Month: May 2016

Cinema Dispatch: Captain America: Civil War

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 7 Comments

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Captain America: Civil War and all the images you see in this review are owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Directed by Anthony Russo and Joe Russo

The Marvel money machine has deigned to appease the masses with the next chapter in their long running story about people in tights (or robo-tights) that STILL manages to be more character driven and exquisitely crafted than any number of big blockbusters that have tried to challenge Marvel to their title as king of the cinematic landscape (*cough* Batman v Superman *cough*).  Now we have another entry in the Captain America series which actually looks like an Avengers movie more than anything else.  Does Marvel once again show us what makes the Captain America movies so unique within the Marvel Cinematic Universe, or has the whole enterprise gotten too massive to tell a simple story about one man throwing his mighty shield?  Let’s find out!!

The main thrust of the narrative in this movie is the Avengers having the whole “collateral damage” thing come back to bite them in the ass.  It’s been building up for a while, but when an operation in Nigeria goes south after the bad guy blows himself up and the blast is redirected by Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) into a nearby building and killing eleven people in the process, it seems that the world powers have no choice but to step in.  Of course, the guy had stolen a biological weapon that could have killed THOUSANDS but no one wants to bring that up apparently.  Anyway, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr) seems to be in a bad place right now and the guilt over his actions in the last ten or so movies are starting to eat away at him, so when the US government and the UN come to the Avengers with some international regulations, he jumps at the opportunity to get them all on board.  The biggest opponent to this new form of oversight though is Captain America (Chris Evans) who sees the writing on the wall and the possibility of those checking their power using that for nefarious ends.  Things only get worse when a UN meeting in Vienna about the new Avenger regulations (known as the Sokovia Accords) gets bombed as part of a terrorist attack and the only suspect is Bucky Barnes The Winter Solider (Sebastian Stan) who if you recall from the second Captain America movie escaped his captors and has been laying low ever since.  Not only is everyone and their grandma after this guy, but Captain America is the only one convinced that he could not have done it which makes it that much harder to keep the government, the other Avengers, and a new super hero Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman) off of his back.  Can he clear Bucky’s name before the world leaders put a bullet in both their heads?  Who really DID bomb the UN meeting?  Will he be able to convince his fellow Avengers as well as Tony that the Sokovia Accords will lead to more harm than good?  Most importantly, how many cameos are they gonna squeeze into this!?

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“Did you guys kidnap me?”     “Yup.”     “That’s AWESOME!”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 22 (Romance Under the Moon: Usagi’s First Kiss)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Yuji Endo

We’re back with another episode of Great Moon-spectations!  After eleven episodes straight of filler, we get to another episode that’s part of the manga and was also remade in Sailor Moon Crystal!  Will this one manage to be the better of the two, or did Crystal manage to improve on whatever shortcomings this episode might have?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Usagi; late as always and running her ass to school before the bell rings.  On her way there, she runs into Naru who’s recalling the events of episode nineteen where Masato Sanjoin (Nephrite’s secret identity) started stringing her along because he thought she was Sailor Moon.  Naru already had a crush on the guy, but her last interaction with him left things a bit awkward to say the least.

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“On the one hand, he tried to murder me.  On the other hand, he has AMAZING hair…”

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Cinema Dispatch: Ratchet & Clank

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 6 Comments

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Ratchet & Clank and all the images you see in this review are owned by Gramercy Pictures and Focus Features

Directed by Jericca Cleland and Kevin Munroe

Well THIS certainly is a unique specimen!  I mean… it IS for another two weeks until Angry Birds comes out (ugh).  What we have here is the first CG animated film that has gotten a wide release in US theaters!  You’d think SOMEONE would have thought to do this by now considering how many of the pre-generation seven game heroes were aimed at children and some variation of a loveable animal character.  While Uwe Bowl was fucking around with Alone in the Dark and Postal, no one was willing to give Sonic the Hedgehog or Megaman a shot?  Well that all ends HERE with this movie based on the iconic video game series AND the added bonus of Insomniac games being a part of the production to make sure it’s done justice!  Do they succeed in making the first CG animated video game movie, or is this one big glorified cut scene that wouldn’t have passed muster in 2002?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is all about Ratchet (James Arnold Taylor); a cat like creature who lives a Tatooine knock off and spends his time poorly repairing hovercrafts by adding (presumably illegal) modifications that no one asked for and no one would find useful.  Oh well, at least he has heart, and dreams, and… probably other stuff too that the movie doesn’t really get into.  He’s THE HERO’S JOURNEY writ large and he’s got a call to action lined up for him!  Apparently some bad guys are blowing up planets for reasons (probably because their dicks) and so the team that defends the WHOLE galaxy has decided to increase their ranks from four… to FIVE!!  Okay… well the group, known as the Galactic Rangers, are holding tryouts to find this fifth member (there isn’t already a training program or an academy or something?) which Ratchet participates in, but fails miserably; probably due to his extensive arrest record.  Things may look grim for Ratchet who’s still stuck on this dirt planet, but salvation arrives in the form of a little robot who crash lands near the garage Ratchet works at, and he rushes to save him!  The little robot seems to know something about the villain’s evil plan and must get to the Galactic Rangers to warn them.  Ratchet agrees to help, gives the little guy the name Clank (David Kaye), and they’re off to save the Rangers and the Galaxy as they know it!  Can they manage to stop the bad guys from blowing up the rest of the galaxy?  Will the Galactic Rangers accept them as one of their own?  Did… did anyone actually sit down to watch this before shoving it into theaters?

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“PLEASE!  MAKE IT STOP!!”     “It’s too late Qwark!  We’ve already sequel baited!”     “NOOO!!”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Crystal Act 30 (Infinity 4: Haruka Tenoh, Michiru Kaioh – Sailor Uranus, Sailor Neptune)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

We’re back with another episode of The Women from M.O.O.N!  Uranus and Neptune are still keeping tight lipped about what they plan to do, but hopefully now that everything is out in the open things will FINALLY progress without this massive roadblock that’s slowing the plot down to a crawl.  Can we actually move past the mystery of whether these two are bad guys, or are we gonna have to watch as all the other Scouts slowly realize this over the course of the season?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins right after Uranus and Neptune’s grandiose introduction to the Sailor Scouts; all of whom are slacked jawed as if they had just sat through a production of Springtime for Hitler.  Despite introducing themselves as Sailor Guardians and letting them know exactly what planet and power they represent (on top of making it completely clear EXACTLY who they are outside of the costumes) they CONTINUE to tell them to get out of their lives and that none of this concerns them.  I’m sure they’ll invite them to dinner at their apartment, and take them go karting before asking them to go away and never see them again right before THEN planning their summer vacation together.

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“Except for now, and those other times.  We’re serious!”     “TOTALLY serious!”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Crystal Act 30 (Infinity 4: Haruka Tenoh, Michiru Kaioh – Sailor Uranus, Sailor Neptune)” →

Cinema Dispatch: Mother’s Day

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

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Mother’s Day and all the images you see in this review are owned by Open Road Films

Directed by Garry Marshall

Seriously.  It’s not funny anymore Garry Marshall.  Whoever’s paying you to do this or whoever has your family hostage NEEDS to be stopped.  For the third time in a damn row, Garry Marshall is trying to rip off Love Actually by taking the formula and centering on other holidays that seem to be chosen at random.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the next movie is about Arbor Day and Julia Roberts plays a tree in it!  So is this one just as bad as the rest?  Yes.  Yes it is.  No point in giving you false hope.  Let’s just get this one over with…

The movie is separated into four stories.  Jennifer Aniston has to deal with the fact that her ex-husband has remarried a much younger woman and they are both dazzeling the kids with fun trips, junk food, and rock concerts while she’s at her house doing everything else for them.  Jason Sudeikis is a widower whose wife passed away about a year ago and he’s still dealing with the grief while trying to raise his two daughters.  Britt Robertson is a woman who’s raising her infant daughter with her boyfriend, but she also has her own demons to work out as she has never met her birth mother who is an HSN host played by Julia Roberts.  And finally, KKate Hudson and Sarah Chalke play sisters who have married people their parents would not approve of (an indian man played by Aasif Mandvi for the former and another woman played by Cameron Esposito for the latter) and they are no longer able to hide this fact from them since they have made a surprise visit.  Each of these stories are loosely connected by the fact that some of the characters know each other as either friends or in a professional sense, and we follow our heroes as they learn to get over their problems, make up for mistakes they’ve made, and become better people in the process.  Oh and there’s a holiday in here… I guess.

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“Holy hell!  Is… is this what the rest of my career is gonna be like!?”     “Yep.  Welcome to the old ladies club.”     “BUT I’M ONLY TWENTY SIX!!”     “Yeah, and I’m only thirty seven.  It’ll get easier after a while.”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 6 (No Second Prances)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 7 Comments

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

We’re back with another episode of Everybody Hates Starlight!  She has been a bit of a contentious character, hasn’t she?  Some people weren’t happy with her becoming a main character at the end of season five, while others have found her to be the injection of new blood that this series needed.  I’m still optimistic, but I’m worried that they won’t take full advantage of what her character can represent and will just try to go the safe route.  We’ll have to see as this is the most Starlight centric episode yet!  Will they finally make good on the promises of this character, or will she be just as poorly utilized as the Cutie Map from season five?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Twilight and Starlight setting the table for an upcoming dinner with Princess Celestia.  Why they’re setting the table a whole day before she shows up, I have no clue, though I’m willing to assume that was Twilight’s idea.  Maybe she wants to make sure it’s done perfectly?  Nope, because she gets crabby when Starlight sets it immediately (and impeccably) using her magic and I guess Twilight wanted to use the time to lecture her about friendship… or something.

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“What could we POSSIBLY learn by setting the table slowly?”     “Uh… friendship is about patience?  Alright fine!  YOU GOT ME!  I just wanted to show off my custom made dinnerware!  HAPPY!?”     “it actually is pretty nice.”     “Thank you!”

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