Cinema Dispatch: Fantastic Four

‘The Fantastic Four’ by 20th Century Fox.

Fantastic Four and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Fox

Directed by Josh Trank

Look, you all knew this movie would be bad, right?  The negative press coming out of the screenings for this was fucking insane and there’s no way it’s gonna be a hit.  It MIGHT make some cash its first weekend, there isn’t a ghost of a chance that it survives into next week.  That’s not what you want to know though.  The box office totals are secondary to the quality of the actual film, and you’re ALL here to take a safe glimpse into the utter madness that many of us had to suffer through.  Well never let it be said that I’m not about giving the reader what they want, so step right up as I take you through this modern day monstrosity!

The movie is about super genius Reed Richards (Miles Teller) who is discovered during a science fair by Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E Cathey) who is the father of Johnny Storm (Michael B Jordan) and Sue Storm (Kate Mara).  Franklin offers Reed a full scholarship in exchange for working at his lab on a teleporter that can send organic matter between dimensions, which Reed eagerly accepts.  With the help of another protégée of Franklin’s, Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell), they build said teleporter, but it backfires and gives Reed, Johnny, Sue, Victor, and Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell) who is Reed’s best friend, superpowers.  Will they use these powers for good, or will their actions lead to the destruction of Earth?

Will they EVER find a way to make a movie out of these characters!?  It can’t be THAT hard, right!?
Will they EVER find a way to make a movie out of these characters!?  It can’t be THAT hard, right!?

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Fantastic Four”

Cinema Dispatch: Trailer Talk (Deadpool)

DP0

Oh look!  It’s Ryan Reynold’s Hail Mary to bring his career back from the brink of obscurity!  The guy has had it rough the past couple of years, what with his big years (2010-2012) being mostly filled with disappointments and him just kind of slumming it since then in crap like RIPD and Self/Less.  Will this turn out to be the film he needs to revitalize his career, or do we have another Green Lantern level disaster on our hands!?  I have no idea, but let’s take a look at the trailer!!

The trailer starts by giving us some backstory on Wade Wilson who is a guy dying of SEVERAL cancers and is given an offer that will save his life.  Wait.  A Ryan Reynolds movie where the main character goes through some strange experiment to save his life but there are dire consequences for doing so!?  Am I watching Self/Less again!?

“Where the fuck is Ben Kingsley!?  Shouldn’t we be sharing AT LEAST one scene together!?”
“Where the fuck is Ben Kingsley!?  Shouldn’t we be sharing AT LEAST one scene together!?”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Trailer Talk (Deadpool)”

Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 2 (Punishment Awaits: The House of Fortune Is the Monster Mansion)

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Takao Yoshizawa

We’re back with another episode of Sailor Moon Classic!  With the first episode out of the way, we are now plunging headfirst into the filler episodes which Sailor Moon Crystal did not choose to use, so we won’t have anything really to compare it against and we’ll have to see how it holds up on its own.  Will this episode give us what was so desperately missing in Sailor Moon Crystal, or will it just go to show that Crystal was right all along to streamline series the way it did, even if it did so poorly?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with… a recap of the episode we’re about to see?  What!?  Yeah, it’s that thing they usually put at the end of the PREVIOUS episode to get you excited for the next one, but they put it at the beginning of the episode its advertising!  Not only that, but it has some serious spoilers in it!!  Oh, and after THAT is a recap of the previous episode where Usagi, after just explaining what she’s GOING to do as Sailor Moon, tells the audience that she is in fact… SAILOR MOON!!  I’m assuming this is going to be the case every episode, but I’m only going to complain about it here.  Is this how the original dub or the original Japanese version was done!?  It’s just so out of place to put these two things back to back like this at the very beginning of the episode and just starts things off poorly.  Anyway, the episode begins with a group of women lining up around the block to see a fortune teller.  Apparently this guy is famous and has been on TV, but he still operates from a card table in an alley.  Does he have a permit for that!?

“I hear this John Edward guy is the real deal!”
“I hear this John Edward guy is the real deal!”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 2 (Punishment Awaits: The House of Fortune Is the Monster Mansion)”

Cinema Dispatch: Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation

MIRN0

Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures

Directed by Christopher McQuarrie

Trying to make a good Mission Impossible movie WITHOUT Brad Bird?  Sounds like a job for the IMF to me!  After the success of the fourth installment in the Mission Impossible series (Ghost Protocol), Tom Cruise and company are going to try their luck at making this into a noteworthy franchise once again.  This time around though, they don’t have Brad Bird on hand but they DO have the director of Jack Reacher which was a fun little Tom Cruise power fantasy so this new guy might just be a good fit for one of this series which is known for being a collection of Tom Cruise vanity projects.  While I have not seen the first three movies, I thought that Ghost Protocol was incredibly enjoyable and Tom Cruise has been on an upswing lately with movies like Jack Reacher and Edge of Tomorrow, so there’s a good chance that they’ll be able to recapture what made the last movie work despite the absence of its director.  Will they succeed once again in their mission to make something worthwhile out of this aging franchise, or will this blow up in their face (in five seconds)?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is about super spy Ethan Hunt played by Tom Cruise who HAS to be a real life Highlander considering how good he still looks in his fifties.

Seriously, is this guy the REAL last son of Krypton!?
Seriously, is this guy the REAL last son of Krypton!?

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation”