Author: Matt Vetrano

Cinema Dispatch: The Boss

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

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The Boss and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Ben Falcone

Melissa McCarthy has been around for quite some time, but her meteoric rise to super-stardom is nothing short of amazing, especially when you realize that Bridesmaids was only five years ago.  She’s had her ups and downs to be sure with movies like Identity Thief and Tammy being total wrecks, and yet neither of those (nor anything else she does) can even put a dent in her ever growing box office power.  Now on the brink of the biggest movie of her career, it’s time for her and her husband to take another crack at making a film all on their own to make up for the last one not turning out to well.  Does this manage to prove once again that McCarthy is untouchable due to her skills as a leading lady, or will it prove that she’s untouchable due to career not slowing down in the slightest if this turns out to be a disaster?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows Michelle Darnell (Melissa McCarthy) who is the forty seventh richest woman in the world; a fortune she built from the ground up as she was adopted and abandoned no less than three times during her life.  When the movie starts, she’s on top of the world but has lost touch with the commoners, which is especially apparent with the way she treats her assistant Claire (Kristen Bell).  Not only that, she has an ex business partner (and ex-lover) named Renault (Peter Dinklage) who has been itching to get revenge on her and finally has an opportunity when he gets proof of committing a crime (insider trading) and reports her to the FCC.  She goes to jail, loses all of her money, and comes crawling back to Claire.  Will Michelle be able to earn back her fortune with the help of her former assistant and soon to be bestest friend?  How far will Renault go to keep Michelle from finding success ever again?  WHAT IS SHE HIDING UNDER THAT TURTLENECK!?

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“Can you dig it?  Can you dig it!?  CAANN  YOOUU  DIG IT!?!?”

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Cinema Dispatch: Hardcore Henry

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Hardcore Henry and all the images you see in this review are owned by STX Entertainment

Directed by Ilya Naishuller

Well it’s about time we got some badass action this year!  Batman v Superman and Gods of Egypt turned out to be duds (admittedly I was a bit more optimistic of the former), and London Has Fallen turned out to be… well London Has Fallen.  Can this unorthodox arthouse piece prove to the be shot in the arm we need in a landscape that only seems to care about action when super heroes do it, or will this experiment prove to be a resounding failure that glommed itself onto a half-baked gimmick?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is all about Henry who is some dude that wakes up in a laboratory with amnesia, robotic limbs, and a hot wife named Estelle (Haley Bennett).  For the most part I would call that a win-win, but of course nothing can go right for too long in a science lab, so the place gets attacked by… some guy.  I’m pretty sure the dude’s name is Akan (Danila Kozolvsky) who has telekinetic powers… for some reason, and wants Henry… for some reason.  No, I don’t know why he’s the ONLY ONE in this entire movie that has magic powers.  In fact, there’s a lot about this movie I don’t know after seeing it, but I guess that’s not as important as the whole KILL EVERYTHING WITH YOUR BAD ASS ROBOT PARTS seems to take precedence over everything else.  And that’s exactly what Henry proceeds to do for an hour and a half.  His wife is kidnapped by the Akan the Black Mage, and he has to kill everyone in his path to get her back.  Aiding him on his journey is the loveable Jimmy (Sharlto Copley) who’s pulling off an interesting trick here and has his own reasons for wanting to keep Henry alive and fighting.  Will Henry get his wife back before it’s too late?  Can this new cybernetic body handle all the stress and bullets that Henry is going to put it through?  WHAT THE HELL DID HE JUST DO TO THAT GUY’S FACE!?

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“You ready to see some shit?  I don’t think you’re ready, but fortune favors the bold, right?  No… Not really, but good luck to ya!”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 19 (Usagi’s Joy: A Love Letter from Tuxedo Mask)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 5 Comments

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Takao Yoshizawa

We’re back with another episode of Everybody Loves Nephrite!  He certainly seems to have a way with people, though I’m guessing at least forty percent of his charm comes from being a monster spawned from the depths of hell.  Everyone loves a bad boy!  That is except Queen Beryl who’s getting just a tad tired of his failures and is itching to dish out some punishments!  Will he be able to finally take out the Scouts before Beryl has him sleeping with the fishes?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Nephrite in his personal command center where he’s desperately searching for a way to defeat those pesky Scouts before Queen Beryl ends up Jadeite-ing his ass.  The stars come to his aid once again (I imagine that he’s accruing quite a debt with them by now like Dr. Facilier in The Princess and the Frog) and show him that the one weakness is the same weakness that all heroes have; their heart!  The key to defeating the Scouts (and Sailor Moon in particular) is to go after Tuxedo Mask!  Sadly, he can’t jump on his new project just yet because he’s being requested to return to the head offices of Hell Corp for a performance review.  Needless to say that Queen Beryl has had it up to here with the lack of dead Sailor Scouts, but doesn’t seem to have any ideas other than to blame the underlings.  To be fair though, they can be QUITE sassy with her.

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“YOU FOOL!  How hard is it to kill a couple of teenagers!?”     “Harder than waving your hands in front of a crystal ball.”     “What was that?”     “Nothing.”     “WHAT WAS THAT!?”     “…I’m sor-“     *ZAP*

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Crystal Act 27 (Infinity 1: Premonition – Part 1 –)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

Sailor Moon Crystal and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

After all this time, it’s hard to believe that we’ve finally getting more Sailor Moon Crystal to voraciously consume and then talk smack about!  ADMIT IT!!  All the fans out there who say the original is better; you eat this up too whether you like it or not!  I was always pretty kind to Crystal and still have some affection for the first two seasons even if the flaws become oh so very apparent after going back to watch the original show.  Still, the hype behind this season has only grown after Toei started revealing the tweaks to the art style and also at the prospect of having HD versions of the other Scouts like Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto; all of whom are pretty much a mystery to me outside of Neptune and Uranus being a couple who were turned into cousins when the show was initially brought to western audiences.  Just like before, my first introduction to these characters and this story line will be through Crystal so despite my valiant efforts to catch up on the original series, I’m still woefully behind on that and will be watching these episodes of Crystal as a newcomer rather than a fan who can provide insightful comparisons.  Will this show manage to recapture the glory of this season the same way the original did, or will I have to sit through the bastardization of what is considered the best story arc to many fans?  Let’s find out!!

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“For you to pre-order the deluxe edition!  Reserve your copy now and get the characters you ACTUALLY want!!”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 6 (The Gift of the Maud Pie)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 3 Comments

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

Season six started on a rather low key note with last week’s premiere not having much in regards to stakes or world building outside of the introduction of Flurry Heart.  Still, while season five may have started SPECTACULARLY strong, it was right after the premiere that things started to go downhill with Castle Sweet Castle being a mindless slog to get through.  Can this episode manage to keep the quality consistent with what we saw before, or is this season destined to have the same nose dive that season five found itself in when it refused to build off of what had been set up?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Rarity and Pinkie Pie on a train headed for Manehattan with the one looking to open a third boutique location (the best idea for any small business owner is apparently to overextend themselves) and the other on her way to visit Maud Pie; one of the more recent challengers for title of Best Pony.

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“What about ME!?  I’m the quirky one who breaks the fourth wall!  I SHOULD BE THE FAVORITE!!”     “Just because it worked for Deadpool-”     “Oh THIS again!!”

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Cinema Dispatch: God’s Not Dead 2

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 6 Comments

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God’s Not Dead 2 and all the images you see in this review are owned by Pure Flix Entertainment

Directed by Harold Cronk

The first God’s Not Dead movie came out about the same time as Captain America the Winter Solider.  Went I went to see Captain America with some friends, the lines for the respective theaters lined up just right so that the Captain American line was right next to the God’s Not Dead line; two parallel lines essentially.  I looked up and down the Captain America line, and saw kids, adults, families, millennials; all of different backgrounds and races.  I look across from me and see the God’s Not Dead line which is filled with nothing but middle aged white people, and the young children of middle aged white people.  The first movie was an unconscionably awful smear against everyone who didn’t subscribe to the filmmakers point of view, and I expect nothing less than that from the sequel.  Is this just as bad, or can this possibly be worse?  Let’s find out…

The movie is somewhat of a sequel to the original with only some of the secondary characters returning and there being a new protagonist (so basically the View Askewniverse for Evangelicals).  The one to take over main character duties from Josh Wheaton is Grace Wesley (Melissa Joan Hart); a high school history teacher and devout Christian.  What kind of Christian?  Eh… it doesn’t matter I’m gonna guess she’s a Jehovah’s Witness.  Anyway, one of her students Brooke (Hayley Orrantia) is trying to deal with the death of her brother, but isn’t getting much support from her ATHIEST parents who seem to be emotionally dead and barely registering that their son has died.  I guess that’s what happens when you sell your soul to Satan or whatever they believe Atheist do.  Brooke eventually approaches Grace outside of school for some advice and she learns that Grace gets through all the bad times do to her belief in Jesus.  Cut to sometime later and it turns out that her brother was a closet Christian (okay…) which prompts her to read up on the Bible and she manages to get some comfort out of that.  Fair enough, but here’s where things get tricky.  Grace is teaching about non-violent protest leaders such as Gandhi and Martin Luther King, which prompts Brooke to ask if a parallel can be drawn between them and Jesus.  Grace answers the question, all hell breaks loose as the school board finds out, and eventually she finds herself embroiled in a court case with her plucky lawyer Tom (Jesse Metcalfe) despite him being a “non-believer” (*cough* Bullshit *cough*).  While this is going on, we also see how this case is affecting some of the characters who return from the last movie such as Pastor Dave (David AR White) who JUST SO HAPPENS to end up on the jury for the trial.  It’s almost like it was fate or something!  Can Grace and Tom win this case to preserve everyone’s right to their own faith?  Will The Bad GuysTM manage to stop them and put all Christians to death in the process?  DID THIS MOVIE JUST SEQUEL BAIT US!?

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I think you and I are destined to do this forever…

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 18 (Shingo’s Love: The Grieving Doll)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Harume Kosaka

We’re back once again with another episode of Serenity’s Angels!  With Nephrite’s plans failing over and over again (just like Jadeite’s) he’s in a precarious position as his chickens must eventually come home to roost.  This episode seems to be heading in that direction, and we’re not that far off from Sailor Jupiter joining the cast, so maybe desperate Nephrite will be a bit more interesting than smug Nephrite.  Even though his plots haven’t resonated as well for me as Jadeite’s have, it really doesn’t seem like it would take all that much to get the formula right.  Can they pull it off this time, or is this doomed to be another example of them ALMOST but not quite getting it?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins in a place we haven’t seen for some time; the head office of Hell Corp.  Nephrite is FINALLY being dragged back before the Mistress of Dark Kingdom to answer for his failings with Zoisite in attendance just to pour some salt in the wound.  Not only is this scene great because we finally get to see Queen Beryl again, but also because we get to see Zoisite prove himself to be a mischievous little jerk as he intentionally tries to goad Nephrite into either working with him or sinking his own promising career; both of which seem to help him towards… whatever end goal he’s going for.

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“Don’t you think it would be PERFECT if we were to work together?  I mean, he’s CLEARLY been struggling to take out those Sailor Hussies!”     “I’m inclined to agree with Zoisite.”     “HELL NO!  I’m not working with this jackass!”     “…what did you just say to me?”     “And MY work here is done!  LATERS!”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 6 (The Crystalling)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 5 Comments

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.

Episodes directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

It feels like it was just yesterday that this show was still on the air and not living up to it’s potential, doesn’t it?  Season five was overall a disappointment, mainly due to the MacGuffin they introduced being underutilized (the Cutie Map) and the finale not really having the kind of punch and significance that we are used to getting from this show.  There were more than a few important and satisfying episodes throughout the season (The Cutie Map, Slice of Life, Rarity Investigates, Crusaders of the Lost Mark) but taken as a whole it just didn’t do much to advance our main characters or the world that they inhabit.  Fortunately, the best thing Hasbro could have done was to minimize the hiatus between season which means we can move forward right away so that fans (like me) aren’t moping for too long about the mediocrity of the last season.  Can they manage to recapture the magic of this series with a smart and exciting season premiere, or will the mediocrity continue as we slowly realize that the show has reached its peak?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Starlight Glimmer walking through the halls of Twilight’s Doom Fortress; looking for the library and hanging lampshades along the way.

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“It sure is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!  I wonder if that’s a reference to something… *COUGH* Badwolf *COUGH*  Excuse me.  Must have something in my throat.”

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Cinema Dispatch: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 16 Comments

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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Zack Snyder

The day has finally come where DC and Warner Bros step up to the plate and take their best swing at catching up to Marvel before being left irrevocably behind the curve.  There is so much about this movie that could go right and can also go horribly wrong.  It’s the first movie that not only has Batman and Superman together, but is also the first appearance of Wonder Woman.  It’s taking a lot of inspiration from one of the most revered Batman stories of all time.  It’s setting up a DC universe that intends to rival that of Marvel Studios.  All of this CAN be great if they can pull it off, but the sheer magnitude of this release and the expectations from not only fans but the studio itself does not bode well for a director who is already hit or miss an on screen interpretation of Superman that has gotten heavily criticized.  Can they pull off the impossible as effortlessly as The Last Son of Krypton would, or is this going to be an atomic bomb of a mess that will shake Warner Bros to its very core?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins at the end of Man of Steel, only now we’re following Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) as he tries to save people in the city of Metropolis while Zod (Michael Shannon) and Superman (Henry Cavill) are having their big smack down.  Needless to say that there’s not much he can do (especially outside of his Batman suit) and has to more or less sit there as the city falls apart around him due to these two men who have come from the sky and could crush all of humanity.  Cut to a year and a half later, and we see a world that is very much split on Superman.  Sometime between then and now there was apparently enough people who LIKED Superman to make him a memorial in the middle of Metropolis, but for the most part he’s being attacked on the news and constantly questioned about his true motivations.  One such Superman naysayer is Lex Luthor (Jessie Eisenberg) who is trying to manipulate the US military and members of Congress to give him access to all the resources they have on Krypton (mainly Zod’s ship and his lifeless corpse) as well as permission to import some Kryptonite that was found in India.  While Lex is working on that, he’s also working surreptitiously to undercut Superman’s acts of genuine good while laying traps and breadcrumbs for Batman (who I don’t believe he knows is actually Bruce Wayne) to become even more resolute that Superman has to be stopped before he becomes a true threat to humanity.  Along the way, we’ve got Lois Lane (Amy Adams) and Martha Kent (Diane Lane) keeping Superman’s spirits high while he grapples with a world that hates and fears him (Lois is also working on a story about clearing Superman’s associate with something bad that happened in Africa), and we also have Bruce’s faithful butler Alfred (Jeremy Irons) trying to steer him on the right path and away from Superman.  Still, the punch up is inevitable if the title is any indication, and the two of them have to hash out their differences before eventually working together to fight Doomsday alongside their new ally Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot).  Will they be able to stop Lex Luthor and his plans to… do bad things I guess?  Will the world FINALLY accept Superman after he fights ANOTHER city destroying bad guy?  Are they SERIOUSLY gonna try to launch an expansive DC film universe off of this movie?  Can we just get to Suicide Squad already?

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“What the fuck is going on!?”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 17 (Usagi’s a Model: The Flash of the Monster Camera)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Yuji Endo

We’re back with another episode of Silver Millennium’s next top model as we once again have to watch Usagi fail to win a contest that is obviously set up by the Dark Kingdom for nefarious purposes.  You’d think she would catch on at some point.  Anyway, now that we are several episodes deep into Nephrite’s rule, I have to say that I’m still pretty lukewarm on him as a villain.  He has a solid premise behind him (focus on individuals rather than groups), but in terms of execution it has been very much hit or miss.  The last episode had a pretty decent transformation for the victim of his plot, but the monsters behind these corruptions have been bland across the board.  Will this episode be the one where they finally manage to balance an interesting villain with the standard Sailor Scout shenanigans, or will the show continue to not live up to its true potential, at least until Nephrite is out of the picture?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Usagi doing what she always does which is to get INCREDIBLY involved in some sort of hobby or interest that she had no prior knowledge of or inclination towards.  She’s like a pop culture goldfish; chasing whatever trends tickle her fancy until she forgets about it half an hour later.  This time around it’s about a very accomplished photographer who is still in middle school and JUST SO HAPPENS to go to an all-boys academy that’s close to Rei’s all-girls academy.  She desperately requires this guy’s autograph… for some reason, and tries to rope Ami into going with her who is too busy solving some silly looking equations (how hard is it to write REAL functions to have the characters work on?) to indulge Usagi in her latest obsession.

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“Look!  I’m using the derivative of pi to find the circumference of a hyper-plane!”     “That’s not a real thing, is it?”     “Fine.  I’ll go with you on this adventure of yours if you can tell me WHY that’s not a real thing.”     “…have fun at cram school.”

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