Cinema Dispatch: Frankenstein

Frankenstein and all the images you see in this review are owned by Netflix

Directed by Guillermo del Toro

Frankenstein is really having a moment, isn’t he? And yes, I’m referring to both the scientist and the monster, as I still consider the latter to be A Frankenstein even if he’s not THE Frankenstein. Between Poor Things, Creature Commandos, and the upcoming Bride, the iconic tale of a man-made monster, or perhaps a monster-made man, has become an inescapable fixture of recent media. As such, someone was bound to take another swing at adapting the story itself, and who better to take on such a task than the modern-day king of monster movies, Guillermo del Toro? After all, his liberal interpretation of Creature from the Black Lagoon managed to win a few Oscars and is arguably one of the main reasons we’re seeing so many monster mashes as of late. Will this be another phenomenal entry in one of the medium’s greatest filmographies, or has Guillermo finally bitten off more than he can chew; akin to the maniacal doctor himself? Let’s find out!!

Out on the frozen tundra of the North Pole, a man is found by a ship and its crew; barely holding onto life and fearing something out on the ice sheet. With nothing better to do as this was before mobile phones and Game Boys, the captain insists on the man telling his story, and we learn that he is Victor Frankenstein (Oscar Isaac), a scientist who studied death and fought against the medical establishment to test his theories on bringing to life that which was already dead. Said recompiled and reanimated corpse (Jacob Elordi) is what’s hunting him out on the ice and the doctor tells us how it all went so wrong with a couple of subplots involving his brother William (Felix Kammerer) and his fiancée Elizabeth (Mia Goth) as well as her uncle (Christoph Waltz) who was funding Frankenstein’s experiments. How did Frankenstein pull off such a miracle that even God wouldn’t dare to do, and what did it cost him in the process? Just what is it that is driving the monster to chase down his creator, and is there more to his reasoning than simple barbaric terror? Considering how many Frankensteins there have been, from Colin Clive, Peter Cushing, and Kenneth Branagh, do you think the monster had any trouble finding the one he was specifically mad at?

“Fronk-in-steen? I swear, this is somehow worse than when the postal service sent me those Henry Frankenstein letters.”
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Cinema Dispatch: Deep Water

Deep Water and all the images you see in this review are owned by Hulu

Directed by Adrian Lyne

Movies may be returning to theaters, but the Pandemic has irrevocably muddied the waters between theatrical movies and straight to streaming. Pixar’s splitting the difference with one of their movies going to streaming while other is a theatrical exclusive, and all the major streaming services are sacrificing box office bucks in the hopes of roping in a few more views; Netflix being the most blatant as far as I’m concerned what with Knives Out 2 going straight to their service. It’s certainly been good for me as I’m already paying for these things so I might as well check out what’s on them, and one movie caught my eye this week. It’s a movie I never heard of until a few days before it was to come out, and yet it’s starring the former Batman and Agent Paloma from the last James Bond movie! How did something with such high-profile actors fly under my radar like this? Was Hulu hoping we won’t notice it as they sandwich it between Seth Macfarlane cartoons and whatever the heck Letter Kenny is, or is this just further evidence that I am out of touch and just barely managed to catch a great movie before it sailed right over my head? Let’s find out!!

Vic Van Allen and Melinda Van Allen (Ben Affleck Ana de Armas) are an upper-class married couple who have an… interesting relationship. It’s unclear how much of this is formalized or agreed upon, but it’s clear that Melinda is having sex with other men and that Vic is aware of it. For the most part, he just stands there and plasters a smile on his face while she does her thing, but it’s clear that this is eating him up inside and he starts getting more and more aggressive in his “handling” of this situation. Melinda seemingly has no compunction about this and presumably doesn’t care much for Vic’s feelings, but then Vic is no peach either and his need for control only gets more desperate and more uncomfortable. Just how far will Vic go to hold tight on what he believes is rightfully his, and how will Melinda react to these cages he wishes to put up? Is there something underneath all this contempt that they have for each other, and is it somehow darker than the animosity with which they deal with their problems already? See, back in my day they would just go on Springer and get it all out in the open, but nope! Just gonna bottle it up until someone writes a really inappropriate rant on Facebook!

“She’s so *#!@% that ^&^@#$!”     “Well, HE can’t even %$%#*!”     “JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!”
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