Author: Matt Vetrano

Cinema Dispatch: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 11 Comments

SWFACD0

Star Wars: The Force Awakens and all the images you see in this review are owned by Walt Disney Studios

Directed by JJ Abrams

Alright, look.  This review is going to have spoilers and if you’re worried about that, then here are my thoughts real quick.

The movie is fantastic.  The bad guy stuff is the best, the good guy stuff is bogged down a bit by the references they’re trying to fit in, but overall it’s a fun ride and a worthy successor to the original trilogy.

You got that?  Okay, here comes the rest of the review.

The movie starts off with Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac) getting a sci-fi USB stick that contains the location of Luke Skywalker who has been missing for a very long time.  Before he can take the flash drive to The Resistance however, the village he’s in gets raided by the new bad guys named The First Order who are the Empire in all but name.  Kind of like how Kentucky Fried Chicken changed their name to KFC.  Nothing’s changed, but now they have a less obviously evil/unhealthy name.  Anyway, Poe gets captured by Darth Vader 2.0, also known as Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) but not before Poe gives the USB stick to R2-D2 2.0, also known as BB-8.  The droid makes his way to a scavenger named Rey (Daisy Ridley) who takes it in while simultaneously A Storm Trooper named FN-2187 (John Boyega) breaks out Poe from the evil starship.  Their escape is cut short when they get shot out of space and crash land on the planet below (the one BB-8 and Rey are on) and FN-2187 (also known as Finn) is the sole survivor.  His deal is that he wants to get as far away from The First Order as quickly as possible, but now that he’s on the dirt planet he doesn’t really have a way to do that.  Fortunately, he eventually finds the droid and Rey, poses as a Resistance fighter, and convinces them to help him escape the planet and drop off the droid (with him escaping to wherever the hell he wants to in the process).  Can these two make it to The Resistance before The First Order can capture them?  Will Finn step up to the plate when the time comes, or will his self-preservation instincts kick in before he has a chance to play the hero?  Is Rey more than what she appears to be and is the she the key to stopping The First Order once and for all?  WHERE’S HAN SOLO!?!?  Oh wait, there he is.

SWFACD1
“Chewie… We’re gonna make a SHIT load of money doing this!”     “Rheeaaahhr!!”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Star Wars: The Force Awakens” →

Living on Netflix: Ridiculous 6

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 4 Comments

RSLON0

After the cinematic horror show that was the ill-conceived Pixels, Adam Sandler was banished to the world of streaming and will not be allowed back into theaters until his penance of four movies is paid!  Okay, the four movie deal with Netflix was already underway before Pixels (or even Hotel Transylvania 2) was released, but considering how absolutely dreadful his career has been with the movies under the Happy Madison umbrella, it really does feel like he needs to be taken out of the spotlight for a while just to see if the change in scenery will bring some life back to him and his chosen profession.  Is The Ridiculous 6 the movie that will finally bring him back to top form, or is this yet another pointless exercise from a man who gave up on being funny a long time ago?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins with, what else, RACISM!!  Seriously!?  I can’t even get thirty seconds into an Adam Sandler joint before I’m itching to turn the damn thing off!?

RSLON1
That’s a bad sign… (rimshot)

Continue reading “Living on Netflix: Ridiculous 6” →

Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 6 (Protect the Melody of Love: Usagi Plays Cupid)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 4 Comments

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Kunihiko Ikuhara

We’re back with another episode of Luna and Usagi’s Excellent Adventures!  The last episode with the hypno-furbys was fine but it really didn’t do anything different from the other episodes except for kicking Luna across a room which is DIFFERENT but I wouldn’t call that an improvement to the formula.  Will the mix things up for this episode or are we doomed to see Usagi repeat the same story every single episode until the other scouts come in?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins in Dark Kingdom and… what’s this?  Do we finally have some new animation for Queen Beryl!?  She’s not waving her hands in front of a crystal ball this time!?  This MUST be a special episode!!  The reason for this change in her behavior is due to her undivided attention for the demonstration of Jadeite’s newest soul-sucking scheme.  Apparently, he’s developed a sound wave or whatever that drains the life out of those who listen to it.

SM6-1
“It was discovered during our research into The Brown Noise”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 6 (Protect the Melody of Love: Usagi Plays Cupid)” →

Cinema Dispatch: Krampus

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

KRAMPUSCD0

Krampus and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Michael Dougherty

There really hasn’t been a good Christmas horror movie since Gremlins, has there?  I’ve heard good things about Rare Exports, but that didn’t even get a decent sized theater release here in the US.  That’s all about to change… maybe, with this horror film about the holiday season’s canonical version of The Grinch!  It certainly has an uphill battle considering how hard it is to walk that line between scary and being hilarious (intentionally anyway) but there’s some strong talent behind this film so there’s a good chance they can actually pull it off!  Will this movie manage to be a fun horror comedy that becomes a holiday staple, or is this a giant piece of cinematic coal that we’re being punished with for giving War Room so much money?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is about a family who gets together on Christmas despite the fact that no one likes anyone.  You’ve got Tom and Sarah (Adam Scott and Toni Collette) who are the parents of Beth and Max (Stefania LaVie Owen and Emjay Anthony) and they’re playing host to Toni’s sister Linda (Allison Tolman), her husband Howard (David Koechner), and their three kids Stevie, Jordan, and Howie Jr (Lolo Owen, Queenie Samuel, and Maverick Flack).  Oh, and there’s a baby in there somewhere along with bitter sardonic Aunt Dorothy (Conchata Ferrell).  Wait, am I forgetting anyone?  THAT’S RIGHT!!  Tom’s mother Omi (Krista Sadler) who will play Miss Exposition here as she knows ALL about Krampus yet doesn’t tell the family until well after the shit has hit the fan.  Anyway, as you’d expect around the holidays, tensions flare up and there’s a huge fight that causes young Max to finally give up on the Christmas spirit.  This decision makes completely responsible for what happens next and the deaths of whichever loved ones get caught in the crossfire.  A huge storm rolls in that cuts off this neighborhood from the rest of the world and takes out the power and cell phone towers.  There’s something else out there though and the family soon finds themselves besieged by Gremlins knock offs, snow monsters, and a really fucked up Jack in the Box before Krampus finally shows up to deal with this family himself.  Can they survived Yuletide massacre long enough to open their presents?  Will Max be forever haunted by the fact that his sadness (which is something that’s REALLY outside of his control) is the root cause of all this horrifying shit being rained upon them?  Is it at least as good as Santa’s Slay!?

KRAMPUSCD1
Even if it is, that’s some serious damning with faint praise.

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Krampus” →

Cinema Dispatch: Creed

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 3 Comments

CREED0

Creed and all the images you see in this review are owned by MGM Pictures

Directed by Ryan Coogler

I have this DVD boxset with the first three Rocky films in it that I think my dad got one Christmas.  He didn’t watch them all that often so I ended up holding onto the boxset and I would watch those three ALL the damn time.  A lot of people like the fourth film, but for me, Rocky has always been the first three movies which creates a perfect arc as Rocky starts out as a bum, eventually beats the champ, and they become friends afterwards.  Hell, it even ends right where Rocky begins (inside a crappy little gym) only now with Apollo Creed there as a reminder of how much has changed in such a short amount of time.  I didn’t catch Rocky Balboa until its home release, but it felt a perfect swansong for the series and Stallone proved once again that he really is a talented guy and deserved winning that Oscar.  Now we’re back with yet another film in that universe, but the dynamics have changed.  Not only is not really a Rocky film anymore, it’s not even a Stallone film considering that the writing and directing was handled by Ryan Coogler who himself is to proving to be an immense talent very early in his career.  Will this be an inspired continuation of series that still manages to be its own film, or will this be a disappointing cash grab on the level of Rocky 5 considering they pretty much have the same premise?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is about Adonis “Donnie” Johnson who is the son of Apollo Creed; the child of one of his mistress and born several months after Apollo’s death which should STILL put him at about 29, but whatever.  Continuity in the Rocky series is pretty wonky as it is.  Anyway, the kid is eventually found in a youth detention center by Apollo Creed’s widow (Mary Anne Creed played by Phylicia Rashad who FINALLY managed to be a movie that’s NOT directed by Tyler Perry) and she adopts the boy.  We cut to when he’s an adult and despite having money and having a good life, he still can’t seem to resist the urge to fight, so between shifts at his day job he fights in low level boxing matches under the name Donnie Johnson.  It’s not enough for him though, so he decides to quit his job, move to Philly, and get his father’s best friend to train him to be a professional boxer.  Will Rocky be willing to step back into that life after leaving it behind him?  Will Donnie finally find what is he’s looking for if he can convince Rocky to train him and put him in fights?  How many times will YOU cry watching this?

CREEDCD1
“You get this to work kid, and you’re gonna be set for at least four more movies.”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Creed” →

Cinema Dispatch: Victor Frankenstein

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

VFCD0

Victor Frankenstein and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Fox

Directed by Paul McGuigan

Does anyone even remember when the last good Frankenstein movie was?  Can Reanimator REALLY be the last one of these movies to get the formula right!?  Well at least this movie isn’t trying so hard to make a faithful adaptation of the Mary Shelly story like Kenneth Branagh did, but is instead going after Young Frankenstein’s crown by practically making a spoof out of the whole thing.  Geez, if making a good Frankenstein movie was a herculean task, then making a good Young Frankenstein movie must be a Sisyphean one.  Still, the trailers really sold this as a fun throwback to old school horror schlock and it has two really talented actors who aren’t afraid to ham it up when appropriate.  Will this be a fun re-imaging of one of cinema’s oldest stories, or is this yet another terrible interpretation of this story right up there with the abysmal I, Frankenstein?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows Victor Frankenstein (James McAvoy) and Igor (Daniel Radcliffe), both working together to solve the mysteries of life and to hopefully reanimate a corpse for reasons of SCIENCE.  After breaking Igor out of the circus and fixing his back, they become close friends and Igor’s intelligence about humanity anatomy and medicine (self-taught which makes it more impressive) becomes instrumental to Victor finally having a breakthrough with his research.  Unfortunately, as Victor starts to escalate his experiments, an inspector at Scotland Yard (Andrew Scott) becomes more and more obsessed with stopping the mad man’s machinations before his schemes can come to fruition.  Can Igor and Victor complete they’re greatest work before being shut down by The Man, or has Victor taken things too far?  Will Igor continue to justify the mad doctor’s methods, or will he betray his best friend in hopes that he can be talked down from the brink of insanity?  These two are REALLY close, aren’t they?

VFCD1
Oh I WISH they’d pull the trigger on that!

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Victor Frankenstein” →

Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 5 (The Cutie Re-Mark) Season Five Finale!!

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 3 Comments

We’re finally here!  It’s the end of the fifth season of My Little Pony and it has certainly been a rocky one.  With some really strong episodes right out of the gate, it looked like this season was going to be the best of the series, but over time it started to wander back into its usually high, but not extraordinary, standards.  Still, the season finales have always been a high mark for the series with A Canterlot Wedding being one of my favorite episodes of the series.  Will they manage to pull out all the stops so that we can close this season on a high note, or will it just be another example of this season taking things too safe?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Twilight trying to memorize a speech she’s going to give at Celestia’s School of Magic and progress seems to be slow… despite the speech being barely a paragraph long.  Well Twilight being the perfectionist that she is continues to rehearse the speech over and over again to a captive audience of one.

MLP25-1
“I wonder what Rarity’s doing right now?”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 5 (The Cutie Re-Mark) Season Five Finale!!” →

Cinema Dispatch: Secret in Their Eyes

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 3 Comments

SITECD0

Secret in Their Eyes and all the images you see in this review are owned by STX Entertainment

Directed by Billy Ray

Does anyone even remember that this movie was supposed to come out?  I remember seeing trailers a LONG time ago but then they just stopped and I haven’t seen one for this in probably four or five months.  Did the studio lose faith in it despite its all-star cast (Chiwetel Ejiofor, Nicole Kidman, and Julia Roberts just to name a few)?  It seems that the Studio is angling for this to be an Oscar type film along the lines of Michael Clayton or LA Confidential based on the trailers we initially got, but maybe something happened between then and now that cause the studio to lose faith in this film’s ability to reach the main stream audience.  Is this a solid thriller that will generate some positive buzz through word of mouth, or are we looking at something that the studio was desperate to bury?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows Ray (Chiwetel Ejiofor) as he tries to solve the murder of the daughter of his friend Jess (Julia Roberts).  It’s not going all that well considering he’s just getting a breakthrough after thirteen years of diligent work, but at least he has something he can bring to the district attorney Claire (Nicole Kidman).  Now this is where things start to break down so I’ll try to get this story across as best as possible.  Thirteen years ago, Ray was an FBI agent that got transferred to a Los Angeles after 9/11 with a whole bunch of other agents because everyone thought that was where the next attack would be.  One of those agents is Jess who becomes his partner and they become friends along with Bumpy Willis (Dean Norris basically reprising his role as Hank Schrader to the point that they eventually give the dude a cane) and the new Assistant District Attorney Claire.  One day, they find Jess’s daughter dead and bleached in a dumpster outside of a Mosque they’re investigating and it completely destroys Jess.  They have a suspect in some kid named Marzin (Joe Cole) that they’re DAMN sure did it but due to some extenuating circumstances, the head of the LA FBI office (Alfred Molina) doesn’t want to pursue this further.  The kid is actually an informant for the office asshole Reg Seifert (Michael Kelly who’s kind of an American Andrew Scott only less awesome) who is spilling secrets on the mosque which might be harboring a terrorist cell.  That and a general lack of hard evidence means he gets away with the murder and then just disappears soon after.

SITECD1
“You guys must REALLY suck if you can’t even get ME arrested.”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Secret in Their Eyes” →

Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 5 (The Mane Attraction)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 3 Comments

We’re back with another episode of My Little Pony: Chronicles of The Friendship Princess!  Actually, this one decides to pull back on Twilight and instead seems to be an Applejack centric episode with an emphasis on music because apparently three Equestria Girls movies just aren’t enough!  Will this penultimate adventure into the world of song and dance be the perfect lead up before the season finale, or will it land with a resounding thud like many episodes have this season?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Applejack whose delegating tasks to other ponies for the purposes of setting a stage for a music festival that’s happening in Ponyville.  She’s apparently good at setting up stages due to the fact that she’s organized rodeos in the past… and I guess that we’re supposed to ignore the fact that she couldn’t do this exact same thing in Made in Manehattan.  Then again, that was a solo project and maybe there’s a pony around here called Roadie Hooves who knows about setting up sound equipment (powered by magic I’m sure).  Anyway, with her help things seem to finally be coming together for… Pony-palooza.  Really? Right off the bat with the puns?

MLP24-1
“Our set list includes Black Saddle, Trixie’s Midnight Runners, Elvis Colt-stello, Nicki Mane-aj, Whinny Huston, Mare-talica Eric Clop-ton, Reel Big Filly, Black Eyed Pegasi, Fleetwood Big Mac, Meghan Trot-nor, Fall Out Pony, Mare-oon 5, Pinkie Floyd, Flutter Sha Na Na…”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 5 (The Mane Attraction)” →

Cinema Dispatch: The Night Before

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

TNBCD0

The Night Before and all the images you see in this review are owned by Columbia Pictures

Directed by Jonathan Levine

Is it too late to declare a war on Christmas?  I don’t mind the holidays, but I’ve also worked in retail so I got a firsthand look at the Christmas calendar creep and how NO ONE likes to push this shit in October, let alone November.  Thankfully they ALMOST waited until December to start throwing out holiday films with last week’s Love the Coopers and now The Night Before.  Unlike that other film though, I was REALLY looking forward to seeing this because I love Seth Rogen and his particular brand of comedy.  Not everything he’s been a part of has been great (I thought The Interview was pretty underwhelming), but I always like to see what he does next which this time seems to be pretending he’s in the same age group as Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie.  Wait a minute.  HE’S THE YOUNGEST ONE OF THEM!?  Huh.  Learn something new every day.  So will this be the kind of movie to bring out the holiday cheer and break out the eggnog, or will this make everyone feel even Grinch-ier than they already are at this time of the year?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows the adventures of Ethan, Isaac, and Chris (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen, and Anthony Mackie) on their last big Christmas Eve together before ending their tradition.  You see, about fifteen years ago Ethan’s parents were killed by a drunk driver right around Christmas time and so his friends decided that they will spend the holidays with him which soon became a tradition.  What also became a tradition is that they would party their ASSES off because they were young when they started it so of course that’s what they ended up doing.  However, it’s been going on for way too long and Isaac and Chris have their own things going on while Ethan is still stuck in place, unable to get his life going.  Still, he agrees to this being the last time they make this a big party event and even has a surprise for his friends that will make this the best one of them all.  There’s a super-secret party that takes place every year (the Nutcracker Ball) that they’ve never had a chance to go to because they could never find out where it was or how to get invitations.  Through sheer luck, Ethan finds three tickets for the damn thing at his shitty job and steals them without a second thought so that he and his friends can have the greatest night of their lives!  Will this final night be all it’s cracked up to be, or are they just too damn old to keep going the way they’ve been going even for one more night?  Will they be able to salvage their friendship despite the changes in their lives that makes it harder for them to find the time?  Wait, how fucking deep is this movie about taking drugs and Christmas shenanigans!?

TNBCD1
WHY ARE THERE FEELS!?!?!?

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: The Night Before” →