Tag: Horror

Cinema Dispatch: Black Phone 2

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Black Phone 2 and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Scott Derrickson

Black Phone is another one of those movies where I thought I’d published a review for it, only to find out that it doesn’t exist. I remember watching it fairly close to its release date and was rather impressed with its sharp writing and interesting premise, but maybe I got distracted by something like that Beavis and Butthead movie and never got around to putting my thoughts on the word processor. In any case, it’s time for the inevitable sequel as any horror movie that makes money is guaranteed to get, but what raised my interest for this one is that everyone came back for it, not just the stars but the writer and director, and the trailers that looked to take things in a wildly different direction. With so much in this movie’s favor, can this be one of the few horror sequels to surpass the original, or was there only enough juice in that lemon to wring out one good story? Let’s find out!!

After surviving his kidnapping from The Grabber (Ethan Hawke), young Finney (Mason Thames) is still trying to process what had happened to him, which isn’t helped by the dead periodically contacting him for help and dredging up those old memories. His sister Gwen (Madeleine McGraw), however, proves to be much more proactive on this issue, though that probably has to do with the fact that she’s having nightmares about murder victims every night that are pointing her to an old Christian Youth Camp that her mother once attended when she was their age. Not wanting her sister to be defenseless for whatever it is that’s waiting at the camp, Finnney goes along with her and their friend Ernesto (Miguel Mora) to investigate whatever mystery has brought them there in the first place. It doesn’t take long for The Grabber, whatever he may be this long after his death, to make his presence known and to start taking his revenge against the two of them. Why is The Grabber’s spirit so strong at this camp, and what can these two siblings hope to accomplish by putting themselves right at his doorstep? Are the mysterious ghosts that brought them here looking for help from the living, or are they just pawns in The Grabber’s machinations? It’s a good thing this camp just happens to have a payphone by the lake; otherwise they’d have to call this something else!

“Maybe the REAL black phone was the friends we made along the way.”     “Shut up, you mask wearing dick-weed!”
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Cinema Dispatch: M3GAN 2.0, Clown in a Cornfield, and Heart Eyes

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

October is the spookiest month of the year, and it gives me an excuse to catch up on a few movies that I missed! Horror films are always a reliable moneymaker and are rarely that expensive to make, so there are no shortage of films I can choose from whenever the holidays start to roll around. Will these three movies be great additions to anyone’s Halloween Party playlist, or will the only thing scary about all of this is just how bad horror movies got this year? Let’s find out!!

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M3GAN 2.0

M3GAN 2.0 is owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Gerard Johnstone

Following the events of the M3GAN incident that left four people dead, her creator Gemma (Allison Williams) has found a new life as an anti-AI advocate and is trying to be a good mother to her niece Cady (Violet McGraw) whenever she can fit it in her schedule. Unbeknownst to her, however, another company has used her M3GAN code to develop an even stronger girl-bot; AMELIA (Ivanna Sakhno) who is being used by the military to conduct Black OPS missions and rescue hostages. That is until AMELIA goes rouge and is set on destroying her creators which, tangentially at least, includes Gemma. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your point of view, M3GAN (Amie Donald and Jenna Davis) is not as dead as everyone though she was and is willing to help Gemma protect Cady from the murder-bot, but how what does M3GAN hope to gain from all this, and is she a far greater threat to this family than even AMELIA?

Right off the bat, this series of horror reviews stumbles, as this sequel to the horror film M3GAN is not a horror film; not in the slightest. Then again, I’m not sure exactly what genre to put it in as it flips between superhero action, spy movie shenanigans, and what I can only describe as a winking parody of eighties-Spielberg. None of that is to say that this is a bad movie, though it certainly does everything it can to give you that impression, just that it’s a strange movie that never quite finds its lane but seems to be confident that it knows what it’s doing. Why else would a sequel to a horror movie decide to hit the two-hour mark and give a good chunk of that time over to Jemaine Clement, who is clearly under the impression that he’s in an Austin Powers sequel? Some of the swagger makes sense as the whole thing feels like a victory dance for M3GAN making a mint at the box office, and I can even understand the desire to make this something other than a horror movie as M3GAN’s strength was in her personality much more than her brutality, but this overindulgence in genre hopping leaves little room for a core competency in any area to shine through. The most egregious failing of the movie is with the humans, who are utterly banal and do not add much to anything that’s going on. Gemma is perhaps the most fleshed out of the non-robotic, but she’s one of those protagonists who is always a few steps behind the audience which is frustrating to watch, and Allison Williams’s performance doesn’t do anything to rise about the material; nor does Violet McGraw as Cady who should be the heart of the movie but gets utterly overwhelmed by M3GAN’s personality and the machinations of the wacky plot. Still, the places where the movie goes for broke in terms of robot shenanigans, and there’s a lot to like whenever we aren’t seeing the meat sacks act. I was genuinely impressed with Ivanna Sakhno as the robotic antagonist of the movie and the writers clearly had much more of an interest in exploring what she can do than what any of the flesh-bags had to contribute, and the robot on robot violence that saturates the second half of the movie is satisfying to watch. There’s a certain charm to a low budget movie flaunting its success in a bigger and shiner sequel, but while this does succeed at being a wildly different animal with a lot more cash to flash, it still can’t avoid the traps that a lot of sequels fall into; ultimately feeling like a shadow of its former self. I’m sure fans of the first film will get a kick out of it, especially if they were more interested in the character than the scares, but even they might find the self-satisfaction and lack of interesting non-robot characters a little bit tiresome after the first hour; let alone the second.

3 out of 5
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Cinema Dispatch: Weapons

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Weapons and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros. Pictures

Directed by Zach Cregger

I went ahead and checked my backlog of reviews, and it turns out that I didn’t actually post a review of Barbarian when it came out. It’s strange because I remember seeing it in the theaters, and I’m pretty sure I started writing something, but clearly it fell through the cracks and I just never got around to it; a fate that will probably be shared by both Companion and Novocain this year. Sorry, Jack Quaid. In any case, I thought the movie was a very solid first outing for a budding horror filmmaker. Cregger was certainly no Jordan Peele when it comes to sketch comedians making scary movies, but there was plenty to like in that movie and, I was interested to see where he would go from there. His latest movie is generating the kind of buzz that you would expect from a Jordan Peele level filmmaker, which certainly has me excited to see what the former Whitest Kids You Know member has up his sleeve this time. Are we witnessing the evolution of another horror icon, or will Cregger’s latest outing be an also-ran in a genre that has an overabundance of talented filmmakers already? Let’s find out!!

In the small town of Maybrook, not unlike your own hometown, a mysterious thing happened one night. At 2:17am, seventeen kids mysteriously got out of their beds and did the Naruto run into the darkness of the night. What’s more peculiar is that they all came from a single classroom at the local elementary school, leaving just one kid who didn’t run away named Alex (Cary Christopher), and the teacher Justine (Julia Garner). With such a bizarre thing to happen and with no explanation to be found, the town became very suspicious of Justine even after the police and FBI cleared her of all wrongdoing. Leading the charge is Archer (Josh Brolin), the father of one of the lost kids, but he’s only the tip of the iceberg as Justine is scrutinized at every turn and even gets put on administrative leave from the school as the principal (Benedict Wong) feels her presence would just escalate tensions further, but nothing is going to keep her or this community safe until someone figures out what’s going on. Where did these kids go, and what drove them there in the first place? Will Justine find the answers before she becomes a victim of the town’s grief and growing madness? You know, teachers are already under constant scrutiny as it is, and they certainly don’t need something like this on their shoulders!

“All I wanted was to teach the kids to finger paint, but no! I had to teach the GHOST CLASS!”
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Cinema Dispatch: 28 Years Later

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

28 Years Later and all the images you see in this review are owned by Sony Pictures Releasing

Directed by Danny Boyle

I don’t know how controversial of an opinion this is, but I’ve never been a fan of the 28 films. That’s not to say they’re bad, but I simply didn’t find them all that memorable; especially the second one, of which the train scene at the beginning is the only piece that’s stuck in my memory. I was shocked to see how many very famous people were in that movie and how little impression they must have left on me, but they were also movies I watched before I started this whole film critic thing, so maybe I just never saw them in the right frame of mind. Perhaps that changes today, as Danny Boyle’s Faustian bargain with this franchise has demanded another entry nearly three decades after the first one. Will this be another well regarded entry for the Zombie genre, or has time made this series more decrepit than the walking dead themselves? Let’s find out!!

Twenty-eight years after the initial outbreak, which would be twenty-seven years, eleven months and two days since Jim woke up and twenty-seven years and four months since Don proved himself to be the crappiest dad ever, the world has adopted a lock-and-leave policy with the entire British Isle and has left survivors to fend for themselves in self-sustaining communities while making sure none of the zombies even think about taking a dip in the English Channel via a constant patrol of warships. One such survivor is Spike (Alfie Williams) who, in accordance with post-apocalypse tradition, is now a man at the age of twelve and is ready to shoot zombies to death with bows and arrows. He takes his first journey from his protected island community to the mainland and manages to survive with the help of his dad (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), but let’s just say that experience was rather mixed for poor Spike, and with rumors of a doctor being the one to start the conspicuous fires he saw out on the hills, he decides that there’s more important things to do than just scraping by with his dopey dad. Wrapping up all the supplies and courage, this twelve-year-old can muster; he sneaks his sick mother (Jodie Comer) onto the mainland in hopes of finding a cure for her illness through this mysterious doctor everyone else seems so afraid of. Will Spike be able to keep himself and his mother alive through the zombie hoards, especially with the terrifying Alpha Zombies roaming the countryside? Who else is holed up on this island, and will they help Spike on his quest to find the doctor, or be an even worse nightmare than the zombies themselves? Seems like this wasn’t the best thought out plan, but then again, what else did this kid have to look forward to anyway? Another forty years of unseasoned beets and scavenged cans of baked beans?

“Seriously, mom! Why did you let me do this?”     “ME!? You’re the one who dragged me out of bed while I was still catatonic!”
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Cinema Dispatch: Sinners

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Sinners and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros. Pictures

Directed by Ryan Coogler

I may be coming to this one late, but it’s not like it’s gotten any less relevant since I saw it on opening weekend! The biggest news story in Hollywood, aside from all the depressing news about tariffs, has been the runaway success of Ryan Coogler’s action-horror period piece. It’s managed to keep audiences’ coming back for more week after week even in the face of the Marvel Movie Machine which admittedly snatch the first place spot from this, but staying at number two with strong weekly returns is an impressive feat in its own right. Still, a successful movie is not always the same thing as a good movie, and while Coogler’s record has been strong, he’s stretching a bit outside his comfort zone with a big budgeted movie outside of a recognizable franchise. Did this movie earn its impressive box office on its merits and through strong word of mouth, or did the hype surrounding this swiftly outpace the quality of the film itself? Let’s find out!!

Set in the small town of Clarksdale way back in 1932, we arrive on the scene just as two prodigal sons return; Elijah and Elias (Michael B Jordan) known by their nicknames “Smoke” and “Stack”.  They bring with them tales of the War and the bustling city of Chicago where they may or may not have done some questionable things that brought lots of beer and stacks of cash to the small town where they plan to open a juke joint for their community.  Caught up in their machinations are their cousin and the preacher’s son Sammie (Miles Caton) who, despite the protestations of his father (Saul Williams), is more than happy to play the blues for them on opening night where all their friends, as well as a few troublemakers, will be doing as the title of the movie suggests.  The raucous party is so good, in fact, that it catches the attention of a nearby vampire who sees plenty of fresh meat to sink his teeth into if he can just find a way inside.  Will this creature of the night find a way into the hearts and minds of those who have been marginalized and may be enticed by the powers that await them?  What brought the “Smoke Stack” brothers back to their home town, and are there things in this world that terrify them more than a literal vampire at their doorstep?  Whatever they did, I’m guessing it was worth it given the quality of those suits!

“Best part is, they’re both in my size!”     “Mine too!  What a coincidence!”
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Cinema Dispatch: Joker: Folie à Deux & Terrifier 3

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

It’s a battle of the clowns here today as we take a look at two recent in the surprisingly relevant genre of murderous clowns. Whatever you can say about their relative qualities, both the Joker and Terrifier series are there to throw a wrench into the conventional wisdom about what makes a blockbuster franchise, and both have found much more success than anyone was expecting. Still, following up a big hit is no easy task, especially for the one that somehow made a billion dollars, so do these two sequels manage to outdo the originals, and which one does the most with its killer clown setup? Let’s find out!!

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Joker: Folie à Deux

Joker: Folie à deux is owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Todd Phillips

Hapless serial killer Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix) is not the man he used to be.  His time in prison has sapped all the maniacal energy that he brought to his one and only TV appearance, and is simply waiting for his trial to be done with so he can sit in a corner until his execution.  That is until he happens to pass by another inmate named Harley (Lady Gaga) who awakens the clown within and the two start planning for one heck of a legal defense.  Will this be the grand finale to the revolution that he kicked off, or is there more going on in Arthur’s mind than what he paints on his face?

Like a lot of critics, I was no fan of the first film, which was a tedious slog through half-baked social commentary. I’m glad to report that the sequel is an improvement, by being a tedious slog through half-baked social commentary with a few song and dance numbers. Well, that’s a bit unfair, I suppose. The movie improves upon the original in several ways that don’t just include the singing and dancing, and it all has to do with the film’s tighter focus. Arthur Fleck in the first movie was a mere cipher as the film was more interested in trying to make a point, whatever that point ultimately was, rather than making it about Arthur himself. Gotham City wound up taking far too much space in the last one, and thankfully things have been stripped down significantly, as everything outside of Arthur’s immediate circumstances barely has a presence here; one that we can only glimpse through the bars of his cell or the gallery of the courtroom. I’d go so far as to say there’s barely more than three sets in the entire film, and while I can’t imagine how they spent two hundred million on this, I applaud them for making the sequel smaller instead of succumbing to Big Sequel Syndrome. This is all a great start and put me in a better mood than I was in the last film, but that goodwill started to fade away as the plot kicked in, and it’s just as boring and meandering this time around. It certainly tries to liven things up with the toxic relationship between Arthur and Harley as well as the more frequent flights into fantasy, and is almost enough to carry the movie; even outside the context of this being tangentially related to the DC Universe. For the most part I’m not bothered by how little this cares to be anything like the Batman characters, but I will say that it’s a little bit uncomfortable for this to essentially turn Harley, who is a victim of Joker’s abuse in all other forms of media, into the manipulative one. The last one had its issues with women and those aren’t improved here, which is a shame because Gaga remains a compelling actor even in material that isn’t up to her level, and I feel that her character is far too underwritten to have the impact that the film clearly expects it to have. The same is true about the musical numbers, which aren’t a detriment to the movie, but they add almost nothing to the movie. I think it was a good idea for the two of them to connect through music, but the numbers themselves are not interesting enough to justify stopping the plot in its tracks, and it’s just another thing that makes this feel way too drawn out. I don’t want to write off Todd Phillips as a boring filmmaker, but twice now he’s managed to fail to find the interesting story to tell about a killer clown. The big ideas and breathless monologues are for naught if you can barely keep your eyes open when you aren’t rolling them.

2 out of 5
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Cinema Dispatch: Alien: Romulus

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Alien: Romulus and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Studios

Directed by Fede Álvarez

The Alien franchise is unique because it’s a series that descended into utter shlock, but never truly lost its prestige. Heck, the first sequel to it was blatantly an attempt to turn an atmospheric horror movie into a wild shoot-em-up, and yet it’s considered nearly as good, if not the equal of, the original film. No matter how many times it gets screwed up by the studio or has terrible crossovers with The Predator, a new Alien film always comes with a certain amount of clout because we all remember just how good that original film is. This latest attempt is the most direct attempt yet at recapturing that magic, but is it simply too big a task for any filmmaker to recapture the magic of that first film? Let’s find out!!

Taking place a number of years after the Nostromo event, we follow a group of rag tag street toughs with dreams of escaping their Weyland-Yutani owned mining planet for the blue skies and green pastures of another planet. To get there, they need to salvage cryostasis chambers from a wrecked space station just outside their home planet’s atmosphere, and with the help of Rain (Cailee Spaeny) and her adopted android brother Andy (David Jonsson), they might just have a shot of pulling it off. Unfortunately for them, the space station was conducting experiments on the Xenomorphs which naturally begin to escape as soon as these kids start mucking up the place and mess with the thermostat. In order to escape the vessel with the cryo-pods and their fleshy innards intact, Andy installs a data chip that fills him with knowledge of the alien threat as well as the darkest secrets that Weyland-Yutani are hiding. Will our crew of at risk youths make it out alive with the help of Andy 2.0? What else is Weyland-Yutani up to, and is there more to all this than Andy us letting in on? Do you think the Xenomorphs ever get tired of screeching all the time, or is that part of the fun for them?

“I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. Álvarez.”
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Cinema Dispatch: Longlegs

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Longlegs and all the images you see in this review are owned by Neon

Directed by Osgood Perkins

I don’t want to bring up the box office every time I write a review these days, but it seems that the only reliably bankable genres are now kid’s movies and horror films. Horror has always had a leg up in theaters since they are cheap to produce and easy to sell to audiences looking for a thrill, but the genre has had some truly remarkable entries the last few years and I wouldn’t be surprised if it eventually gets enough momentum, both critically and financially, to start getting a few nods from the famously stuffy Academy. Is this latest effort from Osgood Perkins another feather in the genre’s cap, or does this fail to stand out among its bigger and better peers? Let’s find out!!

Lee Harker (Maika Monroe) is unassuming and soft-spoken, but she manages to stand out among her peers at the FBI with an uncanny intuition about the murders they are chasing, and while she doesn’t get assigned to the X-Files to be Mulder’s new partner, she does get assigned to a case involving the brutal murder of nearly a dozen families by the enigmatic killer known simply as Longlegs (Nicolas Cage) who always leaves a note but never seems to be there for the crime itself. She starts to connect the dots on a few of the murders which leaves her supervisor Carter (Blair Underwood) both impressed and skeptical, but things take a dark turn when Longlegs contacts her directly with clues that only hasten the investigation but bring her closer to him and whatever mysterious plans he has for her. As the evidence starts to point towards yet another massacre of a family, can Lee uncover the mystery in time to save Longlegs’ next victims from their terrible fate? What is driving this man to kill in such horrific ways, and is there more to this case than what science and evidence can point to? Seriously, who did Lee tick off to get stuck with this weirdo killer? Even Clarice had an easier time on her first assignment!

“’Join the FBI’ they said. ‘Silence of the Lambs is just a movie’ they said…”
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Cinema Dispatch: Scream VI

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Scream VI and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures

Directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin & Tyler Gillett

The Scream franchise is certainly a unique presence in horror with a few solid entries under its belt and a premise that frankly hasn’t been replicated well by anyone else.  The blending of slasher tropes with whodunit elements feels like one of the most obvious premises imaginable, right up there with using Superheroes as the basis of big summer blockbusters, and yet nothing has really tried to put their own spin on it outside of arguably the Saw movies which itself ran out of steam the same way Scream did after the third one.  The reboot series of films which started with four has had some interesting takes on the formula and a few good ideas to keep the series relevant, but can they keep that momentum going long enough to round out the trilogy, or will it crash and burn as spectacular as Scream 3 did?  Let’s find out!!

After the events of the last movie, the survivors have decided not to stay in Woodsboro and instead move to New York City for a change of scenery.  After all, it’s not like slasher villains have a history of making New York City the one other place they go to kill people, right?  Sure enough, another Ghostface Killer makes themselves known and it’s up to Sam and Tara (Melissa Barrera and Jenna Ortega) to find out who is donning the outfit this time and to keep their friend group from becoming mincemeat.   This includes Mindy and Chad from the last movie (Jasmin Savoy Brown and Mason Gooding) as well as newcomers Quinn, Ethan, and Anika (Liana Liberato, Jack Champion, and Devyn Nekoda) who could all be the new killer because that’s how these things usually work out.  Oh, and of course, Gail Weathers shows up again (Courteney Cox) because this is a Scream movie and we can’t have one without at least one of the original survivors.  Will Sam and Tara survive yet another serial killer that’s hot on their heels, and in doing so resolve the tension that’s been building between them since the last time this happened?  Who could the killer be this time, and what new rules of horror movies need to be explored in order to stay one step ahead of Ghostface?   What exciting new ways of murdering are available to Ghostface now that he’s in the big city?  Maybe he can stab someone in an overpriced apartment instead of an oversized suburban home!

“Can you even name another horror movie that takes place in a bodega!?”     “Uh… Vampire Vs. the Bronx?”     “NO!  NETFLIX MOVIES DON’T COUNT!”     *BANG*
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Cinema Dispatch: Knock at the Cabin

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Knock at the Cabin and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by M Night Shyamalan

M Night has had one of the more interesting career revivals as his latest film are not quite reaching the peak of his earlier work, but they’ve been solid features that have made a decent amount of money, so he’s gained much of his prestige back after being thought of as a joke for over a decade. Is his latest mysterious picture even more evidence that the king of twists is clawing his way back on top, or will it turn out that the hope he inspired in us was his greatest twist of all? Let’s find out!!

Eric and Andrew (Jonathan Groff and Ben Aldridge) are just trying to have a pleasant holiday with their daughter Wen (Kristen Cui), but things just can’t seem to go right! They have no cell service in their cabin, DoorDash isn’t willing to deliver this far out into the woods, and if that wasn’t bad enough, four religious fanatics with makeshift weapons and color-coordinated outfits have broken into their vacation home and tied them to a couple of chairs! The leader of the group is Leonard (Dave Bautista) who informs this unlucky family that the apocalypse is coming and there’s only one very arbitrary way to avoid it that no one here is going to like. The other three intruders, Sabrina, Adriane, and Redmond (Nikki Amuka-Bird, Abby Quinn, and Rupert Grint) plead their case as best as they can, but it’s certainly a hard sell and time is running out as the world seems to start crumbling around them. Will Eric, Andrew, and Wen be able to escape from their tormentors before they do something even more drastic? Is this just a simple case of mass hysteria as the four intruders see fate where there’s only coincidence, or is there more to the story than can be rationally understood? Seriously, what’s with the matching shirts? It’s not exactly something you’d do if you DIDN’T want to come off as complete weirdos!

“I understand that a situation like this can be very confusing. To answer your first question; no, we are not The Wiggles. I can maybe sing one of their songs if it would be of any comfort to you and your family, but I can’t promise it will be up to their standards.”
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