Cinema Dispatch: Trailer Talk (Bohemian Rhapsody)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Bohemian Rhapsody is owned by 20th Century Fox and all the images you see in this trailer talk are the property of their respective owners

Directed by Bryan Singer and Dexter Fletcher

OH MAMA MIA!  Has the day finally come for this biopic to see the light of day!?  A Queen biopic has been floating around in Hollywood for a solid decade at the least, and I remember when they were ready to go on one starring Sacha Barron Cohen as Freddie Mercury which is certainly something I would have loved to see but sadly ended up falling through like all the other attempts.  Now that we have the very first teaser trailer for this biopic, does it assuage the anxieties of eager fans as to whether Queen can be done justice on the big screen!?  Let’s find out!!

Initial impressions are… okay I guess.  You really shouldn’t expect TOO much to come out of a teaser trailer and we’ll surely get a few more before the film’s release in November, but I think they at least set the right tone to build up some hype before they start showing the meat of what this biopic will be about.  The music playing over the whole teaser is a mashup of a bunch of queen lyrics over the beat to We Will Rock You which sounds a BIT awkward at points (ESPECIALLY with the chorus to Killer Queen), but it actually works surprisingly well when layered over Bohemian Rhapsody.  We really don’t get any details on the plot other than the making of Bohemian Rhapsody will be a major subplot and that there’ll be a crap load of concert scenes throughout.  The actors look fine I guess with Rami Malek (Mr Robot) as Front Man Freddie CLEARLY getting the spotlight.  If I were to complain about one thing though, I’d say that he doesn’t quite look right as young Freddie with long hair even though he looks absolutely spot on for Mustache Freddie.

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“I can eat this microphone whole, and it’ll be the most beautiful thing you could imagine!”

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Bass Fest)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of The Day After TOMorrow, as this is basically a Roland Emmerich film told in a mere eleven minutes.  Maybe a bit TOO short, but I’d honestly take it over his usually bloated runtimes.  The episode begins with Good Ol’ Tom Peters on a fieldtrip for his Night School course which is PRESUMABLY on Jefferton History (all thirty years of it) because their trip is to the one and only Jefferton dam (or as Tom calls it, a darn; because he’s a pedantically squeamish jackass) which was built by Papa Richardson many years ago!  Well you might be wondering if this is a science field trip where they learn how a darn works, but that would be a very silly notion as the darn they’re at is absolutely awful; essentially made out of rotten wood scraps and Elmer’s glue.  Before we can ruminate much longer on this though, Tom interrupts the FASCINATING lecturer (Sean Hayes) by getting a phone call from Joy who demands that he buy three bass guitars for their sons, something he’s more than willing to do after the field trip is over, but Joy still yells at him anyway for being a joke of a human being.  Not the most UNREASONABLE stances to take if you spent five minutes with the guy, but SERIOUSLY!?  The broke bastard doesn’t even have a job!  How the hell is he supposed to afford THREE instruments that even on the low end go for hundreds of dollars!?  Heck, I’m not even sure how he can afford these night classes!

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“Okay, here’s an idea.  What if, instead of bass guitars… we get them recorders?”     …     “No, I wouldn’t really like to know how well they’d fit up there, but you DO make an excellent point otherwise!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Breaking In

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Breaking In and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by James McTeigue

I mean if nothing else, this can’t be a worse Mother’s Day film than Mother’s Day.  Well that’s a bit unfair as I DID like what I saw in the trailers which involved Gabriel Union kicking the crap out of a bunch of home invaders, and a basic premise like that is almost foolproof in how easy it is to at least make a COMPETENT thriller with it.  Does this latest entry in the genre prove to be a breath of fresh air and something wholly original, or is this yet another run of the mill action film that doesn’t live up to its marketing campaign?  Let’s find out!!

Shaun Russell (Gabrielle Union) is a mother of two (Seth Carr and Ajiona Alexus) whose father (Damien Leake) had recently died and she’s in charge with handling the estate.  She drives out with her kids to the dude’s summer home which is a giant fortress of a place with an extremely elaborate security system and a whole lot of bad memories if Shaun’s reactions are anything to go by.  Sadly the unpleasant memories are the least of her problems as she soon finds out that three criminals (Billy Burke, Levi Meaden, and Richard Cabal) were already there searching for the old man’s secret stash of cash.  Now that Shaun and her kids are there though, they have to readjust their plans and start taking hostages.  The good news is that they manage to get the kids.  The bad news?  Shaun slips right out of their hands and is now SUPER pissed!  Can Shaun save her family before the bad guys get desperate?  What secrets were her father hiding in the house, and are they worth killing for?  Will Shaun tap into her inner Liam Neeson and teach these bastards a lesson in who NOT to fuck with!?

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“If you let my children go now, that’ll be the end of it.  I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”     “Oh crap!  She saw that movie too!!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Bad Samaritan

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Bad Samaritan and all the images you see in this review are owned by Electric Entertainment

Directed by Dean Devlin

Admitedly this took a bit longer than I was expecting, but I guess there’s no escape from the gaping maw of Hollywood whenever an actor gives a surprisingly unique and interesting performance.  Like Schwarzenegger, Christopher Lee, Samuel L Jackson, and many others, David Tennant is on his way to being typecast as a creepy mo-fo after his star turning performance as The Purple Man in Jessica Jones.  Yes he was already famous to a lot of us after he did Doctor Who, but I’m willing to bet that Jessica Jones put his face in front of more people than all three seasons he did of that show combined.  Now he’s cashing in on that new reputation with this latest thriller by… the guy who did Geostorm?  SERIOUSLY!?  Okay… well is this going to be a fun exploration of yet another off-kilter David Tennant role, or are you better off watching that awful animated Doctor Who special where he goes to Roswell?  Ugh… I still have nightmares about the character designs in that.  Anyway, LET’S FIND OUT!!

The movie follows Sean (Robert Sheehan) who’s a run of the mill THIEF WITH A HEART OF GOLDTM who runs a clever little scam with his buddie Derek (Carlito Olivero) where they work as valets but rob their customers’ homes while they’re eating if they live close enough.  The hauls may be pretty small as they only steal odds and ends, but it manages to keep them safe and out of crappy nine to five jobs.  Sean’s an ARTIST after all and can’t compromise his integrity by taking pictures for CORPORATIONS and getting PAID A SALARY to do it!  He’s got better plans; or at least he DID until he went into the wrong house.  While rich asshole Cale (David Tennant) is enjoying a nice meal, Sean breaks into his house and finds a veritable cavalcade of loot but also finds a woman named Katie (Kerry Condon) strapped to a chair and with bruises all over her body.  Not only that, but Cale seems to have cameras all over the house including one pointed directly at the girl so instead of trying to free her and risk getting caught, Sean just bolts and makes an anonymous tip to the cops.  What Sean doesn’t realize is that Cale is not just a murderer, but is also a CLEVER one and above all VERY rich, so it doesn’t take long for him to piece together who it is that’s onto him and start enacting revenge against the starving artist.  Honestly though, he doesn’t even need to bother because Sean is already beating himself up constantly over failing to save the girl and even tries to turn himself in to try and get the cops to listen, but to no avail.  So Sean’s distracted by his own sense of misery while Cale is making things worse by ruining his life and even ruining the lives of those around him.  Will Sean find a way to save Katie before Cale finally grows bored and stabs her in the face?  What else does Cale have up his sleeve to keep Sean occupied, and it could it lead to even MORE murder?  Who the heck thought that making David Tennant play The Master was a good idea!?

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See, this is what happens when he doesn’t have a companion to keep him in check!

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (My Big Cups)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of Tom Peters in the Jungle where our lovable loser tries his hand at the unforgiving world of local art!  I’m SURE he’s got at least ONE creative bone in his body!  Have you seen the way he dresses!?  Only a utter fool or a total GENIUS would try to pull off a poorly fitting vest like that!  The episode begins with Good ol’ Tom Peters visiting his best buddy The Mayor who’s a bit more distracted than usual due to the fact that Jefferton will be celebrating its thirtieth anniversary and he’s having trouble choosing an artist to make the official town painting.  Now normally Tom would jump on an opportunity like this despite his utter lack of talent, but the episode throws us a curveball as Tom seems to have an ACTUAL job this time around!  He seems to have opened up a franchise in the mall for a place called My Big Cups, and he was hoping The Mayor could stop by to give the place a bit of publicity which will hopefully drum up a few sales.  I’m not sure why his store needs it though because they already have AMAZING commercials with the one and only Sir Mix-A-Lot doing their jingle!

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“I like big CUPS, and I cannot lie!!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Tully

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Tully and all the images you see in this review are owned by Focus Features

Directed by Jason Reitman

So hey!  Remember when Jason Reitman was the big rising star in Hollywood?  It doesn’t seem like THAT long ago, and yet here we are with a film that has gotten very little buzz despite being directed by him as well as being written by Diablo Cody and starring Charlize Theron.  You’d think there’d be a LITTLE more buzz considering how much talent is behind it, but for some reason it was left to languish in the wake of Avengers: Infinity Wars where it will surely remain in obscurity until it’s dumped on Netflix or Amazon Prime.   Still, a lot of really excellent films have suffered similar fates against the might of big blockbusters, and since when has box office success been in any way an indicator of a film’s overall worth?  Does this manage to be a great film to cleanse the palate after the latest Marvel feature, or are you better off rewatching that in hopes of getting a better ending?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows the day to day life of Marlo (Charlize Theron) who’s just about to have a third child and is honestly not handling things as well as she claims to be.  Sure her other two kids Jonah and Sarah (Asher Miles Fallica and Lia Frankland) are doing… fine, and her husband Drew (Ron Livingston) is doing… fine, but things are only gonna get more difficult with a third mouth to feed; especially one that’s gonna be screaming and pooping itself for at least a couple of years.  That’s why Marlo’s brother (Mark Duplass) and his wive (Elaine Tan) have gotten her a PERFECT baby shower gift which is the services of a Night Nanny.  What’s a Night Nanny you may ask?  Well she’s a nanny, and follow me here… who comes at night.  Basically, she’ll take care of the baby when you’re trying to get some sleep so that you can start the day fully rested and ready to be the best mom you can be!  Well to me that sounds like a brilliant idea, but Marlo is skeptical at first.  Let’s see how long it takes… okay about two weeks before she gets desperate on a particularly bad day and calls them in.  Said nanny is named Tully (Mackenzie Davis) who is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!  She’s brilliant, she’s loving, and sure she MAY be a little over eager, but she’s everything Marlo needs to get her life back on track which has been noticeably hollow since she became a mother.  She’s got no interests of her own, no particular hobbies, and doesn’t even seem to have the energy to stick up for herself which is PROBABLY some red flags to much deeper issues, but Tully manages to be at least a good influence if not an outright cure for her woes.  Will Marlo find her zest for life again now that she can rely on someone else to help her out?  Where did this MYSTERIOUS Tully come from, and how can one person be so awesome at taking care of babies?  Is parenthood the one challenge that ultra-badass Charlize Theron is incapable of overcoming!?

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“ZZZ… stop… or I’ll shoot…  ZZZ… where’s the guzzolene?… ZZZ…”

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Super Recaps: Tom Goes to the Mayor (Vice Mayor)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Tom Goes to the Mayor and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros and Adult Swim

Created by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

We’re back with another episode of Tim & Eric’s West Wing as Tom navigates the ever shifting and duplicitous world of Jefferton’s politics!  The episode begins on an unexpectedly somber note as good ol’ Tom Peters visits The Mayor to deliver some bad news.  It turns out that the barely functioning town of Jefferton that is ruled by a megalomaniacal despot is not the ideal place to raise a family and start a business, so Tom will be moving away very soon.  Well it makes sense to me that he wouldn’t want to stay and get sucked into The Mayor’s further adventures into destructive absurdity, ESPECIALLY after the events of Re-Birth, Vehicular Manslaughter, Porcelain Birds, you get the idea!  Despite all that though, the two men (one of whom barley know who this strange fellow is that has entered his office) have a good cry about the tragic turn of events that fate has taken them as they remember the good times they had together.  IS THIS THE END OF TOM GOES TO THE MAYOR!?

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“Who’s THAT handsome fella!?”

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Cinema Dispatch: Infinite Patience – Has Marvel Gone Too Far!?

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

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Avengers: Infinity War and all the images you see in this editorial are owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Directed by Anthony Russo and Joe Russo

So if you read my review of Avengers: Infinity War, you’d know that I had a few problems with it and that I couldn’t really discuss them in detail due to everything I found wrong with this movie containing MASSIVE SPOILERS!  Well now that it’s very likely everyone and their mom has already seen the movie (SIX HUNDRED AND FORTY MILLION IN ONE WEEKEND!?), I figured it’d be a good idea to get my thoughts written down about not just this movie but what it represents for the MCU as a whole and how they’ve run their business up to this point.  For the most part they’ve been enormously successful with even their minor missteps like Thor 2, Iron Man 2, and (the not so minor misstep) Iron Fist doing little to tarnish their sterling reputation.  There are places to improve in each film to be sure, and their overwhelming success has made it easy to take it all for granted, but when your last few films included Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Thor Ragnarok, and Black Panther, clearly they’re doing something right and should be celebrated for it.  With Infinity War however, something has changed and I am now worried about the future of the MCU; not financially as these will make money regardless, but that they might have gotten a bit too big for their own good and are taking the wrong kind of risks that could sour public opinion over time instead of the GOOD kind like hiring visionary directors such as Ryan Coogler to create memorable cinematic experiences instead of cheap popcorn fare.  So what exactly has changed?  Well let’s take an in depth look at where I felt this movie started going down the wrong path.

From here on out, we are in full on spoiler territory!

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Super Recaps: The Twilight Zone (Shades of Guilt)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

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The Twilight Zone and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Warner Bros Television and based on the series created by Rod Serling

Episode directed by Perry Lang

You know, it’s kind of funny that Jordan Peele is gonna be doing a new Twilight Zone series considering todays episode is like a really crappy version of Get Out made by SEEMINGLY well-meaning white people who didn’t know what the heck they were doing. Yes, this is gonna be less of a modern classic or even a genuinely good piece of early 2000s fluff; rather, we’re dealing with one of the more dated episodes in the series that fall somewhere between hilariously misguided and utterly cringe worthy. Strap in folks, because things are about to get uncomfortable!

The episode begins with exceeding average white dude Matt McGreevey (Vincent Ventresca) driving home from work in the pouring rain… on the emptiest street imaginable… when all of a sudden a black man (Hill Harper) starts banging on his window begging for help. Matt IMMEDIATELY locks the door and guns the engine to get away from the guy, and in his rear view mirror he sees a bunch of racist (and murderous) assholes beat the dude to death while he just keeps on driving! Oh, but he didn’t get away as clean as he thought, because Forest Whitaker saw his ass drive off like a Jabroni, and I’m sure he’s got a REAL sweet ironic fate waiting for him… IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!!

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“I’m sure there’s a side to this that I’m not seeing. It’s best not to get involved…” “THEY’RE GONNA KILL ME!!” “That could be metaphorical…” “IT’S NOT!!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Avengers: Infinity War

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

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Avengers: Infinity War and all the images you see in this review are owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Directed by Anthony Russo and Joe Russo

You know, for a while there I COMPLETELY forgot that this was supposed to be a two parter, and I don’t think I’m ENTIRELY at fault on that because PART ONE is never mentioned anywhere on the poster, on IMDb, not even on the Wikipedia page!  I don’t know, that just seems kind of curious considering they ARE for sure planning on doing another one of these (unlike what happened with Justice League PART 2), and yet they seem to want you to forget that little fact.  Either way, whether they put Part One, Part Three, or Part Sixty-Five on the poster, people will still come out to see it in droves because the brand is just THAT powerful at this point.  However, as was once said by a dude who presumably lived in this universe and died a horrible death, WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY, and with so many characters to juggle at once it is surely a responsibility not to be taken lightly.  Can Marvel pull it off once again like they’ve done pretty much every time they’ve stepped up to the plate, or is the build up to Thanos and the Infinity Stones a challenge even they aren’t truly prepared to face?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is, well basically everything we knew it was going to be leading up to it.  Thanos (Josh Brolin) is a purple alien who wants to destroy at least half of all life in the universe, and he’s finally making his big move to collect the Infinity Stones which is the only power source in existence strong enough to complete such a heinous act, and now The Avengers (as well as Avenger adjacent characters) are finally aware of what he’s up to and try to stop him from obtaining further gems.  Primarily, we’ve got three groups working together to try and stop him; The Guardians of the Galaxy (Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, and Pom Kiementieff) as well as Thor (Chris Hemsworth) in space who are trying to stop him from getting that one Stone from Thor The Dark World, Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) and Spider-Man (Tom Holland) are stuck on a spaceship heading to his home world after attempt by one of Thanos’s minions to steal the Time Stone from the Sorcerer Supreme, and basically everyone else back on Earth which includes Captain America (Chris Evans), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), The Falcon (Anthony Mackie), War Machine (Don Cheadle) The Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen), and Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) trying to find a way to protect The Infinity Stone lodged in The Vision’s head (Paul Bettany) which involves a trip to Wakanda and everyone we remember from that movie a few months ago (Chadwick Boseman, Danai Gurira, and Letitia Wright) minus Nakia who I’m guessing was off fighting crime elsewhere.  Oh, and as much as I KNOW it will break your heart… Hawkeye is not in this.  I’m sure Jeremy Renner will find a way to cope.  ANYWAY, that’s about it.  We’ve got three stories running parallel to each other with a giant purple jerk wad right in the center of it; tearing through anyone foolish enough to get in his way!  Can The Avengers (and its loose affiliates) manage to put up enough of a resistance to stop Thanos from causing mass genocide across the MCU?  What is he truly after, and will his backstory reveal any possible weaknesses that can be used to stop the evil tyrant once and for all?  Thanos may be strong, but can he defeat the one entity stronger than himself?  Disney’s reliance on BRAND NAME RECOGNITION!?

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“All your sequels have been canceled.  I made sure to it myself.”     “The HELL did he just say!?”

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