Dunkirk and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros
Directed by Christopher Nolan
I never got around to seeing Interstellar despite having the blu ray somewhere around here, so my last Christopher Nolan film was The Dark Knight Rises (a film that I’m not particularly fond off) which came even longer ago than Green Lantern. We’ve had an entire DCCU build up in the dude’s wake since I’ve last seen one his movies, and he’s coming back to theaters with the most classic of prestige genres; the World War II epic! Hey, it worked for Spielberg! Twice in fact! Even if I wasn’t a huge fan of his last Batman movie (and from what I hear, most people were rather put off by Interstellar), I’m still glad to see this guy continue to make films, and while it’s a bit of cliché now for RESPECTABLE film makers to make a film about how much Nazis suck, I’m sure the guy is more than capable of putting his own spin on it that will make the movie a standout of the year! Does Nolan return with a decisive victory, or is this a tortuous war of attrition? Let’s find out!!
So the movie is about the Dunkirk Evacuation where a whole bunch of Allied soldiers were trying to escape from France as it was slowly being overtaken by the Nazis. Their only hope is to get a whole bunch of boats to France, load them all up, and ferry them across the English Channel to safety, but of course it’s not as easy as that considering how many submarines and airplanes the Nazis have in the area. Things get so desperate that Churchill eventually calls for English citizens with boats to become volunteers and try to make the dangerous trek across the Channel to pick up however many soldiers they can carry; hoping the Nazis will ignore them for being civilian ships. In the movie, we’ve got Tommy (Fionn Whitehead) on the beach with everyone else waiting for the boats, Mr Dawson (Mark Rylance) as one of the boaters taking his yacht along with his son and a local boy (Tom Glynn-Carney and Barry Keoghan) to help the war effort, and a Royal Air Force pilot (Tom Hardy) doing what he can to keep the skies clear despite being rather low on fuel. Will our heroes manage to make it out of this evacuation alive? Does Christopher Nolan manage to capture the magnitude of this historical event through his spectacular technical chops? If they needed a ride so badly, why didn’t they just call Uber!? Wait, do they have Uber for boats yet?
“Does anybody know any good knock-knock jokes?” “Knock Knock.” “Who’s there?” “Shut up.”
Now You See Me 2 and all the images you see in this review are owned by Summit Entertainment
Directed by Jon M Chu
I didn’t HATE the first movie, but I wasn’t really a fan of it. While the magic performances as well as that one Dave Franco action scene were a lot of fun, the glue holding everything together was far from compelling and the twist at the end was MONUMENTALLY stupid; not just because it’s… well stupid, but also because of how it completely poisons the idea of repeat viewings as its one of those twists that unravels everything we saw and robs the story of any sort of tension. That said I wasn’t opposed to the idea of a sequel, especially once it was revealed that they got Daniel Radcliffe to be in it! Sure, the twist at the end of the first one kinda ruins THAT movie, but maybe they’ll build off of this one in an interesting and novel way! Does this manage to continue the trend of sequels this year being better than the original, or is this movie trying to pull a fast one on all of us? Let’s find out!! Oh, and we’ll be going into spoilers for the last film, so just a heads up.
After the events of the last movie where the Four Horsemen who are composed of Danny (Jesse Eisenberg), Merritt (Woody Harrelson), Jack (Dave Franco), and Henley (Isla Fisher, or Sir Not Appearing In This Film) fulfilled the mission given to them by The Eye, they are now members of the secret organization under the watchful… well EYE, of Agent Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) who was the FBI agent chasing them throughout the first one; the big twist of that film being that he was in on it the entire time! MAGIC SHOCK! So after robbing Insurance Mogul Arthur Tressler (Michael Caine) of his fortune and getting Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman) to take the fall for it, the Horsemen have spent the last year in hiding; waiting around for a sequel… I mean mission, from The Eye. Henley gave up after a while and went off to do her own thing (what exactly that is, I’m not sure considering she’s still wanted… I think) and Daniel is about to do the same if they aren’t given something to do, or at least get a chance to MEET this organization they’re supposedly working for with their only connection to them being Agent Rhodes. The day FINALLY comes though as they get a new member Lula (Lizzy Caplan) to join The Horsemen and they plan to crash a part announcing the release of the next iPhone knockoff which supposedly has a chip in it that will steal ALL the users’ data so they can sell it. I don’t know why this is a job for The Horsemen considering that shit would get discovered and jailbroken within fifteen minutes of its release, but whatever. The plan doesn’t go as… well planned, as their party crashing is interrupted by ANOTHER party crasher who reveals that Jack is STILL alive (he was presumed dead after the events of the last film) and that Agent Rhodes is actually working with them! Not only that, but during The Horsemen’s escape, they somehow find themselves ALL the way in China where some sniveling jackass named Walter Mabry (Daniel Radcliffe) reveals that he’s the one behind all of this and will get The Horsemen out of trouble (apparently he can do that) if they do a heist for him. While all this is going on, Agent Rhodes is still in the US trying to evade law enforcement and is trying to piece everything together as to whom else could have been in on this plot against them, and his focus invariably shifts right to Thaddeus Bradley who is loving every moment of this. Will The Horsemen be able to steal what Walter wants them to, and can he be trusted to keep up his end of the bargain? How exactly will Agent Rhodes manage to get the truth out of Thaddeus about his involvement in all of this, and does this have anything to do with his past? Look over there! Now here! Was THIS your card!?
The Last Witch Hunter and all the images you see in this review are owned by Summit Entertainment
Directed by Breck Eisner
And so we find ourselves with yet another chance for Vin Diesel to prove his nerd creds. The guy is one of the biggest nerds in Hollywood and has shown it time and time again by attaching himself to big sci-fi and fantasy epics in between Fast and Furious sequels. While some have been great like Pitch Black, others have not been so great like Babylon A.D. Will The Last Witch Hunter be one of his better forays into bringing table top gaming to the silver screen, or will this be another misstep for an actor who can’t catch a break unless he’s behind the wheel of a car? Let’s find out!!
The movie chronicles the modern day adventures of Kaulder (Vin Diesel); the immortal witch hunter who was cursed with this power by a witch he killed. Seems legit I guess. For the past couple hundred years he’s been working for The Axe and Cross to keep the peace between humanity and magic users who are allowed to live, but only under Harry Potter rules. None of the humans outside of the Axe and Cross (which I’m PRETTY sure is just the Catholic Church) are to know about them and their powers and anyone who uses their powers on humans are the next victims of Kaulder. After getting back from a trip to stop a witch from hurting herself and others with some dangerous rocks, Kaulder finds out that the Axe and Cross’s official liaison for him, the thirty-sixth Dolan (Michal Caine), is retiring and being replaced by the thirty-seventh Dolan (Elijah Wood). However, his retirement is short lived as THE VERY NEXT DAY Kaulder gets a call that the dude had keeled over. With bullshit detectors that have been sharped over hundreds of years, it doesn’t take long for him to realize that the cause of death was MURDER!!! Who could possibly be behind his death!? Well Kaulder intends to find out along with the thirty-seventh Dolan and a local witch (Rose Leslie) whose life Kaulder ruins yet still feels like tagging along for this very dangerous endeavor. Will Kaulder find out who killed his friend? Is there a greater mystery to be solved when they find out WHY he was killed? Is this at least as good as Constantine!?
And those questions will be answered… right now. Yes, yes, and HELL no!!!