Bad Samaritan and all the images you see in this review are owned by Electric Entertainment
Directed by Dean Devlin
Admitedly this took a bit longer than I was expecting, but I guess there’s no escape from the gaping maw of Hollywood whenever an actor gives a surprisingly unique and interesting performance. Like Schwarzenegger, Christopher Lee, Samuel L Jackson, and many others, David Tennant is on his way to being typecast as a creepy mo-fo after his star turning performance as The Purple Man in Jessica Jones. Yes he was already famous to a lot of us after he did Doctor Who, but I’m willing to bet that Jessica Jones put his face in front of more people than all three seasons he did of that show combined. Now he’s cashing in on that new reputation with this latest thriller by… the guy who did Geostorm? SERIOUSLY!? Okay… well is this going to be a fun exploration of yet another off-kilter David Tennant role, or are you better off watching that awful animated Doctor Who special where he goes to Roswell? Ugh… I still have nightmares about the character designs in that. Anyway, LET’S FIND OUT!!
The movie follows Sean (Robert Sheehan) who’s a run of the mill THIEF WITH A HEART OF GOLDTM who runs a clever little scam with his buddie Derek (Carlito Olivero) where they work as valets but rob their customers’ homes while they’re eating if they live close enough. The hauls may be pretty small as they only steal odds and ends, but it manages to keep them safe and out of crappy nine to five jobs. Sean’s an ARTIST after all and can’t compromise his integrity by taking pictures for CORPORATIONS and getting PAID A SALARY to do it! He’s got better plans; or at least he DID until he went into the wrong house. While rich asshole Cale (David Tennant) is enjoying a nice meal, Sean breaks into his house and finds a veritable cavalcade of loot but also finds a woman named Katie (Kerry Condon) strapped to a chair and with bruises all over her body. Not only that, but Cale seems to have cameras all over the house including one pointed directly at the girl so instead of trying to free her and risk getting caught, Sean just bolts and makes an anonymous tip to the cops. What Sean doesn’t realize is that Cale is not just a murderer, but is also a CLEVER one and above all VERY rich, so it doesn’t take long for him to piece together who it is that’s onto him and start enacting revenge against the starving artist. Honestly though, he doesn’t even need to bother because Sean is already beating himself up constantly over failing to save the girl and even tries to turn himself in to try and get the cops to listen, but to no avail. So Sean’s distracted by his own sense of misery while Cale is making things worse by ruining his life and even ruining the lives of those around him. Will Sean find a way to save Katie before Cale finally grows bored and stabs her in the face? What else does Cale have up his sleeve to keep Sean occupied, and it could it lead to even MORE murder? Who the heck thought that making David Tennant play The Master was a good idea!?
See, this is what happens when he doesn’t have a companion to keep him in check!
Geostorm and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures
Directed by Dean Devlin
We’ve been getting a LOT of delayed films this year, haven’t we? Tulip Fever took a while to come out, Rings took even longer, and that Amityville Horror sequel or reboot or whatever ended up failing so hard that it was released FOR FREE on Google Play. Not in theaters; on the same storefront where you download crappy Tetris knockoffs and flashlight apps. Now we’ve got this movie which may be the most interesting of the bunch simply because of how much money Warner Bros inevitably sunk into the damn thing to try and recoup its losses. Not quite as much as Monster Trucks, but certainly enough that you’d question if anyone behind this damn thing had heard of the Sunk Cost fallacy. Well it’s finally out now at probably the worst time imaginable (this story keeps getting better and better!) and with very little fan far from Warner Bros who may have finally realized it’s time to cut their losses. Does this movie manage to rise above its troubled production to deliver something at least somewhat enjoyable, or is this possibly an even bigger mess than The Snowman was? Okay, NOTHING is quite as shoddily put together as that film, but will this still be an absolute disaster and not in the way they were hoping for? Let’s find out!!
The movie takes place in the very near future where humanity finally came up with an idea on how to combat Global Warming. Not by recycling or embracing renewable imagery of course, but by putting a giant freaking net of satellites around the globe that can somehow shoot science beams at the earth whenever a tornado, hurricane, or anything else is about to threaten human lives. Jake Lawson (Gerard Butler), who I’m assuming got this brilliant idea from Highlander 2: The Quickening, is the one dude bad enough to put this whole project together which is nicknamed Dutch Boy but is kicked off the project for infuriatingly political reasons. Okay, he punched an inspector in the face, but what ELSE was he supposed to do!? Listen to what he had to say!? Anyway, his brother Max (Jim Sturgess) is the new head honcho of the project but the system starts to malfunction a few years down the road which leads to some isolated but very deadly weather events and no one knows what’s causing them. I guess it’s time for good ol’ Jake to reclaim his throne and go up to the satellite to see what the heck is causing these problems and hopefully stop it before it threatens all life on Earth. Will Jake solve the mystery before it’s too late and find out if its simple malfunctions or sabotage? What will Max find out back on Earth with the help of one of Dutch Boy’s programmers (Daniel Wu) and a hacker that he apparently knows in the State Department (Zazie Beetz)? Just how many things can they manage to blow up with a weather machine!?
“Damn it! I knew we shouldn’t have stored all those recalled Samsung phones in there!”