Cinema Dispatch: Hundreds of Beavers

Hundreds of Beavers and all the images you see in this review are owned by SRH

Directed by Mike Cheslik

It’s always interesting when my local theater gets a movie in for a single screening. I’m curious what the motivation is for something like that, as they did the same thing with Cade: The Tortured Crossing. Is there just someone on staff who really wanted to see it, or do they think it’s got enough juice in this town to fill the theater once before interest fizzles out? In any case, this strange little comedy that I’ve barely heard anything about certainly caught my eye with its odd trailer, so perhaps the person they brought this movie in for was me the whole time! Is this an underappreciated gem that will delight whatever audiences can find it, or is this better off being screened to as few audiences as possible? Let’s find out!!

The Applejack magnate Jean Kayak (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews) is living his best life serving apple infused alcohol to the local fur trappers while indulging in his product as often as he can. Sadly, his life is brought to a screeching halt when his distillery is destroyed in comedic fashion, and he’s left with nothing but the clothes on his back in the harsh and frigid wilderness. He works his way from chasing rabbits to catching raccoons and eventually finds himself seeking the hand of the local fur trader’s daughter (Olivia Graves) while apprenticing under a master trapper (Wes Tank). As Jean hones his craft and is forced to seek his fortune on his own, he gets the attention of the local population of beavers, who seem to be up to something and don’t much care for this new interloper. Will Jean win the affection of the fur trader’s daughter before bumbling his way into an early grave? What do the beavers have planned to stop him from interfering with their secretive plans? Does it possibly involve a large number of said beavers? Maybe in the three digit range?

“In my defense, you all have really nice fur!”
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Cinema Dispatch: Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire and all the images you see in this review are owned by Warner Bros. Pictures

Directed by Adam Wingard

We’re five movies deep into the Monsterverse, plus one TV series I haven’t bothered to watch yet, and excepting Kong: Skull Island, none of them have left much of an impression on me. A bit of an odd thing to say when it comes to movies about giant monsters getting into fist fights, but something’s always felt missing that kept me from engaging with it beyond a very rudimentary level, and it seems unlikely that we’ll be pulling things back to see what can be fixed when they can just go bigger with each movie. Then again, we’ve come quite far since the dreary days of Gareth Edwards’s Godzilla feature, and if nothing else the addition of a robot arm for Kong and pink highlights for Godzilla show that they aren’t afraid to escalate the goofiness which could be just enough to get me back on board. Will the pieces finally fall into place in this latest monster mash, or has this franchise simply left me behind without even glancing in the rearview mirror? Let’s find out!!

With the discovery of the Hollow Earth, the world has somehow managed to keep on trucking with Godzilla on the surface to bash any monsters that start giving humanity funny looks, and Kong enjoying an early retirement in the Hollow Earth; chilling under waterfalls and basking in whatever the equivalent of sunlight is in the Earth’s core. Still, retirement can be a lonely thing for the last of one’s kind, and Kong can only talk to his awesome warrior axe so many times before it gets weird. Thankfully, the Hollow Earth is like an ogre in that it has many layers, and he stumbles into the home of a race of giant apes like himself. Before we can throw Kong a family reunion, however, it seems these apes are not too friendly towards the big guy and something about their reemergence has put Godzilla into butt-kicking mode as he powers himself up for whatever happens next. What are these apes up to in their own little corner of the world, and will it spell doom for the surface world? Can Kong show these apes a path towards peace, or will he be forced to take them down alongside his frenemy Godzilla? Seriously, who had the foresight to make Kong a power glove? What, did they think he’d have to win an arm wrestling tournament to save humanity!?

“Pound it, bro”
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