Tag Archives: Peter Kelamis

WW-DE-cember: Santa’s Little Helper

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Santa’s Little Helper and all the images you see in this review are owned by WWE Studios and    20th Century Fox

Directed by Gil Junger

We’re back with another Christmas Tale brought to us by the WWE and oddly enough it not only stars The Miz once again but has the same director from Christmas Bounty!  Apparently someone saw that first movie and thought that these two should ABSOLUTELY work together again which is certainly not the call that I would have made (mine would have involved an iron maiden to start with), but I guess that’s why I’m not making creative decisions for everyone’s favorite supporter of the Saudi Arabian Royal Family!  Will they be able to pull off something halfway decent this time around, or was Christmas Bounty just the warning shot for something even far worse to come!?  Let’s find out!!

Right off the bat, this movie is LEAGUES better than Christmas Bounty, and not just because they have a slightly improved font!  First, The Miz is the star and not playing a supporting part which means we get to see him right away and all throughout the movie.  Second, he is ACTUALLY really good in the role here which is basically yet another riff on the Scrooge archetype and fits in perfectly with his in-ring persona as a guy so smug you want to punch him in the face.  He’s some dude who I GUESS works at a mortgage company and is working on this Rec Center the company wants to foreclose on for… reasons.   Apparently the director of the Rec Center ran off with all their money and The Miz, who is called Dax Hardwick in this, is personally visiting the place to rub it in everyone’s faces that they’re gonna take it out from under them and bulldoze it to the ground!  Damn!  We’re up to Grinch levels of evil already!

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“There’s certainly no termites in THAT smile!

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Super Recaps: The Twilight Zone (Dead Man’s Eyes)

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The Twilight Zone and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Warner Bros Television and based on the series created by Rod Serling

Episode directed by Jerry Levine

We’re back with another episode of The Twilight Zone from the early two-thousands; a show that was sadly too late to do a Y2K episode but at least took a few good shots at the Bush Administration in the second season, so stay tuned for that!  Before we get to THAT though, we’ve got a classic Whodunit story that has all the supernatural twist and turns you’d expect from a show that’s at least TRYING to imitate the majesty of Rod Serling’s creation!  Let’s get started!!

The episode begins with recent widow Laurel Janus (Portia de Rossi) watching as some dude named Stanley (Dion Luther) who killed her husband is being properly convicted for the crime and being sentenced to jail.  The good news is that the dude is definitely going to serve time, but the bad news (at least for Laurel) is that he won’t NECESSARILY get life and will CERTAINLY not get a needle in the arm; an unacceptable arrangement as her thirst for vengeance cannot be quenched with such a lightweight punishment!  She makes a ruckus about this, but the judge starts banging her gavel which means that no further discussion will be had and she storms out of the courtroom in a huff; clearly not finding the closure she was hoping for once the man who killed her husband was held responsible for such.  At the very least she gets the clothes her husband wore the night he died (I don’t know if the court DOES provide those, but if they did wouldn’t they provide them WAY before the trial?) and while sadly looking over her husband’s possessions, she ends up putting on his glasses when something WEIRD starts to happen!  Something that would only happen in a particular ZONE that we are all quite familiar with!  It turns out that when she puts on the glasses (and then after about ten seconds of load time), she starts to see the world through the eyes of her husband Nick (William DeVry)!  How intriguing!!

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“AVENGE ME!!”     “But the guy’s already in jail!”     “oh.  Don’t forget to return my videos to Blockbuster!!”

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