Monster Trucks and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures
Directed by Chris Wedge
Like alien crop circles and the Loch Ness Monster, this movie about trucks and the monsters that inhabit them remained a legend as the story behind it was ludicrous (some executive’s kid came up with the idea) and the release date kept being pushed back. The day has finally come however for theaters to finally keep this around for maybe a week or two before it disappears forever and everyone forgets that they spent over a hundred million dollars on it. Well, maybe that’s a bit harsh. A troubled development doesn’t NECESSARILY mean the final product is going to be a mess, and maybe it will work better for the target audience than people give it credit for! Will this be a film that lives up to the legend around it, or is this the last chapter in a long tale of infamy? Let’s find out!!
The movie begins with some oil baron with a REALLY bad accent, Reece Tenneson (Rob Lowe) digging for that sweet bubbling crude right in the heart of Dakota, but they manage to hit something else instead. Three monsters come out of the hole they drilled, and while they aren’t quite the heraldersof Cthulhu that you would expect from monsters that rise up from the Earth’s core, they still are gumming up the works for Reece’s operation. Therefore, he orders all his hired goons which includes the head goon Burke (Holt McCallany) and The ScientistTM Dr. Dowd (Thomas Lennon) to round these creatures up and… do something with them. One manages to escape however and finds its way to a junk yard MANY miles away where supposed high school student Tripp (Lucas Till) works at all the time; even on school nights. He finds the creature and eventually finds that he JUST SO HAPPENS to like hanging out inside of his truck, so he modifies the it for his new monster buddy who he calls Creech to surreptitiously drive it with his Monster Magic. Of course, things can’t quite go the way he wants them to as Burke is out there looking for the monster, his step dad Sheriff Rick (Barry Pepper) is already pissed at him for… reasons, and will probably do… something, and Reece is HELL BENT on killing all these monsters so he can get to the oil beneath… even though discovering monsters would probably net him just as much cash. Can Tripp and Creech, along with the extraneous love interest Meredith (Jane Levy), save these monsters from the evil Rob Lowe? What kind of hi-jinks and mischief, as well as felonies, can this lovable crew get involved with in the process? Did Paramount REALLY have to sink a hundred million into this!?
See, they had to spend EXTRA money to make a good truck look crappy!
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures
Directed by Edward Zwick
Everyone liked the first movie, right? It had depth, a decent mystery to solve, some solid action scenes, and Tom Cruise was charming as all hell! Sure, he was the embodiment of the masculine ideal which comes with a certain amount of baggage (just ask James Bond) , but that film brought a lot to the table where so many others would just coast on its star power and wouldn’t even worry about telling a decent story. Now it’s time for them to pump out a sequel, and of course they couldn’t get the same writer/director to return this time (instead he’s just a producer) leaving it up to the director of The Last Samurai and Tom Cruise’s raw charisma to pick up the slack. Can they catch lightening in a bottle twice for this franchise, or are we domed to exponentially worse films until Tom Cruise gets tired of this series? Let’s find out!!
The movie begins with Jack Reacher (Tom Cruise) heading toward Washington DC to meet up with a friend of his who’s his only real connection to his past life in the military, but when he arrives he finds out that Major Susan Turner (Cobie Smulders) has been arrested for her e-mails or something (ha ha). Of course, Jack Reacher finds out pretty much immediately that this is all a setup but gets arrested by the military for killing Turner’s lawyer which he obviously didn’t do. I don’t know why the bad guys felt it necessary to do this, especially because he’s getting processed at the Military Prison at the same time the bad guys are sending hired goons to kill Major Turner in this co-ed prison. Jack Reacher kicks everyone’s ass, the two of them escape, and now they have to find out who it is that set the both of them up. Of course, it’s not quite that easy. You see, it turns out that in ALL this time that Jack’s been contacting Major Turner over the phone, she failed to mention that he’s had a paternity suit pending for the last fifteen years which means he might have a kid out there who probably hates his guts right now. The kid in question is Samantha Dayton (Danik Yarosh) and sure enough the bad guys know about her and start targeting her to get to Jack which means he has to drag her along until this mystery is solved. Can Jack and Turner figure out who’s responsible for their incarceration and what they’re so desperate to cover up? Is Jack really the father of this surly teenager who’s not in the mood to deal with any of this bullshit? Seriously, there’s like twenty of these Jack Reacher books. Was this the best story they could get out of them!?
Oh HELL no! You’re not getting out of this one so easily!
Sully and all the images you see in this review are owned by Miramax and Warner Bros Pictures
Directed by Clint Eastwood
It has been a while since I’ve seen a Clint Eastwood movie. I’m pretty sure the last one I saw was Gran Torino which was pretty excellent and honestly a really good swansong for the ACTOR Clint Eastwood even if he’s continued to direct since then. Still, I definitely have some catching up to do here, and what better way to do so than with his new movie about his favorite subject? Heroic men doing awesome things and then people trying to punish them for it! Turn in your wings Sullenberger! YOU’RE OFF THE CASE!! Does this look into one of America’s modern folk heroes turn out to be another winner for the venerable director, or is Clint Eastwood just spinning his wheels at this point? Let’s find out!!
The movie begins a few days after the Miracle on the Hudson, where Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger (Tom Hanks) and his copilot Jeff Sliles (Aaron Eckhart) managed to not only land their plane that had blown BOTH engines into the Hudson River, but managed to do so without losing a single passenger! All’s good then, right? Well… there inevitably has to be an investigation to find out what exactly happened and if Sully endangered more people doing what he did rather than trying to head back to a nearby runway. Fair enough I guess, but compound that with the whole world staring at him while ALSO dealing with the Post Traumatic Stress of the crash itself, then you’ve got a recipe for a man about to snap under the pressure which won’t exactly help his case that he’s a trained and objective professional who’s decision to land in the Hudson was the best one. Can Sully convince the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board) that he shouldn’t be shit canned for being a hero? Will he handle this immense pressure with grace and inhuman composure? Is the insurance company not gonna cover this!?
“That plane cost sixty million dollars, and SOMEONE has to pay for it.” “You’re looking at me, and I don’t know why.” “Well you WERE the one flying it, and our insurance doesn’t cover water damage.”