Cinema Dispatch: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Tim Burton

The thing about the current wave of nostalgia-bait movies is that it’s not a new problem for Hollywood. The early 2000s were stuffed to the brim with old TV shows being turned into lousy movies, and even before that were several movies trying to cash in on the Boomers’ wistful memories of their childhood. The main difference today is that the Internet has made the conversation about it inescapable, as we all have an opinion on the relative quality of the latest return of a beloved character. Making a sequel to Beetlejuice feels like a lightning rod for this kind of discourse, and yet I think everyone went into this with a lot more optimism than expected. Perhaps we all have such great memories of the original that we’d like to see the premise given it another go, or maybe we all just want Tim Burton to make a good movie again, and we’re all hoping that giving him some sizable training wheels is what will do the trick. Is this a genuinely fresh take on the material that is comparable to the beloved original, or are we in for a mediocre retread from a director well past his prime? Let’s find out!!

It’s been over thirty years since Lydia Deetz (Winona Ryder) moved into that house on the hill where she met the Maitlands and had that terrifying run in with the bio-exorcist Beetlejuice/Betelgeuse (Michael Keaton) who nearly took her as his bride when she was just a teenager. Things have certainly been up and down for her since then, as you’d expect from seeing someone again after so long, and she’s landed a decent gig as an infinitely more charismatic Zak Bagans; hosting a goofy little supernatural TV series for stay at home parents and Boomers who could afford to retire. Her producer Rory (Justin Theroux) has big plans for her career, but fate throws a wrench in all of that when her father dies in a most deliciously ghastly manner; leaving her stepmother Delia (Catherine O’Hara) a widow and her estranged daughter Astrid (Jenna Ortega) without a grandfather on top of losing her father in a bizarre piranha accident. Everyone is brought back to the old Maitland house for the funeral, but being back here isn’t sitting well with Lydia, as she’s been having visions of Beetlejuice/Betelgeuse that seem to only grow stronger the more distressed she becomes. Is the maniacal ghoul up to his old tricks now that Lydia is back in the house and overwhelmed by the grim realities of life? Why did Astrid and Lydia grow so far apart, and can a wacky adventure through the Afterlife them mend the divide? Seriously, can we get a straight answer on how we’re supposed to spell this guy’s name? The guy’s trying to run a business, and you need to have consistency when designing the business cards!

“It’s very simple. Clients call me Betelgeuse, friends call me Beetlejuice, and REALLY good friends call me daddy.”
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Cinema Dispatch: The Addams Family

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The Addams Family and all the images you see in this review are owned by United Artists Releasing

Directed by Conrad Vernon and Greg Tiernan

I’ve actually been looking forward to this movie for quite some time.  Not in a BIG way, but everything I saw at first was very promising.  The new designs were quite good and the initial teaser seemed to have the right tone that retained what worked about these characters in the first place while making something that worked in a modern context.  After that though, once we got the trailers with more of the plot (and those terrifying human characters), the skepticism started to creep in and my enthusiasm waned as my attention turned elsewhere (*cough* Maleficient 2 *cough*) in the last month or so.  Still, a mediocre trailer is hardly a good barometer to how a movie will ultimately turn out (especially with so much of the marketing knocking it out of the preceding months), so were my negative feelings ultimately unfounded or did something go horribly wrong (and not in the good way) with this latest Addams Family venture?  Let’s find out!!

The Addams Family are a bunch of wealthy eccentrics who basically act like spooky monsters year round instead of just on Halloween.  The family consists of Patriarch Gomez (Oscar Isaac), possible vampire queen Mortitia (Charlize Theron), their daughter Wednesday  (Chloë Grace Moretz), their son Pugsley (Finn Wolfhard), Uncle Fester (Nick Kroll), Gomez’s mother (Bette Midler), the zombie butler who is IN NO WAY of any actionable resemblance to Boris Karloff known as Lurch (Conrad Vernon), and… I guess their OTHER butler who is just a hand called Thing.  Are they goths?  Murderous blue bloods?  If they were made in the mid nineties, would they all be Juggalos?  These are questions we may never get the answer to, but rest assured that whatever box they would most comfortably fit in, it’s one that will freak out the normies of the world whenever they happen to come in contact with them.  Said normies by the way are a bunch of nameless and nearly faceless upper middle class yuppies that built a community around the Addams family mansion and are just now realizing that there’s a spooky castle full of weirdos on top of the conspicuously nearby hill, and the head of the yuppies named Margaux Needler (Allison Janney) is none to please about it.  While this little pot of… I don’t know, spooky-phobia I guess, is brewing outside of the house, the Addams family itself is having a bit of tension as well as Gomez is trying to teach Pugsly a sacred family ritual known as The Mazurka but Puglsy seems to have no gift for it, and Morticia is trying to keep young Wednesday from falling into the wrong crowd; the kind that embraces unicorns, the color pink, and young pop stars.  Can the family stick together through these trying times both inside and out of the house?  Just how far will Margaux go to keep her little community nice and conformed now that this family has thrown a wrench in those plans?  Will The Addams family adjust to their new surrounds and join the rest of us in the living nightmare we all must suffer through under late stage Capitalism, or is that the wrong kind of terrifying for them?

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“A Panera Bread!?  AND a Chipotle!?”     “Ugh… it’s so GHASTLY commercial…”     “So is that GOOD ghastly, or BAD ghastly?”     “Well it’s BAD of course… but that’s actually good.  Because it’s bad…”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: The Addams Family”