Resident Evil and all the images you see in this review are owned by Sony Pictures Releasing
Directed by Zach Cregger
If I could get one wish of unlimited facetious power, It’d be for every single gamer to get an offline hobby which, to my mind, would solve at least ten percent of the world’s problems. An extremely vocal minority of us is far too enamored with their own sense of self-importance, and this has only grown stronger in a Post-GooberGate world where the malignant moans of the man-babies can reach those in the highest seats of power. Sadly, they seem to have turned their ire on critically acclaimed filmmaker and all-around cool dude Zach Cregger for not taking the Resident Evil franchise seriously enough in a movie that they hadn’t seen yet, and while no one is saying outright just how “persuasive” these complaints were, Cregger has confirmed that the movie was reedited after test screenings to take out a lot of jokes. Heaven forbid that we don’t have a laugh at one of the campiest franchises in all of gaming, but let’s not let the behind the scenes drama overwhelm everything. After all, one of Hollywood’s fastest rising stars has directed a video game movie that actually looks really good; even if it’s not an obvious adaptation of a specific entry in the series which I’m sure would have made the fans happy but I’d wager would be a far less interesting movie given that this is the same fantastically creative mind that gave us Barbarians and Weapons. Is this the creative and artistically challenging entry that finally elevates the Resident Evil film franchise, or was it better left in the hands of B-Movie maestros like Paul WS Anderson? Let’s find out!!
Poor sad-sack Bryan (Austin Abrams) is yet another victim of the gig economy and is stuck delivering organs through some particularly morbid app-based service while arguing with his girlfriend over some unexpected news. The job and conversation are cut short, however, when he runs over a woman who doesn’t seem all that affected by it, and he finds even weirder happening at a nearby farmhouse when he goes looking for help. It seems that the Umbrella Corporation has done what they always do and accidentally released a virus that is turning everyone into tentacle monsters, and they all want to turn our boy into a Bryan-sandwich before the night is through. The only hope he and the rest of humanity has is in the box he’s delivering to Raccoon City Hospital, but with so much in the way and so few life skills for such a situation, the future looks rather grim for us all. Will Bryan find the will to save the day and fight for the life he’s been taking for granted all these years? Is there any hope of fixing all of this, even if Bryan can make his way to the hospital and give the scientists what they need to craft a cure? The worst part is, he’s probably not gonna get a good tip either way.
