesn’t have to be a rule, especially when episodes like this would have benefited from picking one story line and focusing on it rather than to split the different (and do it poorly).  It’s not the embarrassment that was the Ami episode, but hopefully they’ll give Makoto something else to do in her next episode instead of pine after the next older dude to walk in her line of sight.  If they HAVE to do that though (which I’m pretty sure they do), at least throw in a few Missile Drop Kicks in between.  That’s all I’m saying!

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