Cinema Dispatch: Primetime

Primetime and all the images you see in this review are owned by A24

Directed by Lance Oppenheim

Oh boy, is this nostalgic in all the worst ways. Like many Millennials, I too went down the To Catch a Predator rabbit hole and watched the entire series half a dozen times during a semester at college. It’s a pretty ugly chapter in American television that frankly deserves a reexamination given how even more destructive our criminal justice system has gotten in the twenty years since, and I could hardly think of an actor I’d want to don the Chris Hansen stare than Robert Pattinson. This could very well be the best movie of the year, especially now that Millennials are starting to take over for the Boomers and so it’s our childhoods and early twenties that will be the subject matter of prestige films going forward. Is this a devastating yet necessary deconstruction of the Justice Served Humilitainment that To Catch a Predator set the standard for, or will this be a simple pantomime of a show that was better left in the past? Let’s find out!!

In the long ago days of the mid-2000s, there was a little show called To Catch a Predator hosted by journalist Chris Hansen (Robert Pattinson) that sought to stop predators from taking advantage of young children. That’s what it claimed to do anyway, but it’s clear that Hansen, his producer Andie (Merritt Wever), and the crew from Perverted Justice who help him set up these sting operations are not as altruistic as the slick marketing would have you believe; not with so much fame, money, and prestige on the line. The quest to stay on top ultimately requires bigger and bigger spectacle, which means more deranged predators and a new decoy to lure them in. Enter Dan Plum (Skyler Gisondo), a young actor who didn’t seem to read the contract and finds himself in the middle of this parade of human misery, but perhaps with the right mindset and a little convincing from Chris, he can see this as a genuine calling that helps people instead of just another gig to pay the bills. Of course, this resolution will be truly tested when the crew get wind of a big fish out there on the pervert message boards; someone who isn’t just some boring loser but a genuinely connected and influential person who could cement the shows legacy and ensure its ratings domination. Will this be the show to define an era of television in all the ways that the team envisioned, or is this chaotic stab at punitive justice a cautionary tale for all of us? Can Dan put his feelings aside and accept his role as bait for these disturbed men, or will the artifice of it all leave him with scars that may never heal? Hey, maybe we’re just thinking about it too much. I mean what’s wrong with indulging in a little bit of justice every now and again?

“What else would you expect from the greatest country in the world, am I right?” “GO, AMERICA!!”
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Cinema Dispatch: Bill & Ted Face the Music

Bill & Ted Face the Music and all the images you see in this review are owned by United Artists Releasing

Directed by Dean Parisot

There haven’t been many rays of sunshine during the last few months of lock-down, but one of them was the first trailer for Bill & Ted Face the Music.  I remember hearing that Reeves and Winter were trying to make this movie back when I was in COLLEGE which at this point that was a depressingly long time ago, but after years of starts and stops, hype and silence, and Keanu Reeves regaining his A-List star clout (as well as becoming everyone’s Favorite Person Ever), the duo have finally returned to give us one more adventure with the Wyld Stallyns.  Is it a beautiful trip down memory lane for all the fans that loved this franchise, or is it too little too late for all the years of anticipation?  Let’s find out!!

Bill S Preston Esq and Ted Theodore Logan (Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves) have spent their entire lives trying to write the song that unites the world which apparently was NOT God Gave Rock And Roll To You.  Apparently someone else wrote that song and the Wyld Stallyns haven’t come up with a better one since then despite releasing several albums over the years; some of which were decent but they fell off the charts pretty quickly and have been scraping by for some time now.  At least they have loving families that support them as Bill is still married to Princess Joanna (Jayma Mays) and they have a daughter Thea (Samara Weaving) while Ted is still married to Princess Elizabeth (Erinn Hayes) and they have a daughter Billie (Brigette Lundy-Paine), but the strain is starting to get to them and they might just give up music altogether.  Right as they’re discussing the end of their career, a time machine shows up in the driveway and out steps Kelly (Kristen Schaal) who is the daughter of Rufus from the previous films, and she takes them to the future where they high council of… I guess the ENTIRE EARTH informs them that their song to save the world is not only to usher in an enlightened age but to fix some horrific distortion in space and time that if they DON’T fix will end all of reality as they know it.  Oh, and they have less than two hours to do it, starting… now!  Without much time left to get their act together, Bill & Ted figure the best way to get the song that saves the future is to go INTO the future and the song after it’s already written by their future selves, and while that’s going on Billie & Thea are given a time machine from Kelly to try and muster up a band who will be talented enough to play the song once Bill & Ted get it.  Will these two loveable has-beens find a way to save the future before time and reality folds in on itself?  Will Billie & Thea turn out to be as good at traveling through space and time as their fathers were, and discover what destiny has in store for them as well?  You know, we could really use a Bill & Ted miracle right now, so what are the chances that this is the MOVIE that will unite the world and save reality as we know it?

“We humbly accept these seven Oscars, the Noble Peace Prize, and the Grammy for Best New Artist!”     “We had to go all the way back to 1977, but we got it!”     “Take THAT, Starland Vocal Band!”
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