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Cinema Dispatch: Jem and the Holograms

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Jem and the Holograms and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Jon M Chu

We all saw the trailer and most of us had one reaction which was to try and repress our gag reflexes.  It just seemed like a really poor adaptation of a cartoon that probably means a lot for many people and a much lesser version of what we’re currently getting from the IDW comics.  Still, trailers aren’t always accurate in showing what a movie will ultimately be, and the director is someone I think has quite a bit of talent.  Can they manage to make something at least half way decent of a series that’s ripe for an updated adaptation?   Yeah… no.  It’s not good at all.  Just how bad did they screw this up?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows Jerrica Benton (Aubrey Peeples)  who lives with her aunt (Molly Ringwald), her sister Kimber (Stefanie Scott), and her two foster sisters Shana and Aja (Aurora Perrineau and Hayley Kiyoko).  Her father died some time ago which is why she and Kimberly are living with Claire Standish and her the other two and the only thing he seems to have left (the guy most not have had insurance) is a non-functioning robot he made and a pair of ear rings that sadly don’t do what you think they should do.  All is not good at the house Pretty in Pink bought however, because the bank is foreclosing on them for… some reason, and Jerrica finds out about it.  In what I guess is either a despite move to get internet famous or an outlet of her frustration, she puts on a bunch of make, hides in the shadows, and films herself singing a song she wrote.  She’s too afraid to post it online because they had to put in at least SOMETHING Jem related (Jerrica’s fear of performing) but Kimber ends up getting a hold of it puts it online.  Sure enough, a poorly filmed video of a girl singing while strumming an acoustic guitar becomes the next big YouTube sensation and everyone is instantly in love with whoever this Jem is.  In comes the EVIL head of Starlight Records Erica Raymond (Juliette Lewis playing a gender swapped version of Eric Raymond) to offer Jem a deal with her label.  She eventually agrees, gets her siblings to go along with her (not the Aunt because who needs adult supervision these days?) and they begin their journey to super stardom with all its ups and downs, betrayals and reconciliations, romances with hot dudes, and everything else you’ve seen before.  Oh, and the robot’s name is Synergy and it’s doing… something.  Whatever.  OH!  And Rio is actually Erica’s son.  Because why not.

“This is REALLY gonna suck, isn’t it?”

“This is REALLY gonna suck, isn’t it?”

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