Cinema Dispatch: The Jungle Book

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

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The Jungle Book and all the images you see in this review are owned by Walt Disney Studios

Directed by Jon Favreau

In the early and mid-2000s, we got a deluge of straight to video sequels to classic animated features in the Disney catalog.  Almost NONE of them were any good, and they thankfully died off by 2007.  Now we’re in a new age of cannibalizing those cartoons by making them into live action, albeit with better results.  These include Alice in Wonderland, Maleficent, Cinderella, and now this with PLENTY more on the horizon.  Can Disney continue to successfully rehash their older properties, or are we getting to the point of diminishing returns?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows the adventures of Mowgli (Neel Sethi); a young child who was abandoned in the jungle and raised by wolves.  Most of the animals don’t have any real beef with him, so they coexist without much strife to speak of until the fierce (and apparently ONLY) tiger Shere Khan (Idris Elba) shows up and declares that the boy must be turned over to him for death, else he will wage war on the other animals; particularly the wolf pack Mowgli’s a part of that also seems to be the highest ranking species here… or something.  Rather than have his pack go to war over him, he leaves them behind and goes with his panther friend Bagheera (Ben Kingsley) who’s gonna lead him back to the human village which is the one place he’ll be safe from Shere Khan’s anti-human wrath.  Unfortunately, the two get separated along the way and Mowgli instead finds himself moving in with a bear named Baloo (Bill Murray) who will teach him about chillaxing and eating honey.  Will Mowgli truly be safe in his new home?  What will Shere Khan do once he learns that Mowgli is not dead?  Does this have at least the Bare Necessities to make it a good film!?

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“What have I told you TIME and TIME again?”     “Don’t forget to take that left turn at Albuquerque?”     “And did you?”     “No.  I’ll do better next time.”

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Cinema Dispatch: Barbershop: The Next Cut

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

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Barbershop: The Next Cut and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Malcolm D Lee

I tend not to review movies if I haven’t seen the original films first; even if the connection between them is tenuous at best.  Mostly it’s an excuse to keep my own sanity (*cough* Allegiant *cough*) but I think it’s fair to say that those who go see sequels without seeing the previous films are gonna be hard pressed to review it in the context of the series as well as in the context of itself as a singular film.  That said, I made an exception here; primarily because this is one of those years later sequels which means they’ll likely have a refresher of sorts at the beginning to catch everyone up to speed, and also because I thought the trailers looked pretty good with a solid cast and genuinely funny moments; That and the added bonus of seeing Nikki Minaj onscreen.  ANYWAY!  Does this manage to bring in a new audience while also pleasing the longtime fans of the series, or will this be a disaster borne from the cast and crew’s desire to just cash in on their previous success?  Let’s find out!!

The movie primarily follows the misadventures of Calvin (Ice Cube) who runs a joint barber shop/beauty shop where many of his friends work, including his wife Angie (Regina Hall).  Going to work every day with the people you love, shooting the shit, cutting hair; sounds like the perfect life, right?  Well it WOULD be if the shop wasn’t right smack dab in the middle of one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Chicago!  Calvin has to worry about gangsters shooting guns outside the shop, customers shooting them INSIDE the shop, and even his own son Jalen (Michael Rainey Jr) get suckered and seduced into the thug life.  Can this little barber shop prove to be the catalyst for real change in the neighborhood once they decide to take direct action?  Will Calvin sell the shop so that he and his family can get out of the bad neighborhood while leaving all his friends twisting in the wind?  Is Cedric the Entertainer going to live up to his name for once!?

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“What all this?  Where the hell am I!?”     “Relax.  You’re in a good movie.”     “… Say what?”     “YOU’RE IN A GOOD MOVIE!!”     Okay, you’re saying words, but they just sound all jumbled together and don’t make any sense.”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Crystal Act 28 (Infinity 2: Ripples)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 3 Comments

Sailor Moon Crystal and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

We’re back with another episode of New Moon!  The season three retooling of the series has indeed brought about some positive changes, but after two episodes it seems clear that there are still some flaws that need to be addressed.  Will they be addressed in this episode?  Probably not as I’m guessing at least most of the season three episodes are done already, but we can always hope right?  Anyway, let’s find out!!

The episode begins where the last one left off; with everyone staring in awe as the mystery Scouts (Uranus and Neptune) who are either flying away or jumping straight into the ocean.  Either way it’s unlikely our heroes will be getting any answers from them tonight, but that’s alright because there’s still someone ELSE here who can provide some intrigue and ambiguous exposition!

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“Well you seem rather unfazed about a monster attack that was followed by six magical girls beating the crap out of it.  Is there something you want to tell us?”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 6 (Gauntlet of Fire)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 3 Comments

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

We’re back with another episode of Let’s See What Spike Does with Too Much Power, as seems to be the premise of most episodes that involve him.  That doesn’t change here as this episode is all about Spike and the Dragon Kingdom; the latter of which we haven’t really seen since Dragon Quest from season two.  Will this be another episode that shows how great of a character Spike can be while also showing us new and interesting details about the dragons in this world, or will this just be another episode that pokes fun at Spike’s incompetence while also not doing much with the other dragons?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Spike doing what he does best; menial tasks for Rarity to maintain his firm placement in the Friend Zone.  Right now, he’s filling the role of a pack mule while Rarity harvests her own crystals out of a cave somewhere.  Props to her for going that far to get good jewels, though you’d think there’d be someone else who would get paid to do this.  Her business is successful enough to have three locations, yet she has the time to go mine her own resources?

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“Those bastards aren’t gonna price gouge ME!”     “Yup.  And your gonna stick it to them by bringing a baby with you to do manual labor.  Good job there Rarity.  Fight the power!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Criminal

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

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Criminal and all the images you see in this review are owned by Summit Entertainment

Directed by Ariel Vromen

While Michael Keaton is out there making his comeback off of Birdman and Spotlight, one of his leading man contemporaries of the nineties, Kevin Costner, is trying to rebuild Is career off of Superman cameos and sports movies.  Sure, Michael Keaton was in the Need for Speed movie and the Robocop remake, but at least he’s spending his time in between cash-in movies doing Oscar caliber work to keep himself respected in the industry and not just relevant at the moment.  Still, Costner has some serious talent and seems to be working towards artistic relevancy even if it hasn’t panned out so far so there’s hope yet that he can get back to or even surpass his peak relevance when Dances with Wolves was tearing up the Oscars.  Will Criminal be the movie to bring Costner back to leading man status, or will this be yet another mistake to knock him down a peg toward total irrelevance?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins with good ol’ Ryan Reynolds as a secret agent (again) who’s doing all sorts of spy things without any real context for the audience.  He’s carrying around a bag of money with a passport inside, so clearly this is some sort of rainy day fund for either himself or for someone else.  It’s clear that that rainy day has come however as he’s being tailed by a red headed bad guy (Antje Traue) who’s working for the main bad guy Xavier Heimdahl (Jordi Mollà) and they’re trying to stop Ryan Reynolds  from… doing whatever it is he’s doing.  He does the best he can but I’m guessing the guy was shooting during his lunch breaks from Deadpool, so he gets caught and murdered by the bad guys within fifteen minutes of the film, though apparently without giving them the information they needed.  The CIA, whom Ryan Reynolds was working for, is uber-pissed about all this and the head of this branch (Quaker Wells played by Gary Oldman) which for some reason is based out of the UK (okay…) needs whatever information Ryan Reynolds was hiding from the baddies.  So what’s the BRILLIANT idea that he comes up with?  Well… Get a world renown doctor in the field of memories (Dr. Franks played by Tommy Lee Jones) to do a SUPER SCIENCE EXPERIMENT where he essentially transfers the memories into another person.  Who’s the vessel for these new memories though?  Well for reasons (sciency reasons I’m sure), they need someone who’s frontal lobe isn’t working properly and the only person they could find is a psychotic and ultra-dangerous criminal by the name of Jericho Stewart (Kevin Costner) to play along with their Frankenstein plan and not try to escape at the earliest opportunity.  Oh wait.  After the surgery he does just that.  Whoopsie daisy.  So now we got a career criminal with CIA memories, a bad guy looking to take over the world, and I think the Russians are in the mix as well; all of whom are gonna give the CIA and Gary Oldman a brain aneurysm before this day is over.  Will the lost memories of Ryan Reynolds be enough to save the world from Xavier Heimdahl?  Will Jericho get over his angst and brooding long enough to not let the world be destroyed?  Who thought this was going to work?  Like… at all?

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“Why am I here?  God damn it, is Iñárritu doing another Birdman movie?  We could call it Waterman!  That’ll work… right?”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 20 (The Summer, the Beach, Youth and Ghosts)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 5 Comments

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Kazuhisa Takenouchi

We’re back with another episode of The Moon Princess Bride!  When we last left our heroes, they had just managed to foil Nephrite’s plot for like the seventh or eighth time, and that was after having defeated Jadeite at least ten times!  Clearly they’re owed a vacation at this point, and that’s exactly what they do here!  A change in scenery can be a nice change of pace for a show that finds itself in a routine, but it can also end up a mess when trying to write characters outside of what the creators are usually comfortable having them do.  Will this be a trip to remember or a nightmare worse than what the Griswold’s endured?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins by making good on their promise of new scenery and the potential for beach-related shenanigans as the three Sailor Scouts (plus Luna) have traveled to the coast in order to enjoy their summer vacation.  That is if they can get Luna to shut up about this being a “training camp” which shouldn’t be too hard.  Have you seen how small she is?  Besides, why would she take them to a beach for a training montage!?  I know that worked for Rocky but it’s not 1982 anymore!  Besides, Usagi is already checked out as her mind is racing with the possibilities this weekend holds.

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Honestly?  I’m just surprised he’s still wearing pants.

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Super Comics: Shake The Lake (volume 1)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Shake the Lake and all the images you see in this review are owned by North Air Entertainment

Written by Zach Block and Machi Block

Illustrated by Diego Lopez Mata and Andrea Lopez Mata

If you’re interested in purchasing this digital comic, you can do so on Amazon!

Well THIS is certainly something new!  The good people at North Air Entertainment reached out to The Reviewers Unite to see if we were interested in reviewing the first volume of their graphic novel that they just released!  I’m very honored that we’ve been given the opportunity to check this out and to give our thoughts on it!  Still, despite North Air Entertainment being SUPER cool about doing this, I will always do my best to be honest and convey my true opinion on whatever it is I’m reviewing.  So then; is Shake the Lake the start of an interesting independent comic book series, or will this get lost in the endless sea of self-published works flooding the Amazon marketplace?  Let’s find out!!

This first volume is here to set up the relationship between our five main characters; Callun, Joe, Jake (also known as Woog), Zach, and… Zach’s little brother.  I can’t find a place where they call him by name, so I’m gonna go with Zach Jr.  The presumed leader of the group (Callun) is the one we follow throughout the story who seems to be stuck in a rut in his life.  He’s partying all the time, doesn’t have a job, and doesn’t have much drive to accomplish anything accept catching mad air on his wakeboard with his friends.  All that changes however when he loses the lake house (who knew landlords would be so touchy about loud parties and property damage?) and his girlfriend dumps him.  No one else in the crew seems to be doing much better, so the five of them decide to blow this Popsicle Stand and see if Zack and Zack Jr’s uncle Bill in Arizona can give them breezy jobs and a change of scenery.  Will they find their purpose in life once they end up in a new place?  What challenges will face them and Uncle Bill as the town itself seems to be under siege by a nearby Yacht club?  Are these bad enough dudes to surf waves and fight the power!?

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Truly, they are Gods among men.

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Crystal Act 27 (Infinity 1: Premonition – Part 2 –)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

Sailor Moon Crystal and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

We’re back with another episode of Sailor Moon Crystal: The Please Forgive Us Season!  Last week we got an episode that was about as good as we could expect from as show that has been as heavily retooled between seasons as this one was, but now it’s time to see if that was just a fluke or if we’re really gonna be getting a more than decent show now.  Can the hot streak continue, or is this show about to go bust on the second round?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins as most evenings in the Tsukino household do; with Chibi-Usa needling her future mother and Usagi falling for it hook line and sinker.  In this case, Chibi-Usa was on the phone with Mamoru.  Take it away Usagi!

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“I’m the one who’s gonna bring you into this world!  I could very easily decide not to!”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 6 (On Your Marks)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

We back with another episode of Cutie Mark Crusaders: The After Years!  Considering they earned their marks towards the end of last season, we haven’t really had time to address what they would be doing now that they are no longer crusading.  Will they’re post Cutie Mark debut be the start of new adventures and possibilities, or is this episode gonna be a huge admission of buyer’s remorse?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with the Cutie Mark Crusaders decidedly not crusading for cutie marks to the Apple Bloom’ chagrin who would rather their time be spent not looking at each other’s asses.

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“Did you see my Cutie Mark!?”     “Yes, I’ve seen your Cutie Mark.”     “No, but did you REALLY see it?”     “I’m pretty sure I have.”     “Well look again just to make sure!”     “Yeah Apple Bloom!  And then you can look at MINE again!”

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Cinema Dispatch: The Boss

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

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The Boss and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Ben Falcone

Melissa McCarthy has been around for quite some time, but her meteoric rise to super-stardom is nothing short of amazing, especially when you realize that Bridesmaids was only five years ago.  She’s had her ups and downs to be sure with movies like Identity Thief and Tammy being total wrecks, and yet neither of those (nor anything else she does) can even put a dent in her ever growing box office power.  Now on the brink of the biggest movie of her career, it’s time for her and her husband to take another crack at making a film all on their own to make up for the last one not turning out to well.  Does this manage to prove once again that McCarthy is untouchable due to her skills as a leading lady, or will it prove that she’s untouchable due to career not slowing down in the slightest if this turns out to be a disaster?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows Michelle Darnell (Melissa McCarthy) who is the forty seventh richest woman in the world; a fortune she built from the ground up as she was adopted and abandoned no less than three times during her life.  When the movie starts, she’s on top of the world but has lost touch with the commoners, which is especially apparent with the way she treats her assistant Claire (Kristen Bell).  Not only that, she has an ex business partner (and ex-lover) named Renault (Peter Dinklage) who has been itching to get revenge on her and finally has an opportunity when he gets proof of committing a crime (insider trading) and reports her to the FCC.  She goes to jail, loses all of her money, and comes crawling back to Claire.  Will Michelle be able to earn back her fortune with the help of her former assistant and soon to be bestest friend?  How far will Renault go to keep Michelle from finding success ever again?  WHAT IS SHE HIDING UNDER THAT TURTLENECK!?

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“Can you dig it?  Can you dig it!?  CAANN  YOOUU  DIG IT!?!?”

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