Cinema Dispatch: Race

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Race and all the images you see in this review are owned by Focus Features and TriStar Pictures

Directed by Stephen Hopkins

What with Oscars So White still being a relevant issues as the ceremony approaches, there really wasn’t a better time to release a biopic about the man who both shattered the color barrier to win four gold medals in 1936, and who succumbed to the insurmountable weight of the prejudice once her returned home.  A fitting figure to highlight the discrimination that even people as successful as Spike Lee, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and  countless other black and minority celebrities still have to face.  Does this movie do justice to the story of the man while also being heartbreaking relevant to today?  Let’s find out!!

The movie follows the career of Jesse Owens (Stephen James) between his acceptance to Ohio State University and his participation in the 1936 Berlin Olympics where he won four gold medals for the hundred meter, two hundred meter, four hundred meter relay, and long jump events.  Of course, the story is not as simple as it may seem considering this all took place well before the Civil Rights Act was even a possibility in the United States, and that the Berlin Olympics were taking place in Nazi Germany which was already becoming a hotly contested entity on the world stage.  As he struggles with his own personal demons about being a proper man and father, he must also face the realities of being a symbol for something greater than himself.  Certain members of the black community want him to take a stand against the Olympics as a way to highlight the atrocities in Germany as well as those in his own home country, which could be a powerful statement but would almost certainly end his career in the process.  Now we all know he did indeed end up going to the Olympics, but it was stuff like this that was in the back of his mind that he had to work through while facing down the Nazis in their own country.  Does this movie manage to capture the historical magnitude of Jesse Owens’s achievements or is this yet another biopic that fails to capture what makes the person so great to instead focus on running down a checklist of his life story?

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“AMERICA!!  FUCK YEAH!!”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 13 (Girls Unite: The End of Jadeite)

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Harume Kosaka

We’re back with a very special episode of Game of Lunar Thrones as Jadeite (the Geoffrey of our tale) is about to finally get his comeuppance as this is the last episode for the iconic villain!  Since episode one, he’s been the haughty counterbalance to Usagi’s less than composed demeanor and the show has done a darn good job building up his desperation in the last couple of episodes as the Scouts began to increase their power and thwart his plans more thoroughly.  Does he go out with a dramatic bang, or will his story end on a disappointing whimper?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Jadeite literally under the spotlight as he’s being berated by Queen Beryl for his long list of failures in what has to be the worst exit interview of all time.

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“I get the feeling I’m not gonna get a positive reference.”     “Tell you what.  If you kill the Scouts, I WON’T smear your chances of ever finding work at another evil organization.”     “I don’t know.  It doesn’t seem like a good idea to tempt fate like that.”     “Okay then.  ‘Dear Cobra Commander.  I just let go of an incompetent boob who will probably come begging for a job soon.’”     “ALRIGHT!  I GET IT!!”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 12 (I Want a Boyfriend: The Luxury Cruise Ship Is a Trap)

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Yuji Endo

We’re back with another episode of The Three Moon-eteers (Luna of course serving as our d’Artagnan in this metaphor)!  With Jadeite on the ropes after so many schemes not only failing but bringing his foes greater and greater power, he’s starting to get desperate for a way to stop them before he retires from this Evil Organization to pursue interests elsewhere.  Maybe Disney?  Anyway, will he be able to succeed in his latest hair-brained scheme, or will it all end in failure once again?  Well you can probably guess which one, but let’s see how it plays out!!

The episode begins in the bowels of Hell Corp where Jadeite is hiding from Queen Beryl’s condescending stare that he surely deserves considering his recent track record.  His self-imposed exile to the basement is unfortunately interrupted as one of Queen Beryl’s personal assistants tracks his butt down.

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“Queen Beryl has been looking for you.”     “I know.  Why do you think I’m here?  Just one more week and I’m out of this dump.”     “Should I let her know I found you?”     “I’d rather you didn’t!”

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Cinema Dispatch: How to Be Single

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How to Be Single and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Christian Ditter

Oddly enough, the really terrible Valentine’s Day film already came out with The Choice a week ago and this movie seems less interested in that market than it is in going after the Pitch Perfect or Sisters audience (hence the reason why Rebel Wilson is so prominent in the advertisements).  While I’m glad that this movie was not selling itself as an overly sentimental low budget Chick FlickTM, what it WAS promising didn’t look all that… well promising.  Still, trailers can be misleading and it does have Leslie Mann who’s always fun to watch on screen.  Does this turn out to better than expected, or is this just a low brow cash grab trying to ride a trend that’s already been defined by much better movies?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is about four women for the most part.  We’ve got Alice (Dakota Johnson) who’s just moved to the big city and has taken a job at a law firm where Robin (Rebel Wilson) works and the two of them become fast friends as the latter teaches the former how to loosen up a bit and learn how to be a single lady.  We’ve also got Meg (Leslie Mann) who is Alice’s sister and she has decided that she wants to have a kid and find a way to make it work as a single parent with a demanding job as a doctor, while also making sure her younger sister doesn’t get into too much trouble.  Off to the side (definitely the least important part here) is Lucy (Alison Brie) who… I guess just wants to meet a guy?  I don’t know, there’s this thing about her finding an algorithm to find the perfect man, but that kind of drops off.  Her character basically gets subsumed by the local bartender anyway (Anders Holm) and, despite the poster, she has zero interacts with our three other leads.  Anyway, Alice’s big crisis is that she decided to put her current relationship with Josh (Nicholas Braun) on hold as she wants to experience single life before deciding whether or not she’s ready to settle down with him yet, but you can probably guess that those plans go pear shaped rather quickly and so she has to adapt to being single as a way of life rather than as an experiment.  Will Alice eventually find out how to live her life for her and not define it by the relationships she has with other men?  Will Meg be able to handle all the responsibilities of being a single mother?  Does Deadpool end up being the better romantic comedy!?

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“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.  And they’re like; it’s better than yours.  Damn right!  It’s better than yours!  I can teach you, but I’d have to charge.”

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Cinema Dispatch: Deadpool

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Deadpool and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Fox

Directed by Tim Miller

Despite being 2010’s Sexiest Man Alive, Ryan Reynolds isn’t really your traditional leading man.  The guy had a long string of successful comedies through most of the 2000s, but it wasn’t until they tried pushing him into a leading man position that everything started to go to hell.  He’s been keeping himself busy with films like The Woman in Gold and Self/Less just to keep his name out there, but he has bet everything on this movie to finally put him back on top and as the comedic actor he wants to be.  Was it a wise move to bank on this character making a splash with main stream audiences, or is this going to be the last straw before Hollywood finally gives up on the one time super star?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins with Wade Wilson (Ryan Rynolds) having finally tracked down the man who turned him into the un-fuckable immortal wearing the red onesie known as Deadpool.  The man in question AJAX (Ed Skrein) seems to be heading somewhere with a caravan of tough guys that are dispatched with ease as we saw in the trailers.  During said assault, we get flashbacks to Wade’s life before the super powers and learn more about his relationship with Vanessa (Morena Baccarin) prior to getting multiple terminal cancers.  After being diagnosed, he’s visited by a mysterious man (Jed Rees) who offers him a chance at a cure which Wade eventually take him up on which leads to him being under the care of AJAX.  Things go south however as it turns out the mysterious organization running horrifying experiments is not quite what you would call “ethical” and so Wade finds a way to escape but can’t bear to face Vanessa again until AJAX either fixes his face or is buried six feet under.  Donning a snazzy outfit and a the moniker of Deadpool, he proceeds to cut his way through AJAX’s known associates which leads back to the boss and neatly lands us back at the beginning of the movie.  Speaking of which, the commotion on the freeway doesn’t go unnoticed as a member of the X-Men Colossus (Stefan Kapicic) and his student Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand) catch wind of it from news reports and they go to see what the hell Wade’s doing.  Will Deadpool get his revenge on AJAX before these two buzz kills get in the way?  What will AJAX do now that Wade has resurfaced and is broadcasting his intent to kill him?  What the hell is Ryan Reynolds gonna do if this ISN’T a hit!?

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“Look, if this doesn’t work out I’m gonna have to star in my own porn parody.  I know some of you want that, but I’d rather not go down that rabbit hole… so to speak.”

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Cinema Dispatch: Donald Trump’s The Art of the Deal: The Movie

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Donald Trump’s The Art of the Deal: The Movie and all the images you see in this review are owned by Funny or Die

Directed by Jeremy Konner

If we’re gonna keep getting subpar dreck like Dirty Grandpa, The Fifth Wave, and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, we might as well turn to the Internet for all our movie viewing needs… at least until Deadpool comes out, but AFTER that we can probably just hide away until March.  So Funny or Die (the premiere site for famous comedians to post YouTube videos not on YouTube) has been secretly working on a Donald Trump movie and finally released it to the masses starring none other than Johnny Depp (the star of such classics as The Lone Ranger and A Nightmare on Elm Street) as the prominent business man in this adaptation of his most notorious literary contribution, The Art of the Deal.  Does it manage to give us a satirical yet poignant look at the man who has taken over the public spotlight, or is this just a chance for even more people to jump on the Trump bandwagon before he flames out in the next couple of months?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is presented to us as a Made for TV special (found by Ron Howard in a yard sale) that Donald Trump (Johnny Depp) directed, edit, and starred in among other duties he takes credit for that is a somewhat autobiographical tale based on his best-selling book The Art of the Deal (second only to the Bible in number of sales apparently).  The framing device for Trump to espouse his philosophy on business as well as tales of his prior accomplishments is a kid who steals a copy of his book from a display and just so happens to evade the security guard by ducking into Trump’s office who takes this opportunity to mentor the boy for an afternoon.  It just so happens to also be Trump’s fortieth birthday and his one goal in life (at least according to this movie) is the purchase of the Taj Mahal casino in Atlantic City from Merv Griffin (Patton Oswalt) who’s not too keen to sell to the big blowhard… I mean brilliant business man.  As Donald continues to try and goad Merv into selling, he goes on and on about his accomplishments with accompanying flashbacks and even gets his lawyer (Alfred Molina) to chime in every once in a while to reassure the kid of just how awesome of a life the orange demi-god standing before him has led.  Will Donald get his hands on the Taj Mahal before the day is over?  Will the kid learn a valuable lesson about business and negotiations along the way?  Could anyone imagine a better time to release this than THE DAY that Trump won the New Hampshire primary!?

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“You see this man?  This is the greatest real estate mogul of all time.”     “You don’t really look like you do on the cover.”     “Don’t worry about that kid.”

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Cinema Dispatch: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

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Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and all the images you see in this review are owned by Lionsgate and Screen Gems

Directed by Burr Steers

As much as camp and shtick have grown in popularity in the last decade (coinciding with the rise of the internet as a daily tool for the masses), it’s still not something that’s easily recreated and more often than not happened by accident.  That’s why films like this one annoy me right off the bat.  You can spend a million dollars trying to recreate a Big Mac perfectly, but that time would have been better spent making something good.  The flashy visuals, confident swagger, and knowing winks to the audience tend to makers of a terrible film covering up its faults than a genuine fun throwback to exploitation films of yore.  Still, that’s just the vibe I’m getting from the trailers and trailers have a tendency to be misleading; just look at the ones for Hail Caesar.  Can this movie succeed at being fun trash, or will it be the cinematic equivalent of dumpster diving?  Let’s find out!!

The movie essentially follows the story of Pride and Prejudice, in that it follows Elizabeth Bennet (Lily James) on her journey about navigating the British upper class, the relationship she eventually forges with Mr. Darcy (Sam Riley), and the choices her sisters make that affect her family.  It starts with her sister Jane (Bella Heathcote) and Mr. Bingley (Douglas Booth) falling in love during a party at the Bingley estate where Elizabeth first meets Mr. Darcy and immediately finds him to be an unpleasant and haughty ass.  Over a series of weeks and months, things only become more strained as they run into each other quite often due to Mr. Darcy’s friendship with Mr. Bingley as he and Jane continue their courtship.  Oh, and this all takes place after the zombie apocalypse where all of Britain (though I have no idea if this has spread to the rest of the world) is under threat from the undead masses.  Their numbers grow so large that they basically make that city from Attack on Titan, i.e. they big a giant wall to keep everything else out.  Despite the protection afforded to them by their isolation, the threat of the outside world constantly looms and the entire Bennet family has been trained in some form of martial arts, as has Mr. Darcy and I believe Mr. Bingley.  I think the idea is that EVERYONE in the upper class knows how to fight, but we never really see that many people clash with the zombies and instead just run away.  None of this though seems to have much impact on the story at hand which is about Elizabeth constantly fighting against the wishes of her mother to settle down with whatever lout with have her, including her own cousin Mr. Collins (Matt Smith) and her steadfast refusal to agree to marriage for anything less than love.  Will she and Mr. Darcy eventually find out that they’re perfect for each other… for some reason?  Will they be able to stop the zombies from getting any closer to wiping out all of Britain?  Couldn’t we have just ended this shtick with the one about Lincoln?

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“Look!  Another dead horse!”     “GET HIM!!!!”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 11 (Usagi vs. Rei: Nightmare in Dream Land)

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Kunihiko Ikuhara

We’re back with another episode of The Three Amigos: Moon Edition!  After gaining another ally in their fight against evil, the Sailor Scouts are ready to face whatever challenges will be set out before them!  With Jadeite’s impending retirement on the horizon, will he be able to stop three Scouts when he couldn’t even stop one in prior schemes?  Will the new dynamic for Team Moon work in their favor or will they get in each other’s way when fighting the forces of evil?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with a Sailor Scout team meeting as Luna catches everyone up to speed on their current goals for the coming fiscal year.  Sadly, they have yet to find the Moon Princess, but the increase in staff will surely mean success in the coming months!  That is, if Rei and Usagi can keep from killing each other.

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“I wanna read it!”     “I’m reading it!”     “No you’re not!  You only grabbed it after I started!”     “It’s mine and I don’t have to share!”     “LUNA!!  REI WON’T SHARE!!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Hail, Caesar!

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Hail, Caesar! and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Joel & Ethan Coen

Now that January is finally out of the way, we can get to the GOOD movies, right? Well… February isn’t exactly the best month for movies EITHER what with Valentine’s day being an invitation to release terrible rom coms, but then we ARE dealing with the Coen Brothers who have a pretty damn good track record when it comes to movies. Is this going to be another classic film in their catalogue, or is way below their usual standard of excellence and just be a decent film? Let’s find out!!
The movie follows around Eddie Mannix (Josh Brolin) who is the head of Capitol Pictures and an all-around problem solver for everyone who works there. He makes sure the bills get paid and that the movies stay under budget, but he also pulls actors out of embarrassing situations, pays police to stay quiet, and that Capitol Pictures keeps a respectable image despite the chaos that is brought before him each and every day. The day that the film takes place on turns out to be an eventful one as Baird Whitlock (George Clooney) who is the star of the studio’s biggest film, Hail Caesar, has been kidnapped. Not only that, but another big star at the studio DeeAnna Moran (Scarlett Johansson) is having a baby out of wedlock which Eddie needs to find a way to cover up, and another one of the movies on the lot needs a lead actor but the only guy available is Hobie Doyle (Alden Ehrenreich) who has only starred in cowboy pictures and they need him to somehow act in a classy movie about New York socialites. Will Eddie be able to deal with these problems and more as the day goes on? Will the world finally get an idea of just how mad the movie business is, or can Eddie keep everything on the down low despite several reports prying into the studio’s affairs? Do we get to see Josh Brolin slap the shit out of George Clooney!?

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To answer one of those questions… yes.

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Cinema Dispatch: The 5th Wave

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The 5th Wave and all the images you see in this review are owned by Columbia Pictures

Directed by J Blakeson

I’ve been able to avoid a lot of the Young Adult adaptations until now.  Never saw a Hunger Games movie, any of the Divergent films, not even The Giver.  I can’t avoid these films forever though, so here I am reviewing the latest entry into the genre.  Could it possibly be one of the better examples though?  Well they released in January, so I’m gonna say no but I have had at least one surprise this month with The Boy.  Hope for the best but expect the worst I guess.

The movie begins in an idyllic all American town where Cassie Sullivan (Chloë Grace Moretz) is living the Teenage American Dream, i.e. partying, meeting boys, and being the perfect daughter for their parents.  Okay, technically the movie begins AFTER all this, but we flashback within five minutes of the movie starting.  Anyway, things are going great for Cassie until the Earth is visited by a bunch of space ships that just hover overhead.  No communication from the aliens; no attacks; no nothing.  The aliens are dubbed The Others (I guess we ran out of ACTUAL proper nouns to use) and their silence doesn’t last forever as four strange events (which are called Waves) happen around the globe.  Electricity goes out, natural disasters occur, and it all ends with most of the population decimated and fighting for survival against the aliens who are finally revealing themselves but look just like humans.  Now in all this chaos, Cassie loses both her parents and her younger brother (Zackary Arthur) is drafted by the military to fight the alien menace.  I mean, there are PLENTY of adults around or even older teenagers, but the military is taking in the kids too.  I guess shit gets real once the aliens start attacking.  Cassie however is none too thrilled about all this and resolves to walk her way to the military base in order to get her brother out of it… somehow.  On top of all this, the boy she liked in high school Ben (Nick Robinson) has also been conscripted and is now her younger brother’s commanding officer (I guess he has seniority being sixteen and all) and on her way to the base, some mysterious guy named Evan (Alex Roe) saves her ass and decides to help her on her journey.  Will Cassie save her brother from the military industrial complex?  What secrets is Evan hiding from Cassie?  What is the fifth and final Wave that the aliens are planning for humanity?  Has anyone actually read this book!?

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“What the fuck have I gotten myself into?”     “Oh quit complaining.  You were in Spotlight while I had a bit part in Jurassic World.  Guess who DOESN’T get to be in the damn sequel?”

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