Month: February 2020

Cinema Dispatch: Gretel & Hansel

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

GAHCD0

Gretel & Hansel and all the images you see in this review are owned by United Artists Releasing

Directed by Oz Perkins

Sigh… a gritty reboot of the Hansel & Gretel?  Did you happened to catch that tagline; A GRIM Fairy Tale?  Yeah, something tells me this isn’t going to be good, AND YET there has been a decent amount of buzz surrounding this which surprised the heck out of me!  It’s not like February has a much better reputation for movies than January does, especially when it comes to horror, so if they really did have something here wouldn’t they have saved it for a better time?  I don’t know, maybe studios think that Get Out being the exception to this rule means it’s the new strategic time slot for quick horror bucks.  In any case, is this the surprise gem that people having been saying it is, or is this yet another chance for me to be a Grumpy Gus at a mediocre horror film?  Let’s find out!!

You know the story of Hansel & Gretel?  Well then you know the story of Gretel & Hansel!  Two kids are kicked out of their home because medieval times sucked for the working class and they get taken in by a witch who gives them food but has a hidden agenda.  Naturally there’s more to it, but it’s all about adding details than going off and doing its own thing as Gretel (Sophia Lillis) is the older sister taking care of her younger brother (Sam Leakey) and the witch (Alice Krige) is a more complicated presence in the movie.  At first she appears to be benevolent if a bit cagey as she not only feeds the kids bellies but their minds as well with meaningful chores, games of chess, and even teaching the little boy how to sharpen an axe so he can live out his dream of being a woodcutter.  Hey, at least it’s better than being a YouTuber or god help us a Twitch Streamer!  As the two stay at the house and learn more about her as well as the history of this house, things might just be going in a sinister direction that will force them to flee for their lives or perhaps it’s all a giant misunderstanding and they will end up being the aggressors in this story against an innocent and charitable older woman.  Will Gretel and Hansel become victims of a scheme that the witch is COOKING up for them?  Will Gretel perhaps be tempted down a dark path by the small TASTE of magic that the witch offers to her from time to time?  Do I have THYME to do OLIVE the food puns in the world before I get to the TOAST POINT!?

GAHCD1
Frankly, I don’t think there’s MUSHROOM left for jokes in this BERRY serious review!

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Gretel & Hansel” →

Super Wrestling: AEW Dynamite (02-05-20)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

AEWDYNAMITE

AEW Dynamite is owned by All Elite Wrestling, Shahid Khan, and TNT

We’re back with another episode of Wednesday Night Modern Warfare with a particularly spicy bout between NXT and AEW!  For the most part, AEW has been leading NXT in the rating EXCEPT when a SmackDown or RAW superstar graces the Full Sail arena, and with Charlotte Flair’s victory at The Royal Rumble she might just be challenging Rhea Ripley for the NXT title.  Sounds like a pretty hard act to compete against, but AEW has put on some amazing shows in the past and from the look of the announced card they may just have a shot here as well!  Let’s find out!!

.

Jon Moxley Vs. Ortiz

AEW has found a winning formula and by god they are going to stick to it!  Jon Moxley once again kicks off the show by working his way through the crowd to his music while wearing an eyepatch, though instead of getting on the mic and talking smack towards Jericho, he instead is here to face Ortiz in a one on one bout.  Well… about as one on one as you can get with Santana skulking outside the ring AND the rest of The Inner Circle butting in on commentary!  This was a great match with a lot of great moves and smart storytelling which is what you want from the biggest angle they have going right now.  They play up the eye, they play up Ortiz’s ego, and they even play up how much of an asset Santana is being outside the ring and covering Ortiz’s back.  Moxley is still flying solo on his quest here and I hope they find a way to work that into a genuine fault for the guy rather than just a self-imposed restriction to make him look more badass which frankly seems to be what they’re going for.  If I could say one thing about Moxley that’s negative, it’s that he’s just SO unflappable that he becomes a BIT hard to take seriously; especially when it comes to selling other people’s moves which he struggles with just a LITTLE bit.  Sure he can stumble and look a bit groggy, but he never screams, flails, or holds body parts in pain despite the amount of damage his opponents lay on him.  I was paying attention to the pin falls in particular and he looks like he’s WAITING to kick out rather than nearly incapacitated, so that’s one place where things could be a BIT better here, but like I said it was a great match overall and one heck of a way to start off the show!  It comes to an end when Jon Moxley avoids a running strike from Ortiz who then accidently hits Santana off of the ropes (this will be something of a running theme by the way) and so  Ortiz tries to rush Moxley again, but Moxley is prepared for it and lands a Paradigm Shift for the pin.  After the match Santanta tries to rush Moxley as retribution for the defeat of his tag team partner but ends up eating a Paradigm shift just like Ortiz, and then Moxley pulls out the car keys to the Ford GT that Jericho “gave him” as a gift for joining The Inner Circle which he ultimately didn’t do, and Jericho is great here as he freaks the heck out on commentary yelling about how it’s his car and that Moxley is a THIEF!  A THIEF I SAY!!  If that wasn’t bad enough, Moxley sticks the key between the fingers of his hand as he makes a fist, he picks up Santana who is still dazed from the Paradigm Shift, and then jabs the poor sucker in the eye; taking his revenge for what The Inner Circle had done to him a few weeks ago.  The Inner Circle rushes the ring at this point but Jon Moxley is long gone; having made his escape in the crowd.  Moxley is second only to Cody as far as people over with the crowd, and while this definitely feels more like a heel move than anything a face would do, the crowd was into it and cheered him endlessly for his Eye For An Eye stunt here.

Continue reading “Super Wrestling: AEW Dynamite (02-05-20)” →

Cinema Dispatch: The Rhythm Section

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

TRSCD0

The Rhythm Section and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures

Directed by Reed Morano

One of the unique selling points of this movie is that it’s produced by EON productions, and this is pretty significant considering they’ve only made four other films that weren’t in the Bond Franchise since its inception way back in 1961.  Now I love me a good Bond film and they have certainly been some really good ones in the recent past (Spectre notwithstanding), so seeing their logo on a film is intriguing if nothing else; but sadly the reason I can focus so much on a production company is that there’s simply not much else about this movie that’s catching my eye.  It looks way too much like other films I’ve seen in the last few years like American Assassin and The Foreigner; all of which span the range from nothing particularly impressive to outright terrible.  Can this latest spy thriller manage to rise above its peers with the help of the Broccoli family, or is this yet another dime a dozen spy films that won’t have even half the shelf-life of the worst Bond film?  Let’s find out!!

Stephanie Patrick (Blake Lively) has gone through a rough patch in her life.  She was doing alright, but then her entire family died in a plane crash that may or may not have been terrorism (pretty sure that’s the first thing the government would figure out, but whatever) and has spent the last months in a spiraling depression.  No home, no job, working as a sex worker because I guess that’s what grieving people do (did she not have friends or even second cousins that didn’t die?), but an unspeakable rage has built up inside of her that must be satiated by VENGEANCE!  Fortunately a reporter (Raza Jaffrey) comes along and tells her exactly who the bad guys are and where to find them, so she tries to shoot the terrorist in the face but blows the opportunity instead of his brain matter; leading her to be in even more danger and getting the reporter killed in the process.  The only hope left is the reporter’s source which is an ex-MI6 agent known as B (Jude Law) who begrudgingly agrees to train her so that she can take revenge PROPERLY next time.  Will she be able to train her body to be a perfect killing machine and finally exact vengeance on those who murdered her family?  What twists and turns will throw her off her path as she learns more and more about the complicated network of spies, extremists, and opportunists that facilitated the attack in the first place?  I mean I’m PRETTY sure she can pull this off!  She already fought off a shark, so how hard could this be!?

TRSCD1
“Wow!  This is SO much easier with a gun!”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: The Rhythm Section” →

Jumping the Soapbox: Games of 2019 (Part 3) – VR-A-PALOOZA!!

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Back in November I finally took the VR plunge and got myself a (VERY EXPENSIVE) Oculus Quest.  Now sure, it may not be the BE ALL END ALL of interactive experiences, but it’s definitely the most interesting new gimmick for the medium in a while.  The best way I’ve been able to describe it is the difference between beer and hard liquor.  Both are unique in their own way with pros and cons to each, but there’s no doubt that one is a more POWERFUL experience and that you can’t have as much of it without getting sick.  It’s amazing to be immersed in the virtual world in a way that no other gaming console can adequately replicate, but the weight of the hardware itself as well as the strain on your senses trying to understand the disconnect between what you’re seeing and what’s in the real world means that it’s best for short bursts rather than longer sessions.  In any case, we’ll take a look at many of the games I’ve played for it as well as any other impressions I had of the hardware.  Some games are from the built in Oculus store, some were side-loaded to the console through other means, all are worth talking about today!  Let’s get started!!

.

Beat Saber

GAMES2019-18

Develop by Beat Games

Alright, I’ll admit it!  I mostly bought this ridiculous headset just to play this one game!  ARE YOU HAPPY!?  I’ve always been a huge fan of rhythm games like Guitar Hero and Dance Dance Revolution, and after playing this at a convention a year or so back I knew I had to get it as well.  The gameplay is ridiculously intuitive with the many slash patters becoming second nature after a surprising short amount of time; though some of that might be due to my experience with other rhythm games.  I don’t want to BRAG and say that I’m an AMAZING arm waver, but over time the connection between the visual cues and the body movement become more and more abstracted and the thought process between seeing a block on screen and knowing what to do with my arms became instantaneous and I was racking up high scores in no time; even if I STILL can’t do a good chunk of those absurdly difficult EXPERT+ songs, and that brings me to something worth discussing about this game.  The big elephant in the room is the custom songs you can add to the game through mods with very little effort; even on the Quest which is designed to be much more self-contained and therefore harder to mod.  Look, I love the game play on its own, but if I couldn’t play Shut Up And Dance, You Get What You Give, and Eating Food In The shower, my interest would have faded away almost instantaneously.  People uploading tracks that they do not have the right to upload is frankly the lifeblood of this game and the paltry tracks that come with your thirty dollar purchase as well as the small handful of downloadable tracks are simply not enough to sustain interest.  I don’t know if Beat Games has said much on the use of unlicensed music in their game, but they sure haven’t fixed the “problem” yet and I’m curious if this is a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.  Until it does though, this is easily the most fun experience there is to find in VR, and the first thing you should buy if you get a headset!

.

Continue reading “Jumping the Soapbox: Games of 2019 (Part 3) – VR-A-PALOOZA!!” →