Author Archives: Matt Vetrano

The Man with the Golden Stream: The World is Not Enough N64 (Part 4)

The Man with the Golden Stream! James Bond video games every Sunday at 2:30pm EST!
https://www.twitch.tv/reviewersunite

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Super Comics: Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW) – #16

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Sonic the Hedgehog (the comic book series) and all the images you see in this recap are owned by IDW and SEGA of America

We’re back already with even more Sonic the Hedgehog!  Apparently we just can’t get enough of the little blue bugger, what with his trailer dropping, the Annual last week, and now this issue that gets us back on track with the ongoing story of Eggman trying to take over the world!  All we need now is for SEGA to announce both a good Sonic game and a bad Sonic game for the ritual to be complete and usher in the apocalypse!  It’s in revelations I think.  That beast they talk about?  Actually a hedgehog!  ANYWAY! With the last issue ending on quite the interesting cliffhanger, can this issue capitalize on it and deliver a satisfying narrative for the good guys, or will this storyline falter; leaving the bad guys to continue being the highlight of the series?  Let’s find out!!

So remember at the end of the last issue where Sonic got infected with the Robo-virus and it was only a matter of time before he turned into a cybernetic killing machine?  Yeah, it’s all fine now!  Nothing to see here, just move along!

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“Despite all my rage, I’m still just a hedgehog in a cage!”     “He’s been saying that for three hours, and yet I don’t think it has anything to do with the virus.”

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Cinema Dispatch: Long Shot

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Long Shot and all the images you see in this review are owned by Lionsgate

Directed by Jonathan Levine

I love Seth Rogen!  Have I mentioned that before?  Knocked Up, Neighbors 2, The Night Before, all are great movies that I’ve watched multiple times and showcase just how talented the guy is.  Now we’ve got a movie with him AND Charlize Theron, one of the hardest working actors working today with so many great movies under her belt!?  Well dang!  How had I not heard about this movie before!?  Seriously, considering how many times I go to the movies you’d think I’d have seen one trailer but no!  I hadn’t even heard of this until about a week ago and I had no idea what it was even about, but hey, when do you watch a comedy for the plot?  I’m here to see these two work off of each other and tell some funny jokes!  Does this team up manage to knock it out of the park like peanut butter and chocolate, or are we in for an experiment that’s gone more horribly awry than whatever the heck it is Oreo has been pumping out recently?  Let’s find out!!

Fred Flarsky (Seth Rogen) is a journalist with a serious chip on his shoulder who’s had a rough time of it recently and Charlotte Field (Charlize Theron) is the Secretary of State who’s had a rough time of it always.  Two people from two vastly different worlds who you wouldn’t think would ever meet, but in movie land these two have something of a history as Charlotte used to babysit Fred when they were younger and there was an embarrassing incident between the two of them.  Still, fate seems to conspire to bring them back together as Fred loses his job and is brought to an upper class party by his friend Lance (O’Shea Jackson Jr) where Charlotte just so happens to also be.  They talk for a bit, Fred makes a fool of himself when trying to confront an evil media conglomerate (Andy Serkis) and you’d figure that life would just keep on going from there.  However, Charlotte starts to read some of Fred’s earlier work and comes up with a brilliant idea!  See, she plans on running for president as the current guy (Bob Odenkirk) won’t be running for a second term to instead make movies and so she needs a speech writer who can write funny and incisive commentary that she can pepper into her usual rhetoric, so going on quite a limb here she hires Fred for the job despite him being… well a boorish man child who can barely even dress himself.  Naturally her staff isn’t too thrilled included her top aids Maggie and Tom (June Diane Raphael and Ravi Patel), but everyone goes along with it and Fred, if nothing else, seems to write decent speeches and the two begin to reconnect once more; possibly with more going on between them than either initially realized.  Can Fred be the necessary piece that Charlotte has been missing in her life, and is Fred even capable of being what she needs him to be?  What sinister actors out there will try to undermine Charlotte’s campaign, and how will Fred react to the realities of being part of the political machine on such a large stage?  Seriously, how did this jacket alone not destroy her political career?

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“I didn’t realize the Blue Meanie was getting into politics!”     “Say what you will about the Blue World Order, they at least have a sound economic platform!”

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Cinema Dispatch: UglyDolls

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Ugly Dolls and all the images you see in this review are owned by STX Entertainment

Directed by Kelly Asbury

So are Ugly Dolls even a thing?  I feel like it HAS to be a thing for this movie to even exist, but I’ve never heard of them and frankly the first thing that annoyed me about the trailers is how decidedly UN-ugly all the dolls were supposed to be.  What, are big eyes fuzzy skin on a doll all of a sudden outside of societal norms?  There’s no room in the world of the beautiful for dolls of non-humanoid proportions!?  See, this is the kind of thinking that gave Sonic straight human teeth, the portions of an Olympic runner, and the eyes of a soulless monster!  Say what you will about that Garbage Pail Kids movie, at least they knew what ugly meant!  Okay, that’s PROBABLY not the best grounds to dismiss an entire movie on, but with only the occasional trailer and buzz leading up to its release, it certainly doesn’t seem like this is gonna be the sleeper hit of the year.  Does it manage to defy expectations and be a really great movie despite how lacking the marketing has been, or are we doomed for yet another animated disaster in a year that already gave us Wonder Park?  Let’s find out!!

In the happy town of Uglyville, everyone is happy and always partying which is easy to do when so many of them are inexplicably great singers and love to narrate their lives through song!  One such resident is Moxy (Kelly Clarkson) who enjoys her simple life in this unassuming town of ugly dolls, but dreams of something more!  She wants to be part of OUR world, by which I mean she wants to be a doll for a kid and… I guess she’s just waiting around for it to happen?  Every morning she sings that THAT day will be THE day that she’ll get her own kid, but then just hangs out in Uglyville where no kids every come by.  Eventually Moxy realizes that this is probably not the BEST strategy, so she convinces a few of the other residents of Uglyville, Ugly Dog, Wage, Lucky Bat, and Babo (Pitbull, Wanda Sykes, Wang Leehorn, and Gabriel Iglesias) to accompany her on a journey to outside of town.  The only way out is also the only way in as there’s a giant tube in the side of a mountain that shoots out an ugly doll every once in a while to join the town, so she figures that they’ll climb up it and see where it goes.  It turns out that it goes to a town called Perfection which is full of Barbie knockoffs that have to go through rigorous training before being allowed to go through the pearly gates which… I guess is where they’ll be packed into plastic boxes and sold on store shelves to hopefully wind up in a kid’s hands.  The mechanics are a bit unclear, but the point is crystal!  Moxy and her friends will face these challenges that all the other dolls have to go through in order to PROVE THEIR WORTH and pass through the gates themselves!  However, the leader of Perfection named Lou (Nick Jonas) isn’t happy about these UGLY creatures fouling up his perfect little community and will do whatever it takes to stop them from achieving their dreams!  Can Moxy and her friends find a way to not only pass the ridiculous tests set before them but perhaps make a positive change in Perfection in the process?  Who is this doll named Mandy (Janelle Monáe) that keeps trying to help them, and what is her reason for doing so?  Is it just me, or is this an overly complicated version of college frat comedy?

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“UGLY HOOOOOOOUUUSE!!”     “Cheese it!”

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The Man with the Golden Stream: Tomorrow Never Dies (Part 4) FINALE

So… it looks like I forgot to upload the last episode of Tomorrow Never Dies before rolling into The World is Not Enough. Whoops.

The Man with the Golden Stream!  James Bond video games every Sunday at 2:30pm EST!
https://www.twitch.tv/reviewersunite

 

Super Comics: Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW) – Annual 2019 & Tangle and Whisper #0

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Sonic the Hedgehog (the comic book series) and all the images you see in this recap are owned by IDW and SEGA of America

We’re back with even MORE Sonic the Hedgehog, because I guess it wasn’t enough to get that terrible trailer; they had to release not one but TWO issues of the comic two days later!  Not only that but the one we’ll be looking at today is an Annual which is a series of short stories that is twice as long as a standard issue, and if that wasn’t enough there’s ANOTHER issue coming out next week!  That’s about four issues worth of comics in only two weeks which is great for most people out there, but now I’ve quadrupled my workload all at once!  If you have any tiny violins in your immediate vicinity I would recommend playing a sad song for me and my misfortunes.  ANYWAY!  Does the first Annual of the IDW series manage to knock it out of the park, or does the short story format (reminiscent of the early Sonic Archie comics) end up hampering their ability to tell decent stories?  Let’s find out!!

Our first story begins with what I can only assume is a preview of the Tangle/Whisper miniseries as the latter visits the former in her home town.  I can only ASSUME this is the same village as the one from issue 4, but they don’t bother to clarify this in the story itself, and I guess I COULD take this time to once again say how nice it’d be if they would establish some key locations to make the world feel real and to give some degree of stakes to Eggman’s rampant destruction, but I’m pretty sure I’ve already beaten that dead horse a few times already.  That, and they do a good job fleshing out the interplay between Tangle and Whisper so I guess I can’t complain too much when they’re at least giving me that.

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“If I open both of my eyes all of existence will cease to be, and you just inadvertently opened one of them.”     “Are you… are you serious?”     “No, I just don’t want you to hug me.”

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