Jumping the Soapbox: Reservoir Dogs: Bloody Days is Not a Reservoir Dogs Game

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Reservoir Dogs: Bloody Days is owned by Big Star Games, Reservoir Dogs The Game is owned by Edios Interactive and Volatile Games, and Reservoir Dogs is owned by Lionsgate

The images you see in this editorial are the property of their respective owners

In 2005, Rockstar Games released a video game adaptation of Walter Hill’s seminal classic The Warriors to overwhelmingly positive reviews for its solid gameplay and interesting take on the characters and world of that movie.  It’s by no means perfect, but it’s probably the best thing that Rockstar released on that console (sorry, but those GTA games don’t hold up nearly as well) and is easily in the upper echelon of movie based video games.  One year later Edios Interactive tried to do something similar when they released a video game adaptation of Reservoir Dogs.  I won’t go so far as to say that the Reservoir Dogs game was inspired by the success of The Warriors (it’s pretty unlikely they would have been able to have knocked this out in less than a year), but it’s certainly in the same vein as that and at the very least I’m guessing Edios were crossing their fingers that some of the good will built up by that movie based game will help this one get some recognition.  Sadly though, the game turned out be… well pretty damn awful.  I can speak from personal experience having bought the game for like three bucks at a dying Blockbuster that the game was an uninspired and boring mess with the only notable feature being the game breaking mechanic of holding someone hostage; resulting in all other enemies dropping their guns and just letting you pass right through.

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Also, playing Paintball in the abandoned warehouse.  Okay…

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 7 (All Bottled Up)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

We’re back with another episode of I Love Trixie, starring MLP’s very own Lucy/Ethel besties Starlight Glimmer and THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!!  It’s no secret that I am a huge fan of any episode that puts these two together, and the fact that they are the subject of the season premiere’s second episode is certainly a good way to get me to overlook the fact that we’re starting the season off without a big two-parter to shake things up and start things off with a bang.  Does this turn out to be yet another wonderful use of the two best characters the series has going for it right now, or has this particular team up managed to run its course already?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Trixie and Starlight in the kitchen of Twilight’s Doom Fortress where the former is getting some remedial lessons on magic.  I don’t know why she needs magic when she’s already a master of MAGIC!, but I guess THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE will not be outdone in ANY field of study.  At the very least, she’s still the master of adorable frustration which she proves to us once again after the fifth attempt to turn a pepper shaker into a teacup fails.

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“You put an anti-magic spell on this, didn’t you.  Yes Trixie.  I took the time to come up with a spell to nullify all magic and placed on a random object you JUST SO HAPPENED to try and turn into a teacup.  I absolutely did that.”     “AH HA!!  THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE IS TRULY THE MASTER OF DEDUCTION AS WELL!!”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 7 (Celestial Advice)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 3 Comments

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

We’re back with another episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and it feels like an ETERTINTY since I last said that!  Then again, the show has taken MUCH longer to start a new season in the past, particularly between seasons four and five when they were being switched over from The Hub to Discovery Family, but that doesn’t mean it was any easier to go without my weekly fix of Pony Magic!  Now the new season is actually doing something very different right off the bat as the show USUALLY starts off with a two-parter to open the season with yet decided to forgo that for the first time since the series began to instead have to separate episodes to start us off with.  Does a less bombastic opening salvo for the season still manage to bring the excitement needed to bring the fans back on board, or does this first episode drop the ball right off the bat?  Let’s find out!!

The episode picks up not too long after the events of the season 6 finale where everyone is getting ready for the award ceremony to honor Starlight Glimmer, Trixie, Thorax, and Discord, for their brave efforts to thwart Queen Chrysalis’s latest scheme.  They didn’t CAPTURE her so she’s still out there probably scheming something else, but her power has at least been diminished since all the Changelings turned on her and became beautiful florescent colored bug horses for their troubles and installed Thorax as their new king.  Probably less to do with his role in overthrowing the monarch than the fact that he now has BAD ASS ANTLERS!

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“Luna.  You can stop now.  Even if you get it on, how is he ever gonna take it off?”     “THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT TOLD YOU TO USE VELCRO STRAPS!!  NOW LOOK WHERE WE ARE!!”

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Cinema Dispatch: The Fate of the Furious

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

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Fate of the Furious and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by F Gary Gray

I hope all of you out there appreciate what I do for you!  A week ago, I had never even SEEN a Fast and the Furious movie, and yet I managed to binge watch ALL SEVEN OF THEM so that I can properly review this new one as the series now has a continuity more dense than the freaking Terminator, and that’s SUPPOSED to be convoluted!  I HAD TO WATCH TOKYO DRIFT FOR YOU PEOPLE!!  Sigh… alright, well it’s not like I even HATED any of the movies (other than Tokyo Drift) as most of them are at least DECENT if not all that engaging.  For me though, they didn’t pick up until part six when the BUDGET finally started to match the VISION that was always there, because let’s face it; Fast and the Furious was NEVER a serious series.  It was ALWAYS balls to the wall insanity, just at different degrees depending on what they could afford (except for Tokyo Drift which was just garbage).  So with the last two films finally managing to reach the potential this series was always capable of, does that trend continue with this film?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins in Cuba where Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and Letty Ortiz (Michelle Rodriguez) have settled down since the last movie where their house got blown up, and they’re doing their typical first act shtick of racing cars, talking about family, and forging new friendships!  That is until a super hacker hilariously named CIPHER (Charlize Theron) corners Dom at one point and shows him something that will CHANGE EVERYTHING FOREVER!!  Cut to a few days later where good ol’ Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) calls him and the rest of the crew up (Tyrese Gibson, Chirs Bridges, and Nathalie Emmanuel) to do another mission.  Everything goes according to plan except… DOM BETRAYS THEM!!  Their mission was to take an EMP from someplace in German (for reasons that I’m sure make sense) but he crashes Hobbs’s car right at the end and takes it for himself; leaving Hobbs to get thrown in jail back in America which JUST SO HAPPENS to be the same jail that Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) is locked in as well… and they get cells right across from each other because reasons.  So now it’s up to our favorite crew of street racers along with Frank Petty (Kurt Russel) from the last movie who’s the leader of some sort of spy organization as well as his new protégé of sorts Eric Reisner (Scott Eastwood) to find out what Dom is doing, what CIPHER wants from him, and hopefully how to solve all this without taking him out as well.  Just what is the reason that Dom betrayed the one thing he cares about more than anything which is FAMILY?  Just what is CIPHER planning, and is it bad enough that the crew may have no other choice than to take Dom out?  Will Vin Diesel FINALLY give that Oscar performance he’s been hoping for!?

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“I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!  SLLLLLUUURRRP!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Trailer Talk (Star Wars: The Last Jedi)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Star Wars: The last Jedi and all the images you see in this trailer talk are owned by Walt Disney Studios

Directed by Rian Johnson

Sure enough, Disney is going forward with their plan of turning the month of December into Star Wars month (Merry Lucas-mas!!) and they have just released the first teaser trailer for Episode VIII: The Last Jedi!  Now The Force Awakens topped my Best of 2015 list, and Rogue One ended up pretty high on my Best of 2016 list, so while the sense of HYPE isn’t really there this time (Disney knows what they’re doing and if this one doesn’t work we’ll have another one in 2018), I’m still rather interested to see where they go with the main story and hope they can build upon the success of The Force Awakens.  Anyway, let’s get started with the speculation!!

Now the first thing I noticed is that this trailer is cut EXACTLY the same as the teaser for The Force Awakens which is an interesting choice.  Both trailers are narrated by one of the characters in the movie, doesn’t connect to any of the scenes they actually show.  Both trailers start with a quite shot where one of the protagonists suddenly enters the frame with an accompanying musical sting.  Finally, both trailers are a collection sizzle shots to show off the graphics and incentivize speculation.  The only major difference in regards to the style of the two is the pacing.  While the teaser trailer for The Force Awakens had a strong sense of energy and movement, this one is much lower key and methodical with makes sense considering what the movie seems to be about.  At least partially, this movie is going to be about Rey’s training as a Jedi under Luke Skywalker which will require as much soul searching, meditation, and self-control as it will chopping dudes to bits with a glowing stick.

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“And then I’m gonna go WAAAA!  HIYAAAAA!  FFWWWOOOSHHHH!  And then everyone’s gonna go ‘YAAAAYYYYY!’ and then I’ll be all WOOHOOO!!!”

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Super Recaps: Dragon Ball Super Episode 4 (Bid for the Dragon Balls! Pilaf and Crew’s Impossible Mission!)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Dragon Ball Super and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Funimation

We’re back with another episode of Bulma’s Birthday Blowout, and… yeah, I’m not gonna beat around the bush on this one.  We’re in straight up filler mode and not the fun kind like watching Vegeta eat a giant octopus.  Sure we get little snippets of Goku training on King Kai’s planet and Vegeta being awesome, but for the majority of the episode we’re dealing with Goten, Kid Trunks, and The Pilaf Gang doing pointless shenanigans while we wait for Beerus to make it to King Kai’s planet.  Ugh… even Yamcha would be more interesting to follow, but I guess we have to  follow what happened in Battle of the Gods… even the uninteresting parts.  Oh well.  Let’s get started…

The episode begins with Beerus and Whis who remind us that they’re on their way to King Kai’s planet and that it’s going to take some time to get there, but at least they manage to have some funny banter back and forth before they leave the episode completely.  Come to think of it, one of the best aspects of this show so far has been the dub which manages to stay pretty sharp and even somewhat self-aware for those who’ve been following the series since the beginning.  Now not all of the dialogue hits as is the case with pretty much any dub (except Yu Yu Hakusho and I will FIGHT YOU on that!), but for something that has all the hallmarks of a cheap cash grab to milk the fans of the franchise (the weak animation, the fact that we’re picking up RIGHT after DBZ ends, the constant fan service) I think they’re managing to at least get the character interactions right.  Speaking of which, we get even more of the Sean Schemmel Comedy Hour as King Kai has notices Beerus’s B-line straight for his planet and is bemoaning his lot in life while Goku stays as oblivious as ever.

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“Boy, King Kai!  It’s not often that I see you shitting bricks like this.  Did YOU forget it was Bulma’s birthday too?”

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Cinema Dispatch: Smurfs: The Lost Village

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Smurfs: The Lost Village and all the images you see in this review are owned by Columbia Pictures and Sony Pictures Animation

Directed by Kelly Asbury

Considering how the LAST two Smurfs movies turned out, this really doesn’t have to do all that much to be a massive improvement, does it?  To be fair, it DOES look like the new direction their going in is the right move for this franchise as it looks much more like the original series, and we’re also not going to the real world this time around which shows some signs that Sony realized where they screwed up and are trying to make it better.  Plus, they also got Jack McBrayer which is you all need to get my ass into a theater!  Does this manage to win back the fans it lost with the last two cynical features, or did they manage to screw it up again even with two perfect examples of how NOT to make a Smurfs movie to go by?  Let’s find out!

The movie starts in Smurf village where all the little Smurfs are Smurfing about doing their Smurfy thing.  All except for Smurfette (Demi Lovato) who may have golden locks to die for but isn’t sure what else a Smurfette is supposed to do.  Oh sure, it’s easy for Police Smurf and Saxophone Smurf who’s occupations are spelled out for them like a Cutie Mark in My Little Pony, but what about her!?  Is being the one and only female Smurf the ONLY thing she’s good at!?  Well… maybe not as she soon discovers another Smurf while Smurf-boarding in the forest, but before she can ask any questions or even get a good look at them, they run off into the FORBIDDEN FOREST which I can only assume is the same one from Harry Potter.  Smurfette wants to find this new Smurf as well as the village they came from (perhaps a LOST village of Smurfs!?) but Papa Smurf (Mandy Patinkin) forbids her to go into the FORBIDDEN FOREST because… well, it’s FORBIDDEN!  Despite his warnings not to go out there, she sneaks off into the middle of the night to go searching the FORBIDDEN FOREST and ends up having a few tag-alongs who were following her in the form of Hefty Smurf (Joe Manganiello), Clumsy Smurf (Jack McBrayer) and Brainy Smurf (Danny Pudi); all of whom are sure to bring their unique brand of Smurf Shenanigans to this adventure!  Oh, and of course the evil wizard Gargamel (Rainn Wilson) gets wind of this lost village, so they have to contend with him stomping through the forest as well; hoping to find these new Smurfs and using them to become the world’s most powerful wizard by smooshing them in some sort of magic juicer!  Can the Smurfs find The Lost Village and warn them of Gargamel before it’s too late?  Will Smurfette finally find out what her true purpose is on this epic quest?  Just who are these new Smurfs that they’re looking for, and are they even blue!?  What if… WHAT IF THEY’RE SNORKS!?

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It’s the Hannah-Barbarra Cinematic Universe!  WE KNEW IT WAS COMING SOONER OR LATER!!

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Samurai Jack Season 5 Episode 4 Review (XCV)

~ ArthurCrane ~ Leave a comment

Short Version: Well, this turned out better than the last time Jack was travelling alone with a woman…

Long version:

    Last week, Samurai Jack came face-to-face with the unthinkable, possibly the most dangerous opponent he’s ever encountered. An enemy so vile, so powerful, so unpredictable that it pushed him to his very limits, and even then, he was defeated. In fact, Jack never stood a chance. No contest. It might just be the most brutal loss he’s ever had.

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