Morgan and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Fox
Directed by Luke Scott
I think I actually managed to avoid every trailer for this movie (if I did catch one, then I quickly forgot it) because I know next to nothing about this movie other than there’s some woman who’s got powers or something. Frankly, it looks like something right up Fox’s alley to the point that I wouldn’t be surprised if the big twist at the end is that Morgan gets enrolled in the Xavier School for Gifted Children, though there might be a bit of awkwardness considering where this movie looks like it’s gonna go. Then again, they gave Wolverine a pass and that dude’s only power is to kill people and not get hurt doing so. Anyway, will the latest Fox sci-fi thriller be something to keep the company relevant and afloat until they can rush out the Deadpool sequel, or does this science gone wrong escapade turn out to be just as bad as Fantastic Four? Let’s find out!!
The movie is about some sort of science project by THE CORPORATION (*COUGH* Tyrell Corp *COUGH*), that seems to have gone off the rails when one of the scientist (Jennifer Jason Leigh) was stabbed in the face by their test subject known as Morgan (Anya Taylor-Joy) who is a… synthetic human I guess? After the incident, a Risk Assessment officer (Kate Mara) is sent by THE CORPORATION to find out what the hell happened and if the project should be terminated. I would have terminated the project when it turned out they were KEEPING HER IN A LOCKED CELL UNDERGROUND, but what the fuck do I know? Things seem to be going okay for the most part as the scientists are still very enthusiastic about keeping the project going (including Jennifer Jason Leigh) and Morgan seems to be no more harmful than anyone else who you’d keep under a microscope twenty four hours a day. Still, this wouldn’t be a movie if things didn’t go horribly wrong and needless to say that bringing Paul Giamatti into a situation never ends very well; especially when you get a guy that hammy to assess someone else’s current mental state. Will Morgan turn out to be the monster that Kate Mara thinks she is? Was she actually sent there to see if the project is on track, or were the more nefarious motivations at play? Most importantly, who the hell keeps dressing Morgan up in those awful hoodies!?
“So do you like that color or do they just not give you anything else? Don’t mind that they’re staring right at you by the way. You can tell me.”
The Martian and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Fox
Directed by Ridley Scott
Oh yay! Another Ridley Scott film, because the last one was so good. Well despite his shaky track record as of late, there’s no denying that the man is one of our greatest living directors and a movie like this is right in his wheelhouse while also being an original science fiction property as opposed to going back to the Alien well. Can he manage to make a great movie with so many excellent resources at his disposal, or will he still manage to screw it up like he did with Exodus and Robin Hood? Let’s find out!!
The movie is about astronaut Mark Watney (Matt Damon) who is part of the Ares III manned mission to Mars. While on the planet’s surface, the crew gets word of a big ass storm coming their way so they have to leave the mission early, and by early I mean RIGHT THE FRAK NOW!! Apparently they didn’t see it coming until five minutes before it hits. The astronauts on the planet (including Mark) try to make it to their recon ship in the midst of the downpour of… whatever the hell it is Mars starts raining down in a storm (rocks I think).
“I think I’ve got a rock in my shoe.” “DEAL WITH IT!!!”
Captive and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures
Directed by Jerry Jameson
While the post summer doldrums is dying down, there’s still a bit more mediocrity to fill out the multiplex. I’d never even heard of this movie until I walked into the theater for something completely different and not a peep about it since its release. Still though, even though it’s being released with so little fanfare, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be bad, right? Oh who am I kidding? At this time of year it’s not a question of IF it’s bad but HOW bad. Does this movie manage to rise above the rest of the lousy films that came out recently or does this somehow manage to be one of the worst? Let’s find out!!
The movie is a dramatization of Brian Nichols’s escape from the Fulton County Courthouse in March of 2005. He shot and killed three people while leaving the courthouse and another person during his run from the law who just so happened to be an FBI agent so needless to say that with four murders under his belt he’s keen not to face the music for all that. He somehow manages to evade the authorities long enough to find a place to lay low for a bit which happens to be the apartment of Ashley Smith, a woman recovering from an addiction to meth and trying to stay clean so she can get her daughter back. Needless to say that being held hostage in her own home by a homicidal dick bag is going to throw a wrench in those plans especially if the guy snaps and kills her. Will Ashley (Kate Mara) be able to survive the night with this man responsible for three murders? Will Brian (David Oyelowo) actually accept responsibility for his actions and turn himself in? How many freaking biopic have I had to sit through this month!?
“I know this situation is a bit unorthodox and I apologize for any discomfort you may feel during our time together. If you scream though, I’ll stab you right in the jugular.”
Fantastic Four and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Fox
Directed by Josh Trank
Look, you all knew this movie would be bad, right? The negative press coming out of the screenings for this was fucking insane and there’s no way it’s gonna be a hit. It MIGHT make some cash its first weekend, there isn’t a ghost of a chance that it survives into next week. That’s not what you want to know though. The box office totals are secondary to the quality of the actual film, and you’re ALL here to take a safe glimpse into the utter madness that many of us had to suffer through. Well never let it be said that I’m not about giving the reader what they want, so step right up as I take you through this modern day monstrosity!
The movie is about super genius Reed Richards (Miles Teller) who is discovered during a science fair by Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E Cathey) who is the father of Johnny Storm (Michael B Jordan) and Sue Storm (Kate Mara). Franklin offers Reed a full scholarship in exchange for working at his lab on a teleporter that can send organic matter between dimensions, which Reed eagerly accepts. With the help of another protégée of Franklin’s, Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell), they build said teleporter, but it backfires and gives Reed, Johnny, Sue, Victor, and Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell) who is Reed’s best friend, superpowers. Will they use these powers for good, or will their actions lead to the destruction of Earth?
Will they EVER find a way to make a movie out of these characters!? It can’t be THAT hard, right!?