Cinema Dispatch: Caught Stealing & Eddington

My End of 2025 Catchups will still be ongoing well into the New Year, which is perfectly fine for me, as January looks to be the usual crop of mid-range horror movies and previous year stragglers. Today is what I like to call the Austin Butler Downer Double Feature, as both films are movies that had me feeling rather sad despite Austin Butler being on hand to try and liven things up.  I suppose it’s a shortcoming of mine as a critic that depressing movies have to work much harder to convince me of their quality than goofy ones, and being presented with two films by notoriously grim directors was definitely a challenge.  Can either of these depressing films by depressing filmmakers manage to get a thumbs up from yours truly? Let’s find out!!

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Caught Stealing

Caught Stealing is owned by Sony Pictures Releasing

Directed by Darren Aronofsky

Hank Thompson (Austin Butler) isn’t someone you’d look at twice if you passed him on the street. He’s a bartender in New York City, he has a crappy apartment in the Lower East Side, and his good looks and charming personality do just enough to cover for his obvious alcoholism. When his neighbor (Matt Smith) asks him to watch his cat one weekend, it seems like just another meaningless event in his meaningless life, but then gangsters start chasing after him, the cops get involved, and the few friends he has left in this world start getting mixed up in whatever mystery he finds himself at the center of. With few people to turn to and fewer clues as to what’s even going on, can Hank outrun this waking nightmare as faster than he did from his own dark past, or has the universe decided that now’s the time to pay the piper for all the ways he managed to screw up his life?

I probably should have known better than to expect a fun movie out of the most depressing filmmakers of our generation, but the trailers suckered me in with a silly premise and goofy characters in what looked like a lost Guy Ritchie joint, so I took the gamble on him lightening up for once. Sure enough, the finished product is undeniably an Aronofsky movie which means a lot of sad things happen, and frankly it was a real struggle to get through. What’s at least interesting about this movie, though also why it doesn’t work as well as some of his better films, is that he does seem to be trying to break outside his comfort zone with larger than life characters and the farcical plotting, but he’s simply ill-equipped for this kind of material and fails to merge it with his usual sensibilities. Someone like the aforementioned Guy Ritchie, or even Vince Gilligan, could have juggled the disparate parts of this story and wrangled them into something coherent, but they both have backgrounds in comedy which Aronofsky clearly does not. We flip wildly between tragedy and humor in a way that fails to take full advantage of either, with the darker elements feeling gratuitous and the lighter moments robbing our characters of any consistency or depth. Austin Butler, for all the charm and charisma he brings to this, can’t find a consistent emotional wavelength to explore because the script has him running from one plot point to another at breakneck speed. He’s given one scene to express his sadness over a bad thing happening before he’s back to spinning lies, crafting schemes, or cracking jokes, and while he’s good at all of those things, having him rush through it in such quick succession leaves him feeling rudderless and without much of an arc to go through. The script is based on a book which is always a double-edged sword for filmmakers, and I’m guessing the pacing between scenes worked much better on the page than trying to cram it all on screen, but even taking that into consideration, I still think the blame falls squarely on Aronofsky’s shoulders. I give the man credit for at least attempting to tell a few jokes and I think the narrative did cater to his sensibilities as a filmmaker, but he’s gonna need a little more practice before he can successfully make us laugh at a clown and then jab him in the throat to watch as the blood slowly pools around the floor.

3 out of 5
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Cinema Dispatch: Kraven the Hunter

Kraven the Hunter and all the images you see in this review are owned by Sony Pictures Releasing

Directed by JC Chandor

The Sony Spider-Verse has been a joke since its inception; arguably even before that, as people were groaning at the end of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 which teased a cavalcade of Spider-Foes for future installments. You could argue that it hasn’t been a disaster for Sony’s bottom line the Venom movies were reliably bankable, but aside from the goofy fun of seeing Tom Hardy arguing with himself, there just wasn’t anything to make this feel like more than a cash-in on a brand they had a tenuous grasp on in the first place. With all of that, it comes as no surprise to find this latest entry going over like a lead balloon, especially with Sony cutting its legs out from under it by announcing the end of its Spider-Verse right before it could hit theaters. Still, is this a case of everyone’s frustration with the Spider-Verse spilling over onto a perfectly alright movie, or is this the perfect capstone to such a cavalcade of cinematic failure? Let’s find out!!

In the heart of Siberia, there lives a man whose day job is hitman extraordinaire and fights for the animals of the world in his free time. He goes by Kraven (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), but his true name is Sergei, and he’s the son of an infamous Russian mobster (Russell Crowe) who is starting to lose his grip on power as new players are making moves on his territory. One such competitor is Aleksei Sytsevich (Alessandro Nivola) who takes the bold step of kidnapping Sergei’s brother Dmitri (Fred Hechinger) in an attempt to draw out the infamous assassin while also staking a claim as the head honcho of the underworld. With the help of Calypso (Ariana DeBose) whose family’s secret recipe for super solider serum turned Sergei into Kraven many years ago, Sergei must race against the clock to do what he does best; hunt those who deserve to be hunted. Can Sergei find his brother before he becomes the latest victim of this never ending crime war? What tricks does Aleksei have up his sleeve to deal with the mighty hunter, who is the only one that could threaten to his operation? See, I always saw Kraven as the guy who just wants to mount Spider-Man’s head to his wall, but I guess we’ve all got a little family drama in our backstory.

“I FIGHT WITH THE POWER OF A HUNDRED TIGERS AND THE RAGE OF A THOUSAND SUBURBAN WHITE BOYS WHO HATE THEIR DAD!!”
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Cinema Dispatch: Hunter Killer

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Hunter Killer and all the images you see in this review are owned by Summit Entertainment

Directed by Donovan Marsh

Ugh… you know what’s worse than being sick for two weeks?  Being sick for two weeks and then getting better JUST IN TIME to see Hunter Killer.  I didn’t get to catch Can You Ever Forgive Me while it was at the nearby theater!  Oh no, I have to drive out of town to see it now if I’m lucky, but the latest Gerard Butler vehicle?  Why that’s just a hop skip and a jump away!  I’m sure I’ll be cursing my recent good heath by the time this is over, but I guess you never know until you see the movie itself, do you!?  I mean sure it LOOKS like a generic submarine thriller starring America’s Fifth Favorite Action Figure, but… I guess it could be a FUN version of that!  Let’s find out!!

As the movie begins we see an American sub is following a Russian sub before getting blown away by a third sub, and so The Pentagon needs to send a second sub of their own to find out what happened.  Not just anyone can pull this mission off however!  Oh no, they need a PROFESSIONAL hard ass with a heart of gold and a bladder of titanium!  They need… JOE GLASS (Gerard Butler)!  Joe takes the USS Arkansas along with a crew of very professional character actors to see if they can find the original US sub, and after a rather intense skirmish with a Russian sub (presumably the one that shot down the first American sub), they manage to find our sub… as well as their sub.  Yes, it seems that the original Russian sub had been sunk somehow and JOE GLASS needs some answers!  While all this is going on, Admieral Donnegan (Gary Oldman), Rear Admiral Fisk (Common), and NSA analyst Norquist (Linda Cardellini) are coordinating an effort to get a squad of US soliders on Russian soil to find out if President Zakarin (Alexander Diachenko) is up to no good!  Said team is led by Lieutenant Beaman (Toby Stephens) along with the rookie Martinelli (Zane Holtz) and two other guys who find that things may not be as simple as we initially thought and that Zarkarin might be in danger himself.  Will JOE GLASS find the answers he’s looking for on that mysteriously sunk submarine?  What can Lieutenant Beaman and his crew do now that they know that something is up and they are the only ones in position to do anything about it?  With so much danger under the sea, will this sub sink faster than Gerard Butler’s career!?

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“THIS!  IS!  THE NAVY!!”

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