Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures
Directed by Jeff Fowler
The Sonic movies have been only slightly better than mediocre, but I’ve given them praise where it’s been deserved, and audiences have been more than kind as the films have racked up impressive box office numbers. Certainly small potatoes compared to The Super Mario Bros Movie’s billion dollar haul, but Sonic has been jogging behind my main man Mario for over three decades now and is just happy to be in the conversation. With this third movie, however, it’s time for SEGA and Paramount to find out if the audience that turned out for classic Sonic will stick around for the more modern iteration and all the baggage that comes with it. Will this be another hit for our favorite blue hedgehog, or are parents gonna dip out before they have to explain who Rouge the Bat is to their seven-year-olds? Let’s find out!!
Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles (Ben Schwartz, Colleen O’Shaughnessey, and Idris Elba) are enjoying their life of carefree picnics with their adopted human parents Tom and Maddie (James Marsden and Tika Sumpter), but this idyllic situation comes with a price as GUN will occasionally call these three in to deal with whatever strange mess they’ve gotten into now. The latest disaster that our team is airdropped into is a renegade alien that had been in GUN captivity for the last fifty years but has finally escaped and is ready to exact his vengeance on the world. Said renegade, who seems quite ambivalent to good and evil, is Shadow the Hedgehog (Keanu Reeves) who can teleport, has rocket boots, and can glower with the intensity of a thousand suns. He proves to be far stronger than Sonic Team can handle on their own, so they are forced to recruit Ivo Robotnik and his assistant Stone (Jim Carrey and Lee Majdoub) in order to take down the rebellious hedgehog. What secrets are lurking in Shadow’s tragic backstory that has led him to be such a jerk, and is he right to resent GUN as much as he does? Can Robotnik be trusted to stay on the side of good, especially when his and Shadow’s past are far more intertwined than anyone could have realized? Is there any chance we can just root for the bad guys, because they seem like they’re having a lot of fun in this.
The Holiday season is usually a busy time for me, but this year was a little more difficult than most to keep up with everything that was coming out. Thankfully, I got a chance to see two of the more interesting movies that made it to theaters, so we’ll take a look at those now before we inevitably get to Nosferatu and Sonic 3 to close the year out. Are these December releases worth taking time out of your busy holiday schedule to take a break and enjoy? Let’s find out!!
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The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim
The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim is owned by Warner Bros Pictures
Directed by Kenji Kamiyama
Long before Bilbo Baggins had his fateful run-in with the Ring of Power, the world of Middle Earth was rife with conflict among its nobility. King Hammerhand of Rohan (Brian Cox) may be a strong leader, but his temper gets the best of him and he makes a powerful enemy of one of his lords; the young Wulf (Luke Pasqualino) whose father was struck down in a fight with the king. With a war seemingly inevitable as Wulf gains the favor of the Wild Men, the children of Hammerhand which includes his sons Hama and Haleth (Yazdan Qafouri and Benjamin Wainwright), as well as his daughter Héra (Gaia Wise), will have to summon their courage, their wits, and their leadership in order to prevent Wulf from taking Rohan for himself. As the army of the Wild Men grows stronger and the Rohan citizens must retreat to a nearby stronghold, is there any hope of victory for Héra and her family?
The Lord of the Rings trilogy was a monumental achievement in filmmaking, and while they may not be my favorite films, I have a deep respect for what Peter Jackson was able to accomplish in bringing these books to the big screen. Since then, however, no one has been able to capture that lightning again; least of all Peter Jackson himself, whose Hobbit movies are pale imitators of his earlier work. Sadly, that trend continues as this movie is an admirable, but ultimately banal effort to bring the world of Middle Earth to life once again. We can go into the dull narrative, the stagnant pacing, and the cast of forgettable characters, but what it truly lacks is an identity of its own; a sense of personality that defines it as a unique adaptation of the source material. Say what you will about the previous animated efforts from Ralph Bakshi and Rankin Bass, they were incredibly distinct and had some impressive highs as well as some genuinely entertaining lows. This never escapes being a middle of the road effort; too stiff and clean to have fun with it or be spontaneously bizarre. As much as we now think of Jackson’s vision of the books as the definitive interpretation of Tolkien’s work, the man brought his own eclectic and grungy style to the movies, and while they may not be as unhinged as Bad Taste or Meet the Feebles, the work he did on those movies were an undeniable influence. Here, I just don’t feel that sense of spirit emanating from the stock characters and trite plot. The story of revenge lacks any teeth given the simplicity of our antagonist and the surprisingly small scale of the action which tries to convince you it’s an all-out war when, at best, it feels like a minor skirmish. I suppose if the action is small scale then the intent was for this to be a more intimate and personal account, but there’s just not enough depth to any of the cast for that to be the case; least of all our protagonist Héra who has little agency of her own. There are no flaws from within for her to overcome, as she simply needs to fulfill a destiny once she’s had enough tragedy thrust upon her. It has its moments to be sure, especially when the action kicks in, and it feels free to let loose, but those are the punctuations to the narrative while the meat of it is far too lifeless to hold up its somber tone. With so much of it polished to a mirror shine, it never sinks so low as to be obnoxious or off-putting, and definitely makes for a better time than Jackson’s Hobbit movies. I appreciate the immense amount of effort that went into this, and I’m impressed that there was enough faith behind it to put it in theaters, as the big screen is where animation will shine brightest. Even so, I can only recommend it to the most dedicated of Tolkien fans who don’t mind a tedious story if it means spending a little more time in this world. For me, I’ll stick to watching the Leonard Nimoy sing The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins over and over again.
Kraven the Hunter and all the images you see in this review are owned by Sony Pictures Releasing
Directed by JC Chandor
The Sony Spider-Verse has been a joke since its inception; arguably even before that, as people were groaning at the end of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 which teased a cavalcade of Spider-Foes for future installments. You could argue that it hasn’t been a disaster for Sony’s bottom line the Venom movies were reliably bankable, but aside from the goofy fun of seeing Tom Hardy arguing with himself, there just wasn’t anything to make this feel like more than a cash-in on a brand they had a tenuous grasp on in the first place. With all of that, it comes as no surprise to find this latest entry going over like a lead balloon, especially with Sony cutting its legs out from under it by announcing the end of its Spider-Verse right before it could hit theaters. Still, is this a case of everyone’s frustration with the Spider-Verse spilling over onto a perfectly alright movie, or is this the perfect capstone to such a cavalcade of cinematic failure? Let’s find out!!
In the heart of Siberia, there lives a man whose day job is hitman extraordinaire and fights for the animals of the world in his free time. He goes by Kraven (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), but his true name is Sergei, and he’s the son of an infamous Russian mobster (Russell Crowe) who is starting to lose his grip on power as new players are making moves on his territory. One such competitor is Aleksei Sytsevich (Alessandro Nivola) who takes the bold step of kidnapping Sergei’s brother Dmitri (Fred Hechinger) in an attempt to draw out the infamous assassin while also staking a claim as the head honcho of the underworld. With the help of Calypso (Ariana DeBose) whose family’s secret recipe for super solider serum turned Sergei into Kraven many years ago, Sergei must race against the clock to do what he does best; hunt those who deserve to be hunted. Can Sergei find his brother before he becomes the latest victim of this never ending crime war? What tricks does Aleksei have up his sleeve to deal with the mighty hunter, who is the only one that could threaten to his operation? See, I always saw Kraven as the guy who just wants to mount Spider-Man’s head to his wall, but I guess we’ve all got a little family drama in our backstory.
Wicked and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures
Directed by Jon M Chu
Adapting a stage musical to the big screen is no easy task, and if you ask me, I’d much prefer if all these big Broadway shows go the Hamilton route and just record the darn thing for everyone to see, but if this is the only way that most people will have a chance to experience this show, then so be it. I’ve certainly been eagerly anticipating it as I can finally learn what all the hubbub is about, but the track record for stage adaptations has been far from sterling in the past few years, and not all the blame can be put on Tom Hooper. Will this be one of the better examples of such a tricky genre, or will it succumb to the same problems that plague so many of these movie musicals? Let’s find out!!
Many years before Dorthy freed the Land of Oz from the Wicked Witch’s tyranny and the incompetent rule of the Wizard, there was another story about two very different magic users who went to Shiz University with big ambitions and a lot to prove. Elphaba Thropp (Cynthia Erivo), who would one day become the Wicked Witch of the West, had a challenging childhood what with her green skin and magical outbursts, while Galinda Upland (Ariana Grande-Butera), who would one day become the Good Witch Glinda, had everything laid out for her on a silver platter except the one thing she desired most which was to be recognized as the greatest magic user in the land. The two clash constantly with Galinda being preppy and upbeat while Elphaba is more measured and guarded, but their fighting only intertwines their destinies further as Elphaba’s unique abilities and unusual skin tone set her apart from everyone while gaining the attention of others, such as her magic professor Madam Morrible (Michelle Yeoh) and even the Wizard himself (Jeff Goldblum). Can Elphaba finally find her place in a world that had rejected her for so long, or will her lived experiences open her eyes to the injustices that are going on around her? Will Galinda rest on her Popular Girl laurels, or will her rivalry with Elphaba drive her to succeed? Seriously, is the whole reason these two despised each other in The Wizard of Oz because of some high school drama!?
After taking a month off to recharge my batteries, which mostly involved playing retro games and reading Sonic the Hedgehog comics, I’m back just in time for a double feature of Dwayne Johnson vehicles with a number at the end of them! I’ve been a huge fan of Dwayneson The Rockson Johnson for many years, but his misguided attempts at joining the fledgling DCEU left him in perhaps the lowest point in his career since making The Tooth Fairy. Hopefully the fact that he not only still gets roles in big tent pole movies, but that studios are willing to put two of them up against each other at the same time bodes well for his future endeavors, and hopefully they are great movies as well. Let’s find out!!
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Moana 2
Moana 2 is owned by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Directed by David Derrick Jr, Jason Hand, and Dana Ledoux Miller
After saving her island and calming the seas, Moana (Auliʻi Cravalho) has spent the last few years exploring the various islands around her in hopes of finding more people to connect with. Evidence is rather scarce, however, and it seems that there’s another god throwing another tantrum that is causing the various peoples of the world to stay far apart, and Moana is once again called to adventure for the fate of the world. Maui (Dwayne Johnson) is sadly unable to join her on this quest as he’s stuck dealing with the demigod Matangi (Awhimai Fraser), so Moana puts together a crew of villagers (Hualālai Chung, Rose Matafeo, and David Fane) who she hopes are up to the task which only looks more daunting as the stakes get ever higher.
When I wrote my review of the first Moana, I lamented the fact that it was stuck being a simple movie and couldn’t expand into something broader in scope to make the most of its interesting mythology. Oh, how naïve I was back then. In so many ways, the first film was a product of an entirely different world and a media landscape that has been turned entirely on its head. In 2016, the idea of Disney putting this kind of budget and star power into a TV show was laughable. Nowadays, it’s almost quaint to see one of their biggest money-makers staying firmly in one space and not being spread across a dozen different projects, though I guess we’ll see if they get a guest spot in whatever Kingdom Hearts game Nomura is cooking up next. Still, this movie didn’t escape the New Disney Machine unscathed, and a lot of the charm of the first film is lost in an attempt to turn this into yet another franchise for the Mouse House. In that sense, it’s not just fighting one uphill battle; it’s fighting two at the same time, as it already has many of the obvious problems you run into while making a sequel while also shouldering the responsibility of being a lead in to more Moana content in the future. The end result is a movie that pantomimes the beats of the original film without any of its heart; so, much like Te Kā, it’s a shadow of its former self as it stumbles to find what’s gone missing. First and foremost are the character arcs, as we’ve already overcome all of Moana’s struggles. In the first film, her story was personal and relatable as she was in opposition to the rest of her culture’s values and had to struggle to find who she truly was while going on this journey; even failing at critical junctures due to shortcomings in her character. She grew over the course of that first movie, which was great, but now that we’re post-hero’s journey and the lack of any character development is the gaping black hole that sucks all the tension and drama out of this story. She’s on another epic quest, but it hardly feels like one because there’s no adversity. There are challenges, sure, but nothing that isn’t resolved by acrobatics and proper swimming technique, and without any moments of doubt, even when Moana fails at something, the conclusion feels almost inevitable. Perhaps a radically different quest for her to go on would have given her new depths to plumb, but instead we’re just going through the motions of the first one and what few things are new are, at best, a lateral move as they fail to elevate the material or drag this bore of a storyline out of the mud. She’s got a proper crew this time which would have been a refreshing change of pace from the first film, but they aren’t particularly interesting, and it also means that Maui gets less screen time, which is a shame as he is still the most fun character in this series. The songs sound okay, but they’re little more than echoes of the original film’s soundtrack and only add to the hollow feel of everything. The most interesting development in this movie is the introduction of other gods, as it’s a genuine elevation of the stakes, with Matangi being the standout of the entire movie. She has an interesting dynamic as her allegiances remain ambiguous throughout, and she has the only song on the soundtrack that doesn’t sound like a half-hearted rehash. Unfortunately, even this bright spot is marred by the film’s ultimate goal of being an advertisement for future installments, and so it fails to integrate naturally with the story they are trying to tell here. It’s disappointing how little of an identity this has given how much personality we got in the first film, and if you’re spending the entire running time begging me to stick around for the sequel, why am I even bothering with this one at all? Perhaps everything I have to complain about here is just an old man yelling at clouds and that the target audience will adore this much like they did the first one. I wouldn’t even call it a huge betrayal, as there’s just enough humor, action, and solid animation to keep you occupied the whole way through. For those reasons, I’m going to give it the most lukewarm of passes imaginable, but this franchise has spent all its goodwill on this mediocre outing and is gonna have to really step up its game for the next one if it wants to be more than just another bland franchise to add to the pile.
The Reviewers Unite 