Tag: Regina Hall

Cinema Dispatch: The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures

Directed by Derek Drymon

When the first SpongeBob movie came out, my grandma had to take me to see it because I was way too young to drive myself. That is how old this franchise is, which is an impressive feat in its own right, but with a quarter-century of episodes, spin-offs, streaming originals, and now four movies under its belt, well, let’s just say that it could easily start to resemble another series with yellow characters that hit its peak some time ago. Will this latest SpongeBob adventure be a delight for fans both old and new, or are we just running out the clock until Tom Kenny gets tired of doing that iconic laugh? Let’s find out!!

SpongeBob SquarePants (Tom Kenny), Bikini Bottom’s premiere fry cook and most eligible bachelor, is ready to become a proper Sponge-Man instead of a mere SpongeBob, but after hearing tall tales from his idol and boss Mr. Krabs (Clancy Brown), he doesn’t feel confident that he has what it takes. Fortunately for him, The Flying Dutchman (Mark Hamill) hears his laments and offers him the opportunity of a lifetime!  Sail with him to the mysterious Underworld and face the challenges that await, with the promise of a Swashbuckler certificate at the end if he can prove himself.  With his best buddy Patrick (Bill Fagerbakke) at his side, he boards the ship, and they head to the mysterious lands below the deepest depths of the sea, but Mr. Krabs knows the Dutchman’s tricks and chases after him with Squidward (Rodger Bumpass) and Gary in tow.  What truly waits for SpongeBob at the end of this adventure with The Flying Dutchman, and are the consequences as dire as Mr. Krabs fears?  Can the friendship between SpongeBob and Patrick be enough to withstand whatever challenges they will face, or will the road to manhood finally be what tears these two apart?  Seriously, are we just never gonna get a Squidward movie?  Sandy got a movie, but not Squidward!?

“Talk to my agent, you yellow Philistine!”    “Okey-dokey, best buddy!”
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Cinema Dispatch: Little

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Little and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Tina Gordon

I don’t know about this one.  I got this trailer a few times and while it did have a few funny gags here and there, it seemed like only a step or two above Night School which I would conclusively say is damning with faint praise considering how I’m guessing only half of you even remember what that was.  Still!  It’s always a good idea to give a comedy NOT from a straight male perspective a chance because if nothing else it’s unlikely to be as toxic and mean spirited as say Daddy’s Home 2 or Fist Fight, and the LAST time we got a female centered update on a well-known comedy (this being a clear inversion of Tom Hank’s Big) was the eminently enjoyable What Men Want, so perhaps there’s something here that’s not shining through in the trailers!  Could this be a comedy classic in the making, or am I expecting too much from yet another cash grab to soak up a few bucks between Shazam and Avengers?  Let’s find out!!

Jordan Sanders (Regina Hall) is a hard as nails (i.e. abusive) owner of a tech company that believes time not spent crunching is time wasted, and no one at the office likes her; least of all her assistant April (Issa Rae) who puts up with it because… well that’s what we ALL have to do when we have crappy jobs.  Jordan however messes with the wrong person one day as a young girl at the office calls her out for her attitude and uses her magic wand to put a curse on her.  Now I’d have preferred if she went up to her face and whispered the word “littler” to her, but in any case the magic seems to have taken effect as she wakes up the next day as her thirteen year old self (Marsai Martin).  Now fortunately for Jordan, April takes this whole situation rather well and agrees to help cover for her at work until they can get this fixed, but through a rather convoluted set of circumstances, Jordan has to be enrolled in school THAT VERY DAY OR ELSE APRIL WILL GET ARRESTED… for reasons.  Oh, and on top of that there’s a big pitch scheduled at the office in two days to try and keep the company’s most valuable client and April is SO not ready for that which means she has to learn to be a leader as Jordan learns to be… less of a jerk I guess?  Anyway, will Jordan find a way to return to her normal self before and even learn a valuable less at the same time?  Will April become the active go getter who can get things done in an economy that will otherwise chew her up and spit her out?  Wait, why does she need glasses when she’s little but not when she’s an adult?  Does she have contacts that no longer fit, or did the laser eye surgery somehow reverse itself?  DID HER BABY TEETH GROW BACK!?

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I mean there’s no reason this CAN’T also be a live action Detective Conan movie, right?

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Cinema Dispatch: Girls Trip

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Girls Trip and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Malcolm D Lee

I am so not looking forward to this one.  They just kept playing that trailer over and OVER again in front of everything I saw, and I never once found it funny; especially that joke (and I use the term loosely) about infectious diseases NOT being spread through the rectum.  Are we supposed to laugh because it’s ignorant?  I don’t know, but all that said it’s got a decent enough looking cast and trailers don’t ALWAYS accurately reflect the finished product.  Maybe there’s a chance this will turn out fine!  That’s possible, right!?  Well let’s find out!!

The movie is about four friends who were besties in college, but then life happened and they started to drift away as they found love, careers, and other things that kept them busy.  We’ve got Ryan Pierce (Regina Hall) who’s a self-help celebrity married to some dude named Stewart (Mike Colter), Lisa Cooper (Jada Pinkett Smith) who’s a divorcee as well as a helicopter mom, Sasha Franklin (Queen Latifah) who was going to be a great journalist but is stuck writing about celebrity gossip on her blog, Dina (Tiffany Haddish) who’s… well THE WILD CARD I guess.  Anyway, the titular trip of the movie happens when Ryan has an opportunity to get a TV show and is meeting up with the TV executives in New Orleans while she’s ALSO giving a speech at a women’s conference of some kind; both of which by the way are happening over the same weekend as the Essence Music Festival.  Given this once in a lifetime opportunity, she decides to call up her friends and invite them for a wild weekend which will surely be filled with shenanigans and wine coolers!  Of course, things don’t go as planned as all four of them have issues that bubble up to the surface during the trip and Ryan is at risk of losing that TV show deal if things get too far out of hand.  Can Ryan keep things under control between her wild friends and even her husband long enough to get what she’s always wanted?  Will Sasha betray her best friend once she gets her hands on some juicy gossip about her and her love life?  Will the other two resolve… whatever story arcs THEY have!?

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A selfie stick is the PERFECT accessory for any occasion… IN BED!!

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Cinema Dispatch: When the Bough Breaks

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

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When the Bough Breaks and all the images you see in this review are owned by Screen Gems

Directed by Jon Cassar

I really did not want to see this.  The trailers didn’t inspire much hope that this would be all that great and the premise sounded… unpleasant, to say the least.  Still, Morris Chestnut is a national treasure and it’s always good to see Regina Hall get some work, so maybe the people in front of and even behind the camera can make something out of this dopey premise!  We can only hope…

The movie is about John and Laura Taylor (Morris Chestnut and Regina Hall) who have been trying for oh so very long to have a child, but they’ve failed multiple times and are down to their last viable embryo.  I’m pretty sure Regina Hall hasn’t gone through menopause though, so I’m not sure WHY it’s their last egg, but maybe she had some sort of medical issue that made her infertile and I just wasn’t paying attention.  What all of this ultimately means is that they have one last shot to have a child, and so they have to pick the right surrogate to bring it to term.  In walks Anna Walsh (Jazz Sinclair) who’s just volunteered at the fertility clinic that John and Laura are working with, and immediately Laura falls in love with her.  Within days, Anna is pregnant with their child and the Taylors couldn’t be happier!  That is until Anna’s shit head boyfriend Mike (Theo Rossi) beats the hell out of her and she’s left without much options.  Hey, she’s already carrying their kid, so why not let her stay in the guest house?  Well… it turns out that Anna may not be all there mentally, and she immediately develops a crush on John which complicates matters.  Will Anna have her way with John behind Laura’s back?  Just how far from stable is Anna, and what will she be willing to do to get what she wants?  Just how the hell did THIS woman manage to bullshit her way through the fertility clinic’s psych evaluation!?

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Oh I’m sure she’s FINE!  Look how happy she is for them!!

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Cinema Dispatch: Barbershop: The Next Cut

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 2 Comments

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Barbershop: The Next Cut and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Malcolm D Lee

I tend not to review movies if I haven’t seen the original films first; even if the connection between them is tenuous at best.  Mostly it’s an excuse to keep my own sanity (*cough* Allegiant *cough*) but I think it’s fair to say that those who go see sequels without seeing the previous films are gonna be hard pressed to review it in the context of the series as well as in the context of itself as a singular film.  That said, I made an exception here; primarily because this is one of those years later sequels which means they’ll likely have a refresher of sorts at the beginning to catch everyone up to speed, and also because I thought the trailers looked pretty good with a solid cast and genuinely funny moments; That and the added bonus of seeing Nikki Minaj onscreen.  ANYWAY!  Does this manage to bring in a new audience while also pleasing the longtime fans of the series, or will this be a disaster borne from the cast and crew’s desire to just cash in on their previous success?  Let’s find out!!

The movie primarily follows the misadventures of Calvin (Ice Cube) who runs a joint barber shop/beauty shop where many of his friends work, including his wife Angie (Regina Hall).  Going to work every day with the people you love, shooting the shit, cutting hair; sounds like the perfect life, right?  Well it WOULD be if the shop wasn’t right smack dab in the middle of one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Chicago!  Calvin has to worry about gangsters shooting guns outside the shop, customers shooting them INSIDE the shop, and even his own son Jalen (Michael Rainey Jr) get suckered and seduced into the thug life.  Can this little barber shop prove to be the catalyst for real change in the neighborhood once they decide to take direct action?  Will Calvin sell the shop so that he and his family can get out of the bad neighborhood while leaving all his friends twisting in the wind?  Is Cedric the Entertainer going to live up to his name for once!?

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“What all this?  Where the hell am I!?”     “Relax.  You’re in a good movie.”     “… Say what?”     “YOU’RE IN A GOOD MOVIE!!”     Okay, you’re saying words, but they just sound all jumbled together and don’t make any sense.”

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