Cinema Dispatch: War of the Rohirrim & Conclave

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

The Holiday season is usually a busy time for me, but this year was a little more difficult than most to keep up with everything that was coming out. Thankfully, I got a chance to see two of the more interesting movies that made it to theaters, so we’ll take a look at those now before we inevitably get to Nosferatu and Sonic 3 to close the year out. Are these December releases worth taking time out of your busy holiday schedule to take a break and enjoy? Let’s find out!!

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The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim

The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim is owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Kenji Kamiyama

Long before Bilbo Baggins had his fateful run-in with the Ring of Power, the world of Middle Earth was rife with conflict among its nobility. King Hammerhand of Rohan (Brian Cox) may be a strong leader, but his temper gets the best of him and he makes a powerful enemy of one of his lords; the young Wulf (Luke Pasqualino) whose father was struck down in a fight with the king. With a war seemingly inevitable as Wulf gains the favor of the Wild Men, the children of Hammerhand which includes his sons Hama and Haleth (Yazdan Qafouri and Benjamin Wainwright), as well as his daughter Héra (Gaia Wise), will have to summon their courage, their wits, and their leadership in order to prevent Wulf from taking Rohan for himself. As the army of the Wild Men grows stronger and the Rohan citizens must retreat to a nearby stronghold, is there any hope of victory for Héra and her family?

The Lord of the Rings trilogy was a monumental achievement in filmmaking, and while they may not be my favorite films, I have a deep respect for what Peter Jackson was able to accomplish in bringing these books to the big screen. Since then, however, no one has been able to capture that lightning again; least of all Peter Jackson himself, whose Hobbit movies are pale imitators of his earlier work. Sadly, that trend continues as this movie is an admirable, but ultimately banal effort to bring the world of Middle Earth to life once again. We can go into the dull narrative, the stagnant pacing, and the cast of forgettable characters, but what it truly lacks is an identity of its own; a sense of personality that defines it as a unique adaptation of the source material. Say what you will about the previous animated efforts from Ralph Bakshi and Rankin Bass, they were incredibly distinct and had some impressive highs as well as some genuinely entertaining lows. This never escapes being a middle of the road effort; too stiff and clean to have fun with it or be spontaneously bizarre. As much as we now think of Jackson’s vision of the books as the definitive interpretation of Tolkien’s work, the man brought his own eclectic and grungy style to the movies, and while they may not be as unhinged as Bad Taste or Meet the Feebles, the work he did on those movies were an undeniable influence. Here, I just don’t feel that sense of spirit emanating from the stock characters and trite plot. The story of revenge lacks any teeth given the simplicity of our antagonist and the surprisingly small scale of the action which tries to convince you it’s an all-out war when, at best, it feels like a minor skirmish. I suppose if the action is small scale then the intent was for this to be a more intimate and personal account, but there’s just not enough depth to any of the cast for that to be the case; least of all our protagonist Héra who has little agency of her own. There are no flaws from within for her to overcome, as she simply needs to fulfill a destiny once she’s had enough tragedy thrust upon her. It has its moments to be sure, especially when the action kicks in, and it feels free to let loose, but those are the punctuations to the narrative while the meat of it is far too lifeless to hold up its somber tone. With so much of it polished to a mirror shine, it never sinks so low as to be obnoxious or off-putting, and definitely makes for a better time than Jackson’s Hobbit movies. I appreciate the immense amount of effort that went into this, and I’m impressed that there was enough faith behind it to put it in theaters, as the big screen is where animation will shine brightest. Even so, I can only recommend it to the most dedicated of Tolkien fans who don’t mind a tedious story if it means spending a little more time in this world. For me, I’ll stick to watching the Leonard Nimoy sing The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins over and over again.

2.5 out of 5
Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: War of the Rohirrim & Conclave” →

Cinema Dispatch: Kraven the Hunter

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Kraven the Hunter and all the images you see in this review are owned by Sony Pictures Releasing

Directed by JC Chandor

The Sony Spider-Verse has been a joke since its inception; arguably even before that, as people were groaning at the end of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 which teased a cavalcade of Spider-Foes for future installments. You could argue that it hasn’t been a disaster for Sony’s bottom line the Venom movies were reliably bankable, but aside from the goofy fun of seeing Tom Hardy arguing with himself, there just wasn’t anything to make this feel like more than a cash-in on a brand they had a tenuous grasp on in the first place. With all of that, it comes as no surprise to find this latest entry going over like a lead balloon, especially with Sony cutting its legs out from under it by announcing the end of its Spider-Verse right before it could hit theaters. Still, is this a case of everyone’s frustration with the Spider-Verse spilling over onto a perfectly alright movie, or is this the perfect capstone to such a cavalcade of cinematic failure? Let’s find out!!

In the heart of Siberia, there lives a man whose day job is hitman extraordinaire and fights for the animals of the world in his free time. He goes by Kraven (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), but his true name is Sergei, and he’s the son of an infamous Russian mobster (Russell Crowe) who is starting to lose his grip on power as new players are making moves on his territory. One such competitor is Aleksei Sytsevich (Alessandro Nivola) who takes the bold step of kidnapping Sergei’s brother Dmitri (Fred Hechinger) in an attempt to draw out the infamous assassin while also staking a claim as the head honcho of the underworld. With the help of Calypso (Ariana DeBose) whose family’s secret recipe for super solider serum turned Sergei into Kraven many years ago, Sergei must race against the clock to do what he does best; hunt those who deserve to be hunted. Can Sergei find his brother before he becomes the latest victim of this never ending crime war? What tricks does Aleksei have up his sleeve to deal with the mighty hunter, who is the only one that could threaten to his operation? See, I always saw Kraven as the guy who just wants to mount Spider-Man’s head to his wall, but I guess we’ve all got a little family drama in our backstory.

“I FIGHT WITH THE POWER OF A HUNDRED TIGERS AND THE RAGE OF A THOUSAND SUBURBAN WHITE BOYS WHO HATE THEIR DAD!!”
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Cinema Dispatch: Wicked: Part I

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Wicked and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Jon M Chu

Adapting a stage musical to the big screen is no easy task, and if you ask me, I’d much prefer if all these big Broadway shows go the Hamilton route and just record the darn thing for everyone to see, but if this is the only way that most people will have a chance to experience this show, then so be it. I’ve certainly been eagerly anticipating it as I can finally learn what all the hubbub is about, but the track record for stage adaptations has been far from sterling in the past few years, and not all the blame can be put on Tom Hooper. Will this be one of the better examples of such a tricky genre, or will it succumb to the same problems that plague so many of these movie musicals? Let’s find out!!

Many years before Dorthy freed the Land of Oz from the Wicked Witch’s tyranny and the incompetent rule of the Wizard, there was another story about two very different magic users who went to Shiz University with big ambitions and a lot to prove. Elphaba Thropp (Cynthia Erivo), who would one day become the Wicked Witch of the West, had a challenging childhood what with her green skin and magical outbursts, while Galinda Upland (Ariana Grande-Butera), who would one day become the Good Witch Glinda, had everything laid out for her on a silver platter except the one thing she desired most which was to be recognized as the greatest magic user in the land. The two clash constantly with Galinda being preppy and upbeat while Elphaba is more measured and guarded, but their fighting only intertwines their destinies further as Elphaba’s unique abilities and unusual skin tone set her apart from everyone while gaining the attention of others, such as her magic professor Madam Morrible (Michelle Yeoh) and even the Wizard himself (Jeff Goldblum). Can Elphaba finally find her place in a world that had rejected her for so long, or will her lived experiences open her eyes to the injustices that are going on around her? Will Galinda rest on her Popular Girl laurels, or will her rivalry with Elphaba drive her to succeed? Seriously, is the whole reason these two despised each other in The Wizard of Oz because of some high school drama!?

Not sure THOSE are the vibes I’m getting off of this.
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Cinema Dispatch: Moana 2 & Red One

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

After taking a month off to recharge my batteries, which mostly involved playing retro games and reading Sonic the Hedgehog comics, I’m back just in time for a double feature of Dwayne Johnson vehicles with a number at the end of them! I’ve been a huge fan of Dwayneson The Rockson Johnson for many years, but his misguided attempts at joining the fledgling DCEU left him in perhaps the lowest point in his career since making The Tooth Fairy. Hopefully the fact that he not only still gets roles in big tent pole movies, but that studios are willing to put two of them up against each other at the same time bodes well for his future endeavors, and hopefully they are great movies as well. Let’s find out!!

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Moana 2

Moana 2 is owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Directed by David Derrick Jr, Jason Hand, and Dana Ledoux Miller

After saving her island and calming the seas, Moana (Auliʻi Cravalho) has spent the last few years exploring the various islands around her in hopes of finding more people to connect with. Evidence is rather scarce, however, and it seems that there’s another god throwing another tantrum that is causing the various peoples of the world to stay far apart, and Moana is once again called to adventure for the fate of the world. Maui (Dwayne Johnson) is sadly unable to join her on this quest as he’s stuck dealing with the demigod Matangi (Awhimai Fraser), so Moana puts together a crew of villagers (Hualālai Chung, Rose Matafeo, and David Fane) who she hopes are up to the task which only looks more daunting as the stakes get ever higher.

When I wrote my review of the first Moana, I lamented the fact that it was stuck being a simple movie and couldn’t expand into something broader in scope to make the most of its interesting mythology. Oh, how naïve I was back then. In so many ways, the first film was a product of an entirely different world and a media landscape that has been turned entirely on its head. In 2016, the idea of Disney putting this kind of budget and star power into a TV show was laughable. Nowadays, it’s almost quaint to see one of their biggest money-makers staying firmly in one space and not being spread across a dozen different projects, though I guess we’ll see if they get a guest spot in whatever Kingdom Hearts game Nomura is cooking up next. Still, this movie didn’t escape the New Disney Machine unscathed, and a lot of the charm of the first film is lost in an attempt to turn this into yet another franchise for the Mouse House. In that sense, it’s not just fighting one uphill battle; it’s fighting two at the same time, as it already has many of the obvious problems you run into while making a sequel while also shouldering the responsibility of being a lead in to more Moana content in the future. The end result is a movie that pantomimes the beats of the original film without any of its heart; so, much like Te Kā, it’s a shadow of its former self as it stumbles to find what’s gone missing. First and foremost are the character arcs, as we’ve already overcome all of Moana’s struggles. In the first film, her story was personal and relatable as she was in opposition to the rest of her culture’s values and had to struggle to find who she truly was while going on this journey; even failing at critical junctures due to shortcomings in her character. She grew over the course of that first movie, which was great, but now that we’re post-hero’s journey and the lack of any character development is the gaping black hole that sucks all the tension and drama out of this story. She’s on another epic quest, but it hardly feels like one because there’s no adversity. There are challenges, sure, but nothing that isn’t resolved by acrobatics and proper swimming technique, and without any moments of doubt, even when Moana fails at something, the conclusion feels almost inevitable. Perhaps a radically different quest for her to go on would have given her new depths to plumb, but instead we’re just going through the motions of the first one and what few things are new are, at best, a lateral move as they fail to elevate the material or drag this bore of a storyline out of the mud. She’s got a proper crew this time which would have been a refreshing change of pace from the first film, but they aren’t particularly interesting, and it also means that Maui gets less screen time, which is a shame as he is still the most fun character in this series. The songs sound okay, but they’re little more than echoes of the original film’s soundtrack and only add to the hollow feel of everything. The most interesting development in this movie is the introduction of other gods, as it’s a genuine elevation of the stakes, with Matangi being the standout of the entire movie. She has an interesting dynamic as her allegiances remain ambiguous throughout, and she has the only song on the soundtrack that doesn’t sound like a half-hearted rehash. Unfortunately, even this bright spot is marred by the film’s ultimate goal of being an advertisement for future installments, and so it fails to integrate naturally with the story they are trying to tell here. It’s disappointing how little of an identity this has given how much personality we got in the first film, and if you’re spending the entire running time begging me to stick around for the sequel, why am I even bothering with this one at all? Perhaps everything I have to complain about here is just an old man yelling at clouds and that the target audience will adore this much like they did the first one. I wouldn’t even call it a huge betrayal, as there’s just enough humor, action, and solid animation to keep you occupied the whole way through. For those reasons, I’m going to give it the most lukewarm of passes imaginable, but this franchise has spent all its goodwill on this mediocre outing and is gonna have to really step up its game for the next one if it wants to be more than just another bland franchise to add to the pile.

2.5 out of 5
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Cinema Dispatch: Joker: Folie à Deux & Terrifier 3

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

It’s a battle of the clowns here today as we take a look at two recent in the surprisingly relevant genre of murderous clowns. Whatever you can say about their relative qualities, both the Joker and Terrifier series are there to throw a wrench into the conventional wisdom about what makes a blockbuster franchise, and both have found much more success than anyone was expecting. Still, following up a big hit is no easy task, especially for the one that somehow made a billion dollars, so do these two sequels manage to outdo the originals, and which one does the most with its killer clown setup? Let’s find out!!

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Joker: Folie à Deux

Joker: Folie à deux is owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Todd Phillips

Hapless serial killer Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix) is not the man he used to be.  His time in prison has sapped all the maniacal energy that he brought to his one and only TV appearance, and is simply waiting for his trial to be done with so he can sit in a corner until his execution.  That is until he happens to pass by another inmate named Harley (Lady Gaga) who awakens the clown within and the two start planning for one heck of a legal defense.  Will this be the grand finale to the revolution that he kicked off, or is there more going on in Arthur’s mind than what he paints on his face?

Like a lot of critics, I was no fan of the first film, which was a tedious slog through half-baked social commentary. I’m glad to report that the sequel is an improvement, by being a tedious slog through half-baked social commentary with a few song and dance numbers. Well, that’s a bit unfair, I suppose. The movie improves upon the original in several ways that don’t just include the singing and dancing, and it all has to do with the film’s tighter focus. Arthur Fleck in the first movie was a mere cipher as the film was more interested in trying to make a point, whatever that point ultimately was, rather than making it about Arthur himself. Gotham City wound up taking far too much space in the last one, and thankfully things have been stripped down significantly, as everything outside of Arthur’s immediate circumstances barely has a presence here; one that we can only glimpse through the bars of his cell or the gallery of the courtroom. I’d go so far as to say there’s barely more than three sets in the entire film, and while I can’t imagine how they spent two hundred million on this, I applaud them for making the sequel smaller instead of succumbing to Big Sequel Syndrome. This is all a great start and put me in a better mood than I was in the last film, but that goodwill started to fade away as the plot kicked in, and it’s just as boring and meandering this time around. It certainly tries to liven things up with the toxic relationship between Arthur and Harley as well as the more frequent flights into fantasy, and is almost enough to carry the movie; even outside the context of this being tangentially related to the DC Universe. For the most part I’m not bothered by how little this cares to be anything like the Batman characters, but I will say that it’s a little bit uncomfortable for this to essentially turn Harley, who is a victim of Joker’s abuse in all other forms of media, into the manipulative one. The last one had its issues with women and those aren’t improved here, which is a shame because Gaga remains a compelling actor even in material that isn’t up to her level, and I feel that her character is far too underwritten to have the impact that the film clearly expects it to have. The same is true about the musical numbers, which aren’t a detriment to the movie, but they add almost nothing to the movie. I think it was a good idea for the two of them to connect through music, but the numbers themselves are not interesting enough to justify stopping the plot in its tracks, and it’s just another thing that makes this feel way too drawn out. I don’t want to write off Todd Phillips as a boring filmmaker, but twice now he’s managed to fail to find the interesting story to tell about a killer clown. The big ideas and breathless monologues are for naught if you can barely keep your eyes open when you aren’t rolling them.

2 out of 5
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Super Comics: Eye Lie Popeye – #2

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Eye Lie Popeye and all the images you see in this review are owned by Massive Publishing and King Features

Written and drawn by Marcus Williams

I said what I liked about the first issue in my last review, but I also made it pretty clear what I didn’t want this series to be which would be to lean too heavily on the Shonen side and letting the Popeye stuff be mere window dressing. I can pull a dozen different manga off the shelf that will deliver on the action and style of this book, but new Popeye material? That stuff is rather thin on the ground these days, so as a dedicated fan of the Sailor Man, I’m hoping for a little more of that than the anime antics. Does this issue strike a balance between its two sources of inspiration, or will its two halves ultimately tear itself apart? Let’s find out!!

The story begins with our heroes from the last story trying to clean up the rubble after Popeye’s battle with the Sea Nymph Susie and getting an unexpected visit from Popeye’s figurative dad Whaler Joe as well as his actual dad Poopdeck Pappy. Sadly, the social call is cut short when another fighter goes crashing down to give Popeye a knuckle sandwich while Eugene the Jeep tries to explain to all of us what the heck is going on around here. The thing about Popeye cartoons is that it was just as much about its creative animation and wacky concepts as it was about the characters of Popeye, Bluto, and Olive. They were practically fairy tales about good and evil duking it out in ways that don’t make literal sense but have an aesthetic poetry to them. You’d think this would make it a perfect fit for the hyper stylized world of Shonen anime, but then Shonen tends to also take its lore very seriously and spends a lot of time explaining relative power levels and reiterating the stakes of every battle. For something like Popeye which is premised on a dude eating his vegetables and tooting his corncob pipe, over explaining the premise would be a detriment and there are no less than two scenes in this issue where they do just that. The Sea Hag makes sure we all know how magic works in this world, while Jeep goes into an extremely dense and unintuitive explanation of what makes Popeye so powerful. It’s so ludicrous that you’d think the book is trying to hang a lampshade on its own convoluted lore, but it seems like we’re supposed to be taking this seriously as there aren’t any reaction shots to the contrary; not even a befuddled look from Bluto.

See, I just thought he was a tough guy who joined the Navy. Boy was I off base!
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Cinema Dispatch: Megalopolis

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Megalopolis and all the images you see in this review are owned by Lionsgate

Directed by Francis Ford Coppola

Is it just me, or have the bad movies gotten more interesting in 2024? Sure, they’re still bad movies, but I’ve had a lot to talk about when it comes to stuff like Borderlands and The Crow, and while I was looking forward to enjoying this as a good movie when it was first announced, the last few months of bad press and worse behavior from its grumpy creator has lowered my expectations considerably. Is this a cinematic triumph from one of its greatest auteurs, or is this simply a case of an old man yelling at clouds for two hours? Let’s find out!!

In the city of New Rome, there is a struggle for the fate of society as Cesar Catilina (Adam Driver) envisions a Utopia within his lifetime brought about through the building of a great city he will dub Megalopolis. Despite his brilliant foresight into the future of humanity, he is opposed by the mayor of New Rome, Franklyn Cicero (Giancarlo Esposito), as well as certain members of his own family who are jealous of the genius and acclaim that seems to come so naturally to Cesar. One such enemy, at least at first, is the daughter of the mayor Julia (Nathalie Emmanuel) who wants to humiliate him for how he has humiliated her father, and yet even she cannot help but see the perfect world that Cesar hopes to bring about as she spends more time with him. Alas, outside forces are not the sole source of Cesar’s struggle as his genius compels him to act out in self-destructive ways as the truly exceptional among us often do, and it threatens to diminish the wisdom trapped within his skull. With so many forces trying to stop the perfect future, can Cesar convince the common folk to back his cause and pressure the government to put all their eggs in his basket? What is the true source of his self-destructive tendencies, and will Julia have what it takes to keep his mind clear and his butt out of jail? Is it just me, or is the writer, the director, and possibly even the producer of this movie, trying to say something with this unsung and tortured genius trying to make the world a better a place according to his image of it?

“And why are the cell phones so darn confusing these days!? Can’t I just order a pizza without downloading an app and signing up for their rewards program!?”
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Cinema Dispatch: The Substance

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

The Substance and all the images you see in this review are owned by Mubi

Directed by Coralie Fargeat

The movie-going public tends to focus on the big releases while letting all the smaller and niche films fly in under the radar, but every once in a while something manages to smash general audiences in the face, and it’s suddenly the only thing we’re talking about. The trailer for this certainly offers an intriguing premise with its criticism of societal beauty standards and hints at some seriously icky body horror, so it’s no surprise that this one broke the surface and generated a lot of buzz. Does the film live up to the hype surrounding it, or will its talking points stay relevant longer than the audience’s interest in the movie itself? Let’s find out!!

Elisabeth Sparkle (Demi Moore) was once a star of the silver screen but has spent the last few years of her career being a fitness guru with her own long-running daily workout show. Unfortunately for her, and pretty much every woman in Hollywood, the whole town is run by sleazy jerks and there are few sleazier than her producer Harvey (Dennis Quaid) who unceremoniously retires her from her own show for being too old. Let ready to lie down so easily, she jumps on the latest beauty craze which is a mysterious substance called… well, The Substance, that makes wild promises about what can be done to give her back her youthful glow. In a process that would make David Cronenberg proud, Elisabeth becomes two people with the power of The Substance; former starlet Elisabeth and younger up-and-coming star Sue (Margaret Qualley). Both must coexist in an overly complicated and regimented manner, as there’s always a catch with these things, and like most beauty routines or strict diets, it more or less sets her up to fail, and the two halves start to strain under one another’s existence. Just how far will Elisabeth and Sue go to stay relevant in such a beauty obsessed industry, and will the risk be worth the reward? What is the nature of this mysterious goo they are using, and what will happen if they start to chafe against the rules? Will they both realize the monsters that this is turning them into and rebel against the patriarchal system, or is she going to crash and burn, and we’re just along for the ride?

“Despite all my rage, I am still Demi Moore in a cage!”
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Cinema Dispatch: Bad Boys: Ride or Die & Twisters

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

I’m pretty sure I say this every other month, but life can come at you pretty fast, and I’ve let a few things slip through the cracks in trying to keep up with it all. The casualties this time around were two very successful summer blockbusters which I probably would have gotten a few extra views if I was timely with these reviews, but there’s no time like the present to try and catch up! Were these classic films carelessly shunted to the end of my to-do list, or does it make some amount of sense that I couldn’t be bothered to finish these reviews when they were relevant? Let’s find out!!

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Bad Boys: Ride or Die

Bad Boys: Ride or Die is owned by Sony Pictures Releasing

Directed by Adil & Bilall

The first two Bad Boys movies are obnoxious and crass in a way that left me very ambivalent about going into the third one, but the new blood behind the camera ended up being the shot in the arm the franchise needed to stay relevant. This one, however, is content to rest on its laurels and use the excuse of a sequel to work out some fancy camera techniques. It’s not a bad movie by any stretch, and it still runs circles around the first two, but it lacks a meaningful reason to exist. The third one actually had something to say about its aging heroes, which gave it a sense of purpose beyond the action spectacle and funny banter. They try to keep that thread going here, but there’s nothing of substance to it, as Laurence’s brush with death early in the movie is a complete goof and doesn’t hit the same way that it did with Smith in the first one. They’re also not as interesting to watch as Smith and Laurence seem to be going through the motions at times, but I would chalk that up to the lackluster script. It’s supposed to be a redemptive story, but the plot is far too convoluted for it to have the raw emotional catharsis that you’d want, and without a clear direction to point our two leads, they feel a little lost in the weeds. Still, the action is fantastic with Adil & Bilall proving once again why Warner Bros were fools to dump their Batgirl movie, and while the action is certainly sillier than in the last one, there’s more than enough of it at a fast enough clip that you hardly even notice as you’re sitting through it. I got the sense that the third movie was written to be an end to the series, even if the door was open to possible sequels. I don’t get that sense watching this one, as the sequel door is left wide open with neon signs around it and a twenty dollar bill dangling on a fishing line. If they want to keep this franchise going for as long as Smith and Laurence are interested in doing so, then the best of luck to them, but running the sequel mill has its drawbacks, and despite the movie’s subtitle, there’s no significant shakeup to the status quo to mark this one out as a significant entry. It’s been several weeks since I saw it and very little has stuck with me the same way that Bad Boys for Life has, so by that measure it’s a disappointing sequel. Not a significant disappointment, especially since it’s still the second best in the series by my estimation, but you’re only gonna get so far when not trying to do too much.

3 out of 5

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Cinema Dispatch: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

~ Matt Vetrano ~ Leave a comment

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures

Directed by Tim Burton

The thing about the current wave of nostalgia-bait movies is that it’s not a new problem for Hollywood. The early 2000s were stuffed to the brim with old TV shows being turned into lousy movies, and even before that were several movies trying to cash in on the Boomers’ wistful memories of their childhood. The main difference today is that the Internet has made the conversation about it inescapable, as we all have an opinion on the relative quality of the latest return of a beloved character. Making a sequel to Beetlejuice feels like a lightning rod for this kind of discourse, and yet I think everyone went into this with a lot more optimism than expected. Perhaps we all have such great memories of the original that we’d like to see the premise given it another go, or maybe we all just want Tim Burton to make a good movie again, and we’re all hoping that giving him some sizable training wheels is what will do the trick. Is this a genuinely fresh take on the material that is comparable to the beloved original, or are we in for a mediocre retread from a director well past his prime? Let’s find out!!

It’s been over thirty years since Lydia Deetz (Winona Ryder) moved into that house on the hill where she met the Maitlands and had that terrifying run in with the bio-exorcist Beetlejuice/Betelgeuse (Michael Keaton) who nearly took her as his bride when she was just a teenager. Things have certainly been up and down for her since then, as you’d expect from seeing someone again after so long, and she’s landed a decent gig as an infinitely more charismatic Zak Bagans; hosting a goofy little supernatural TV series for stay at home parents and Boomers who could afford to retire. Her producer Rory (Justin Theroux) has big plans for her career, but fate throws a wrench in all of that when her father dies in a most deliciously ghastly manner; leaving her stepmother Delia (Catherine O’Hara) a widow and her estranged daughter Astrid (Jenna Ortega) without a grandfather on top of losing her father in a bizarre piranha accident. Everyone is brought back to the old Maitland house for the funeral, but being back here isn’t sitting well with Lydia, as she’s been having visions of Beetlejuice/Betelgeuse that seem to only grow stronger the more distressed she becomes. Is the maniacal ghoul up to his old tricks now that Lydia is back in the house and overwhelmed by the grim realities of life? Why did Astrid and Lydia grow so far apart, and can a wacky adventure through the Afterlife them mend the divide? Seriously, can we get a straight answer on how we’re supposed to spell this guy’s name? The guy’s trying to run a business, and you need to have consistency when designing the business cards!

“It’s very simple. Clients call me Betelgeuse, friends call me Beetlejuice, and REALLY good friends call me daddy.”
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