War of the worlds and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures
Directed by Rich Lee
When word starts going around about a really awful movie, and not for blatantly hateful reasons like those Pureflix movies and their ilk, I’m the kind of guy who will go out of my way to give it a fair shot. Some of it is that I don’t enjoy adding fuel to the Internet Outrage Machine, but the truth is that I genuinely enjoy looking for the good in things and find that a lot of the canonical Bad Movies have at least some value to them that goes against its negative reputation. Needless to say that a War of the Worlds remake with horrifically bad word of mouth is the kind of thing that’s right up my alley, and I went into this with the hope of finding a way to like it. After all, I’m a huge fan of Searching which also used a computer screen gimmick, and I even liked Unfriended 2 despite its hokey plot and hilariously bad jump scares. Does this manage to rise above the reputation that it’s garnered since its release, or was everyone right to dunk on this as mercilessly as they did? Let’s find out!!
Will Radford (Ice Cube) is your typical overprotective dad, except he also works as Homeland Security and has access to all sorts of spy software that makes it all the easier to micromanage his kids’ lives. During a routine day at work, however, his skills at looking through hidden cameras and hacking electronics become all the more necessary as an alien invasion sweeps the globe and both his son and daughter (Henry Hunter Hall and Iman Benson) find themselves caught in the crossfire. With the world falling apart and his children in danger, can Will find a way to stop this alien threat without losing his family in the process? Why are the aliens here in the first place, and can the man who can see everything uncover their secrets even as he’s oblivious to the ones in his own life? Are we sure this isn’t just some YouTube prank? Not the video footage of the aliens, I mean the movie itself. Are we sure Logan Paul isn’t somehow behind all this?
The John Wick films may have kicked the door wide open, but it’s almost a tradition in Hollywood for actors of a certain age to try their hand at shlocky action to prove that they’ve still got it as a box office draw while showing off how well they can kick stuntmen and fall off of things. Sometimes it works out like the aforementioned John Wick, but other times it can come off as a little desperate to show off. Heck, I’m pretty sure Tom Cruise’s midlife crisis started when he was thirty and still hasn’t ended to this day. In any case, we’re here to look at two recent examples of this tried and true premise, and perhaps learn a little something along the way; maybe even how to throw a halfway convincing punch without breaking a hip. Let’s get started!!
.
Nobody 2
Nobody 2 is owned by Universal Pictures
Directed by Timo Tjahjanto
It seems that good ol’ Hutch (Bob Odenkirk) still can’t catch a break as the events of the last film have pulled him back into the life he had left long ago; only this time he has a massive debt on his shoulders that he needs to pay off or else the mob will kill him and his family. With all this pressure putting a strain on his family, especially his wife Becca (Connie Nielson), maybe it’s time to unwind and take a trip down memory lane. Returning to the little town he visited on vacation in his youth, Hutch hopes to mend the rifts and build some bridges with his family, but trouble always seems to find him wherever he goes, and he winds up yet again using his fists to solve his problems. Will this be the last straw that tears his family apart, or will uncovering the dark secrets of this town bring them all closer than they’ve ever been before?
You do this long enough, and you start to pick up on a few red flags to let you know if a movie is not worth seeing. Making a sequel to Nobody was already a shaky proposition before they turned it into a vacation movie, and the end result is as bad as you’d expect from looking at the poster; worse, in fact, as tourist trap they went to in the movie doesn’t look nearly as nice as that giant pool and shrubbery would imply. It really shouldn’t be that hard to make a movie like this work, as we have a likable lead and a decent stunt crew, but no amount of bad guys flopping around in the action scenes can make up for how uninvolved the story ends up being. The repressed rage that our hero was scared to unleash has been replaced with a very boring heroic streak that gets him in trouble for the least interesting reasons possible against the least threatening crop of country yokels and B-List actors that money can buy. You’ll search in vain for anything that can grab your attention as the film drags itself through its unengaging plot with action that’s barely passable compared to its peers, and there’s simply no attempt to make this about anything more than the middle-aged fantasy of righteously kicking ass and taking names. The first one managed to squeak by on the strength of Odenkirk’s everyman performance and the surprising intensity of the action, but whatever inspiration was there the first time around seems to have long since evaporated and has been replaced with an obnoxious streak of self-aware humor with over the top villains and goofy scenarios that are presumably there to elicit chuckles but ultimately lead to groans and exasperation. At best, it might be worth gawking at to see veteran actors like Christopher Lloyd and Sharon Stone mug at the camera during what little screen time they have, but that’s the most sizzle you’re getting in this steak as it plods along without much tension or wit to speak of. As I said at the start, there’s a market for this kind of unchallenging action shlock starring famous dudes that everyone’s dad is aware of, and if Odenkirk wants to keep cranking these out, then more power to him; but the novelty has worn off and the returns are quickly diminishing as it sinks into its niche of middle-of-the-road Pablum.
The Toxic Avenger and all the images you see in this review are owned by Cineverse and Troma Entertainment
Directed by Macon Blair
I’m not always sure what to make of Troma. Some of their movies have been genuinely artistic efforts with an iconoclastic edge, but then others are cheap garbage with retrograde ideas of humor and wit. It was, and presumably still is, a great breeding ground for up-and-coming talent, and they’ve stuck around long enough for a mythology to be built around them that can justify a big budgeted goofy remake of their most iconic film. Will this attempt at modernizing low-rent Gen-X trash appeal to the TikTok generation, or is it another failed attempt to get the youngsters to appreciate our nostalgic garbage? Let’s find out!!
Life in Tromaville is not for the faint of heart; especially given how crappy the health insurance is. No one knows this more than Winston Gooze (Peter Dinklage) who works a janitor for the terrifying chemical conglomerate that runs the town with an iron fist. There are those in town that oppose the company, namely the whistleblower JJ Doherty (Taylour Paige) who is trying to get the word out about their evil deeds, but Winston isn’t one of those people as he has a stepson (Jacob Tremblay) to take care of and can’t stick his neck out lest he lose what little he still has. Still, circumstances push him to take desperate actions to try and salvage his meager little life, and he’s shot dead before being dumped in a pit of goo for his troubles. Said goo, however, turns out to be the kind that grants superpowers and mutates him into a hideous monster with super strength, super healing, and a radioactive mop to fight bad guys with. The town begins to celebrate this new hero of justice, but he still has a son to look after, and his exploits catch the attention of his former employer, who sees dollar signs in his unique genetic makeup that has given him such a mighty mutation. Can Winston be both a fighter for justice and a responsible father, or are the pressures of living two lives more than even a super-heroic mutated monstrosity can handle? Can JJ bring down this evil corporation with the secrets she’s working to reveal, or are they too big to fail, especially if they get their hands on Winston’s DNA? Seriously, how did they manage to get Peter Dinklage in this? I doubt Troma has Nick Cage money, let alone Dinklage bucks!
It’s been a rather strong year at the cinema with some solid critical and financial hits throughout the summer, but we can’t forget the workhorse streaming services that are constantly dropping new movies every week no matter how hard it is to fit them all in our schedule. Netflix has had two particularly big movies come out recently, so let’s take a break from the big screen to see what’s happening on the small one!
.
KPop Demon Hunters
KPop Demon Hunters is owned by Netflix
Directed by Maggie Kang & Chris Appelhans
K-Pop stars are just like you and me, except for the fact that they make lots of money, have adoring fans, and are far more talented than you and me. Not only that, but some of them also fight demons in whatever spare time they have left between concerts, recordings, and endorsement deals. Huntr/x, composed of Rumi, Mira, and Zoey (Arden Cho, May Hong, and Ji-young Yoo), are the latest in a long line of demon hunters who hide themselves in plain sight and use their combat skills as well as their beautiful voices to fight the demonic hoards as well as maintain the magic barrier that keeps the two worlds separated. A simple arrangement on the surface, but Rumi is hiding a dark secret from everyone, and the effort in doing so may just be the bands’ undoing; especially when a suspiciously talented boy band, led by the striking yet sinister Jinu (Ahn Hyo-seop), comes on the scene and starts to steal their thunder. Can Huntr/x stop the machinations of the Demon King while also coming together as a family, or will Rumi’s hidden past tear them and the world apart?
The idea of generational media is not entirely without merit as there are noticeable shifts in what genres attain high levels of popularity, but it’s nonetheless a fuzzy concept with a lot of gray area that undercuts any definite claim about what is or is not Millennial content, Zoomer humor, and so on. I myself never got into KPop as that train didn’t arrive at the station until I was well into adulthood, and yet this movie is one of the better films to come out this year. Sony Pictures Animation has been making a name for itself for well over a decade now, and while the Spider-Verse films aren’t about to be dethroned, this is yet another beautifully animated feature from the studio that is frankly giving the likes of Pixar a run for their money. It’s not the most technically impressive or lavishly produced animated movie, but it has more charm than just about anything else we’ve gotten in recent years and has an understanding of its source material that was infectious even for someone who doesn’t particularly care for that subculture. Even the music managed to win me over, which is undoubtedly of the genre advertised, and yet was upbeat, catchy, and matched well with the fantastically animated on-screen action. If there’s anything about this that didn’t quite connect with me as an old man watching a children’s movie, it was the story, which felt a little undercooked. A lot of movies these days will overwhelm the audience with lore and subplots in an attempt to get them interested in a bigger franchise, and this movie falls into that trap as it teases and then kicks important details and character moments down the road to presumably be explored in greater detail in whatever sequels have already been green lit. I don’t expect a movie to answer every single question about mechanics or character relationships, especially when the film is as beautifully put together as this one, but there are more than a couple elements, particularly when it comes to certain family dynamics, that are brought up and never given a satisfying payoff. The movie also lacks a human element to it; someone from our point of view that can at least provide an emotional connection to what is ultimately at stake when the third act kicks things into high gear. The film goes on and on about how important the fans are, and yet the fans are nothing but an endless sea of faces cheering on our protagonists and having no internal lives of their own. Without that, the ultimate confrontation between good and evil feels more like an interpersonal spat despite the sheer number of people who are primed to be affected by its outcome. Neither of these issues are deal breakers as the characters are interesting enough on their own that the missing pieces of their backstory don’t affect things too much, and they still manage to carry the weight of the movie when the narrative falls short of making the end of the world into a big deal, but it’s disappointing that the movie didn’t find a way to go that extra mile in the script when the animation and music are clearly aiming for the stars. A fun story with great visuals and well produced music can overcome almost any generational barrier, and this is a clear example of that. If even a curmudgeonly film critic like me can say that the KPop movie kicks a lot of butt, then that says a lot about how well they pulled it off here and how quickly you should see this movie if you haven’t already. My generation may not have gotten their Megas XLR movie, but I’m not about to hold that against the Zoomers, or their awesome movies.
Weapons and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros. Pictures
Directed by Zach Cregger
I went ahead and checked my backlog of reviews, and it turns out that I didn’t actually post a review of Barbarian when it came out. It’s strange because I remember seeing it in the theaters, and I’m pretty sure I started writing something, but clearly it fell through the cracks and I just never got around to it; a fate that will probably be shared by both Companion and Novocain this year. Sorry, Jack Quaid. In any case, I thought the movie was a very solid first outing for a budding horror filmmaker. Cregger was certainly no Jordan Peele when it comes to sketch comedians making scary movies, but there was plenty to like in that movie and, I was interested to see where he would go from there. His latest movie is generating the kind of buzz that you would expect from a Jordan Peele level filmmaker, which certainly has me excited to see what the former Whitest Kids You Know member has up his sleeve this time. Are we witnessing the evolution of another horror icon, or will Cregger’s latest outing be an also-ran in a genre that has an overabundance of talented filmmakers already? Let’s find out!!
In the small town of Maybrook, not unlike your own hometown, a mysterious thing happened one night. At 2:17am, seventeen kids mysteriously got out of their beds and did the Naruto run into the darkness of the night. What’s more peculiar is that they all came from a single classroom at the local elementary school, leaving just one kid who didn’t run away named Alex (Cary Christopher), and the teacher Justine (Julia Garner). With such a bizarre thing to happen and with no explanation to be found, the town became very suspicious of Justine even after the police and FBI cleared her of all wrongdoing. Leading the charge is Archer (Josh Brolin), the father of one of the lost kids, but he’s only the tip of the iceberg as Justine is scrutinized at every turn and even gets put on administrative leave from the school as the principal (Benedict Wong) feels her presence would just escalate tensions further, but nothing is going to keep her or this community safe until someone figures out what’s going on. Where did these kids go, and what drove them there in the first place? Will Justine find the answers before she becomes a victim of the town’s grief and growing madness? You know, teachers are already under constant scrutiny as it is, and they certainly don’t need something like this on their shoulders!
The Naked Gun and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures
Directed by Akiva Schaffer
What, another reboot of a classic comedy from the eighties? I don’t know about you, but the Gen-X nostalgia for Ghostbusters alone has me wary of any revivals from the Reagan years, but people were surprisingly optimistic about this one, and the trailers at least put a solid case for itself to be taken seriously as a genuine successor to the original. It would certainly have to find a new angle given how different cops in both media and real life fit into popular culture, but it has some interesting talent behind it, and Neeson certainly seems game to fill Nielsen’s iconic shoes. Could this be the rare reboot that finds a way to be both faithful to what came before while also forging an identity of its own? Let’s find out!!
Detective Frank Drebin Jr (Liam Neeson) is a hard-nosed and sharp witted cop; right on the edge and peering over the side into the darkness below. This intuitive insight into the depths of man’s inhumanity to itself, along with the pleas of Beth (Pamela Anderson), the grieving sister of a man who died under suspicious circumstances, puts our intrepid hero from the venerable Police Squad on the trail of billionaire tech genius Richard Cane (Danny Huston) who’s all smiles and charm in front of the camera but is hiding something sinister behind closed doors. What is this fiendish villain planning, and does Frank Jr have the wherewithal to overcome whatever silly challenges get in the way of cracking this case? Where does Beth fit into all of this, and will she prove to be a strong ally to Frank or the sexy cause of his sexy downfall? With a man like this leading the charge, what could possibly go wrong?
“Fitting an entire hot dog in your mouth is not merely a challenge; it’s a show of domination to the rest of the food. They will KNOW who’s at the top of the chain!”Continue reading “Cinema Dispatch: The Naked Gun”→
The Fantastic Four: First Steps and all the images you see in this review are owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Directed by Matt Shakman
What is it about The Fantastic Four that has made it both enduring enough to now be on its second reboot, third if we count the Roger Corman film, and yet so difficult to get right, which, again, if we count the Roger Corman film, hasn’t had a good entry since 1994? I suppose the fact that they were the first superhero team from Marvel Comics gives them a certain gravitas, similar to how Superman is treated over at DC, so it’s rather fitting that both movies are coming out so close to each other with similar expectations behind them. Superman has certainly put Marvel in an interesting position with their one time collaborator James Gunn making a strong case for their side to take the Superhero movie crown, and on top of that, this is serving as the launching point for what will hopefully be a much more successful and confident phase of the two-decade old MCU. Will the fourth time be the charm for Jack Kirby and Stan Lee’s signature creation, or is this movie stretched far too thin for even Mr. Fantastic to hold it together? Let’s find out!!
You know them! You love them! They make the world a better place every day! Well, at least in their world, Earth-828, but regardless, the Fantastic Four are here to defend us all! Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Ben Grimm, and Johnny Storm (Pedro Pascal, Vanessa Kirby, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, and Joseph Quinn) have certainly made the most of their celebrity status after gaining unique powers from cosmic rays, and things are only looking brighter when Sue learns that she is pregnant with Reed’s child. It’s too bad that all this good news is swiftly followed with a herald from the furthest stars of the galaxy (Julia Garner) proclaiming the incoming demise of this planet at the hand of Galactus (Ralph Ineson); a cosmic being that will surely grind these four heroes into one pile of super-dust. Clearly this problem is going to take more than just stretchy powers, invisible powers, fire powers, and rock powers, to overcome, but even putting their massive brains together may not be enough to stop the literal end of the world. With so much at stake and a baby on the way, can our foursome of fearsome scientists live up to the pedestal that the world has put them on? Does Galactus have more than just a thirst for destruction that is driving him to target this planet specifically? Maybe if the rock guy punches him really hard, it will be enough to destroy Galactus! Either that, or find a way to make him swallow the fire guy.
Superman and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures
Directed by James Gunn
James Gunn may be a fantastic filmmaker, but no one has managed to recapture the magic of the Richard Donner films; not even Christopher Reeve who tried to make the fourth film into a passionate a poignant message for the world, though I’d still take Superman IV over Man of Steel any day. Sure, the franchise has been reliably bankable which is why Warner Bros isn’t about to give up on it yet, but for Gunn to go after this white whale is a show of supreme confidence, and possibly the kind of show-off move you’d want to make if you were also entrusted to shepherd an entire movie studio towards relevance again. I trust James Gunn to pull it off, but I’m still crossing my fingers all the same. Can James Gunn make us believe that a man can fly while also putting him in a good movie? Let’s find out!!
Whether you know him as Superman, Clark Kent, or Kal-El (Davud Cirebswet), the Big Blue Boy Scout is three years into his career and is doing what he can to make the world a better place. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people invested in the world not being better, so he’s come under fire for stopping a war between the US ally of Boravia and the neighboring country of Jarhanpur. Until now, he was the golden boy who could do no wrong and looked good in Tik-Tok videos captured by the citizens of Metropolis, but with this foray into a politically charged conflict, he’s drawn a few side eyes from ostensible allies such as the Justice Gang composed of Green Lantern Guy Gardner (Nathan Fillion), Hawkgirl (Isabela Merced), and Mr. Terrific (Edi Gathegi) and, most distressing of all, his own girlfriend Lois Lane (Rachel Brosnahan) whose worried he hasn’t thought through the implications of such action and how it could come back to haunt him. She’s not wrong either as Lex Luthor (Nicholas Hoult) has been gunning for him for years now and sees an opportunity to turn the public to his side, so with the help of his corporate drones and a few powered-up henchmen, he starts a smear campaign against Superman and even infiltrates his Fortress of Solitude to uncover more secrets. Are there problematic and terrifying skeletons in Kal-El’s closet that could keep him from being the hero he wants to be? What else does Lex Luthor have up his sleeve beyond the mud raking, and will it bring further chaos to international conflict that Superman tried to stop? Most importantly, who’s gonna feed Krypto if something happens to him!?
F1 the Movie and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros Pictures
Directed by Joseph Kosinski
Naming the movie after the sport it’s about is either a supreme show of confidence or a massive oversight, which, given how many moving parts there are to this thing, is not outside the realm of possibility. Maybe they only got nine out of ten teams to Race Buds, and so they had to go with the default title. Needless to say that money surrounding this movie is off the charts and with it comes a certain amount of pomp and circumstance that it hopes to draw audiences in with. Does the spectacle and grandeur of Formula One on full display create a cinematic experience unlike any other, or is it a lot of hot air for an otherwise pedestrian blockbuster? Let’s find out!!
Sonny Hayes (Brad Pitt) is the kind of guy who wears clichés on his sleeve, at least when it’s not covered in sponsors. He’s a burnout racer who could have been the best but found a way to screw it all up before dedicating his life to easy pay days and lowered expectations. It’s not until his old friend Ruben (Javier Bardem) throws him a bone and offers him a spot on his fledgling Formula One team to try and keep them out of the red and maybe get Sonny some redemption in the process. Of course, you can’t be a veteran returning to your roots without a cocky young prodigy to take under your wing which is a role Joshua Pearce (Damson Idris) fits to a tee; at least when he’s not calling Sonny old and posing for magazine ads. The two racers manage to find some success feeding off of their mutual disdain for the other’s racing style, but it’s a tall order to make it to the number one spot within the small number of races left in the season, and Sonny may not be as up to the task as he had once thought. Will Sonny find a way to get past his demons and save his friend’s team in the process? What can Joshua learn from the old-timer he’s stuck on a team with, and can Sonny be trusted to work in their mutual best interest when there’s gold on the line? Most importantly, will anyone in the theater care about any of this when the cars start going really fast!?
Summer is a good time of year to catch up on things you’ve let fall to the wayside. Maybe it’s a good book, or perhaps a fun game. Maybe you haven’t reviewed anything in nearly a month and want to get back on that horse! Well, now that I’m on vacation, I finally have some time to review some of the movies I haven’t had a chance to talk about yet, at least when I’m not doing other vacation stuff like watching TV and ordering takeout. Will this be a relaxing exercise in extolling the virtues of movies you should see for yourself, or will my time off be filled with bitter resentments at the films that wasted my precious free time? Let’s find out!!
.
Friendship
Friendship is owned by A24
Directed by Andrew DeYoung
Craig Waterman (Tim Robinson) seems to be living the suburban dream, but the arrival of a new neighbor who takes a shine to him causes him to realize that life can be so much more. Unfortunately, Craig is not what you’d call a suave individual or even that much of a cool dude, and when this new neighbor Austin (Paul Rudd) starts to distance himself from Craig, it leaves a hole in his life that starts to affect his job, his wife Tami (Kate Mara), and his son Steven (Jack Dylan Grazer) as he tries to find new ways to recapture that feeling of true friendship in increasingly desperate and dangerous ways.
There were few movies I was looking forward to this year more than Tim Robbinson’s uncomfortable examination of male bonding, and there were many reasons for this, not the least of which being that Tim Robbinson is one of the best comedians working today. He understands Millennial anxiety like few others do, and it’s no surprise then that his first major film to follow the success of I Think You Should Leave wound up being one of the most personally affecting comedies of my generation, and certainly pulls the rug out from under everyone else who claims to know what’s wrong with men these days. It’s an issue that we’re constantly hearing about, but few movies have found as genuine a starting point to twenty-first-century malaise quite like this. There was a moment in the first Joker film where our protagonist imagines himself being seen by his favorite comedian, and it was one of the only moments in that allegedly serious-minded exploration of male loneliness and mental illness where I felt it was speaking to something profound and real. This movie is that scene for an hour and a half, only done by a guy who is genuinely funny, and beyond any other value it may have at lending an empathetic voice to the people who could really use a wake-up call, it is a fun film despite how uncomfortable it can be. Tim Robinson isn’t going for the same maniacal energy he does for his Netflix show, but even as a more subdued presence he still has a magnetic energy about him that compels you to pay attention and laugh out loud whenever the tension inevitably breaks, and he’s supported by a cast who understands the assignment and bounces off him in interesting ways. It’s fascinating to watch how everyone in his life treats him like a different person while all still coming to more or less the same conclusion about the guy, and it speaks not only how we present ourselves in different social contexts, but how much of our genuine selves still comes across even when we try to mask it. It’s not a movie that offers a lot of answers, but it gives an uncompromising examination of what’s wrong, which is frankly more than what a lot of people are offering to young men these days. The movie does lose a bit of steam in the second half as the narrative gets a bit unfocused with a couple of scenes that aren’t irrelevant, but do feel more like asides. The one that comes to mind is a sequence with drugs which makes sense as recreational use of drugs as a substitute for therapy is a thing a lot of guys are trying these days, no doubt encouraged by the likes of Joe Rogan, but it comes off as the type of indulgence you often see when sketch comedians, or those writing with them in mind, struggle to shake off when moving to a narrative feature. It also fails to stick the landing for me, which is a shame given how well the rest of the movie handles its subject matter. It’s not a bad ending borne out of incompetence as the film telegraphs its turn into ludicrousness well in advance, but it still feels disconnected from the tone we’ve established. It’s an escalation whose purpose is to give us a memorable ending, but the movie was plenty memorable up until that point and this feels needlessly excessive in a movie that simply didn’t need a big finale; completed with a character verbalizing the themes of the movie in case everything else had gone over your head. It’s a shame that the movie just couldn’t get over the finish line without losing confidence in its own conviction, but I guess a movie about disappointment having a disappointing ending is somewhat on brand.
The Reviewers Unite 