Cinema Dispatch: Now You See Me 2

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Now You See Me 2 and all the images you see in this review are owned by Summit Entertainment

Directed by Jon M Chu

I didn’t HATE the first movie, but I wasn’t really a fan of it.  While the magic performances as well as that one Dave Franco action scene were a lot of fun, the glue holding everything together was far from compelling and the twist at the end was MONUMENTALLY stupid; not just because it’s… well stupid, but also because of how it completely poisons the idea of repeat viewings as its one of those twists that unravels everything we saw and robs the story of any sort of tension.  That said I wasn’t opposed to the idea of a sequel, especially once it was revealed that they got Daniel Radcliffe to be in it!  Sure, the twist at the end of the first one kinda ruins THAT movie, but maybe they’ll build off of this one in an interesting and novel way!  Does this manage to continue the trend of sequels this year being better than the original, or is this movie trying to pull a fast one on all of us?  Let’s find out!!  Oh, and we’ll be going into spoilers for the last film, so just a heads up.

After the events of the last movie where the Four Horsemen who are composed of Danny (Jesse Eisenberg), Merritt (Woody Harrelson), Jack (Dave Franco), and Henley (Isla Fisher, or Sir Not Appearing In This Film) fulfilled the mission given to them by The Eye, they are now members of the secret organization under the watchful… well EYE, of Agent Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) who was the FBI agent chasing them throughout the first one; the big twist of that film being that he was in on it the entire time!  MAGIC SHOCK!  So after robbing Insurance Mogul Arthur Tressler (Michael Caine) of his fortune and getting Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman) to take the fall for it, the Horsemen have spent the last year in hiding; waiting around for a sequel… I mean mission, from The Eye.  Henley gave up after a while and went off to do her own thing (what exactly that is, I’m not sure considering she’s still wanted… I think) and Daniel is about to do the same if they aren’t given something to do, or at least get a chance to MEET this organization they’re supposedly working for with their only connection to them being Agent Rhodes.  The day FINALLY comes though as they get a new member Lula (Lizzy Caplan) to join The Horsemen and they plan to crash a part announcing the release of the next iPhone knockoff which supposedly has a chip in it that will steal ALL the users’ data so they can sell it.  I don’t know why this is a job for The Horsemen considering that shit would get discovered and jailbroken within fifteen minutes of its release, but whatever.  The plan doesn’t go as… well planned, as their party crashing is interrupted by ANOTHER party crasher who reveals that Jack is STILL alive (he was presumed dead after the events of the last film) and that Agent Rhodes is actually working with them!  Not only that, but during The Horsemen’s escape, they somehow find themselves ALL the way in China where some sniveling jackass named Walter Mabry (Daniel Radcliffe) reveals that he’s the one behind all of this and will get The Horsemen out of trouble (apparently he can do that) if they do a heist for him.  While all this is going on, Agent Rhodes is still in the US trying to evade law enforcement and is trying to piece everything together as to whom else could have been in on this plot against them, and his focus invariably shifts right to Thaddeus Bradley who is loving every moment of this.  Will The Horsemen be able to steal what Walter wants them to, and can he be trusted to keep up his end of the bargain?  How exactly will Agent Rhodes manage to get the truth out of Thaddeus about his involvement in all of this, and does this have anything to do with his past?  Look over there!  Now here!  Was THIS your card!?

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They don’t seem very amused by that…

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Crystal Act 36 (Infinity 10: Infinite – Upper Atmosphere)

We’re back with another episode of The Hotaru Whisperer!  After the Scouts had finally escaped the labyrinth of Mugen Academy (some by way of explosion), the final battle between good and evil is set to begin!  The bad guys may have some tricks up their sleeves for the Scouts, but then there’s also the wild card of Ghost Hotaru seemingly remaining within Evil Hotaru’s subconscious who in the end may be the key to undoing the Death Busters’ evil scheme.  Will the Scouts triumph over the ultimate evil once again (for at least the third time), or will they triumph over evil NEXT week?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with the entire planet PRESUMABLY about to be boned as Evil Hotaru is ready to go on the offensive, but then again I’m not sure how much danger the planet is in as we have no idea what kind of power she actually has.  She had enough to sucker punch a child, and after eating The Silver Crystal she got a power boost, but then I think that power boost went away or something.  At the very least, she has enough power to blow up a building which she demonstrates to the audience.  Not what I would call enough to cripple all the standing armies of planet Earth, but at least it’s a start.

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“One building down, about a hundred million more before the world collapses!  We’ll get there eventually!”

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 6 (Spice Up Your Life)

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

We’re back with another episode of Friendship is… well pretty much anything as long as we can fit a moral in by the end of the story.  Sadly enough, this is ALSO the last episode before the hiatus where they’ll finish the second half of the season later this year.  I don’t remember shows pulling these kind of shenanigans before!  In MY day, we got twenty six episodes IN A ROW before the show went off for a couple of months!  Well as is the rule with shows that go on hiatus, they need to end it on a high note so that the audience will leave wanting more and be ready to pick it back up once the season resumes.  Do they manage to pull it off here, or will we be thankful that the show is going on a break by the end of this episode?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with The Knights of the Friendship Table gathered once again to discuss their latest efforts in fighting against the forces of enmity with the land of Equestria!  The purpose of this meeting is that Twilight and Starlight can finally cast a magic spell to get the Cutie Map working back in working order which means somepony’s about to go on another mission.  I wasn’t even aware that it WASN’T working, but whatever.  At least we have our Plot-O-Tron 5000 up and running again!

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Well geez.  Don’t look TOO excited about it.

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Cinema Dispatch: Warcraft

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Warcraft and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Duncan Jones

On the one hand, we are now in an age where four different video game movies are getting wide releases at the theater!  On the other hand, two of them have been far from impressive so far and Assassin’s Creed looks as dull as dishwater.  I guess all we have left to give us hope is this film based on one of gaming’s most influential franchises… that I know nothing about.  Does this manage to bring in new fans while satisfying Blizzard die hards, or is this gonna be yet another example of why we just shouldn’t expect much from video game movies?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is about… too many things, but in the broadest terms it’s about the war between the Orcs and the Humans of Stormwind.  See the Orcs kinda fucked up their own planet (or it’s dying of natural causes) and so they need to go through a dimensional portal to find a new place and take it over.  Our key Orc players in this are Durotan (Toby Kebbell) who’s the chieftain of one of the Orc tribes that’s the first to notice that things seem to be amiss with the leadership, Gul’dan (Daniel Wu) who is said leadership and uses dark magic all over the place, and Garona (Paula Patton) who’s a half breed and gets captured by the humans early on.  Now the Humans are led by King Llane (Dominic Cooper), his right hand man Sir Anduin Lothar (Travis Fimmel), a young sorcerer who first notices the dark magic being used by this new threat named Khadgar (Ben Schnetzer) and some super mage given the title of The Guardian who I guess just sits in a tower waiting to be called upon named Medivh (Ben Foster).  As stated earlier, Garona is captured by the Humans early on during an unsuccessful raid by the Orcs, but it is during this fight that Durotan realizes just how bad the magic shit that Gul’dan has been throwing around is and decides to overthrow him to save the Orcs from the dark magic.  While he’s doing that, the Humans begin mounting a counter effort with the help of Garona, but Medivh may not be quite up to the task of taking on this new dark magic which does not bode well for the Kingdom of Stormwind.  Can the Humans fight back from this invading force?  Can Durotan stop the OBVIOUSLY EVIL dark mage from… corrupting the souls of the Orcs I guess?  Does anyone else think this should have been a TV show instead?

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“WHAT IS GOING ON!?  SOMEONE TELL ME NOW!!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

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Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping and all the images you see in this review are owned by Universal Pictures

Directed by Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone

Weird Al got a movie, Oingo Boingo got a movie, and now The Lonely Island have one.  I’m sure you can point to ten awful musician movies for every good one, but there are some all-out classics in that very strange sub genre.  The aforementioned UHF is a lot of fun, Forbidden Zone is an absolute classic, hell, let’s go ahead and throw in The Blues Brothers and Walk Hard: The Dewy Cox story while we’re at it!  True, the musicians in question for those movies are known more for their comedies than their music, but you can pretty much say the same thing about The Lonely Island!  Does this mockumentary into the absurd world of pop stardom turn out to be the perfect update to the Spinal Tap formula, or are these guys not up to the task of stretching their material out for an entire movie?  Let’s find out!!

The movie is presented to us as an documentary into the life of Conner 4 Real (Andy Samberg) whose debut solo album (Thriller, Also) was a record smashing hit and launched him into super stardom after he left The Lonely Island… I mean The Style Boyz.  We start the movie on the eve of the release of his second album which has a pretty amazing title (CONNquest) but it turns out to be a finical and critical flop.  From then on, we follow Conner as he tries more and more desperate moves to salvage the fledgling album and boost his ticket sales while also coming to terms that he may not be as good as he thinks he is (or at least as good as his Yes Men tell him he is).  Along with him on this journey is his DJ Own (Jorma Taccone) who was one of The Style Boyz back in the day, his manager Harry (Tim Meadows) who’s trying to juggle Conner’s insane ego with his duties of keeping their empire afloat, and many others who make up the eclectic group of misfits that Conner surrounds himself with.  Can he manage to find his creative spirit once again and come back stronger than ever, or will he hit rock bottom as he slowly begins to isolate those who are trying to help him.  Oh who am I kidding?  It will probably be both!

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“Would you fuck me?  I’d fuck me.”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Crystal Act 35 (Infinity 9: “Infinite Labyrinth” 2)

We’re back with part two of the Sailor Scouts in the tragically Bowie-less Labyrinth!  When we last left our heroes, they had managed to kick the Witches5 asses AGAIN and were trying to find their way to wherever the hell the bad guys were before it was too late to save Chibi-Usa as well as the world!  Now the last episode has some really great ideas in it, but didn’t really come together very well which left things a bit disappointing at the end.  Does this episode manage to pick up the slack as they work their way through this maze, or is it just as underwhelming as the last one turned out to be?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Evil Hotaru feeling the effects of eating the Future Silver Crystal, which are significant indeed.  She seems really happy about this development.  Like… REALLY happy…

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The lily opens!

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Super Recaps: My Little Pony season 6 (Flutter Brutter)

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Hasbro.

Episode directed by Denny Lu and Tim Stuby

We’re back with another episode of Fluttershy in the Middle as this is an episode that drops a pretty sizable bombshell on us which is that Fluttershy actually has a family!  PONY SHOCK!!  For such a big revelation to put in an episode, does this manage to do all it can with this latest development, or is it too little too late to be of any significance?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash (the latter decided to tag along to get a break from the Wonderbolts) having a nice lunch at her parents’ house which is still something I’ll have to get used to.  Seriously, of the three major pegasi in the series (Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Scootaloo), none of them have had families that have shown up in the six seasons this show has been running.  Hell, now that THAT cat is out of the bag, I guess we might as well move onto the tragic death of Applejack’s parents!  Her mother doesn’t seem to have much going on design wise, but Dear old dad is basically if you took Mr. Rogers and Ned Flanders and put them in the teleporter from The Fly.  Not OG Ned Flanders who was kind of a pompous ass or modern day Ned Flanders who has stopped taking Homer’s crap; the middle Ned who was a total pushover.

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“Well howdily doodily Flutter-rino!  I would let you borrow our lawnmower, but the neighbors been borrowing it for about seven years now.”     “SHUT THE HELL UP OVER THERE!  I’M TRYING TO DRINK!”     “You’ve got it best buddy!”

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Cinema Dispatch: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows and all the images you see in this review are owned by Paramount Pictures

Directed by Dave Green

The first Bay-Turtles movie was pretty damn awful.  Maybe not as bad as the WORST Transformers film, but certainly no better than the arguably best one (Marky Mark for the win).  With this one though, there seems to be a conscious effort to integrate more of what people ACTUALLY liked about the cartoon and incorporate it into the Bay-Turtles universe, so maybe a middle ground can be struck here between big budget extravagance and nostalgic sincerity.  Does this manage to AT least be better than the first one?  Let’s find out!!

The movie picks up some time after the first one with the Turtles (Noel Fisher, Jeremy Howard, Pete Ploszek, and Alan Ritchson) continuing their hero shtick in the shadows while Vernon (Will Arnet) is taking all the credit for defeating Shredder (now Brian Tee instead of Tohoru Masamune) and putting him in Jail.  Eric Sacks by the way is not even mentioned here.  At first they made him NOT The Shredder, and now they’ve retconned him out of existence!  The turtles are restless about all the lack of kudos they get or kicking so much ass, but those concerns will be secondary soon enough as Shredder escapes jail with the help of Super Nerd Baxter Stockman (Tyler Perry) and recruits two new soldiers in his army in the form of Bebop and Rocksteady (Gary Anthony Williams and Stephen Farrelly AKA Sheamus) so that they can build a teleporter device that will bring Krang (Brad Garrett) and The Technodrome into our world.  Oh, and I’m pretty sure April O’Neil (Megan Fox) is around doing something.  So is Casey Jones (Stephen Amell).  ANYWAY!  Can the turtles stop Shredder from his latest evil schemes?  Will they do as the title says and come out of the shadows to stop this latest threat?  Seriously, how much longer before they do a crossover?

 

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“Can you say… CHA-CHING!?”     “COWABUNGA DUDE!!”

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Super Recaps: Sailor Moon Episode 25 (Jupiter, The Powerful Girl in Love)

Sailor Moon and all the images you see in this recap are owned by Toei Animation and licensed by Viz Media

Episode directed by Kazuhisa Takenouchi

We’re back with another episode of Sailor Jupiter Ascending!  The day has FINALLY come to introduce the greatest of all the Scouts who knows how to kick ass and take names like nobody’s business!  Does the first episode to bring this Scout into the mix turn out to be a great way to start her tenure as the Badass Supreme, or does the Best Scout Ever deserve a better introduction?  Let’s find out!!

The episode begins with Queen Beryl (clearly not mourning the loss of Nephrite nor concerned that Zoisite’s the one who killed him) seems to be in the bowels of Evil Corp using all that collected energy to finally raise her boss from their deep slumber.

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“There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture.”

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