Longlegs and all the images you see in this review are owned by Neon
Directed by Osgood Perkins
I don’t want to bring up the box office every time I write a review these days, but it seems that the only reliably bankable genres are now kid’s movies and horror films. Horror has always had a leg up in theaters since they are cheap to produce and easy to sell to audiences looking for a thrill, but the genre has had some truly remarkable entries the last few years and I wouldn’t be surprised if it eventually gets enough momentum, both critically and financially, to start getting a few nods from the famously stuffy Academy. Is this latest effort from Osgood Perkins another feather in the genre’s cap, or does this fail to stand out among its bigger and better peers? Let’s find out!!
Lee Harker (Maika Monroe) is unassuming and soft-spoken, but she manages to stand out among her peers at the FBI with an uncanny intuition about the murders they are chasing, and while she doesn’t get assigned to the X-Files to be Mulder’s new partner, she does get assigned to a case involving the brutal murder of nearly a dozen families by the enigmatic killer known simply as Longlegs (Nicolas Cage) who always leaves a note but never seems to be there for the crime itself. She starts to connect the dots on a few of the murders which leaves her supervisor Carter (Blair Underwood) both impressed and skeptical, but things take a dark turn when Longlegs contacts her directly with clues that only hasten the investigation but bring her closer to him and whatever mysterious plans he has for her. As the evidence starts to point towards yet another massacre of a family, can Lee uncover the mystery in time to save Longlegs’ next victims from their terrible fate? What is driving this man to kill in such horrific ways, and is there more to this case than what science and evidence can point to? Seriously, who did Lee tick off to get stuck with this weirdo killer? Even Clarice had an easier time on her first assignment!
Between the time I saw the first of these movies and finished the last of them, the movie industry was dead, saved, and probably died again with each week being a coin toss as to where the story will go next. Perhaps it’s best that I didn’t have time to get to them right away, and in doing so avoided the box office drama that surrounded each new release. I certainly don’t have anything interesting to add to that conversation as I’m just here to watch the movies, but I’m sure that’s why you’re here as well, so let’s not waste any more time and dive right in!
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Monkey Man
Monkey Man is by Universal Pictures
Directed by Dev Patel
In the roughest part of a city of Yatana, you will find several less than savory characters; some in the rich cocaine dens run by the upper crust of society and others in the dingy arenas where fighters pulverize each other for cash. One such fighter is a man known as Kid (Dev Patel) who fights as the Monkey Man so that he can buy the tools he needs to exact vengeance on the rich and powerful who destroyed his childhood village and murdered his mother. Nothing is as simple as it seems, however, as the corruption that led to this slaughter goes to the highest peaks of India’s government, and none of them are going to stand for this forest brat tearing through their carefully laid plans to run the country. Will our hero bring down the system as an act of divine justice, or will his single-minded quest for blood only lead him to his own grave?
Dev Patel has definitely earned his Thespian stripes in recent years with a series of indie dramas and the bizarre art piece that was The Green Knight, and while it does feel like something of a swerve for his directorial debut to be a John Wick knock-off, he does fill it with enough stylistic flair to find a niche separate from its influences. It’s a movie that’s less about its plot and more about the details, with the setting playing as much a role in this movie as any of its characters. Some of it will perhaps be lost on Western audiences who aren’t familiar with India’s political landscape or economic situation, and I’m counting myself among those who are ignorant of these topics, but Patel fills the scenes with enough life and interesting side characters that it’s easy enough to slip into the world with Kid serving as our guide throughout it. Still, if there’s any area where the movie feels underwhelming, it’s with a few of the characters who are well drawn to fit the archetype or class of person that they need to represent, but don’t have much going on beyond that. The big bad at the end of the movie is almost a throwaway character; not for being unimportant to the overall plot as he’s the one pulling the strings and is most emblematic of the criticism Patel is leveraging against India’s government, but because the movie is simply not as concerned with his actions as they are with the secondary villain who gets far more screen time and is directly involved with the tragedy that sent Kid on his path of vengeance. The film makes a game attempt at melding social commentary with a classic revenge story, but there’s an obvious tension between the two that the film never fully resolves. Thankfully, the action is able to pick up the slack in the film’s narrative, and Patel has thrown himself into the role with a fiery passion. Physical roles like this can be quite taxing on an actor, especially one who’s not used to these kinds of roles, so the fact that he manages to look convincing throughout is impressive to say the least. I suppose my final thoughts on this is that it’s about as good as any number of action films that have tried to recapture the magic of John Wick; including the John Wick sequels. In some respects, this is a bit disappointing as Patel is clearly shooting for this to be an elevation of the genre given its themes and social commentary, but then again, how many first time directors can pull off action this good, both in front of and behind the camera?
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures
Directed by George Miller
Mad Max: Fury Road was an important film for a lot of people, but for me, it was my first attempt at reviewing a contemporary movie I saw in the theaters. Sure, I had been reviewing movies on streaming services for a while before then, but there was something about the movie that made me feel I could say something interesting about it. It’s been nine years since then and George Miller has finally made the Furiosa movie he’s been dreaming of, and I’ve written an absurd amount of movie reviews since then, so it’ll be good to reconnect after all this time! Is this a proper follow up to one of the most intense and brilliantly crafted action films of the last decade, or is a Mad Max movie without Mad Max just another post-apocalyptic slog? Let’s find out!!
The post-apocalypse isn’t fun for anyone, but a small group of people have at least managed to pull together a modest and healthy living in an area known as The Green Place of Many Mothers. One of its residents is the young Furiosa (Alyla Browne and Anya Taylor-Joy) who gets kidnapped by minions of the dreaded Lord Dementus (Chris Hemsworth) who may not be able to extract the Green Place’s location from her, but definitely sees something special in the young girl. Through political wheeling and dealing that keeps a modest peace between Dementus and the terrifying Immortan Joe (Lachy Hulme), Furiosa ends up in Joe’s kingdom and manages to maneuver herself into a mechanic role building War Rigs to transport supplies between the major outposts in the wasteland. Still, Furiosa has not forgotten everything that Dementus took away from her and the horrors she narrowly avoided while under Joe’s thumb, and with the help of a driver (Tom Burke) she just might have a way to return to her old life and leave nothing but a scorched wasteland in her wake. Well… at least a slightly more scorched wasteland. What trials and tribulations will Furiosa face that led her to the events of Fury Road? Does she have any hope of getting revenge against Lord Dementus without losing everything that matters to her in the process? Things like, oh I don’t know… say your left arm?
I’ve had a lot to say about the first two seasons of Halo I’m glad I had this opportunity to discuss it with a fellow Halo fan over at Halo Evolved! Season 2 ended on an auspicious note with a rock solid episode that nonetheless seems to have put the next season in an akward position. We get into all of that as well as why I feel season 1 worked better than season 2, and we share some theories as to what we can expect in season 3!If I have any regrets about this podcast, it’s bringing up the randos on Reddit. As funny as I found that one comment to be, talking about it here came off less like discussing a an observable phenomenon in the community and more like the airing of grievances. In my head, I thought of it as a vindication for the way I saw the fandom react to this show, but instead it just seemed kind of petty. Perhaps my thoughts on all of that will be better explored at another time.
Hundreds of Beavers and all the images you see in this review are owned by SRH
Directed by Mike Cheslik
It’s always interesting when my local theater gets a movie in for a single screening. I’m curious what the motivation is for something like that, as they did the same thing with Cade: The Tortured Crossing. Is there just someone on staff who really wanted to see it, or do they think it’s got enough juice in this town to fill the theater once before interest fizzles out? In any case, this strange little comedy that I’ve barely heard anything about certainly caught my eye with its odd trailer, so perhaps the person they brought this movie in for was me the whole time! Is this an underappreciated gem that will delight whatever audiences can find it, or is this better off being screened to as few audiences as possible? Let’s find out!!
The Applejack magnate Jean Kayak (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews) is living his best life serving apple infused alcohol to the local fur trappers while indulging in his product as often as he can. Sadly, his life is brought to a screeching halt when his distillery is destroyed in comedic fashion, and he’s left with nothing but the clothes on his back in the harsh and frigid wilderness. He works his way from chasing rabbits to catching raccoons and eventually finds himself seeking the hand of the local fur trader’s daughter (Olivia Graves) while apprenticing under a master trapper (Wes Tank). As Jean hones his craft and is forced to seek his fortune on his own, he gets the attention of the local population of beavers, who seem to be up to something and don’t much care for this new interloper. Will Jean win the affection of the fur trader’s daughter before bumbling his way into an early grave? What do the beavers have planned to stop him from interfering with their secretive plans? Does it possibly involve a large number of said beavers? Maybe in the three digit range?
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros. Pictures
Directed by Adam Wingard
We’re five movies deep into the Monsterverse, plus one TV series I haven’t bothered to watch yet, and excepting Kong: Skull Island, none of them have left much of an impression on me. A bit of an odd thing to say when it comes to movies about giant monsters getting into fist fights, but something’s always felt missing that kept me from engaging with it beyond a very rudimentary level, and it seems unlikely that we’ll be pulling things back to see what can be fixed when they can just go bigger with each movie. Then again, we’ve come quite far since the dreary days of Gareth Edwards’s Godzilla feature, and if nothing else the addition of a robot arm for Kong and pink highlights for Godzilla show that they aren’t afraid to escalate the goofiness which could be just enough to get me back on board. Will the pieces finally fall into place in this latest monster mash, or has this franchise simply left me behind without even glancing in the rearview mirror? Let’s find out!!
With the discovery of the Hollow Earth, the world has somehow managed to keep on trucking with Godzilla on the surface to bash any monsters that start giving humanity funny looks, and Kong enjoying an early retirement in the Hollow Earth; chilling under waterfalls and basking in whatever the equivalent of sunlight is in the Earth’s core. Still, retirement can be a lonely thing for the last of one’s kind, and Kong can only talk to his awesome warrior axe so many times before it gets weird. Thankfully, the Hollow Earth is like an ogre in that it has many layers, and he stumbles into the home of a race of giant apes like himself. Before we can throw Kong a family reunion, however, it seems these apes are not too friendly towards the big guy and something about their reemergence has put Godzilla into butt-kicking mode as he powers himself up for whatever happens next. What are these apes up to in their own little corner of the world, and will it spell doom for the surface world? Can Kong show these apes a path towards peace, or will he be forced to take them down alongside his frenemy Godzilla? Seriously, who had the foresight to make Kong a power glove? What, did they think he’d have to win an arm wrestling tournament to save humanity!?
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire and all the images you see in this review are owned by Sony Pictures Releasing
Directed by Gil Kenan
I came into the last Ghostbusters film with more than a little ambivalence, and to this day I still think I overcorrected and gave it half-a-star too high in the final score. I can’t say I’m any more optimistic going into this one, since it looks like all the same nostalgia bait without any of the context, but I’ve been wrong before about movies I expected to disappoint me. Maybe by doing away with any pretense, we can get a proper adventure movie that forges its own path instead of an attempt at redoing the comedic magic of the original! Ghostbusters on Ice? Lots of potential there! Will this take advantage of its premise to grow past the shadow of the franchise, or is this content to stand still and not budge an inch as long as people continue to clamor for Venkman, Stanz, and Zeddemore? Let’s find out!!
Following the events of Ghostbusters: Afterlife, the Spengler family consisting of Callie (Carrie Coon), her two kids Phoebe and Trevor (Mckenna Grace and Finn Wolfhard), and their new step-dad Gary (Paul Rudd) have moved to New York and into the good ol’ firehouse to start up the Ghostbusters yet again. Things seem to be going well as the kids are growing into their roles as busters, but after a particularly destructive chase through town gets them in hot water with Mayor Peck (William Atherton), Phoebe is shelved until she turns eighteen which leaves her with nothing to do but be a teenager, and who wants that, am I right? On top of that, an ancient artifact ends up at the bookshop of Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd) which seems to contain a spirit more powerful than anyone has seen before and seems to be connected to the family of Nadeem (Kumail Nanjiani), the guy who sold to Ray in the first place. On top of that, there’s also a new Ghostbusters franchise being led by Winston Zeddemore (Ernie Hudson) that’s making some interesting discoveries about ghosts, but perhaps are missing the forest for the trees when they’re confronted with Ray’s mysterious artifact. Oh, and on top of that, Trevor is trying to catch Slimer in the attic because… well, I guess if you’re gonna get Finn Wolfhard, you’ve gotta give him something to do. Can Phoebe find a place that she belongs, especially after meeting a fellow teenage ghost who seems to understand her better than her family? Will this artifact unleash a great threat to the city that only the Ghostbusters can take care of? What do you say, fans? Is any of this doing it for ya!?
Road House and all the images you see in this review are owned by Amazon MGM Studios
Directed by Doug Liman
There are a lot of movies that I still need to catch up on, but I never thought the original Road House was necessarily one of them. It had the vibe of something that was a clear product of its time, and with so many amazing action movies since then, I was pretty confident that I hadn’t missed out on much. Perhaps that makes me the target audience for this remake, which certainly looked impressive from the trailers, and I’m always happy to see follow Jake Gyllenhaal to whatever wacky project he signs onto. Is this the update to an eighties classic that both fans and newcomers can love, or will this be another soulless cash grab for those nostalgic bucks? Heck, we already got a crappy Point Blank remake, so why not a lousy Road House one too? Let’s find out!!
In the Florida Keys, there is a bar that is being besieged by drunks and punks who like to get belligerent and tear up the place. If the owner (Jessica Williams) wants to keep the bar from collapsing, both financially and literally, she’s gonna need someone to deescalate situations and put a hurt on anybody who takes things too far. What better person for that role than a down on his luck UFC fighter named Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal) who’s good at breaking arms but can’t mend the pain in his soul! Still, a few weeks on sunny beaches drinking coffee and tossing out drunks couldn’t hurt, right? Well, it turns out that there are more than just a few boozehounds trying to take down the bar, and what should have been a period of self-care for the man turns into the greatest challenge of his life. Can Dalton keep the peace in this small town despite being an outsider? Who is behind these vicious attacks on the bar, and what’s waiting in the wings if they can’t get the job done? Imagine being this cool while ALSO having starred in Bubble Boy!
It’s all come down to this. We’ve been on a wild ride with a lot of ups and downs to be sure, but this is the moment that fans wanted to see since the show was announced all those years ago. The Halo show finally gets to Halo, and lo, did the fanboys rejoice! Well, maybe they did, and maybe they didn’t; it’s going to be interesting to see how the fandom reacts now that we’ve gotten to where a lot of them felt we should have started, but we’re here to look at the episode itself and not the endless Reddit threads this is sure to produce! Is this a great finale for both fans of the show and fans of the game, or does trying to bring these two worlds together leave nobody happy? Let’s find out!!
With everyone converging on the Halo ring like a violent space version of It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World, Chief (Pablo Schreiber) has the lead on everyone and can practically taste the perfectly preserved dirt on the planet’s surface when he realizes that he can’t just leave everyone else to die and so turns back around to join the battle; leaving Makee and The Arbiter (Charlie Murphy and Viktor Åkerblom) to call dibs on the ring shaped space station. What he doesn’t know, however, is that the artifact Miranda and Halsey (Olive Gray and Natascha McElhone) brought back from the secret alien laboratory is carrying something far more sinister than a mere fleet of Covenant starships. A long extinct spore known as The Flood has woken up and is hungry for meat which it finds readily on this human outpost, and so Kwan Ha and Soren (Yerin Ha and Bokeem Woodbine) need to find Kessler and Laera (Tylan Bailey and Fiona O’Shaughnessy) before they get caught in this grotesque outbreak that Kwan seems to have some sort of connection with even if she doesn’t quite understand it herself. With Chief trying to help the Spartan IIIs being led by Kai (Kate Kennedy), Makee fighting with Cortana (Jen Taylor and Christina Bennington) as they barrel ahead towards the ultimate weapon, and the rest of our heroes fighting off Space Zombies, will this be humanity’s last stand as they valiantly fight against impossible odds? What’s waiting for everyone if they do make it to the Halo ring, and will they have enough strength left to stop Makee? It’s taken us two seasons to get to the darn thing, so was the wait ultimately worth it!?
Love Lies Bleeding and all the images you see in this review are owned by A24
Directed by Rose Glass
Somehow we got two lesbian crime movies released within weeks of each other, and while I sadly didn’t get a chance to see Drive-Away Dolls, at least not yet, this one became a top priority for me when I saw the trailers. Kristen Stewart is already a good indicator of quality for me and A24 has a mostly solid track record, so the math added up, and I went to check it out as soon as I had a window in my schedule. Was this grimy slice of eighties mischief worth getting excited for, or is this a situation where all the right pieces are there, but it just doesn’t come together in the end? Let’s find out!!
One night in Nowhere Middle America, a woman comes into town with big dreams and even bigger muscles. Her name is Jackie (Katy O’Brian) and she catches the eye of the local gym manager Lou (Kristen Stewart) who gives her a place to stay and the two fall madly in love. Sadly, the Beatles were incorrect when they said love is all you need, and their lives start to encroach on their whirlwind love affair as Lou’s estranged dad (Ed Harris) is a local gun runner always on the outskirts of their lives and Lou herself is not exactly the perfect partner for someone who’s been through as much as Jackie has. It all comes to a head when Lou’s sister (Jena Malone) is in serious trouble, and Jackie’s instincts lead her down a dark path that will drag Lou and her entire family down with her. Can Lou keep her love life and her family in one piece despite barely keeping her own life intact? What does Lou’s dad want from her, and what does he want from Jackie as well? Seriously, if there’s this much drama around, why don’t you just move? It’s the eighties! People could actually afford that back then!
The Reviewers Unite 