Greta and all the images you see in this review are owned by Focus Features
Directed by Neil Jordan
Is it just me, or are we about to get a tidal wave of horror movies? Sure, we’ve already had stuff like Escape Room and The Prodigy wasting space at the multiplex, but we’re just coming off of Happy Death Day 2U before getting this film, and we’ve still got Us and Pet Semetary coming out soon, not to mention that EVIL Superman movie and the one where Octavia Spencer kills a bunch of bratty teenagers just over the horizon! Can this movie about the perils of making friends with Isabelle Huppert prove to be the standout horror movie in an already crowded field, or will this be lost in the shuffle like so many other movies trying to grab onto this popular (and affordable) genre? Let’s find out!!
Frances (Chloë Grace Moretz) is your typical millennial living in the city with her roommate Erica (Maik Monroe) and one day she finds a purse all by its lonesome that she decides to return it to its owner because she’s such a nice person! Said purse is owned by Great (Isabelle Huppert) who lives alone and spends her time playing the piano to drown out the neighbors who always seem to be banging on her walls, and the two become quick friends. Maybe they have genuine interests or maybe their using each other to fill a hole they have in their lives (Frances’s mother recently died and Great’s daughter is supposedly off in France), but whatever the case may be they both seem to be much more happy now that they’ve got each other as friends! Now that sounds like a fun movie on its own, but as it turns out Greta is hiding something as Frances finds a half dozen of the same purse in her one of Greta’s cupboards which means she DIDN’T lose her purse and intentionally left it for someone to find! Why would she do that!? Well the correct answer is WHO CARES because the answer is probably not a good one and so Frances decides to bail and cut all contact with Greta. Not an easy task as it turns out as she won’t stop calling her apartment, leaving lengthy voicemails, and even showing up at her place of work to try and stay in touch with her. With the police unable (or possibly unwilling) to help Frances out, she decides to take matters into her own hands and find out more about Greta which leads to even more mysteries and even a few answers she may not like. Can Frances find a way to extract Greta from her life without putting herself or her loved ones in danger? What is Greta really after, and just how far will she go to get it? Did you know Isabelle Huppert was supposed to be in the Suspiria remake back when David Gordon Green was supposed to direct it? Maybe THAT’S what this is all about!!
“Did you put in a good word for me, Chloë?” “Yeah… of course!” “YOU LIAR!!”
Independence Day: Resurgence and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Fox
Directed by Roland Emmerich
With this movie, the Scream TV series, and the Power Puff Girls reboot, the late nineties are coming back in full force which I guess is gonna make some people happy. Sure enough, we’ll end up beating that decade to death like we did the eighties, but for now the idea of bringing some of this stuff back is still somewhat novel, though if ANYTHING is gonna kill any love we have for that period of time, it might just be this movie. Well that’s not fair. The first one had a long list of talented actors, and at least half of them have returned to this one! Not only that, but it’s been a REALLY good year for sequels so far, so maybe this one has a shot! Can this at least be as good as the original which is hardly the highest bar to set in the first place? Let’s find out!!
The movie picks up twenty years after the events of the first movie where the Earth has apparently advanced AT LEAST a hundred years in their technology due to the remnants of the alien invasion of 1996, and the world has also come together in peace so they can focus all that aggression towards outer space. Speaking of aggression, a day does come when another spaceship comes close to the planet and the humans end up shooting it down immediately despite David Levison (Jeff Goldblum) thinking it’s a mistake. He manages to enlist the help of bad boy space pilot Jake Morrison (Liam Hemsworth) to take him and whoever happened to be nearby when the spaceship landed up into space. Said people include a scientist (Charlotte Gainsbourg), a UN accountant (Nicolas Wright), and an African warlord (Deobia Oparel). Just roll with it. Anyway, they manage to find the spaceship they shout out of the sky somewhere on the moon and are ready to transport it back to Earth when the REAL alien invasion happens and instead of bringing a dozen big ships, they bring one HUMONGOUS ship to kick humanities ass! Will David Levison manage to stop the alien threat once again, though probably not with a Macbook this time? Just how many landmarks will the aliens target this time?
NOT JEFF GOLDBLUM! HE’S AMERICA’S GREATEST TREASURE!!
The 5th Wave and all the images you see in this review are owned by Columbia Pictures
Directed by J Blakeson
I’ve been able to avoid a lot of the Young Adult adaptations until now. Never saw a Hunger Games movie, any of the Divergent films, not even The Giver. I can’t avoid these films forever though, so here I am reviewing the latest entry into the genre. Could it possibly be one of the better examples though? Well they released in January, so I’m gonna say no but I have had at least one surprise this month with The Boy. Hope for the best but expect the worst I guess.
The movie begins in an idyllic all American town where Cassie Sullivan (Chloë Grace Moretz) is living the Teenage American Dream, i.e. partying, meeting boys, and being the perfect daughter for their parents. Okay, technically the movie begins AFTER all this, but we flashback within five minutes of the movie starting. Anyway, things are going great for Cassie until the Earth is visited by a bunch of space ships that just hover overhead. No communication from the aliens; no attacks; no nothing. The aliens are dubbed The Others (I guess we ran out of ACTUAL proper nouns to use) and their silence doesn’t last forever as four strange events (which are called Waves) happen around the globe. Electricity goes out, natural disasters occur, and it all ends with most of the population decimated and fighting for survival against the aliens who are finally revealing themselves but look just like humans. Now in all this chaos, Cassie loses both her parents and her younger brother (Zackary Arthur) is drafted by the military to fight the alien menace. I mean, there are PLENTY of adults around or even older teenagers, but the military is taking in the kids too. I guess shit gets real once the aliens start attacking. Cassie however is none too thrilled about all this and resolves to walk her way to the military base in order to get her brother out of it… somehow. On top of all this, the boy she liked in high school Ben (Nick Robinson) has also been conscripted and is now her younger brother’s commanding officer (I guess he has seniority being sixteen and all) and on her way to the base, some mysterious guy named Evan (Alex Roe) saves her ass and decides to help her on her journey. Will Cassie save her brother from the military industrial complex? What secrets is Evan hiding from Cassie? What is the fifth and final Wave that the aliens are planning for humanity? Has anyone actually read this book!?
“What the fuck have I gotten myself into?” “Oh quit complaining. You were in Spotlight while I had a bit part in Jurassic World. Guess who DOESN’T get to be in the damn sequel?”