Tag: Olivier Richters

Cinema Dispatch: Borderlands

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Borderlands and all the images you see in this review are owned by Lionsgate Films

Directed by Eli Roth

Video game adaptations have certainly gotten better in the last few years, but there’s still a wide gulf between genuinely good movies and good-for-a-video-game-adaptation. I had mixed feelings about this when the trailer dropped as it looked like a Guardians of the Galaxy knock-off which worked out well for Dungeons & Dragons, but it’s also directed by the guy whose made some of my least favorite movies of all time. Does Eli Roth finally prove himself to be a competent mainstream director with a fun adaptation of a beloved game franchise, or will he be just another director who couldn’t crack the code on turning games into movies? Let’s find out!!

Welcome to Pandora! The planet that is to late-stage Capitalism what Rapture was to Objectivism! Corporations have stripped the planet bare, everyone is a jerk only out for themselves, and the masses are placated with a false promise of ascending up the social ladder by achieving the Pandorian Dream; in this case, finding a secret vault full of ancient alien treasure. Bounty hunter Lilith (Cate Blanchet) is far too savvy to buy into that nonsense, but she makes her way to the planet anyway in order to rescue Tina (Ariana Greenblatt), the daughter of an industrialist (Edgar Ramirez) who was taken to Pandora by Roland (Kevin Hart). When she arrives, she finds the foul-mouthed teen bumming around with Roland and Krieg; the latter being a jacked dude with a mask (Florian Munteanu) who’s surprisingly good with kids. Let’s just say that the rescue goes a bit sideways for Lilith, a situation not helped by a bunch of space cops trying to grab her bounty out from under her, and she ends up stuck with this group of misfits who are there to find the vault and prevent Tina’s dad from using it for evil! With the help of a local scientist (Jamie Lee Curtis) who knows more about the vault than anyone else on the planet as well as a robot named Claptrap (Jack Black) who follows Lilith around and seems to be programmed for maximum annoyance, will they be able to find the one thing on the planet that the wealthy can’t get their hands on and use it to make things better for the people of Pandora? Why did Roland need to take Tina in order to do this, and is does Lilith have a connection to all this that she has yet to understand? Perhaps they can also solve the mystery of how her hair is able to look like that without using super glue and spray paint.

“Seriously, do you use a diffuser when blow-drying it, or is all in the hair gel?”     “Can we talk about something else, please?”
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Cinema Dispatch: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny and all the images you see in this review are owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Directed by James Mangold

I’ve actually gone back and rewatched the Indiana Jones trilogy recently, and for the most part, they still hold up pretty well.  Not so much Temple of Doom, but even that one has some charm to it and the big action packed finale is a sight to behold.  There’s just something unique about them that has kept the series relevant after all these years and sadly could not be recaptured with the fourth movie which at the time felt a bookend for the series.  Now we’re back with one more adventure starring the even more aged Indiana Jones and without Spielberg or Lucas behind the camera.  Does this change in direction bode well for Indy’s final adventure, or will this just feel hollow and cheap without the original creators who couldn’t even make it work again back in 2008?  Let’s find out!!

The year is 1969 and Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) is now just crotchety old Dr. Jones teaching college classes that no one cares about when he’s not sleeping in his old man armchair.  Needless to say that the glory days have long been over with a few personal tragedies peppered throughout for good measure, but all of that is about to change as the daughter of an old friend shows up and asks him about an ancient artifact.  Her name is Helena (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) and she’s looking for a mysterious dial that her father was obsessed with and that Indy took off a Nazi researcher back during the war.  Said researcher, Jürgen Voller (Mads Mikkelsen), is also after the dial which holds some mysterious power and when he sends his goons to take the piece of it that is at the university, Indy finds himself whisked away on one last adventure to settle an old score, solve a mystery from his past, and save the day once again!  Can Dr. Jones summon the courage and dust off the cobwebs to become Indy once again?  Why did Helena show up after all this time, and what are her plans for the Dial once they find all the pieces?  Seriously, is he wearing a fedora in 1969?  That’s somehow more disconcerting than the guy running around with a bullwhip.

“Anyone who cracks wise about my hat gets one right between the eyes!”
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Cinema Dispatch: Black Widow

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Black Widow and all the images you see in this review are owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Directed by Cate Shortland

Wow, 2020 feels like a million years ago doesn’t it?  Not only that, it seems that spy movies were in vogue as not only this movie but The King’s Man and the new James Bond movie were set to come out before finding out the one thing you can’t stealthy murder your way around is a global pandemic.  Thankfully things are starting to clear up (though the pandemic is by no means over, GET VACCINATED!) and some of those 2020 holdovers are making their way to theaters.  We already got Fast 9 and Spiral, s s turn to save movie theaters with their latest billion dollar blockbuster!  Is this spin-off film for one of o now it’s Marvel’ the MCU’s most iconic characters the true start to the next wave of Marvel movies, or is did it miss its chance when the world turned upside down last year?  Let’s find out!!

Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson) is on the run after the events of Captain America: Civil War and is laying low in a trailer somewhere when she gets a message from her long lost spy-sister containing vials of some mysterious substance.  She is immediately attacked by a mysterious person in a mechanical suit with a skull painted on the faceplate, and so she goes to see her sister Yelena (Florence Pugh) who first tries to punch her a bunch of times before revealing that the vials are some sort of antidote for a mind control drug that the current crop of Black Widows are injected with; including herself who is only free now after a botched operation that her a face full of the anti-puppet juice.  With Yelena now free and Natasha having nothing better to do, the two of them start working together to bring down General Dreykov (Ray Winstone), the scumbag leader of the Black Widows who is now coming after them.  To find Dreykov though, they will need the help of their spy-dad Alexei (David Harbour) who was once the Red Guardian (the Captain America equivalent for the Soviet Union) and is now wasting away in prison, as well as the help of their spy-mom Melina (Rachel Weisz) who was a Black Widow herself and still has contacts with the organization.  Can this awkward family reunion get Natasha and Yelena the information they need to save the women under Dreykov’s control and end the program once and for all?  Will their spy-parents help them on their journey or will they be a bunch of Boomers about it and question why they feel so entitled to not being mind-slaved by the state?  How much is Marvel regretting their decision to end Black Widow’s story in Endgame, and how big of a sales pitch did they give to Florence Pugh?

“I’m telling ya, sis.  Four movies MINIMUM that will all make over five hundred million at the box office!”     “I’ll think about it, but no promises.”
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