Cinema Dispatch: Him & The Ugly Stepsister

If this business is good at anything, it’s jumping on a bandwagon when something winds up being an unexpected hit, and few movies had as big an impact last year as The Substance. Personally, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the movie and felt there were places where it fell considerably short, so I welcome the knock-offs and copycats to see what other creatives can do with the basic idea, and we have two such examples here today. Do either of these recent attempts to one-up The Substance prove to have the right stuff, or do they wither away to nothing in its shadow? Let’s find out!!

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Him is owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Justin Tipping

Cameron Cade (Tyriq Withers) is an up-and-coming quarterback who just got drafted to his favorite team; the one led by the GOAT himself, Isaiah White (Marlon Wayans). Cameron has the potential to be just as good, if not better, than his hero Isaiah, but to find out for sure, he’s sent to train with Isaiah on his private compound so he can learn just what it takes to be the best of the best. Of course, with Isaiah’s own career on the line now that there’s a new guy in town, is he truly willing to start passing the torch or will this training camp prove far more dangerous than Cameron is ready for?

I suppose the first question many people had coming out of The Substance was what a guy-coded version of it would look like, even though much of what made The Substance work was the perspective it was coming from; not just the style it used to tell that story. Still, given how badly an idea like that could have gone, I’d say that this movie is worth celebrating despite falling short in a few key areas. It certainly picked the right angle of approach, as the history of sports is littered with preventable injuries, cover-ups of horrific behavior, and the exploitation of players, with the movie draws explicit parallels between sports stars and older figures of strength and power such as knights, gladiators, and conquerors. A linebacker may not be slaughtering his opponents in the arena, but we lionize sports stars for what they do on our TV screens, while off the field they struggle with all the pain and sacrifices it takes to get there. It paints a viscerally compelling portrait of obsession that spirals out from a simplistic, if gruesome, view of sports training to the true gut punch realities of superstardom and immortality being shouldered by mortal men. It shares much of the same headspace that The Substance occupied, but where that film relied on its allegories and metaphors, as well as Demi Moore’s performance, to carry us through to the end, this tells a straightforward story and lets the more abstract and esoteric ideas fill out the margins of the script and the unique compositions of the cinematography. It also helps that this is a much more robust cast, with two primary forces pushing and pulling against each other with a smattering of supporting characters to prod our protagonist in conflicting directions. Marlon Wayans is the definite standout as an aging lion that is threatened by the young new cub in the pride, and while you’re never able to trust him, his performance has enough charm to it that you hope there’s more to all this than just an attempt to destroy his younger counterpart. Said counterpart, played by Tyriq Withers, is another strong point in the film’s favor, as he’s more subdued of a presence but is still a fully fleshed out character with his own hopes, dreams, flaws, and responsibilities that connect you with his plight and gives you a reason to care about this specific person as more than just a vessel for the movie’s themes. I did ultimately like this more than The Substance because of the more grounded storytelling, but there’s no denying that the film still feels a little half-baked; especially when compared to that movie’s tight structure and sharp satire. It’s not quite as clever as it hopes to be and indulges in silly moments that don’t heighten the tension but undercut the seriousness of the situation. The idea of fans being equivalent to religious zealots is not without merit, but here it comes off as comical rather than insightful, and while the cinematography is top-notch with fun details and unsettling architecture, it’s also a little too blunt and obvious for its own good. The movie cleverly provides an in-universe justification for the bizarre imagery that pops throughout the story, and it’s without question that a lot of thought went into using abstraction and symbolism to get its point across, but it never quite goes for broke the same way The Substance did, so while the ideas are interesting, the execution feels slightly muted and simplistic; never reaching the heights of heady excess that you want for a movie like this. I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention how some of the imagery, especially towards the end, hews a bit too closely to conspiratorial thinking and makes allusions to some very negative stereotypes even if it doesn’t explicitly name them. I understand what they’re going for, and what they are discussing is a legitimate problem in the sports world, but there’s also a way of expressing that frustration that can easily be hijacked by bigots and this is just a bit too loose with that kind of imagery to completely dissuade such interpretations. It is indeed a flawed movie in ways that undeniably make it a lesser film than The Substance, but it does have more of a heart to it which counts for quite a lot in my book, though maybe leave a bit of that anger at the door; especially if you’re still working out the finer points of what it is you’re trying to say.

3.5 out of 5
Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Him & The Ugly Stepsister”

Cinema Dispatch: Us

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Us and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Jordan Peele

After Get Out, it was almost a certainty that Jordan Peele would become one of the predominate voices in the industry, but as is the case with any director who comes out the gate that strongly there’s always the question of how they’re gonna follow it up; hence the term Sophomore Slump.  Michael Cimino, Richard Kelly, Joe Cornish, they’ve all had underwhelming second films and it’s not that hard to see why.  Bigger budgets and more creative freedom means that a lot of filmmakers will pursue their passion project which may or may not appeal to as many people (or let’s be honest, aren’t as good ideas as they think they are) which rubs up against the very high expectations to follow up their first film with something even better.  Will that be the fate of Jordan Peele’s follow up to Get Out, or is he destined to buck the trend and give us a new experience that’s just as fantastic?  Let’s find out!!

Adelaide Wilson (Lupita Nyong’o) is your average middle class woman with the perfect family consisting of her husband Gabe (Winston Duke) and her children Zora and Jason (Shahadi Wright and Evan Alex) who head to their summer home for a much needed vacation.  Said vacation however is somewhat bittersweet as it used to belong to Adelaide’s mother before she died and on top of that Adelaide has some less than perfect memories of the place.  You see, back when she was a child she and her parents took a visit to the boardwalk where she wandered off and ran into a little girl who looked EXACTLY like her.  What happened next is something of a mystery, but the point is that it was a very traumatizing moment and the memory of it has put her on edge the entire time they’re there.  It turns out she was RIGHT to be fearful however because in the middle of the night a family of four who look just like them (played by the same actors) and refer to themselves as THE TETHERED break in and start being SUPER creepy around the family with some sort of deadly scheme in mind.  I think it goes Step 1: Murder, Step 2: … , and Step 3: Profit, but whatever the end goal may be the Wilson family is gonna need to find a way to fight back and survive this horrid night by any means necessary.  Can Adelaide and face her greatest fear in the form of the doppelganger she saw so long ago?  What exactly are THE TETHERED after, and do their ambitions extend beyond just torturing this one family for funsies?  What if Thanos’s plan wasn’t just to wipe out half of humanity, but to replace them with evil versions of the other half!?  JORDAN PEELE IS NOW CONFIRMED FOR THE MCU!!

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“I didn’t survive the attack on Wakanda just for this crap!  Wait, did I survive?”

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Joy’s Ex)

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of The Jefferton Folk Blues, and if that pun there was a bit too obscure, this is the final episode of the series!  I know!  I too wish this series had gone on forever and ever, but all good things must come to an end at some point, so let’s see how Tim & Eric’s flagship series made its final bow!  The episode begins with Tom in a quite cheerful mood as he visits the Mayor on Saint Patriot’s Day; presumably a Jefferton specific take on The Fourth of July that I’m guessing The mayor concocted for whatever reason.  Probably so he had an excuse to buy an ADORABLE talking bear that sadly seems to drain its batteries very quickly.  If it wasn’t clear enough by Tom’s cheerful mood that this episode did NOT directly follow Puddins, it turns out that Tom has brought over a cake for The Mayor that his three VERY MUCH ALIVE step sons had made for him.  For what reason, I’m not sure, but I’m guessing it has to do with Tom trying to brown nose The Mayor again and has roped his sons into this latest foolhardy attempt to get The Senpai to notice him.  Actually it looks like this attempt might just pay off as The Mayor seems to feel genuinely sorry for the guy after hearing his pathetic spiel about how bad things are at home (Joy’s ex-husband and father of Tom’s stepsons is staying at their house while she and the kids are going out of town) and invites him to a soiree at his private residence.  No not the fancy house we saw in Puddins!  He’s got a condo at Jefferton Castle which I assume is the most exclusive bit of real estate in the entire city and lucky Tom here just got a one way ticket to enjoy the festivities!

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“All I ask is that you bring six bottles of Tequila, a goat you have a slight amount of animosity towards, and a covered dish.”     “Okay… what about potato salad?”     “Come on, Tom.  I don’t have to hold your hand now, do I?”

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Puddins)

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

Welcome back to A Single Tom where things take a decidedly dark and melancholic turn right as we’re about to end the series.  In fact, many members of the show’s staff consider this to be the true finale for the series despite Tim & Eric choosing the next episode being the last one to air as they felt it would have been too depressing to end the season on such a dire note.  Just how bad does it get?  Let’s find out!!  It starts off as you’d expect it to with Good ol’ Tom Peters visiting The Mayor, but this time he has some sad news to deliver.  It turns out his eldest stepson, Brindon, has just died.  No seriously, the more or less FINAL episode of this series has one of Tom’s stepson’s dying a gruesome and violent death.  Now I’m not a fan of HOW he died as it’s a rather mean spirited fat joke as he ate enough food during his birthday party to eventually explode, but the point is still made.  Tom Peters, the man who can never face anything in his life, has to face one of the hardest things anyone would ever have to go through.

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“WHY DID YOU EAT THAT WAFER THIN MINT!?”

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Undercover)

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back another episode of 21 Jefferton Street where it seems that Tim & Eric beat Phil Lord and Chris Miller to the punch by a good six years, albeit with a much smaller budget and a tenth of the run time.  The episode begins with yet another public service announcement for the citizens of Jefferton, though this time they couldn’t afford Janeane Garofalo and had to settle for Jan and Wayne Skyler; Jefferton’s own married news team.  The lack of A-List celebrities on hand however should NOT lessen their grave message as it seems that the greatest menace currently facing the town is the abundance of starch in people’s diet.  Now to their credit, starch IS something you should watch out for in your diet as it’s a common staple in some really bad foods and can even cause blood sugar issues if you’re already susceptible to those kind of issues (starch is a form of glucose), but like with basically ANYTHING you eat it’s all about moderation and finding out what works best for your system.  Now obviously this PSA isn’t about that as it’s paid for by the Jefferton Starch League, and the goal was clearly to scare people into looking at ridiculous (and pricey) alternatives to simply cutting back on the mashed potatoes.  Case in point, Jan and Wayne’s guest on the program is a wacky inventor named Sandy Winfield (Bob Odenkirk) who has devised a Starch Testing Machine that looks like a ColecoVision with a desktop calculator from the same era glued on top. Now sure, it CAN be a pain in the ass to measure starch content in all the food you eat (subtract the total grams of carbohydrates from the grams of sugar and fiber), but since Mr. Winfield’s method LITERALLY involves your ass as you have to have to test your own stool with it, I think doing a little bit of math is the much more convenient option.

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“Sandy Winfield is not a real doctor, but those elitist jerks will just tell you to change your diet!  Pay me money to tell you why you should be panicking about Starch!”

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Glass Eyes)

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with Toodle Day Part 2 as Tim & Eric have come up with ANOTHER wacky local holiday for the denizens of Jefferton to distract themselves with between the constant onslaught of disasters that Tom and The Mayor cause on a near weekly basis!  The episode begins with Tom going to The Mayor with yet another as per usual, and yet something seems different this time.  The Mayor picks up on it on it to and starts jabbing Tom in the eye with a giant stick; presumably because he sees Tom as some sort of threat that must be stopped, but luckily for Tom the SOMETHING DIFFERENT turns out to be one of his eyes which has been replace with one made of glass.  Apparently he lost it while playing with his step-children which I can absolutely see happening considering this guy’s luck, but I am surprised that his terrible insurance policy seems to have scrounged up enough money to put something into the socket, especially considering prosthetic eyes nowadays cost about two grand.  Who knows, maybe he bought it used or found it lying in the parking lot.

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“It’s just me.  Tom Peters.”     “I know exactly who you are, Tom.”     *JAB*  *JAB*  *JAB*

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Couple’s Therapy)

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of Mad About Tom, and while his wife Joy may be mad about him in one definition of the word, she’s certainly not mad about him in the more flattering version of that idiom.  What did he do this time?  Well let’s find out!!  The episode begins not with the familiar Tom Goes to the Mayor theme, but instead with a Public Service Announcement regarding an issue that is near and dear to all of our hearts.  Keeping Janeane Garofalo employed!  Okay, not that, but Janeane Garofalo IS in the PSA to deliver a message about endangered Oil Turtles.  As it turns out, Jefferton’s efforts to clean their man-made lake have in fact been a detriment to the wellbeing of Oil Turtles who need pollution to survive.  This is all sounding a bit fishy, but Janeane seems sure that the solution is to dump more oil into the lake, and The Mayor agrees as we pull the camera back and realize that we were in his office the whole time!  MAYOR SHOCK!!  Okay, that’s probably not worth a MAYOR SHOCK, but it does mean we can jump right into the Tom going to The Mayor part of Tom Goes to the Mayor as we see our hapless hero come by with some rather disturbing news.  Apparently Jefferton’s power company put a giant electrical tower right in the middle of Tom’s yard which has caused a few fires already as well as the fact that his step sons are developing giant tumors because of it.  It’s actually a bit of an urban legend that power lines can cause cancer, but really there hasn’t been any studies that confirm the kind of electromagnetic fields they produce (non-ionizing) that can link it to cancer, so I’m guessing it’s less a power line and more of a Hell Machine that The Mayor is DISGUISING as a power line, and I’m pretty sure its function is to do nothing BUT give people cancer.

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“You know, Brenden is hearing voices and Joy has been vomiting pea soup.  I just think that the TIMING is a bit curious.”     “Well Tom, I’m glad to have your input all I see is an un-American whiner who wants to halt the progress of this great town.”     “Oh.  Well… I guess I can’t argue with that reasoning.  My apologies.”     “It’s okay Tom.  I forgive you.  Just don’t let it happen again.”

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (The Layover)

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of Big Fish Freezers, and BOY are we in for a doozy toady!  This is the episode where everything about Tom starts to make sense as we finally get to meet his dad!  Sure it probably won’t be as emotionally draining as seeing what Clay Puppington had to deal with as a kid, but Tim & Eric are not ones to half-ass an opportunity like this (despite their intentionally tacky style) and I’m sure we’ll get lots of very revealing insights today!  The episode begins with Tom waiting at the Jefferton Airport (because Jefferton can afford one of those apparently) and holding up a sign for his father who is arriving any minute now!  Well speak of the Devil (no not The Mayor, although we’ll get to him soon enough) there he is!  Tom is so overwhelmed with happiness that he can’t help but embrace his father (Bob Balaban) in a beautiful display of affection!  One that his father rebuffs without hesitation.  Well then!  I think one giant piece in the Tom Peters puzzle just fell into place!  It’s clear that his father is emotionally distant to his son so he has to seek that affection in other male role models like The Mayor!  Do you SEE what you did, Mr. Tom’s Dad!?  All those deaths are because you couldn’t give him a few more hugs!!  Then again, I’m not about to let Tom off the hook just yet considering he’s a grown ass man and STILL manages to act like a fool.  Case in point, his father is a Fish Freezer Salesman who is here on a layover for a big Seafood Convention where he’ll make the majority of his sales for the fiscal year and his next flight leaves in eleven minutes (Oh hey!  That’s how long an episode of the show is!), but instead of simply greeting him there and maybe getting a cup of coffee, Tom has this ridiculous itinerary all planned out where his father will somehow visit several Jefferton locations in a brief window of time and even have a meal with Joy and the kids for exactly one minute.  Don’t worry though!  Tom will keep of all of this with his trusty stop watch and he even factored in explaining the itinerary into the itinerary!  Tom’s dad Mr. Walt Pickle (if you recall in Surprise Party, Joy’s last name is Peters which Tom took when he married her) may have a lot of explaining to do, but he surely can’t be held responsible for ALL of this!

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“And as you can see, we’ll be back here with seven seconds to spare!”     “How did you even come up with this?  Did I forget to teach you how to tell TIME!?”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (The Layover)”

Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Zoo Trouble)

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

Welcome back to another episode of Tom Goes to the Mayor Nights!  While we may not have THE HOFF to lead us on this adventure, there’s still a wacky and frankly unbelievable mystery to be solved by our two hapless heroes!  The episode begins with Good ol’ Tom Peters actually doing something constructive for the city of Jefferton as he’s volunteering at the city zoo; doing tour guides for the undiscerning masses about the fabulous creatures on display!  There’s a squirrel… and that’s about it.  Oh, and for some reason they have a gorilla named Michael Davidson with a really fancy state of the art cage, but he doesn’t come out much so the tour guide moves to the visitors center which is basically a tube TV in a shack that everyone needs to crowd around.  You know, Zoos are already an ethical minefield (helping endangered species while also providing educational experiences is all well and good, but exploitation and mistreatment of animals is always at risk of happening) and Jefferton isn’t’ really making a good case for them when the darn thing is so underfunded that they can’t afford more than a few animals and have to rely on guys like Tom Peters to keep it running.  Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on where this will go), The Mayor was part of that recent tour and even HE has noticed just how awful this place is.  Seriously, as much of a monster as he can be, he’s usually VERY good at being diplomatic and propping up his city even when he’s corroding it from within, and het even HE can’t hold his tongue on this crap hole; and hey, if THAT’S not enough to convince you… TOM AGREES WITH HIM!  If the incarnation of Pure Evil as well as the most mealy-mouthed loser in the world can’t muster any enthusiasm, you KNOW this place is in trouble!

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“This place is a total dump.”     “Well you’re The Mayor.  Shouldn’t YOU do something about it?”     “Don’t you sass me, young man!”

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Friendship Alliance)

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of Mayor Hard! The Tom Peters Story! It’s a very special episode this time around because not only does it guest star John C Reilly, it’s ALSO my favorite episode of the entire series! How did it manage to pull THAT off!? Let’s find out!! The episode begins with some happy news for once as Tom is going to The Mayor not to ingratiate himself into The mayor’s latest scheme (or to propose one of his own), rather to give The Mayor a bubble gum cigar and inform him that he is now a Step-Grandpop! It seems that one of Joy’s eldest daughters (who we have never seen before) has just given birth to a beautiful baby wolf person that they named Joy after her beloved grandmother! Whether this means the father is a wolf or Tom is being INCREDIBLY insensitive towards someone with extra body hair (as if women don’t have enough problems conforming to societal beauty standards when they’re grown, let alone as a baby) is something that we’ll sadly never know, but he is left to look after her while Joy and the kids are visiting one of her exes. What we DO know is that The Mayor is so overjoyed for Tom that he reminds him how important it is to update his Friendship Alliance profile to reflect the good news! Truly the most important ritual of the modern era, but sadly Tom has never heard of such a thing which begs the question, what exactly is Friendship Alliance? It’s Facebook. That’s it. Well, okay. It’s PROBABLY based more on Myspace as this episode came out in August of 2006 and Facebook wouldn’t be available to the public for another month while Myspace had a two year head start being released in 2004 (which ended up amounting to nothing once the competition took hold), so chances are that was what they were referencing when they initially wrote this episode.

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Oh, THAT’S where Myspace Tom came from!

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