Super Recaps: Dragon Ball Super Episode 4 (Bid for the Dragon Balls! Pilaf and Crew’s Impossible Mission!)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Dragon Ball Super and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Funimation

We’re back with another episode of Bulma’s Birthday Blowout, and… yeah, I’m not gonna beat around the bush on this one.  We’re in straight up filler mode and not the fun kind like watching Vegeta eat a giant octopus.  Sure we get little snippets of Goku training on King Kai’s planet and Vegeta being awesome, but for the majority of the episode we’re dealing with Goten, Kid Trunks, and The Pilaf Gang doing pointless shenanigans while we wait for Beerus to make it to King Kai’s planet.  Ugh… even Yamcha would be more interesting to follow, but I guess we have to  follow what happened in Battle of the Gods… even the uninteresting parts.  Oh well.  Let’s get started…

The episode begins with Beerus and Whis who remind us that they’re on their way to King Kai’s planet and that it’s going to take some time to get there, but at least they manage to have some funny banter back and forth before they leave the episode completely.  Come to think of it, one of the best aspects of this show so far has been the dub which manages to stay pretty sharp and even somewhat self-aware for those who’ve been following the series since the beginning.  Now not all of the dialogue hits as is the case with pretty much any dub (except Yu Yu Hakusho and I will FIGHT YOU on that!), but for something that has all the hallmarks of a cheap cash grab to milk the fans of the franchise (the weak animation, the fact that we’re picking up RIGHT after DBZ ends, the constant fan service) I think they’re managing to at least get the character interactions right.  Speaking of which, we get even more of the Sean Schemmel Comedy Hour as King Kai has notices Beerus’s B-line straight for his planet and is bemoaning his lot in life while Goku stays as oblivious as ever.

DBS4-1
“Boy, King Kai!  It’s not often that I see you shitting bricks like this.  Did YOU forget it was Bulma’s birthday too?”

Continue reading “Super Recaps: Dragon Ball Super Episode 4 (Bid for the Dragon Balls! Pilaf and Crew’s Impossible Mission!)” →

Cinema Dispatch: Smurfs: The Lost Village

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

SMURFSCD0

Smurfs: The Lost Village and all the images you see in this review are owned by Columbia Pictures and Sony Pictures Animation

Directed by Kelly Asbury

Considering how the LAST two Smurfs movies turned out, this really doesn’t have to do all that much to be a massive improvement, does it?  To be fair, it DOES look like the new direction their going in is the right move for this franchise as it looks much more like the original series, and we’re also not going to the real world this time around which shows some signs that Sony realized where they screwed up and are trying to make it better.  Plus, they also got Jack McBrayer which is you all need to get my ass into a theater!  Does this manage to win back the fans it lost with the last two cynical features, or did they manage to screw it up again even with two perfect examples of how NOT to make a Smurfs movie to go by?  Let’s find out!

The movie starts in Smurf village where all the little Smurfs are Smurfing about doing their Smurfy thing.  All except for Smurfette (Demi Lovato) who may have golden locks to die for but isn’t sure what else a Smurfette is supposed to do.  Oh sure, it’s easy for Police Smurf and Saxophone Smurf who’s occupations are spelled out for them like a Cutie Mark in My Little Pony, but what about her!?  Is being the one and only female Smurf the ONLY thing she’s good at!?  Well… maybe not as she soon discovers another Smurf while Smurf-boarding in the forest, but before she can ask any questions or even get a good look at them, they run off into the FORBIDDEN FOREST which I can only assume is the same one from Harry Potter.  Smurfette wants to find this new Smurf as well as the village they came from (perhaps a LOST village of Smurfs!?) but Papa Smurf (Mandy Patinkin) forbids her to go into the FORBIDDEN FOREST because… well, it’s FORBIDDEN!  Despite his warnings not to go out there, she sneaks off into the middle of the night to go searching the FORBIDDEN FOREST and ends up having a few tag-alongs who were following her in the form of Hefty Smurf (Joe Manganiello), Clumsy Smurf (Jack McBrayer) and Brainy Smurf (Danny Pudi); all of whom are sure to bring their unique brand of Smurf Shenanigans to this adventure!  Oh, and of course the evil wizard Gargamel (Rainn Wilson) gets wind of this lost village, so they have to contend with him stomping through the forest as well; hoping to find these new Smurfs and using them to become the world’s most powerful wizard by smooshing them in some sort of magic juicer!  Can the Smurfs find The Lost Village and warn them of Gargamel before it’s too late?  Will Smurfette finally find out what her true purpose is on this epic quest?  Just who are these new Smurfs that they’re looking for, and are they even blue!?  What if… WHAT IF THEY’RE SNORKS!?

SMURFSCD1
It’s the Hannah-Barbarra Cinematic Universe!  WE KNEW IT WAS COMING SOONER OR LATER!!

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Smurfs: The Lost Village” →

Samurai Jack Season 5 Episode 4 Review (XCV)

~ ArthurCrane ~ Leave a comment

Short Version: Well, this turned out better than the last time Jack was travelling alone with a woman…

Long version:

    Last week, Samurai Jack came face-to-face with the unthinkable, possibly the most dangerous opponent he’s ever encountered. An enemy so vile, so powerful, so unpredictable that it pushed him to his very limits, and even then, he was defeated. In fact, Jack never stood a chance. No contest. It might just be the most brutal loss he’s ever had.

Continue reading “Samurai Jack Season 5 Episode 4 Review (XCV)” →

Cinema Dispatch: The Boss Baby

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

BOSSBABYCD0

The Boss Baby and all the images you see in this review are owned by 20th Century Fox and DreamWorks Animation

Directed by Tom McGrath

Well gee, THIS sure looks like a gem.  Just… why?  Wasn’t Storks enough!?  How many baby movies do we NEED!?  Look, the trailers were terrible, the premise is hacky, and the casting of Alec Baldwin as a talking baby seemed like something you would do in a Saturday Night Live sketch.  Point being that NOTHING about this movie didn’t look like the cynical machinations of Hollywood hacks and I was not looking forward to it.  Still, movies have managed to surprise me in the past, and it’s not like this could be as bad as it looks… right?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins with little Timothy Templeton (Miles Chirstopher Bakshi) who’s the only child of Ted and Janice Templeton (Jimmy Kimmel and Lisa Kudrow) and he loves all the attention that he gets because of it.  Unfortunately for Tim, daddy forgot their condom… I mean the secret agency of babies in the sky is sending down one of their agents (Alec Baldwin) and he now has to deal with a new boss in the house.  Get it?  Because babies are so BOSSY and DEMANDING?  Cheeky metaphor aside, it turns out that the baby is here for a specific reason and not just to fuck with Timmy.  Apparently the secret agency of babies in the sky are under threat by an incoming invasion of super cute puppies (okay…) and The Boss Baby ends up needing Tim-Tim’s help in order stop them.  If the duo can stop the super cute puppies (so I guess they have to kill them?), he’ll go back to the secret agency of babies in the sky, and he’ll go back to being an only child.  Can the siblings put aside their rivalry long enough to ensure they never have to see each other again?  Will The Boss Baby learn something about family on this ridiculous journey to destroy puppies?  Why… why does this movie want us to dislike puppies!?

BOSSBABYCD1
“This is clearly a case of Baby Displacement!  We need to form our own Baby Ethno-State in order to preserve the sanctity of our cuteness!”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: The Boss Baby” →

Super Recaps: Riverdale Chapter 8 (The Outsiders)

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Riverdale and all the images you see in this recap are owned Warner Bros Television Distribution and The CW

Episode directed by David Katzenberg

We’re back from the two week hiatus of Riverdale, and while I may be one of the more critical voices out there of the show, I’m honestly glad that it’s back.  The last few episodes have been a marked improvement and the show has been on an upward swing in general since SHE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED has packed her backs and skipped town, and even when the show is at its WORST… well at least it gives me something interesting to write about!  Has the show come back from its break rearing to go and ready to prove itself, or are we in for more of the same old same old?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with a rather helpful recap of what’s been going on for the last few weeks, and not just the PREVIOUSLY ON RIVERDALE one we get every episode.  Jughead is basically summarizing the Jason Blossom /Polly Cooper love affair with some brief snippets of the both of them together before they were ripped violently apart.  Of course, if you’re just reading this then you don’t GET to see the pretty pictures, but I’ll do my best to summarize as it HAS been a few weeks since we’ve last done this song and dance.  AHEM!  Jason Blossom disappeared on the Fourth of July and was found several weeks later with a bullet hole in his head.  He was trying to run away with his pregnant girlfriend Polly who was sent to a Girl’s Home for… I guess being pregnant, but the TRUE reason is that the Coopers and the Blossoms have a Hatfield/McCoy generations long pissing match going on and her parents wanted her out of sight and out of mind.  Jason’s plan was two-fold.  Number one, sneak Polly out of the facility, and number two, deliver some drugs (given to him by the local gang known as the Southside Serpents) to an address upstate so he can have a decent amount of cash to start their new life.  Well, as famed Prussian General Helmuth Karl Bernhard Graf von Moltke once said, “no plan survives contact with a bullet to the head” so now it’s up to the denizens of Riverdale (mostly Betty and Jughead) to figure out who pulled a Romeo and Juliet on these two.  Now I like the way they present these details in this opening bit, but there is a part of Jughead’s narration that’s throwing me off.  The series keeps pushing this point that the Coopers are some sort of ultra-controlling and outwardly perfect dynasty within the Riverdale community, and I just don’t see it.  I mean sure Betty and Polly’s mother (who I delightfully refer to as Lemon Mom) certainly ACTS like that’s the case, but there’s never been a demonstration of clout or even that much opulence (the same way the Blossoms have been portrayed) to have this make any sense.  Hell, I don’t even know what their dad’s JOB is, let alone if it’s anything important, and Lemon Mom is a journalist… for a local newspaper.  Oh, well SAY NO MORE!  DON’T CROSS THESE PEOPLE!

RIVERDALE8-1
It’s like the Reynolds Family before Frank lost all sense of decency.

Continue reading “Super Recaps: Riverdale Chapter 8 (The Outsiders)” →

Cinema Dispatch: Ghost in the Shell

~ Matt Vetrano ~ 1 Comment

GITSCD0

Ghost in the Shell and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures

Directed by Rupert Sanders

Honestly?  I’ve been looking forward to this movie for months!  Now that’s not to say I thought it would be GOOD as the trailers didn’t seem to have much going for them, but there’s always hope that a property this primed for a big budgeted thrust into the mainstream will bring something interesting to the cinematic landscape, and even if that fails it will at least create a renewed interest in the original franchise and possibly some interest in making more movies like it.  I’m not the only one hoping for another live Action Dragon Ball, right?  As bad as Evolution is, it’s at least ENTERTAININGLY horrible!  So does this manage to subvert expectations and ACTUALLY be a solid entry in the Ghost in the Shell franchise, or was this project doomed from the start?  Let’s find out!!

In the near future where this movie takes place, we’ve successfully been able to recreate Deus Ex as the human population is becoming increasingly more mechanized through robotic augmentations and cybernetic implants.  However, now that every Average Joe can have a bazooka grafted onto their arm, Future Tokyo (at least I think that’s where this is set) has created a new Government Security Force known simply as Section 9 which deals with terrorist threats raised by Bionic Bad Guys!  One such Bad Guy is Kuze (Michael Pitt) who’s been offing several robotic scientists who work for the Hanka Robotics corporations, and it’s up to The Major (Scarlett Johansson) along with her team of Section 9 bad asses to stop him!  At least that seems to be the idea, but as the investigation goes on, The Major starts to question if she’s been told everything or if secrets are being kept from her.  You see, she’s basically just a brain in a metal casing which means she’s the most augmented-est person in the whole world, but that might not be ENTIRELY the truth.  Can The Major uncover the truth behind these mysterious killings and the motivations of the terrorist behind them?  What will she find once she digs a bit deeper into her past!?  Most importantly… how did they manage to make this feel so uninspired!?

GITSCD1
“BANG!  I guess…”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Ghost in the Shell” →

Cinema Dispatch: Life

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

LIFECD0

Life and all the images you see in this review are owned by Columbia Pictures

Directed by Daniel Espinosa

What’s with movies trying to tell us that Space is totally scary!?  I LIKE space!  That’s where all the Star Trek stuff happens!  I mean, between Ridley Scott’s Alien, Gravity from a few years ago, and now THIS movie, it’s like Hollywood has a grudge against NASA or something!  This may be the most overt example though considering it’s literally called LIFE which is about the FIRST FORM OF LIFE WE’VE DISCOVERED OUTSIDE OF EARTH (from freaking MARS of all places) is apparently a serial killing jellyfish monster.  Anyway, does this latest entry into the horror sci-fi genre turn out to be another classic, or is this yet another uninspired snooze fest trying to grasp onto ideas that have already been done in much better movies?  Let’s find out!!

The movie begins IN SPAAAAAAACE on what I believe is supposed to be the International Space Station, but it could just be a unique space station for this movie.  The six member crew of this station (Jake Gyllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson, Ryan Reynolds, Hiroyuki Sanada, Ariyon Bakare, and Olga Dihovichnaya) receive a package from a probe that was sent to Mars which has some dirt samples for them to analyze, and of course they find a single living cell tucked away inside; confirming once and for all that there is life outside of Earth.  Of course, the cell turns out to be PURE EVIL as it grows SUPER fast and eventually turns into some white squid/bat looking thingy which starts to wreak havoc on the crew members and on the integrity of the station itself.  Can our fearless astronauts stop this space menace from killing them all and destroying the station?  Failing that, can they keep the monster from making it back to Earth and presumably destroying all life on it!?  WHY DIDN’T THEY BRING SOME SPACE MARINES ABOARD IN CASE SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENED!?  Master Chief could have solved this in minute!!

LIFECD1
HOLY SHIT!  How did a space squid manage to do THAT!?

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Life” →

Cinema Dispatch: Table 19

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

TABLE19CD0

Table 19 and all the images you see in this review are owned by Fox Searchlight Pictures

Directed by Jeffrey Blitz

Table what now?  Has anyone heard of this movie before like a week ago?  Hell, did anyone see a trailer of this or is its target audience people who couldn’t see Beauty and the Beast because it was sold out but made the effort to get out of the damn house anyway so are going to see something else?  I don’t know about you, but that seems like a pretty niche market to go after!  Well just because no one has heard of the damn thing doesn’t mean it’s a BAD movie.  Hell, Shawshank Redemption was a HUGE flop and now it’s one of the most beloved and overexposed films of all time!  Okay, so this probably isn’t gonna be THAT good, but maybe it’ll still manage to be rather enjoyable.  Let’s find out!!

The table in question refers to a table at the wedding reception, and the nineteenth one is the LAST table in the hierarchy of wedding guests.  While all the important people are at the first few tables and all the REAL guests are in the latter ones, the ones who were invited but weren’t expected to show up were placed at the TABLE OF INFINITE SHAME!!  The guest list includes the brides former babysitter (June Squibb) which seems kinda mean spirited, a couple who worked with the one of the dads of the married couple many years ago (Lisa Kudrow and Craig Robinson), a family member who screwed someone out of A LOT of money (Stephen Merchant), and… some teenager (Tony Revolori).  Honestly, I don’t remember why he’s even there in the first place, but his shtick is that he’s horny all the time so maybe he’s on hand to fill a cliché quota.  ANYWAY!  There’s still one more person at the table.  The best friend of the bride (Anna Kendrick)!?  SAY WHAT!?  She’s ALSO the former Maid of Honor and is personally responsible for the seating arrangements!?  As it turns out, there was a major falling out, particularly in regards to the brother of the bride (Wyatt Russel), and while she ultimately decided to still go, she’s stuck with the losers and rejects who probably resent being considered losers and rejects.  Will shenanigans inevitably ensue now that a Molotov cocktail of resentment has landed at the table with people who pretty much have nothing to lose here?   Just what exactly happened between our heroine of sorts and the happy couple’s family?  WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO TO THE WEDDING CAKE!?

TABLE19CD1
“We’re all in agreement.  The cake had it coming, and we will never speak of this again…”

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Table 19” →

Samurai Jack Season 5 Episode 3 Review (XCIV)

~ ArthurCrane ~ Leave a comment

Short Version: ALL OF THIS BLOOD

Long Version:

   So, 2017 has so far been a good year for stories about grizzled heroes past their prime who decide to grow out their facial hair and must undergo one deadly, final journey that will hopefully allow them to do something right after a long string of failures; a journey that turns out to be far more violent than anything that they’ve done before.

Continue reading “Samurai Jack Season 5 Episode 3 Review (XCIV)” →

Cinema Dispatch: Power Rangers

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

POWERRANGERSCD0

Power Rangers and all the images you see in this review are owned by Lionsgate

Directed by Dean Israelite

Look, I’ve been dreading this one since they released the first image of them in their power suits, and everything since then just seemed to confirm my suspicions about what this movie was going to be.  On top of that, while I do have a soft spot for some Power Rangers/Super Sentai stuff (I have the movie with Ivan Ooze on VHS and I’m a pretty big fan of Tensou Sentai Goseiger), my knowledge of the Mighty Morphin iteration of this franchise is pretty limited.  It’s an odd place to be in when going into this movie as I’m someone who still needs to be taught pretty much everything about the movie, but I’m also gonna be more aware than most when it comes to how much this diverts from what the core of Power Rangers is supposed to be.  Now I don’t often go into movies READY to hate them, but there have been occasions where I went in knowing that there’s a pretty good chance I’ll end up hating it, and this is one of those times.  Now that’s not to say I wasn’t going to give this movie credit if it DID end up being great… it was just that my expectations were very low from the outset.  Did this movie ultimately prove me wrong and ended up being a worthwhile reinterpretation of the original series as well as a great continuation of the Power Rangers brand, or was this movie everything I dreaded it to be and so much worse?  Let’s find out!!

As I’m sure we all know, the story of Power Rangers is about five teenagers with attitude who are chosen by the Great and Powerful Zordon (Bryan Cranston) to fight alien monsters who threaten their small town of Angel Grove and by extension planet Earth.  This sticks pretty close to that, though replace teenagers with attitudes to teenagers with angst, tragedies, mean streaks, and felonies, and replace chosen with begrudgingly accept because unlike the previous version, the teens find Zordon rather than the other way around.  COINCIDENTALLY ON THE SAME DAY THAT THE TEENS FIND ZORDON, Rita Repulsa (Elizabeth Banks) is fished out the ocean instead of being uncorked from some canister on the moon, and proceeds to run amuck in Angel Grove while slowly gaining her powers back.  Now the new Power Rangers which are comprised of Jason, Kimberly, Billy, Trini, and Zack (Dacre Montgomery, Naomi Scott, RJ Cyler, Becky G, and Ludi Lin) must come together as a team and fend off the bad guy before she finds the McGuffin of Ultimate Destiny (I think they called it a Zeo Crystal) and… blows up the Earth I guess?  Can these teens who aren’t even friends to begin with find a way to overcome their differences and beat the crap out of the space witch?  Will they learn to control their individual animal robot vehicles in time to fend off Rita’s gold monster thingy and eventually come together to form one giant robot?  WHY IS EVERYTHING I JUST DESCRIBED SO DISAPPOINTINGLY REALIZED IN THIS MOVIE!?

POWERRANGERSCD1
Hey, I’m pretty sure drugs are the only thing to make this even REMOTELY resemble Power Rangers.

Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: Power Rangers” →