Cinema Dispatch: The Last Witch Hunter


The Last Witch Hunter and all the images you see in this review are owned by Summit Entertainment

Directed by Breck Eisner

And so we find ourselves with yet another chance for Vin Diesel to prove his nerd creds.  The guy is one of the biggest nerds in Hollywood and has shown it time and time again by attaching himself to big sci-fi and fantasy epics in between Fast and Furious sequels.  While some have been great like Pitch Black, others have not been so great like Babylon A.D.  Will The Last Witch Hunter be one of his better forays into bringing table top gaming to the silver screen, or will this be another misstep for an actor who can’t catch a break unless he’s behind the wheel of a car?  Let’s find out!!

The movie chronicles the modern day adventures of Kaulder (Vin Diesel); the immortal witch hunter who was cursed with this power by a witch he killed.  Seems legit I guess.  For the past couple hundred years he’s been working for The Axe and Cross to keep the peace between humanity and magic users who are allowed to live, but only under Harry Potter rules.  None of the humans outside of the Axe and Cross (which I’m PRETTY sure is just the Catholic Church) are to know about them and their powers and anyone who uses their powers on humans are the next victims of Kaulder.  After getting back from a trip to stop a witch from hurting herself and others with some dangerous rocks, Kaulder finds out that the Axe and Cross’s official liaison for him, the thirty-sixth Dolan (Michal Caine), is retiring and being replaced by the thirty-seventh Dolan (Elijah Wood).  However, his retirement is short lived as THE VERY NEXT DAY Kaulder gets a call that the dude had keeled over.  With bullshit detectors that have been sharped over hundreds of years, it doesn’t take long for him to realize that the cause of death was MURDER!!!  Who could possibly be behind his death!?  Well Kaulder intends to find out along with the thirty-seventh Dolan and a local witch (Rose Leslie) whose life Kaulder ruins yet still feels like tagging along for this very dangerous endeavor.  Will Kaulder find out who killed his friend?  Is there a greater mystery to be solved when they find out WHY he was killed?  Is this at least as good as Constantine!?

And those questions will be answered… right now.  Yes, yes, and HELL no!!!
And those questions will be answered… right now.  Yes, yes, and HELL no!!!

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