A Bad Moms Christmas and all the images you see in this review are owned by STX Entertainment
Directed by Scott Moore and Jon Lucas
As glad as I was that the first film didn’t end up being an unbearable slog to sit through, I can’t say that the prospect of seeing another one fills me with much joy as I have serious doubts that STX can squeeze out another competent movie from this premise; especially when their go to idea for a sequel is to make it a freaking Christmas movie. Seriously, aside from Christmas Vacation and A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas, has there been a holiday themed sequel that WASN’T an absolute waste of time? Well I guess we’re about to put that theory to the test as we get ready to spend some more time with everyone’s favorite quote-unquote BAD MOMS who are actually not so bad moms. Does this manage to rise above the low expectations set for it being both a sequel and a Christmas film in one unfortunate package? Let’s find out!!
The movie begins with Amy (Mila Kunis) beginning her Christmas rituals of working way too hard and being utterly miserable in the process; not that anyone is REALLY asking her to do it as her two kids (Oona Laurence and Emjay Anthony) as well as her boyfriend Jesse (Jay Hernandez) and his daughter (Ariana Greenblatt) seem perfectly cool with a less intensive holiday experience. Now Amy would like nothing more than to just sit back and actually enjoy the season, but her plans to let go of the pointless and time consuming rituals that encompass the month of December are utterly destroyed once her mother Ruth comes to visit (Christine Baranski) who’s super judgmental, extremely demanding, and wants this to be the PERFECT Christmas for everyone! Sounds like a nightmare, right? Well it’s not much better with Kiki and Carla (Kristen Bell and Kathryn Hahn) who ALSO have their mothers coming into town (Cheryl Hines and Susan Sarandon) and all the baggage that comes with them; the former being overbearing and invasive and the latter being… well just like her daughter. Will the titular Bad MomsTM find a way to fight back against these unwelcome invaders and make this the best holiday ever? Is there more to the rather sudden appearance of their mothers than what they’re claiming to be a merely innocent interest in spending time with their family? Just how raunchy are they willing to get to stand out in the surprisingly crowded market of naughty Christmas movies!?
Santa and his ho ho hos! … WHAT!? You can’t just set me up like that and expect me NOT to go there!
Nine Lives and all the images you see in this review are owned by EuropaCorp
Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld
How does this movie even exist? I know actors gotta eat, and sure, we ARE getting a Bryan Cranston dad comedy with James Franco soon, but even HE doesn’t have the freaking clout of Kevin Spacey! If this guy was so desperate for a payday, then why isn’t he in a Marvel movie or a DreamWorks animated feature!? Why the hell is he in a TALKING CAT movie!? This is the shit you cast Chris O’Donnell in or snatch up Jason Lee to do! Not two time Oscar winner Kevin Spacey! Ugh… whatever. We gotta deal with the cards we’re dealt. Does this movie manage to be just as bad as we expect it to be, or is there something there that justifies its reason to exist in 2016? No. The answer is no. Still, we might as well take a look anyway.
Tom Brand (Kevin Spacey) is your typical movie dad. Spends a lot of time at work, doesn’t have much time for his family, and is generally considered a jerk by his peers. He doesn’t care though because he’s building the TALLEST BUILDING ON THE EAST COAST which will be his legacy; much more so than his grown ass son David (Robbie Amell) who works for him in a desperate bid to get his approval, and his daughter Rebecca (Malina Weissman) who still hasn’t figured out that her dad is an asshole. His wife Lara (Jennifer Garner) informs him that he better come through in spades for his daughter’s birthday and all she wants is a cat. Bi shocker there. The guy bites the bullet and goes to buy a furry bastard but somehow (through FATE perhaps!?) ends up in the shop of God (Christopher Walken) who for some reason runs a cat store. Okay, he’s not ACTUALLY God, but considering how magical this guy is, there’s not that many other alternatives, though it would have been AWESOME if he turned out to be Satan. Anyway, Tom buys a cat from the man known as Felix Perkins (he runs a shop called Purr-kins) but has to make an emergency stop at the office on the way back to tell one of his company’s terrible managers (Mark Consuelos) that his ass is shit canned. Unfortunately for Tom, lightning strikes, shenanigans ensue, and he ends up in the body of the cat while his real body is in a coma (presumably the cat’s consciousness just died or something). Now he has to find a way back into his body before that awful manager dude somehow sells the company out from under him and his son, while also learning that maybe life isn’t all about going to work every day and providing for your family. What a moral. Can Kevin Spacey bother to show any interest in this performance? Just how embarrassing can Jennifer Garner’s performance get? WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA!?!?
Oh, well NOW it makes sense! This must be the head of EuropaCorp!